It hurt. It wouldn't stop hurting, it was stitched and clean, but the pain still burned her flesh, it wouldn't let her sleep.
Lilith winced slightly. Could she ask for painkillers, with Sandringham the way he was? He'd need all the relief he could get, what was a scratch compared to that... mess?
The worst thing about the whole situation, for every pang in her cheek, for every painful smile, it only reminded her of how she got it in the first place.
"Son of a *****, get out of my head." She whispered to herself, running her hands through her hair, perking up slightly as she heard movement behind her.
She instantly knew who it was.
As the boy sat next to her, she felt a pang of guilt as he grunted in pain.
'Silly girl, have some damn perspective.'
"How're ya' holdin' up, Lily?"
Lilith looked at the boy, his shadowy features reflecting the delicate violet light that managed to creep its way through the the cracks in the window blinds.
"Ah you know me, can't sleep at the best of times." She smiled weakly before regretting it instantly, breathing in sharply before letting a small chuckle escape her lips. "Fuckin' stings."
Sprout nodded, continuing to stare down at his feet, "Do... do ya' wanna talk 'bout what happened? I don' jus' mean with Gorgon. I mean, like, everythin'."
Lilith furrowed her brow slightly. Of course he'd want to know what happened, why wouldn't he? She bet her felt pretty damn useless right about now.
"You sure you want to know?" She asked softly, propping her good cheek against her palm.
Sprout hesitated a moment before meeting her gaze in his periphery, "Lily, of course I do. I don' wan' you ta' ever keep anythin' from me ta' 'protect' me 'r any'a that kinda shit. Still," He broke eye contact. "I won' make ya' talk 'bout nothin' you don' wanna."
Her eyes glistened with affection, as she smiled warmly, ignoring the pain, she moved her hand to Axel's face, grabbing his chin as she turned his head to meet her eyes. "Silly boy." She muttered, before gently tapping him on the cheek. Her eyes searched his, before she broke her gaze and thought for a moment.
"I had him." She croaked. "He was done, I beat him to the ground, broke his leg. I had a gun aimed right between his eyes." She paused for a moment, before an incredulous chuckle escaped her lips, her eyes meeting the boy's. "I couldn't do it. I didn't
want to do it." She bit her bottom lip as she furrowed her brow. "Because for every second I stood there, looking at this...
man, I wasn't thinking of him." She paused again.
"I was thinking of you. Thinking... how you'd tell me to stop, and that he wasn't worth it. So I stopped."
A look of guilt washed over Sprout's face. He clutched Lilith's wrist and shook his head frantically, "No, Lily. We can' be like that anymore. I---We----" He lost his words as conflicting ideas clashed in his mind. After a few deliberate blinks to clear his mind, he continued. "Listen, I've been thinkin' a lot these past few days. We can'... we can' be weak like that anymore, Lily.
You ar' the most important person I 'ave. I ain't jus' sayin' that to flatter you.
You, Lilith, ar' the most precious soul I know an' I think it's fair ta' say you feel the same way 'bout me." He turned around on the stool to completely face her. "Like Cranston always said, 'we can' take any half measures', Lily."
His lip quivered and brow furrowed, it seemed he was only just getting started. The amount of things he wanted to tell her was, well, too much, "I don' care 'bout some stupid fuckin' hunter who don' care 'bout no one else but 'imself. If he's my enemy I ain't gonna hesitate. If there's a chance I won' be returnin' ta' you 'cause I showed some scumbag mercy I ain't gonna let him walk away. Lily," He searched her eyes. "No one else fuckin' matters. It's you an' me. As long as we're together that's all I care 'bout."
"Way ahead of ya'." She said simply, smiling as she brushed the boy's fringe to the side before pointing to her cheek. "This happened
after I decided to walk away. Fucker would have had me too, if not for the help of a friend."
Sprout cocked an eyebrow, "Friend?"
Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her smokes and the little matchbook. "Notice anything different?" She asked, as she placed a cigarette between her lips, breaking the last match out of the book, she took a deep drag as the cigarette took the flame.
He picked up on it instantly, "Where's yer lighter?"
