The biggest douche you know

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Mcupobob

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Jun 29, 2009
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So escapist whats who the biggest dick/douche you know? Give us examples and the such like facebook comments, stupid cloths and pointless tattoos.

My contender is a 19 year old(Again remember how old he is) who just recently started dating my friends ex. and started leaving moronic facebook comments. He's in the army, has a tattoo of a ak47 on his arm that points down the forearm(I suppose so he can pretend to shoot people) and dress like a hipster.

For added sauce heres one of those comments he left
i dont care dude ur a little fag thats sad cuz now he lost he "LOVED" ha ***** you lucked out im with her now and we have sex a lot and for being a needle dick cuz its tight ass hell ... ha ya she told me ... so um ya uck you dude cuz now im with an amazing girl and you have to jerk it it to porn so fuck you *****

So can you beat this guys and gals?

EDIT: My spelling.
 

ADDLibrarian

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May 25, 2008
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I'm gonna be a spelling douche and say that it's not spelled dush, it's spelled douche. :p

Yeah, I had an assistant manager who was a real asshole, but I shouldn't go into details for fear that a future employer might recognize me/him, haha.
 

Layz92

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May 4, 2009
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I don't now him per se but Bill O'Rielly.

In my personal life I'd say one of my teachers. He knows what he is doing but when it comes to the actual teaching side of things he sucks. He is arrogant, elitist and also ignores rules like they were never there. Seriously he has gained the nickname "tefflon" with his co-workers. He has been caught many times but always slips away before something can be stuck to him.
 

Nannernade

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May 18, 2009
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It'll be tough to beat but I'm going to have to say my 18 year old brother, he walks around thinking he's the biggest of the big shots around, if you touch him in any way he shouts GET OFF MY QUEER!, he acts like he abuses steroids when he doesn't, he is currently dating a 20 yr old high school senior (He picks real winners) he drinks to access, works in a grocery store and thinks that's bad ass. And he constantly recycles insults especially with me, he calls me queer a fat ass and tells me to get a job.

IDK how close did I get to beating your guy?

Hooray 1,000 posts. :D
 

Neonbob

The Noble Nuker
Dec 22, 2008
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My little brother. He's a self-important slug who takes even the smallest imagined complaint as a personal attack of the highest magnitude.

Oh, and one of my old friends. He lied as a habit, and the breaking point was when he sold my brother a defective paintball gun. A different paintball gun than the one he offered, too.
 
Apr 28, 2008
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I know someone who's the biggest ass around. This person is a douche of the highest caliber.

Who am I talking about? Why this person [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] of course.

What a prick.
 

Mr. Omega

ANTI-LIFE JUSTIFIES MY HATE!
Jul 1, 2010
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My older brother. He spends every moment we're together insulting me, calls me all the time because he's bored, he's a self-important asshole, speaks down to everyone, expects me to cover for him all the time, and he's a total cock-blocker.
 

Jedamethis

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Jul 24, 2009
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Mr. Moonshine said:
Irridium said:
I know someone who's the biggest ass around. This person is a douche of the highest caliber.

Who am I talking about? Why this person [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] of course.

What a prick.
That joke is so old it has dust on it...
Still works on some people though.

OT: Nah, I tend to ignore douchebags, I can't remember any...
 

The Salty Vulcan

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Jun 28, 2009
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They disrespect women, are incredibly vain and self absorbed and are simply wankers.
 

TaboriHK

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Sep 15, 2008
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My younger stepbrother makes me facepalm almost every time I read his Facebook. He's way too young to try and be as thug as he's trying to be. It just hurts my brain.
 

MassiveGeek

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Jan 11, 2009
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The only guy in my class.

We have a lot in common, but he's currently extremely obnoxious, annoying, bitchy and over-confident.

Well, he's always been, but it's worsening.
 

The Salty Vulcan

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Jun 28, 2009
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MianusIzBleeding said:
Irridium said:
I know someone who's the biggest ass around. This person is a douche of the highest caliber.

Who am I talking about? Why this person [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] of course.

What a prick.
0_o
Either my PS3 browser is acting up or that was a link to my profile
If its the latter I hope you are joking
If its my browser being a dick then no harm done :)
Its a joke :) It simply sends you to your own profile no matter who clicks it :p
Well played sir.
 

moretimethansense

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Apr 10, 2008
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Irridium said:
I know someone who's the biggest ass around. This person is a douche of the highest caliber.

Who am I talking about? Why this person [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] of course.

What a prick.
Heeey was that really called for?
What did I do to you?


OT:The biggest Dicks I know are my two mates father and stepfather

One mate's father shows blatent favouratism to his daughters and constantly belittles both my mate and myself, plus a few things I'm not reall suposed to talk about.

