Sprout did his best to keep his eyes ahead as he and Lilith moved through the ship. Suffice it to say, not all of the corpses had been cleared out of the halls yet. He'd stolen a few glances here and there against his better judgement.
Sprout had never actually seen a dead child before.
After a short walk they had arrived. Standing in front of the closed door of the medbay, Sprout looked to Lilith, "You go in first."
Lilith clenched her jaw as her eyes fell on a few of the dead children. She forced herself to look at them, she
needed to look at them, to know what had to be done to reclaim their home. Lilith might not have been there for the battle, but she'd make sure she was there for the aftermath.
As Sprout beckoned her to go ahead of him, she let a sad smile curl her lips.
'Of course he's still thinking about that.'
Nodding gently, she patted Sprout on the shoulder before stepping through the door and into the medbay.
Pixie had nearly fallen asleep staring at Aesop's unconscious form when the door of the medbay suddenly opened. A moment ago she had been wearing a strained, glum expression, but the moment she set her eye on Lilith her grief was all but gone. The hard lines in her face softened, as did her brow. Her one good eye, as bruised as it had been, quivered as a smile stretched across her lips, "L-L-Lily.... Oh my God..." She muttered. She was utterly stunned. Frozen in place.
Lilith's eyes lit up as they met Meredith's. Her heart skipping a beat as she took in the woman's battered condition. A huge smile crossed her face before she quickly regained her composure. Coughing slightly, she took on a casual posture as she feigned aloofness. "S'up." She nodded at Pixie.
"A-a-an' S-sprout?" She stuttered. A knot was growing in her throat.
Sprout peeked his head out from behind Lilith, "Ma'..." He muttered as he took in her condition. "MA'!" He shouted as he pushed past Lilith and embraced his mother. "M-m-m-ah----"
Pixie shushed him as she cradled the back of his head and patted his back with the other hand, "It's okay, baby. I'm okay. Everythin's okay now." Tears were rolling down her cheeks already. As much as his embrace hurt, the warmth he offered was well worth the pain. She finally had her son back. And her daughter.
"M-m-ma', I-I---" He cried into her shoulder.
Looking to Lilith, Pixie beckoned her over.
And there it was. It didn't matter how angry the boy thought he'd be, he was back with his mother, any issues could wait, at least for the moment.
Looking a little shy, Lilith lowered her head slightly as she shuffled over to the Sprout and Pixie, keeping her arms by her side as she rested her forehead on Meredith's shoulder. "Hi." She muttered.
Pain wracked Pixie's ribs as she chuckled, "What the fuck's this about, girl?! Give me a goddamn hug!" She uncharacteristically squeaked as she wrapped an arm around the back of Lilith's neck and pulled her in closer, burying the girl's face in her chest.
Lilith laughed happily as she wrapped her arms around the woman's waist. "We missed you." She muttered, glancing up at Meredith.
"Every single day," Pixie's voice wavered. "I never stopped missin' you two. I-I-I don' even know why I sent you away. I was so, so fuckin' blind! I-I-I-I'm sorry! I'm so fuckin' sorry!" She was full-on sobbing now. "I should'a been there fer you...."
Sprout looked up at his mother, "It's okay, Ma', yer here now. You don' need ta' apologize." He sniffled.
"Damn straight." Lilith chuckled softly as she agreed with Sprout. "Look on the bright side, at least we
know how useless we are now, instead of everyone just guessing."
"No," Pixie shook her head. "Don' say that! You had the whole city after you! Y'all proved yerselves!"
Sprout and Lilith exchanged a look.
Lilith's eyes softened sadly as she pushed herself away fro Pixie. "Yeah, er, about that..." He bit her bottom lip nervously as she gathered herself. "Cranston and Elizabeth didn't get out, we had to leave them behind."
"Wha..." Pixie blinked stupidly as she and Lilith stared at one another. She was speechless. Cranston... but how?
Just then, another entered the room, "Hey." Bennie said simply. He was a bit nervious.
He hadn't seen these kids in years.
