The Friend Zone

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Glamorgan

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Aug 16, 2009
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Greetings, fellow Escapees!

I've heard people use the term a lot, but there seems to be a lot of general disagreement when it comes to the friend zone. Some people seem to think that the friend zone exists, while others believe its a idea, made up by people unsuccessful in love

So, I'm wondering: what do you all think of the friend zone? Do you think it exists, or not? Anyone had any experiences with it?
 

BanicRhys

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May 31, 2011
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I think it sucks but it's not some kind of malicious hell women put you in because they're bitches.

Basically, you should only get friend zoned because you're nice but ugly. In my opinion, if a girl says that she "doesn't want to ruin your friendship" and actually means it, she's an idiot and you should give her the boot.

I only use women in my example because I've never heard of a guy friendzoning a woman.
 

Hagi

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Apr 10, 2011
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As with all semi-psychological terms it doesn't really exist. It's just a general term giving an incomplete description of a range of individually unique behaviors that often share only surface similarities.

But in general conversation it serves an adequate purpose of conveying a person's feelings, in this case: "I like him/her in a romantic way, he/she only likes me in a friendly way, I feel bad about that and think he/she is partly to blame."

So if someone is just using it to ***** about being "friendzoned" then sure, go ahead. It works for that. We've all got a right to ***** about our disappointments.

If someone uses it in what's supposed to be an actual psychological theory then I'd suggest you ignore that person.
 

SillyBear

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May 10, 2011
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The friend zone does not exist, and even pretending it does carries on this ridiculous notion that there are "rules" to getting females.

Some girls like to be very comfortable with someone before they date them. Some girls will not date someone unless they have been friends with them for a while first. Some girls will never date friends.

Are there "rules" for getting guys? No. Females are just as varied and just as different as males are. Stop pretending we are some kind of sport where you have to do certain steps to get us. It's really fucking annoying and it's propagated by these armchair experts on dating.

There are no hard and fast strategies to get in a relationship. Like I said earlier, I know quite a few girls who only date friends - because that's the only way they can trust that their boyfriend will be sound of character.

Bottom line is females are all different. Don't worry about the friend zone.
 

Thaluikhain

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Jan 16, 2010
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Well...if you mean is is possible for women to see people as friends, rather than potential lovers, despite what the other might prefer, then yes, it exists.

But the idea also assumes that women shouldn't do that, that if a man wants them as a girlfriend/sex partner, they are somehow obliged to want to be, and that only wanting to be friends is an attack on the man, which is fucking retarded.
 

Gustavo S. Buschle

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Feb 23, 2011
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I don't really know, my ex-girlfriend still comes over from time to time. Although normal relationship rules may not apply to her because we also kiss each other if she gets the chance.
 

b3nn3tt

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May 11, 2010
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Only insofar as there are women who are friends with men and feel no romantic feelings towards them. The idea that guys can be 'friendzoned' and that this somehow makes the woman wrong to not want to date them is disgustingly ludicrous.

Maybe a guy thinks that he would perfect for a girl he's friends with, but at the end of the day, that's not his choice to make. If he likes her, then he should act on that. If she says no, maybe she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, but I would have said that more often than not she just doesn't see him that way and is letting him down gently. At this point, the guy can either cut ties and move on, or can actually be friends with her. What is not right is when the guy pretends to be friends but is still intent on making her his. She made her choice, deal with.

Disclaimer: I have described it as guys being 'friendzoned' by women only because that is the only example I've seen discussed, I'm not implying that it can't happen the other way too.

EDIT:
thaluikhain said:
But the idea also assumes that women shouldn't do that, that if a man wants them as a girlfriend/sex partner, they are somehow obliged to want to be, and that only wanting to be friends is an attack on the man, which is fucking retarded.
This sums up rather nicely the point I was trying to get across. It's the entitlement that gets to me, when guys seem to think that because they like a girl she should automatically feel the same way.
 

Crazy_Dude

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Nov 3, 2010
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You know some girls just want to be friends. I know tons of those and got a few female friends myself. I like them as a friend but wouldnt want to engage in a relationship since that could screw our friendship. And they think like minded.

If they dont want to be more then friends. You are not "friend zoned" she simply is not intrested in you sexually but likes you as a friend. And there is nothing wrong with that.
 

Erana

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Feb 28, 2008
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b3nn3tt said:
thaluikhain said:
But the idea also assumes that women shouldn't do that, that if a man wants them as a girlfriend/sex partner, they are somehow obliged to want to be, and that only wanting to be friends is an attack on the man, which is fucking retarded.
This sums up rather nicely the point I was trying to get across. It's the entitlement that gets to me, when guys seem to think that because they like a girl she should automatically feel the same way.
Thirded.