"Fucker stamped on it before we threw down." She shook her head as she blew smoke out the corner of her mouth. "What kind of person smashes a person's lighter, after the pretty owner of said lighter offers said fucker a cigarette, I ask you?" She closed her eyes for a moment. "He had me on the ground. Did this to me." She placed her hand on her cheek. "Then he tried to choke me."
She bit her bottom lip as her voice deepened slightly.
"So I put a piece of that lighter in his throat."
"Lily," He muttered, slouching over so he could get a better look at her downcast eyes. He grabbed her shoulders. "Next time..." His voice was wary. "Next time I'm comin' with you, okay? If we're gonna face hell we gotta do it together." He held her cheek in his hand and rested his thumb right below her fresh scar.
Meeting his gaze, Lilith smiled as she placed her hand on his, tilting her head to rest in his palm. "Together. Always together."
"Reminds me of Ma's. She don' like anyone seein' it, but I've seen it plenty'a times. It's kinda weird, I figured she'd be like you. Wear it with pride, I guess. But no." He shrugged. "She hides it. It's like she's ashamed of it."
As Axel continued, she longed to tell him everything, why Meredith hid the scar, but it wasn't her place. No, that was something only Meredith could do.
"It's cos' she knew this day would come." She chuckled, blowing smoke out the corner of her mouth. "***** won't be able to handle me when we get back, she'll be all like 'Oh Lily, you can' have a scar laak thert, y'all gonna make me look bad!' and I'll be all like '*****, please, I'm in charge now.'"
Sprout couldn't help but crack a small, wry smile. It quickly evaporated as he searched her eyes, however, "Have you fergiven her?" He asked abruptly. "
Can you fergive her?" By his tone it sounded almost as if he didn't want her to. There was a profound sadness behind his eyes. Something Lilith hadn't noticed until now.
It wasn't like their first night in Feroxi. It was something else.
Lilith furrowed her brow, as the boy's look began to distress her. "Hey, are you okay? I'm fine, really, it's all water under the bridge now."
"How can you, Lily?!" He was shouting now. "I don' get it! Really? Tell me! Sh-sh-sh-she beat you within an' inch of yer life! An' fer what!? Water under the bridge?! How the fuck could she 'ave made it up to ya' in such a short time? Please Lilith," He looked away from her, trying to fight back tears. "Y-y-you don' 'ave ta' sugar coat it 'cause she's my Ma'! Please don' l-l-lie ta' me..."
"Hey, hey, hey!" She placed her hands firmly on the boy's shoulders as he began to rave. "Listen to me,
listen!" As the boy went quiet, whimpering quietly, Lilith raised her head slightly. "Axel." She said his name firmly. "Look at me."
Sprout complied. He found it hard to look her in the eye, but he did.
Lilith loosened her grip on the boy's shoulders as his eyes finally met hers.
"Everything we've been through lately, all the pain, all the death." She shook her head slightly. "Compared to what your mother's been through?" She paused, her expression hardened. "It was nothing."
"Who's the one person who's been there for you, for me, ever since I left that shithole town?" Lilith's breath caught in her throat slightly. "That's right, Meredith."
"She never had that, Axel. She was alone, for so very long, seen and done terrible, terrible things. Things that would break most people." Lilith clenched her jaw tightly as she furrowed her brow. "But not Pixie. Not Meredith Monroe. Not your mother." She smiled slightly. "Merry ain't winning any awards for being a great mum anytime soon." She started, a small chuckle escaping her lips as she grabbed the boy by the jaw. "But to get to where she is, the whole world against her,
alone?"As affection for the woman softened her expression, she ran her hand through the boy's hair.
"You are the Axel you are now, because of that woman. The Axel who ran around the ship with me when we were younger. The Axel who helped me steal chocolate from Ruffles' hidden stash. The Axel who has my back in ill conceived bar brawls." She chuckled fondly at the memory, pausing for a moment to lose herself in the boy's eyes. "The Axel who took a bullet for me."
"No matter what Merry has done, no matter what she's said, no matter who she's hurt." She cupped the boy's face with her hands, biting down on her cigarette as she smirked.
"You are the Axel I love because of that woman. And for that, I'd forgive her for anything."
"... I'd forgive her for anything."
That phrase circled back and forth in his brain endlessly as he stared blankly at the girl before him. Casting his gaze downwards, Sprout hadn't the courage to look her in the eye. Without even knowing it, Lilith had made him feel horrible. Sick, even. He was ashamed for how he felt. Confused as to whether or not he was justifed in his feelings.
