The Escapist Advice Thread

[kailus13]

By unhinging your jaw and swallowing it whole.

Dear Escapist, how do I sneeze?

 

[MrCollins]

By shoving flour up into your nostrils.

Dear Escapist, I don't like cats. How can I live on the internet?

 

[Headsprouter]

Blindfolded!

Dear Escapist, how do I shot web?

 

[kailus13]

With a gun, although I don't know what web has done to you.

How do I stop biting my tongue?

 

[thesilentman]

Use a hook to stop your mouth from closing.

Dear Escapist, how do I become a true insane maniac?

 

[kailus13]

Just stay on your current course. You're getting there.

Dear Escapist, how do I type faster?

 

[Headsprouter]

Don't correct your typos! Give zero fucks!

Dear Escapist, I skinned my arm. How do I put it back on?

 

[kailus13]

With glue.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop being lonely?

 

[Neuromancer]

By giving in to the voices that urge you to kill your family.

Dear Escapists, how can I find happiness?

 

[kailus13]

By giving in to the voices that urge you to kill your family.

Dear Escapists, how do I improve my cooking?

 

[Headsprouter]

Insanity Wolf is well-known for his initiative!

Dear Escapist, how can I breathe water?

 

[kailus13]

Jist stick your head in and breathe deep.

Dear Escapist, how do I breathe?

 

[Dr.Susse]

You have never offered him a blood sacrifice.

Dear Escapist how can I stop being so tired.

 

[Headsprouter]

Tizzy, have a snickers. Your joints get all achy when you're hungry. Better?

Dear Escapist, HALP!! My world is in black and white! Suggest me a pointless product to bring the colour back through it's purchase!

 

[kailus13]

Here have colouron! It's proven by "science"!

Dear Escapist, should I listen to the voices?

 

[username sucks]

Why get a boring mattress when you can get a bed of nails and fire?

Dear Escapist, how do I get some fire?

 

[EeveeElectro]

You rub two sticks together OBVIOUSLY.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop my cat from eating herself?

Emilee, 21.

 

[Dalek Caan]

You sew her mouth together.

How do I burn all the hair on my body without killing myself.

 

[kailus13]

Very carefully.

How do I clone myself?

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Cut yourself in two...oh wait, that's worms...meh, give it a try anyway it still might work for you.

Dear Escapist, has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?