It is really insulting to me when people talk about the "Friend zone." How could anyone ever think they were a suitable boyfriend for someone if they manage to find a platonic relationship unbearable and insulting? If you really think that your only worthwhile relationship with me is one with sex, then get the Hell out of my life and stop wasting my time.
 

Thaluikhain

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Erana said:
It is really insulting to me when people talk about the "Friend zone." How could anyone ever think they were a suitable boyfriend for someone if they manage to find a platonic relationship unbearable and insulting? If you really think that your only worthwhile relationship with me is one with sex, then get the Hell out of my life and stop wasting my time.
One wonders how they thought they could be a suitable friend in that case.

One also wonders how many women use the word "friend" in an attempt to placate someone they really don't want around at all, but are frightened of offending.
 

MordinSolus

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Feb 10, 2011
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The friend zone is a place that girls put their nice and ugly friends in. Or, they put they're friends in their because they "Don't want to ruin your friendship."
 

Doclector

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Aug 22, 2009
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There are two types of friend zone. One where the romantically uninterested party genuinely values someone as a friend, and genuinely cares about their feelings. Heartbreaking for the rejected subject, especially if it's the only response they ever get, but no moral wrong done.

Then there's the second type. Where the romantically uninterested party is too much of a coward to admit they hate the rejected person. They may just be using them. They may be laughing behind that persons back. One thing is for sure, the romantically uninterested party does not care a bit about the rejected party, and they do not deserve the air they breave. The perpetrator of the second type of friend zone is a sub human little scumbag lying coward.

Otherwise known as my one and only ex. We tried on a whim, went out for two weeks, then she said she had "too much going on" and "needed to focus on getting work" and thought "we were better as friends".

Only a week later, she invites me out, just me and her she says, only to become third wheel to her new boyfriend.

Message received plain and clear, b****. I disappeared. I felt too ashamed to go out anymore. She kept texting me, trying to get me to cone out again, all the while I was trying to forget she was ever born. She finally stopped a year after. I hate her. She deserves to burn in hell. Every now and again, I'm reminded of it by something like this, then I just want to smash everything I find. I'd suffered years of isolation, then that b**** takes advantage of my loneliness? Needless to say I've given up. The only girls I will talk to now will be friends, because I know damn well if someone actually found me attractive, they'd just be another filthy liar.

Sorry for the rant, but you can't imagine the sheer anger anytime I'm reminded of her.
 

NinjaDeathSlap

Leaf on the wind
Feb 20, 2011
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SillyBear said:
The friend zone does not exist, and even pretending it does carries on this ridiculous notion that there are "rules" to getting females.

Some girls like to be very comfortable with someone before they date them. Some girls will not date someone unless they have been friends with them for a while first. Some girls will never date friends.

Are there "rules" for getting guys? No. Females are just as varied and just as different as males are. Stop pretending we are some kind of sport where you have to do certain steps to get us. It's really fucking annoying and it's propagated by these armchair experts on dating.

There are no hard and fast strategies to get in a relationship. Like I said earlier, I know quite a few girls who only date friends - because that's the only way they can trust that their boyfriend will be sound of character.

Bottom line is females are all different. Don't worry about the friend zone.
Quoted for truth. It honestly troubles me that the simple truth 'people are different' is such an alien concept to so many people.

thaluikhain said:
Well...if you mean is is possible for women to see people as friends, rather than potential lovers, despite what the other might prefer, then yes, it exists.

But the idea also assumes that women shouldn't do that, that if a man wants them as a girlfriend/sex partner, they are somehow obliged to want to be, and that only wanting to be friends is an attack on the man, which is fucking retarded.
This as well. I do apologize on behalf of all members of my gender who make that assumption.
 

smithy_2045

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Jan 30, 2008
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Glamorgan said:
Greetings, fellow Escapees!

I've heard people use the term a lot, but there seems to be a lot of general disagreement when it comes to the friend zone. Some people seem to think that the friend zone exists, while others believe its a idea, made up by people unsuccessful in love

So, I'm wondering: what do you all think of the friend zone? Do you think it exists, or not? Anyone had any experiences with it?
The friend zone is an excuse to give up.
 

RADlTZ

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Nov 19, 2009
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It all really depends on context, I have a great friendship with one of the women in my social circle and it works perfectly because neither of us make any moves on the other, but we support eachother when other people let us down romantically (no I dont mean friends with benefits). We kind of mentor eachother and so far we're both happy with our setup.