He hadn't told her and he was terrified of doing so.
"L-lily," He kept his head bowed. "After she beat you up, Cranston said somethin'. He said, 'I thought we were done with this shit'. At the time I hadn' a clue what the fuck he was on about, but now..." He looked at Lilith now. It wasn't sadness or anger in his eyes. It was emptyness. "Gettin' shot... it knocked somethin' loose in me. Made me remember some thin's. I didn' know what it meant at first, but I kept 'aven' these dreams. They felt so real. So vivid. So I asked Cranston about 'em an' he all but confirmed what I already knew deep down."
He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair, nervously, "Don' think she's hid it from me all these years 'er anythin'. Hell, she probably has no idea I'd fergotten, but, Lily... you weren't the first person she hurt like that." He swallowed past a knot in his throat. "When I was four... five years-old... before the Maiden, when it was jus' me'n her. She used ta' beat me. Severely. I always wondered why Ma' never had a story fer when I broke my arm as a kid. Now I remember. I..." He trembled. "I love her, but, I dunno, I... I dunno what ta' think..."
He turned around in his stool so that he was facing the bar and crossed his hands over his chest. Closing his eyes, a few tears began rolling down his cheeks, "She never said sorry ta'
me."
Lilith looked dumbfounded as the boy began to cry.
'Goddamn it, Meredith, how could you?'
Closing her eyes, Lilith thought for a moments, the boy's whimpers rousing her own emotions.
'No, no more crying, this isn't about you.'
Looping a hand around the boy's neck, she rested the side of her head against his. "I'm sure she's sorry, more than anything in the whole world. What I just told you? That still stands." She pulled the boy closer to her, turning him around as she wrapped her arms around him, cradling his head against her shoulder.
"You are still you. It just means Merry is a bigger ***** than I first thought." She clenched her jaw, furrowing her brow as she comforted the boy.
"If she's as ashamed about it as she was when she beat my ass..." The woman pushed the boy away gently, holding him at arms length. "Don't think for a second she doesn't regret it every single day, you hear me?"
It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold back the tears. Sprout fought his hardest, meeting her gaze as she reassured him, despite wanting so badly to just run away. To curl up in a corner and hide, "I-I-I hope so." Was all he managed to mutter before he fell into her arms, unable to keep his grief in-check any longer. He wanted so desperately to be strong for her. To show her that he was man enough to face his problems. But perhaps, he was still too young. Too vulnerable to simply shrug off such things.
His face buried in the side of her neck and collar, he sobbed like a baby for a long while. Somehow it felt so familiar. He remembered another woman being there for him when his mother would unload on him in her despair. What would she have done if she didn't have a kid to beat about? What kind of grief drives a person to do such a thing?
Through exasperated breaths, he managed to speak, "I-I-I'm sorry, Lily. I love 'er, I really do---I jus', I---Lily... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry---"
Perhaps it was best just to let the kid cry it out.
Silently, Lilith comforted the boy, stroking the back of his head as he wept.
'Me and you are going to have words, Meredith.'
Axel didn't know how rough life was for Meredith in those days, sure he had snippets of second hand recollections and sparse memories of them, but he had no idea what the source of it all was. She wondered, when he was eventually told the whole story, would he understand?
She hoped so.
Regardless, the woman didn't have the energy or motivation to be angry at Meredith, and she wasn't sure she ever would, not with what she knew. That wouldn't stop her from giving the woman a piece of her mind though...
As several minutes passed and the boy's cries faded to whimpers, she gently pushed him away, cupping his face with one hand as she wiped away his tears with her thumb. Smiling warmly, she brushed Axel's fringe to the side. "You need a haircut." She commented, chuckling slightly.
After a few silent moments, Lilith furrowed her brow. "Still want that smoke?"
Sprout chuckled when she commented on his hair and looked at her longingly. He really was attached to her. Like a baby duckling imprinted on its mother. Or, more aptly, a horny teenager who had a confusing crush on a sister figure.
His eyes still misty, he gave her a sad grin and nodded his head, "Reckon I do, Lily."
