"Also, I'm pregnant, and you're the baby daddy."
Bennie cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "You're trying to butter me up, aren't you?" he said. "You always do that."
"The only thing I butter up is toast." Lilith pouted, averting her eyes from the big man.
"What's up?"
"Right..." Lilith's fingers slipped from Bennie's palm as she took a step backwards, crossing her arms over her chest as she resisted the urge to fidget. "The thing is..." She paused again, biting her bottom lip as she looked at the floor.
"Things are different since, well," Lilith paused, "Merry died." She almost winced at the words. "Everything has changed so quickly, the crew seem a lot happier, and everyone just seems to have their shit together." She chuckled. "Which hasn't happened in a loooooong time."
Bennie shrugged. "Yeah, well reality hits you like that sometimes," he told her. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked towards the horizon. Paradiso was but a small speck on the vast, empty landscape. "People aren't the same when their god dies. Just look at the kids Austin recruited. If you think about it, after she died... we all followed their example.
"As much as I miss her... and I miss her more than anything... I think it made us stronger. Stronger than we've ever been. You, me, Aesop, Cam, even Sprout, I think. She taught us how to live life and enjoy the moment, and I don't think it really ever sunk in until she'd already left us."
"But it's not the same." Lilith shrugged her shoulders, a sad smile curling her lips. "It won't ever be the same, and..." she paused as she searched for the words. "I feel like..." She tutted in exasperation. "Everyone has someone now, Sprout has Amy, you have Whiskey, all the newer members are like this." She meshed her fingers together. "Jake is gone, Florian is gone, and... Merry is gone." Her voice cracked slightly.
Letting her hands fall loosely to her sides, she forced a smile as she looked up at Bennie. "That last job made me realise something, we've changed, and I don't think I like what we've become."
Bennie clenched his jaw. "And what's that?" he asked, looking back down at her. "What are we?"
"What are we doing? Really, I mean really. We're pulling in a shit tonne of carbon, but what's it all for? What have we done lately that meant anything." Lilith rubbed the back of her neck. "When was the last time we were, you know..." She knew what she wanted to say, but was afraid it would be too immature for the conversation.
'To hell with it.'
"Robin Hood?"
"Well," he began, but quickly fell silent. He studied the girl from behind his sunglasses, honestly lost as to how to answer her. "Pixie meant well, but even she would admit that being 'Robin Hood' is nothing more than a fantasy. The world doesn't work like that Lilith. You can't fix it by robbing and killing people. In the end, Pixie knew that. That's why she did what she did."
He sighed heavily and turned his gaze to the horizon once more. With a hand on his hip, he pressed his arm against the glass and rested his forehead on his wrist. It was as sombre a pose as he was willing to show her. "You're right about one thing though... it's not the same," he admitted. "There's something wrong. All these kids we have drinking, swearing and shooting? They deserve better than this." He glanced over his shoulder to ensure no one else was left on the bridge to hear. "I spoke to Whiskey last night. She needs more convincing, but I intend to institute some... changes. Changes that rely on the success of this deal going right.
"We've got money now. Enough to buy real professionals. The kids on this ship may think this is a family, but no real family flies around a desert robbing people. You might think so because you were raised here, but it ain't right. With the carbon we've pulled in, we can give these guys a real chance at a decent life. And that's exactly what I intend to do. Find them homes. Provide for them. Continue doing what we do best with a little less grey in our lives."
He grunted. "Trust me, I don't live for carbon. I want to make a difference too. But this is all I've got, Lily. This is all I know how to do."
Lilith followed the man's gaze. "Me too." the woman sighed. The two stood silent for a few moments. "I want... to go to school." She looked sideways at Bennie. "I want to live with my boyfriend, and go to school, and eat nice food in fancy clothes, I want to see the world through a different lens for a change." She leaned against the big man's shoulder. "Does that sound stupid?" She asked softly.
"No," Bennie almost whispered. He looked at her for a long time before continuing. "You want to be with Florian?"
Lilith didn't answer the question for a long time. Hooking her around his, she looked through the window. "Do you remember the day I came back from Frostfall?"
"Yeah. I'll never forget it."
"I promised myself I'd never leave him, that I'd never let anything hurt him the way Merry did." Her voice cracked slightly. "I spent so much time just trying to keep him focused on something, anything, just so he didn't even have time to think about her, because when you're doing 50 push ups, you don't have time to cry, or feel sad." Lilith glanced up at Bennie.
"And it worked, I think, for the most part." Hey eyes seem to lose focus, as if looking for something behind the man. "Not for me though, it never really did, nothing did." She looked back through the glass and out into the wasteland. "It still isn't working, not really. When I'm not sad, I'm angry, when I'm not angry, I'm lonely, and then I drink, usually until I'm angry again." She chuckled for a moment before trailing off.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Bennie, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"What were..." Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "What's it like growing up? With a family I mean."
Bennie pursed his lips. "I don't imagine I'm the best person to ask," he chuckled quietly. "Didn't have a very normal upbringing either, but it was... nice. My father was a bastard, but I respected him. My sisters, especially Mercedes, well... I guess they were my best friends. I could trust them with anything. And my mother? She died when I was young, but she was a tender soul."