My other mate's father was an abusive sadistic ****, beyond that I can't say.

His stepfather Is Cheap, violent and on one occasion tried to sleep with the woman my mate was sleeping with, plus he doesn't pay chil support payments, yet tries to sue both my mate and his mother to see his daughter that doesn't want to see him till he learns to keep promises.

EDIT aah I get it now never mind
 

RobCoxxy

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Feb 22, 2009
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Ha, one of the cocknobs at my uni, got some girl drunk and saw her for a fortnight. Came over to our house constantly bragging that he's "Had sex four times" (this year. well played, Casanova) and that was all he'd say about her.

To girl friends we share however: "Aw, she's so sweet and beautiful I think I'm in love" prompting "Aw, so romantic, Greg". Then we tell said girls about what he usually says, they take the piss out of him as well.

THEN, he gets an absolutely GOLDEN text. "Met sum1 else @ party."

He replies the ultimatum: "It's him or me!"

Before his iphone is halfway back into his pocket: *ring* - "Him."

Cue him acting like a total emo pussy **** for a month and a half, the mirth was almost palpable.
 

ChicagoTed

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Aug 5, 2010
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Myself and what can I say living life as a douche is pretty awesome more people should try it.
 

Frankster

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Mar 13, 2009
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My candidate is a chap named Julian who was at my uni, though not in my course.
Basically, the guy was insanely loaded thanks to his parents and even had his own private appartment down the beach (the student equivalent of a deluxe mansion), on top of having an expensive bmw car and a credit card with seemingly unlimited funds.

As rich as he was, he was the stingiest person I ever knew, rude to those he viewed as "lesser" people (i.e: servants, waiters, barmen....) and liked to rant about how tough he is (would often rant that he "almost" went to prison and can't get involved in fights or hassles because he had previous police trouble). Worthy of note is that he was VERY popular with the ladies, he would hit the bars and end up chatting girls about his house and car, and would almost always end up with someone to take home.

Highlights of my interactions with him:
-There was a beach party and me and my friends walked there. Twas only a 5 min walk.
Despite living right next to the friggin place, Julian passes by in his car, stops next to us and says laughing "ha! you guys are walking", then drives off. Never mind that I LIKE walking and it wasn't even that long of a walk ¬¬
-One night we ended up at Julian's place, I had bought a big box of beer, night went fine, we all went home in good spirits and I left the beer behind as I couldn't be bothered to carry the box back. Next day I ask Julian if he can bring the beer along for next night out, he feigns incredulity "what beer? you never left anything at my house, obviously you don't remember that we drank it all". Ahuh, I let it slide as I ain't the type who likes to make a big deal out of seemingly small things.
-His equivalent of asking people to politely stand aside so he can pass is "get the f*** out of my way" and "move!"
-Never saw him tip anyone ever, even when he had one of his prospective lady friends around. To his credit, him being rude to the waiters and telling them off for not serving him first never seem to daze the ladies, if anything they seemed to find him more manly -^

Now to make it clear, he wasn't my friend, he was just kinda in my extended circle so would see him from time to time. I'm a chilled guy who likes to think he mixes with a lot of different people, my way of expressing a dislike for someone is to simply avoid them when possible. On that note, an awesome moment where I kinda got my own back ^^

Julian's "best" friend was a new employee at the local bar. I've been taught it is good manners to tip when possible and never had that lesson proved so fruitful, to julian's friend I would tip 20p per drink, 50p in some cases.
Julian walked in right after I ordered my drink, strutted to the bar and demanded a drink from his friend. His friend nodded, then served me first before moving on to him.
Julian was dumbfounded, his expression was pure shock, "you served HIM before me????", his voice almost trembling. His friend replied chippily "I have to! The guy gives me good tips!".
Walked away with a big smile on my face :) Thank god I didn't see the guy too often after that year.
 

concrete89

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Oct 21, 2008
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I shall now tell you atale of the elusive she-douche.
The creature I am refering to was in my circle of friends a while ago, and she seemed to have made up her mind about shagging every single one in it.
That, I might add, is not a bad thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that she was that kind of person who wants absolute committment.
So, she gets involved with one guy, he falls in love with her, and she proceeds to dump him, just to go on to the next guy, try to woo him by talking shit about her former boyfriend, the rest of the guys, and then go on to try to make him jealous by making some third guy look like a bloody hero.
Being the nerdy virgins we were, we played along fora while, and then.....
Shit, this story is far to long.
She got together with my brother, spent all his money, got him doing smack, cheated on him repeatedly, and just to top it of, she tried to commit suicide by swallowing a bottle of sleeping-pills, only to end up on a psyche-ward.
Andmaking her take careof her.
Bloody unsensitive...