"Don't tell anyone." She whispered as she pulled two cigarettes from the packet. "Remember, I'm a responsible adult." Handing Axel a smoke, she opened the matchstick book, before swearing under her breath.
Sprout took the cigarette between his lips and wiped away one last tear as he grinned, stupidly. Cocking an eyebrow, he nudged her, "How sexy you reckon I look with this thin'?"
"So sexy." Lilith chuckled, as she placed the empty matchstick book on the counter. "I don't have any matches left, but I picked up a trick a while back, here." Placing the second cigarette in her mouth next to the old one, she leaned in towards the boy. "Okay, it's almost at the filter, so we gotta be quick, just drag on the thing until it's lit."
Pressing her cigarette against the boys, a few quiet moments passed before the flame took.
Sprout couldn't help but blush as their lips came so close together. He could feel her slow, methodical breaths clashing with his own. Strangely, however, it didn't feel strange or awkward. It felt...
Comforting.
Once his cigarette was lit he touched the end of her new one with his. Securing it between his fingers, he leaned in close, his eyes lingering on her lips.
A small smirk curling her lips, she noted the boy's enthusiasm. "Oi." She grunted, smoke puffing from her nostrils. "Not getting all gay on me are ya?" She teased, placing a hand on Axel's head, she ruffled his hair gently.
He smiled, rolling with Lilith's jab and took a deep drag. As an act of rebellion, he reached forward and ruffled her hair in return, "Whatever, Lily. You started it! We both know yer gayer fer me than the other way around!"
"You're playing a dangerous game, boy. I've killed men for less." She threatened mockingly as she stubbed out the spent cigarette. It had felt like an eternity since they last goofed around, just hanging out. She never realised how much she appreciated these quiet moments, just the two of them.
"I'm thinking of growing it out again, what do ya think?" She asked, grabbing her fringe, she held it under her nose like a moustache. "Oui, oui? Or non, non?"
"Retard," He chuckled. "I remember the last time it was long. I reckon it was 'round the same time I figured out what jackin' off was." As her expression hardened he gave her a light shove. "Kiddin'! Kiddin'! No, I think you should do it. Look like a proper lady an' shit."
"I dunno, gonna have a hard time pulling that off with this fucker." She grinned, pointing at her face. "Besides, you know me, I've never been lady like, did you see my teacher? I was doomed from the start"
He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well, there's one thin' you didn' pick up from her." He laughed and blushed as he considered whether or not he'd humor her. In the end, he just had to do it. "I don' reckon you can fit half as many dicks in you!!!"
"Jesus Christ, kid, the fuck is wrong with you?" The girl chuckled, shaking her head. "Oh! Shit! Bennie's back, you know what that means?" Lilith cringed as a grimace curled her mouth. "Earplugs are back on special."
"Don' remind me, fuck. I promise you, Lily, if I ever inherit half the mojo Ma' has I'll try ta' keep it down fer ya'. I know hearin' other women get off confuses you."
"Of course." She rolled her eyes as she took a deep drag. "Because you're doing so well right now, I mean, nothing turns a girl on more than when a guy talks about how much cock his mum can take." Tapping the boy gently around the side of the head, she laughed wearily.
He laughed along with her. A comforting silence settled in as the two looked towards the bar and enjoyed their cigarettes. It hurt to inhale, but Sprout figured the buzz was well worth it.
Eventually, Sprout broke the silence with a sudden laugh, "Sorry ta' get gay on ya' again, but, uh, Lily...." He turned around to face her, placing a hand on her wrist. "I know we're both gonna do ar' best ta' stick together an' everythin', but can you promise me somethin'?"
"Shoot." She clicked her tongue as she pointed a finger at the boy, before resting her hand on his.
"If anythin' ever happens ta' me, promise me you won' let it defeat you. I know it may be a hard pill ta' swallow, but yer a tough girl an' I know you can do it. I," His smile grew more sad. "I'll try ta' do the same thin'. I'm sorry I'm talkin' this way, but with everythin' that's been goin' on 'round us." He sighed. "It's hard not ta' think 'bout it. Death, I mean. It's never felt so...
real before."
"It already happened to me once, Axel." She said sombrely, and although shortlived, it had sent her on a downward spiral that she was lucky to escape from. Could she
even make that promise.
