The Escapist Advice Thread

[MammothBlade]

Step 1: Find a bull, preferably big and hairy.
Step 2: Mount said bull.
Step 3: Charge through the front door!

Dear Escapist, how do I refill my stamina gauge?

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Bacon. Apply bacon in and around your mouth. Rinse and repeat.

Dear Escapist, how do I save Will Graham?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Have sex with 5 different women in one hour.

Dear Escapist, how words I say do?

 

[Headsprouter]

When can't take heat, MAKE KITCHEN! SPEAK WORDS, EEVEE-WOMAN! Goodnight, sweet prince!

How I make now ladies say I hottie?

 

[Dalek Caan]

You attach Bambi's head to a fork.

How I be getting off large home rock?

 

[Teoes]

Pick a direction, run and then jump when you reach the edge.

Dear Escapist, how do I drag this thread back on-topic and within the RULES?!?!

 

[Dr.Susse]

By grabbing its legs and dragging like a pro bouncer.

Dear Escapist how do I find a good paying job?

 

[MammothBlade]

Stop drink-driving.

Dear Escapist, how do I swim in lava?

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Man up and just jump in. Ignore the uncomfortable burning sensation, it's completely normal. Just don't look at yourself when you get out, you may not like what you see.

Dear Escapist, how do I shot web?

 

[MammothBlade]

Step 1: Disconnect your internets cables.

Step 2: Get a pistol.

Step 3: Shoot down said internet cables.

Dear Escapist, how do I brick computer?

 

[Neuromancer]

>Make a large enough hole on the wall.
>Fit the computer in
>Apply cement.

Congratulations. You have bricked computer.

Dear Escapist, how do I tear down the wall?

 

[MammothBlade]

Step 1: Get a crowbar.
Step 2: Get some paint stripper.
Step 3: Get some rotten eggs.
Step 4: Mix the rotten eggs and paint stripper.
Step 5: Splash said mixture over the wall. Use of protective goggles recommended.
Step 6: Attack the wall with said crowbar and enjoy.

Dear Escapist, how do I make cheese omelette?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Get block of cheese, get 5 eggs, salt and pepper. Dump all in a bowl, get a spoon and eat.

Dear Escapist, how do I sleep?

 

[ImperialSunlight]

...Well?
How should I know?

Dear Escapist, how do you deal with bed bugs?

 

[username sucks]

Fill your house with mustard gas, and make sure you stay inside to see if it works.

Dear Escapist, how do I pass calculus?

 

[Teoes]

By cheating. Break in the night before and steal the answers.

Dear Escapist, I want to see if I can drill a hole in my head. What's your advice?

 

[username sucks]

Make your head less blurry so you can see what you're doing.

Dear Escapist, how do I become immortal?

 

[Teoes]

You need your student to strike you down. You will become more powerful than he could possibly imagine.

Dear Escapist, how do I dead?

 

[kailus13]

Ask the nearest murderer.

Dear Escapist, how do I get a better graphics card?

 

[Headsprouter]

Download more RAM.

How do I take my shirt off?