Amy's moment came sooner than expected, as Bennie got up to leave the table, while Pixie was simultaneously busy tearfully thanking Whiskey. Quietly excusing herself, she got up and followed at a distance to the bathroom. Thankfully, nobody bothered to intercept her on the way.
She waited outside the door until Bennie emerged again, clearing the throat as he strode past her, leaning up against the wall.
"Bennie," she began, doing her best to sound forward despite her nerves "can we talk?" She motioned towards the kitchens where they wouldn't be overheard.
Bennie clenched his jaw, "Yeah." He sighed. "Why not?"
Without another word, Amy led the pair into the kitchen, not looking back to see if he had followed.
"Okay," she sighed, committing herself. "First off, I want to say I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I... I was in shock, not thinking clearly and, in the heat of the moment I thought you were... somebody else. It won't happen again, I promise."
Bennie didn't reply at first. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her off. Tell her that if she didn't get her shit together that she'd only endanger her fellow Maidens in the future. He'd chewed Aesop out enough times already, so why was he so reluctant to give Amy the same treatment?
Fuckin' softy.
She was just a kid. She was a kid with a twisted-to-fuck mind. No doubt the Gentleman's doing, or perhaps, someone else even more sinister.
"Yeah, sure." He gave an amused grunt. "At first I thought you just wanted to get me out of the picture." He chuckled. "No, you're not Warren. He's one shifty mother fucker. Been giving me these looks ever since we first met. Anyway," He dismissed the matter with a wave of his hand. "Water under the bridge. Why are we really having this conversation?"
Amy nodded, her smile a little stiff, but present all the same.
"Thank you. I guess, this whole conversation is about the two of us clearing the air. Me almost slitting your throat was just the first thing on the table." she chuckled, less than half-heartedly, and then immediately felt stupid for trying to turn it into a joke.
"Look, Bennie... when I first met you, Pixie assured me that you wouldn't give me a hard time. At the time, it was what I needed to hear, and it's been, noble, of you, to have lived up to that. I'm grateful, but at the same time... I've decided I'm in this for the long haul now. We're part of the same crew, we're going to be working together day after day, and for once in my life I really don't want to play games. I can't be who I want to be for everybody here, if I feel like I'm being, well, 'protected' from you. I know you hate this situation between the three of us, and I know you resent me. You might not want to, you might not ever have said anything about it of your own volition, but I can see it."
Amy let her words hang in the air for a few moments, before pressing forward.
"I don't expect one conversation to make everything right between us, but there's no time like the present. I want to say, straight up, exactly what you want to say about this whole mess. I want you to say all the stuff I know you're saying to Pixie when I'm not around. I'm not stupid, I just want to hear it from you. Lay it all on me. Trust me, I can take it."
Bennie crossed his arms and let her speak. He hadn't expected her to be this up-front. Considering her reputation, he'd assumed she would have tiptoed around the situation and manipulated it in whichever way served her best. Pixie really had gotten to her.
"I'm not so sure you can, Amy," He shook his head and looked at his feet. "This... This is a bad idea. I understand the sentiment, I really do, but I'm not so sure you should hear this from me. If you do want to stick around and be a Maiden, it's going to be difficult working together if you resent me for fucking up your chances with Pixie." He met her gaze. "And believe me, what I have to say would more than shake things up between the two of you."
Amy dearly, dearly wanted to take his advice, to go back to the table, laugh and get drunk with Pixie, to pretend everything was okay like she always had.
She shook her head.
"The way I see it, if I can't handle the disapproval of an ex, then me and Pixie don't have a chance in the long run no matter what you say. I happen to think I can work this out with the both of you, but even if I'm wrong, say it anyway. If nothing else, I know it'll make you feel better."
"Look, I'd be lying to you if I said I wouldn't prefer to be the one at Pixie's side. That I wouldn't mind you getting burned the same way I did. But honestly, and I acknowledge my bias when I say this: you two don't stand a chance. Pixie's got issues. Like, big, big issues. I can list a hundred different reasons why she's with you and love ain't one of them." He furrowed his brow. "I know it's hard to hear, but Amy, she's fuckin' using you. Sure, she might like you as a person and certainly enjoys your touch, but this is not going to last. Eventually, she's going to get what she wanted from you and she's going to end it."
Planting his hands against the edge of the counter behind him, he leaned back, "She's an enigma. She's willing to sacrifice everything for those she loves, but is just as likely to strike you down as she is to embrace you. I love her, Amy... more than anything, but take it from me," He searched her eyes for a moment before finishing his thought. "You don't want Pixie getting into your head. You do that and you're doomed. She'll take what she wants, leave the place a mess and then fuck off. You're still young, Amy, and this is new to you. There's no reason to throw yourself at her like this. There's no reason to... pledge your fuckin' life to a woman you hardly know."
Amy stiffened, working hard to keep control of her breathing as the words came crashing down. She'd prepared for them, she'd asked for them, but when it came right down to it, that didn't make them all that much easier to hear. Still, she didn't flinch, and when she spoke next she didn't shoot back the first retort that came into her head. She let it all sink in, and considered.
"You're wrong." She said, quietly but defiantly. "I'm not naïve. I've had people 'taking what they want from me and fucking off', as you put it, for half my life. I know the difference. Pixie's not like that. Maybe it's not love just yet, but it will come. You may have known her longer Bennie, but it doesn't take a genius to know all about her issues... and I haven't run from them. She didn't run from mine either, even when someone as selfish as you paint her would have had every reason to. I'm no fun distraction Bennie, not any more. I'm like her. I cause just as much pain as I ease, to the point where I'm thinking we must be the only two people in the world for each-other. With all due respect, that's the thing that we share that you never could. Maybe it's crazy, but it's strong. Believe that, because I'm not going anywhere Bennie. I'm not giving up on this."
'Crazy' is one way of putting it.
"That's your prerogative, Amy. Just don't say I didn't warn you. Now, if we're done here I have some drinking to catch up on. I am way too fucking sober for this shit right now." Brushing past her, he stopped in the doorway and bowed his head..
Without turning to looked at her, he added, "And don't think you're some special snowflake. That you're the only one who can understand her." He gritted his teeth. "You don't know shit about me, kid."
And with that, he left the kitchen.
After he'd left, Amy stood in silence for a while, her eyes shut. Shakily, she reached out with one arm and grasped the edge of the counter, before sliding down it onto the floor. She'd wanted to make things better. Maybe this was better, at least the beginnings of it anyway. It didn't feel like it though.
'You're not all that difficult to figure out Bennie.' she thought bitterly to herself. 'You're a big man, so you shut out anything you don't want to hear, like it'll just bounce right off you. Even when you're "speaking frankly" you're running away, only if you throw drink and throw your weight around enough you can kid yourself that you're fighting instead. Well, I've had more than one Big Man thinking they can just barge past me to get to what they want. I beat them, and I'll beat you.'
When she'd regained her composure, Amy stood up and made her way back to the party.