Sprout perked up and looked over his shoulder at the newcomer, "BENNIE!" He chirped, snot and tears flying off his face as he dashed towards his surrogate father.
"Whoa, there!" Bennie stepped back as Sprout suddenly embraced him. He hugged the kid in return and laughed, "It's been awhile, Sprout." Looking at Lilith, he grinned. "Lily."
Pixie hadn't registered Bennie's entrance. Or if she had, she didn't acknowledge it.
Cranston...
She continued to stare at Lilith in silence.
"Bennie!" Lilith cried, the words partially dying in her throat as she looked back at Pixie. The woman had a thousand mile stare. "I'm sorry." Lilith croaked as she turned and headed towards the two guys. Forcing a smile to her lips, Lilith crossed her arms over he chest as she stood behind Axel. "Long time no see, big guy."
"Sure has..." Bennie noticed it right away. There was something wrong, "Is this a bad time, or....?"
Her gaze downcast, Pixie was completely still as she spoke, "Can Lil an' I 'ave a moment." She didn't look at Bennie. "Sorry."
Sprout glanced back at his mother with a look of concern, "Sure, thing. We'll be right outside. Come on Sprout." Bennie forced a smile. Sprout nodded and followed behind Bennie, giving Pixie and Lilith one last look before stepping into the hall and closing the door.
Lilith's smile faded as the Sprout and Bennie left the room, her eyes shifting downwards as the door closed.
'Shit.'
What would she do? Pixie was gonna be mad, of course she was mad! She had every right to be mad!
Taking a breath as she turned, Lilith couldn't stand the silence, breaking it as her explanation began tumbling from her mouth. "It's my fault, it's all my fault, we were in a crawler, I was driving, but the guard was chasing us, and I had to swerve to avoid their shots, but they managed to hit one of the wheels, and I couldn't keep the crawler steady, so we hit the tunnel wall, and Liz fell out, we tried to stop but Cranston told us to keep driving, and he jumped out and started to drag Liz away, but there were too many guards, and more were coming and, and... " Lilith breathed heavily as she tried to keep it together, her gaze shifting to anything that wasn't Pixie.
"We left them behind." The girl whispered as her voice cracked.
Pixie bowed her head low, the fringe of her hair concealing her eyes. She sat there, perfectly still for a long while. And then, all of a sudden, she began sobbing. Instead crying into her palms or a pillow, she simply sat up with her arms to her sides and let the tears flow freely. She fought so hard to keep them in, but she hadn't the strength. Not anymore. Not after everything that had happened.
She didn't speak a single word to Lilith.
She just cried.
Lilith didn't know what to say, rubbing her upper arms nervously, she lowered her head as she stared at the ground. "I don't..." She struggled to form the words with her mouth as the upset began clawing at her throat and face.
Looking up at Pixie, her eyes still dry, she looked like she about to say something, but she lowered her head as she thought better of it. This was too much, glancing around the room, her heart almost stopped as he eyes fell on Aesop. Why hadn't she noticed him earlier?
'Good job Lil, you're just the best friend ever.'
Silently moving across the room, past the sobbing Pixie, Lilith looked down at the battered Aesop. Everyone had to fight today, everyone but her and Sprout. How many of her friends had died today? How many of
their friends had died today?
Refusing to look at the woman, Lilith rested her hands on Aesop's. At least she knew one of them was okay.
Pixie continued to sob uncontrollably as Lilith moved into her blindspot to watch over Aesop. Eventually, she summoned enough courage to speak. It was tough to fight back the tears, but she had to. She couldn't be so selfish. Not now, "L-Lilith," She croaked. "Lilith, come here. Look at me."
Clenching her jaw, Lilith remained still for a few moments before patting Aesop's hand. Turning , Lilith readied herself, tears, screams... fists. She'd withstand them all if it meant she could get out of that room quicker.
Standing in front of Pixie, she couldn't meet her gaze.
Pixie finally raised her head. Her features were unusually soft. Even her skin seemed smoother.
Perhaps it was the dried tears that caked her face.