Lilith smiled "That sounds nice." she had never asked anyone that question before, never even thought about asking, not until recently. "I don't think Merry was... like a mother. Not that I have a point of comparison or anything." She laughed softly. "I didn't really have anything until I came here, no friends, not real friends, and the nuns' attention was divided between so many of us, I didn't really see any of them as a 'mother'."
"Pixie had a friend once," he said. "Never told me much about her, but I knew she was special. She made Pixie who she was. I have a feeling she felt a similar bond with you. With the roles reversed, I guess. Kind of like... a big sister kind of thing." He shrugged. "You don't need a mother or father. Not really. You just need someone that will look after you. Show you the way. Despite what you may feel, there ain't no part of you that's missing. Voids get filled when they need filling. For you, that was Pixie and Sprout. Now, it's the Bejic boy."
"He has a name." Lilith smirked as she looked up at Bennie. "Don't pretend like you don't approve." She gave him a nudge.
"I still haven't met him," Bennie pointed out. "You talk him up a lot, but I remember some of your previous boyfriends. You had shit taste back then."
"I never had boyfriends!" Lilith squeaked, raising a hand to her chest in offence. "I was a free agent, fluttering through life on the wings of fate, without a care in the world." She stated dramatically, flapping a hand in the air slowly. "I always forget that you haven't met him, I should introduce you, I think you'd really like him." Lilith smiled "And if that fails, I'll introduce you to Erik, you'll really like him." She grinned. "He's a huge softy who hides it beneath a veil of passive aggressiveness too."
"Thanks?" Bennie replied.
"You're welcome." Lilith gleamed. "I mean it though, Florian's a great guy, he managed to push Merry away enough times, and you know what she was like with forbidden fruit.
"I can' hive him?!" She shouted in her best Boomhower accent, "Why, that jes makes me wan 'im more, challenge aaaaxecepted!" the woman shook her head. "Nope, pushed her away, every single time." She sighed happily "That's mah boy."
"He has a lot more willpower than I ever had," Bennie chuckled. "I melted in her hands every time."
"Yeah." Lilith nodded, a look of disappointment creasing her brow. "I think that's where Axel gets it from. Amy just looks at him and he's a mess." She smiled. "That's good though, I think." She fell silent as stared outside.
"He has someone now, someone who loves him, someone who will take care of him." A sad look softened her face.
"I won't feel so bad about leaving."
"He could have the biggest harem on the Rock and he'd still miss you, Lily," the big man countered. "Okay, that sounded gross. What I mean to say is: he's going to pitch a fit no matter what. But you know, Sprout's grown up a lot. He can handle it. I wouldn't let him hold you back."
"He's just been through so much lately, and I don't want him to feel..." Lilith paused for a moment before sighing and shrugging her shoulders. "I don't want him to think I'm abandoning him. We've been together pretty much since he can remember." The woman smiled sadly. "We're Lily and Sprout, the dynamic duo, hairy guy and waistcoat guy."
Bennie shrugged. "You have to leave the nest eventually," he replied. "Brothers and sisters learn from eachother and then they move on. Start their own lives. It has to happen eventually. You two can't be kids forever."
The girl pouted "Bu-but, Lilwy and Spwout." Her bottom lip quivered as she made big eyes at Bennie.
"You want me to convince you to leave or not? You can make this decision on your own, Lilith."
The girl pursed her lips. "Don't be that way, this is hard for me."
Bennie laughed. "Life's hard. You settle down with that boy up North and at least you'll get to dress pretty."
"You're talking this really well, considering you're losing the best person on the ship," She puffed out her chest proudly.
"Yeah well, it gets your safety off my conscious so it evens out. Six months ago I would have tried to convince you to stay. I would have told you I 'needed you'. But things are different now. If I can keep this ship running without your help I'd rather you be safe and happy somewhere else. Pixie'd feel the same way."
"So noble." Lilith smirked as she narrowed her eyes slyly. Without really thinking she moved in to hug the big man, wrapping her arms around his huge form before rest her head on his chest.
"Don't think I'm not grateful for everything you and Meredith have done for me, I don't want you thinking that, understand?"
"You owe me everything," he chuckled. "No way I'm forgetting that."
"I'm thinking this makes us even." Lilith sighed, closing her eyes. "As an added bonus, I'll even go on this last job. Once more into the breach, for what's looking to be a boring as fuck exchange."
"That's what you always say. Then shit hits the fan. You promise I won't get shit in my eye this time?"
"I'd say yes, but we both know that's not going to happen. Trouble follows us everywhere, you know that." She pulled away from Bennie, crossing her arms over her chest as a smirk curled her lips. "This one's easy, but I'll be there to cover everyone's backs if things go tits up." She rolled her eyes. "Providing Amy doesn't bore me to death in the hotel because the 'duvet isn't folded correctly, and what kind of man puts up two beautiful women in a dive like this.'" Her impression was much to be desired.
"You'll have time for fancy hotels when you're retired," he nodded towards the back of the bridge. "Go on and get ready. We'll celebrate your graduation when the job's done."
"Aye aye, Captain" Lilith stood to attention, raising a salute. She looked at the man for a while, her face softened before she winked at him and turned about face and began leaving the bridge.