One of my other women friends, however, seems to take it as a personal insult if i dont openly respond to her advances, and then when I show the slightest bit of complacency (by not openly rejecting her because I'd feel bad) she'll act like I owe her a relationship and that im some kind of devil-seductress. So i should probably make some kind of friend-zone speech at her huh... Im single and happy to not rush into a relationship just for the lulz, and she's desparate for a boyfriend, yet she rejected one of my good friends who really liked her, after she led him on for a while. I dont expect her to see the irony anytime though, she's an unreasonable one.

Getting furious at the friend zome idea can be entirely resonable, rejection sucks after all, but you cant exactly force someone to accept you as a partner... unless we're ok with "She put you in the friend zone? PUT HER IN THE RAPE ZONE!" logic...


Doclector said:
Tip 'o the hat for your second definition, it has one of my ex's pretty much down. We re-establised a friendship a few years after we broke up (because she cheated on me). After a while I fell embarasingly in love with her like a twat, but didnt make any advances because she had a boyfriend, although she knew how i felt. I even helped her out 'emotional-support wise' when her boyfriend was causing her a lot of emotional stress, I played the good friend, let her know how i felt, and made the personal sacrifice. Then she cheats on him with a few other guys, none of them me, all of them complete randoms from clubs, some of them had girlfriends so there goes their relationship.

Burnt that bridge like a boss, lucky I've got the emotional girth to move on and understand my own value I guess. My stance on these things is that no-one is above you, and you choose who your equals are.
 

Zantos

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Jan 5, 2011
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I don't think the friend zone exists, plain and simple. People get it mixed up with her/him just not being into you. If s/he's not into you while you're friends s/he wouldn't have been into you if you weren't. Like many things in life, it's just a convenient excuse.
 

Maxtro

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Feb 13, 2011
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The friendzone is when a girl has already established you as a friend and just as a friend, while the guy likes her, but she does not want to become more than a friend.

There are two types of friendzone I've been in.

Girl and I were just friends, and over time I fell for her. She did not feel the same way. When I told her that I liked her. She told me that she liked me, but not in that way. Friendzone.

Girl and I were classmates. We were much more acquaintances then friends and we only talked before class. About a week or so after we met, I invited her to have lunch with me, and we did that a couple of times. Then I asked her on a real date. It didn't go as planned and the next time I saw her, she told me that she didn't want to date. But said that we could still be friends. After several off and on periods of friendship for about a year, we now hang out every couple of weeks. She knows that I like her, but she still doesn't want to date. Friendzone.

Needless to say, being friendzoned when you want more, f-ing sucks.
 

Watchmacallit

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Jan 7, 2010
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Friend zone is the excuse one friend uses when they don't have a physical attraction towards the other friend. In short its a load of bull.

I have one friend that was talking about it and how one of her friends tried to get with her, she didn't find him attractive but wanted to be his friend so she pretty much told him they had been friends for too long.

By the way...I did ask her if I was in her friend zone, she said no...Guess who I'm seeing a movie on Monday with?
 

Erana

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Feb 28, 2008
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thaluikhain said:
Erana said:
It is really insulting to me when people talk about the "Friend zone." How could anyone ever think they were a suitable boyfriend for someone if they manage to find a platonic relationship unbearable and insulting? If you really think that your only worthwhile relationship with me is one with sex, then get the Hell out of my life and stop wasting my time.
One wonders how they thought they could be a suitable friend in that case.

One also wonders how many women use the word "friend" in an attempt to placate someone they really don't want around at all, but are frightened of offending.
Well, yeah, it would probably be better to say "friend" than "stay away from me, creep" with anger management medival weapon enthusiast. However, there are some women out there shallow and tactless enough to use the "Just friends" thing as a lame scapegoat.
The thing is, that's not all women, and expecting "just friends" to be a copout is insulting to the real use of it.

I hate this kind of behavior because it ruins the sincere peoples' feelings. Its the same sort of thing as asexuality these days- some people have began to use "I'm asexual" as a way of saying I'm interested without having to worry about being hit on by the sex they're not interested in.
But now, whenever I say I'm asexual to someone who approaches me, I get slapped with a "You're a *****" perception instead of my actual orientation.

It comes down to being able to judge character. If someone's a shallow *****, they're likely abusing the idea of intersex friendship and are probably not even able to hold down a quality relationship at all, not even a platonic one.
It is insulting to insist that this moronic minority should represent the emotional intention of half the human population.