Reaching out to Lilith, she placed a hand gently upon her cheek, "Please, Lilith... look at me." Her voice was weak.
Anyone else, and she would have been okay, anyone else and she would have had no problems keeping back the tears. As something caught in her throat, a small sob escaped Lilith's lips as tears quickly welled in her eyes.
Finally managing to meet the woman's eye, Lilith whimpered as she restrained herself. "I'm sorry, Merry." She whispered, her arms hug rigidly by her sides, her hands balled into fists.
'Damn it, stop crying!'
"No," Pixie whispered softly. She wiped away a rogue tear from Lilith's cheek with her thumb. "It's not yer fault, sweetheart."
"It is!" The girl squeaked as her attempts at keeping her emotions in check began to wane. "I should have gone back, I should have
tried." She felt stabbing pain in her palm as blood began to seep through the bandage on her hand.
"You did everythin' you could, Lily," She reached her hand further as she spoke and caressed the new scar on her cheek. "You an' Sprout suffered so much. You were scared an' alone. Bein' hunted. It's a miracle both of you returned ta' me alive." Though her voice had been weak, it was clear to Lilith that Pixie had gotten her emotions under control. "If anyone's ta' blame fer what happened it's me."
Lilith shook her head, forcing her eyes closed. "We stopped, we watched them, I wanted to help them, but I..." She looked down at the ground. "We would have just gotten ourselves killed." Useless, even after all this time, useless.
Pixie continued to hold her face in her hand as she searched the girl's downcast eyes, "Lily," She whispered. "You can' save them all. I-If what you say is true, Cranston sacrificed himself to save you." She frowned as she tried to force Lilith's eyes back on her. "You can' save someone when they're already savin' you."
"I know, it's just..." Lilith furrowed her brow as she looked up at Meredith. "It was our turn to save him, and we didn't."
"Come here." Pixie commanded with a soft voice. She removed her hand from Lilith's face and held her arms out for an embrace.
Sniffling, Lilith took a step forward, her arms by her side as she rested her head on Meredith's shoulder. "I'm sorry." She whispered, sobbing slightly. "I'm so sorry."
Pixie hushed her, "Listen to me, Lilith," She whispered as she began rubbing the back of the girl's neck with the tips of her fingers. "I reckon it'd be better if it did, but the world don' work that way. Life ain't that simple, baby." Pixie nuzzled the back of Lilith's head. "I owe Cranston everythin' and he'd say the same thin' 'bout me. Justice... true justice... it's a fairy tale. The best we can do is minimize ar' losses an' take what we can get. Cranston understood that an' I reckon Sprout understood that, otherwise neither'a y'all would 'ave returned to me. You did the right thin', Lilith. Better two of you survive than none of you."
She knew Pixie was right, knew Sprout was right when they were back in the tunnel. So why was every fiber of her being screaming at her, telling her that she betrayed them, that throwing away her life to help them was preferable to... this?
"It's not fair." Lilith closed her eyes, her hands balled into fists. "We were doing so well, we were right there Merry,
right there, two minutes from getting away from that city."
"I know how you feel," Pixie croaked as guilt suddenly gripped her heart. "Yer not alone, baby." She buried her face in the side of Lilith's neck. "There was someone else... I lost someone else today."
Lilith remained silent. She knew they had lost people, a fight that huge? It was inevitable, she just didn't have the stomach to think too much about it.
"Who did we lose?" She whispered, her voice barely audible as she readied herself for the news.
"Warren," Pixie whispered. Despite her hopes, admitting he was dead didn't make her feel better in the least. "I had 'im watch my back when I chased down Austin. He was dead when I got back. They... they took off 'is head." Pixie bit down on her bottom lip in an attempt to prevent more tears. "I'm sorry, Liliy."
"Warren." Lilith muttered the words, her eyes wide as they failed to sink in. She needed to know now, get it out of the way now. "Who else?"
This wasn't turning out to be the happy return home she had hoped.