Locking her gaze with the boy's, there was a knowing glint in her eye, like she had figured something out that he just hadn't quite grasped yet.
"I can't promise you that, Axel." She squeezed his hand before a sad smiled curled her lips. "But I can promise that I will try." Raising her hands, she wrapped her arms around the boy's neck, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"I swear to god, if you go and die, I will kick your arse."
Sprout chuckled, "Likewise, Lily. An' yers is a much bigger target."
Though he could have stopped there with it just being a light tease, he
did unfortunately reach for her ass.
"You put your hand there, and I will fucking end you." The girl whispered threateningly as she tightened her arms around the boy's neck.
"Aye, ma'am!" He croaked as his hand froze in place and slowly withdrew. After she loosened her grip, he chuckled. "Don' ever change, Lily."
"Eh, still room for improvement on your end." She teased. After a few moments she pushed him to arms length. Her eyes searching his face as her expression softened.
"Forgive her, Axel." She said simply. "I know it might seem impossible right now, but nothing would hurt her more than knowing you felt this way. Tell her, shout at her, do what you need to do to make her know how you feel." She cupped his cheek with her hand. "She was a scared, stupid girl, who made some terrible mistakes, all alone in the world." Her eyes were almost pleading.
"I promised I would try." She placed her finger on the tip of the boy's nose. "You have to promise me that you'll talk to her about this."
Sprout nodded, "Okay, but Lily, um," He bowed his head, ashamed. "C-can you be there when I talk to 'er about it? Please? I don' know if I'll 'ave the courage ta' bring it up to 'er if yer not there with me. She'd understand." He paused and added, "I hope."
"Kid." Lilith smirked as she grabbed the boy's chin, lifting his head up. "I'll always have your back. Ain't no force in the 'verse can stop me."
He was silent for a long time as they simply stared at eachother. Just when she was about to speak again, he smiled, "Good. Don' ferget about me, though. I've got yers too, Lily."
"Next time I go on some perilous mission, fraught with almost certain death and slash or injury, I'll be sure to take you along." She smiled warmly. "That way I know we can't lose and slash or die."
"Yer dumb," Sprout chuckled. He shoved her shoulder. "I'm so gay fer you."
"Of course you are. Have you met me? I'm amazing!" As they both laughed, Lilith finished off her cigarette, a wave of exhaustion washing over her. "I don't want to go back downstairs, I hate that place. Sandy smells like burning garbage, and I'm pretty sure his guys are gonna murder us all." She didn't care if the joke was tasteless, she was tired damn it!
"Wanna crash up here? We can squeeze into one of the booths, this place don't open 'til noon, and ol' Chromey will probably be on our asses before then anyway."
Sprout looked over his shoulder towards the corner of the establishment where a particularly long booth was set up. He shurgged, "Think these thin's 'er bolted ta' the ground? We can push 'em ta'gether an' snuggle up." He laughed, sadly. "I could use a good cuddle, honestly."
"We can try!" Lilith said heroically as she put her hands on her hips.
The effort was an embarrassment to say the least. Two exhausted outlaws: one with a banged up face and the other with a crippled lung, pushed themselves to the breaking point in order to create their makeshift bed. All because they couldn't sleep with a half barbecued man in the same room. Once it was done and they were both adequately bushed, they snuggled up in the booth. Naturally, Lilith was the big spoon.
After some time lying down, Sprout smirked, "You smell'a whole lot better'n Sandy, that's fer damn sure."
"We really shouldn't be making jokes like this, the man is dying, Axel." Lilith said disapprovingly as she closed her eyes. "But goddamn, it smells like hot ass down there."
"We are evil. Truly, unforgivably, evil." He laughed. "I reckon I fancy bein'
bad." Sprout's thoughts went all sorts of places that are best left unsaid.
"You're making this gay, Sprout, don't make this gay, why would you make the spooning gay?" Lilith pleaded as she sighed wearily.
"Hey, if ya let me be the big spoon every now'n then it'd be far less gay, I promise ya' that. I mean, come on. Every girl loves the back-boner." He chuckled.
"I..." Lilith paused for a moment. "Just shut the fuck up and go to sleep." She said quickly.
"'Night, Lily," He cooed. "Don' go dreamin' 'bout thin's you can' ferget, now."
"Fuck you, kid."