Pixie took a moment to collect herself before she answered her, "No one else from our assault force, miraculously. Though," She sighed. "As you can imagine
everyone who was on the ship when Austin attacked it are either dead or missin'... except Florian, of course. They were loyal... all of them... until the very end." She clutched Lilith's arm, squeezing tightly as she tried to keep her emotions from besting her again. "You can' blame yerself, Lily. It's on me... it's all on me. All of their deaths. They died under my command. They died fer me. I... I killed them, Lilith." She buried her face deeper, her good eye was now pressed up against Lilith's collar. "Warren, Cranston, Parker, Silo, Barrett... so many others.... I killed them all."
As the names were checked off in her head, Lilith clenched her jaw. This wasn't worth it, nothing was worth this. "They followed you, Merry, you didn't make them do anything." She glanced up at the woman, her voice low.
"Sure I did," Pixie's voice was hollow. "I told 'em where to stand so the bullet hit them instead of me. I didn' pull the trigger, but I made their deaths possible. Every single one."
"What did you just say to me?" Lilith closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Meredith. "You can't save everyone." She rested her forehead against Meredith's. "You saved a lot of people today, our friends saved a lot of people today."
Pixie's forehead rubbed against Lilith's as she shook it, "No, Lilith... you don' understand. I thought I was better than this. Everythin' that has happened since that fuckin' train heist... it's all 'cause'a me. All of this 'appened 'cause I lacked the foresight... no, the courage to see thin's through. I'm not fit to lead an organization like this. Hell, I can' even keep my own life under control. I'm poison, Lilith. A fuckin' timebomb. An' if you stick 'round too long you'll be swallowed up like everyone else. Devoured and sacrificed to the great 'Bandit Queen'."
Chuckling nervously, Lilith averted her eyes. "Typical Pixie, tells me it's not my fault, proceeds to take the blame." Lifting a hand, she brushed some stray hair from Meredith's eye, "It's done, it's terrible, and we'll have nightmares, but it's done."
Pixie was nowhere near done. The guilt ran deep. Her hatred of her own weaknesses, even deeper. For now, however, she'd swallow her grief. She'd appreciate the time she had with her best friend while they were still together. With her son as well.
Pixie hesitated a moment before forcing a smile, "I love you, Lily. No matter what happens... no matter what I do... know that I love you."
Smiling sadly, Lilith brushed her lips against Pixie's nose. "I love you too." She pursed her lips as she averted her eyes. "I... I want to arrange their send offs. I wasn't here, I
should have been here, it's the least I can do."
Pixie nodded, "There will be time fer that later. We fought fer ar' home... they'd want us to get it in order first." She looked past Lilith and towards the door. "Go catch up with Bennie. He's missed you a lot. I should probably get some rest, anyway."
"Yeah, well, if he missed me that much, he wouldn't have waited four years to show up again." Lilith muttered as she brushed down Meredith's clothes. "You should go see Maria." She smiled slightly. "I think you'll like her."
"Already got one wetback right here." Pixie joked, a thumb pointed to Aesop. After a brief laugh she smiled at Lilith. "I'll talk to 'er after I get some of my mojo back."
"I can stay if you want me to." Lilith rubbed the back of her neck as she glanced over at Aesop. "Is he...?"
"He'll be fine. He may need some dentures though," She chuckled as she set her gaze on the motionless greaseball. "Pretty common sight in 'ar line a' work. Reckon he'll look like a proper crook now." Looking back towards Lilith, she pointed towards the door. "Please, go talk to Bennie. Fer me, if nothin' else."
Frowning, Lilith sighed. "Fine, okay, but I won't enjoy it." She smiled weakly as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Get some rest, okay?"
"Okay, I will." Pixie waited until Lilith was halfway out the door before adding. "I won' be stayin' hold up in this place all night, no matter what the doctor's say. You an' Sprout... uh," She blushed and scratched her swollen cheek with her pointer finger. "Y'all wanna spend the night in my room?"
Lilith narrowed her eyes. "Sounds gay..." She muttered as she rested her head against the edge of the door. Smiling warmly, she nodded gently, before exiting the room.