The funniest accidental misuse of words?

[Vrex360]

I'm sure at some point in your life you have heard someone say one thing when they really meant to say another thing that incidentally when accidentally said has a humourous effect. Often the effect is when someone mistakes one word for another or automatically says a word without thinking, often confusing the two words as they sound quite similar... as I said before often the effect is humourous especially if the word can fit in with the context. I'll give my example right now.

I have a friend of mine and she has a slight problem with word pronounciation, especially if two words sound really similar she would often mix them up and the worst example was her mix up of the word 'incense' with the word 'incest' which is a mistake you really don't wanna make, as we discovered when we were hanging out in the city and decided out of curiousity to go into one of those 'new age' medicine shops (you know scented candles and soaps and bath beads and the like). Well anyway she has a look at one of the candles the owner shows her, and she says with a straight face:
"Smells like incest."
To which there was an awkward silence and we both quickly ran out.

So that's my example how about you? What are some funny misusages of words that you've heard?

 

[WrongSprite]

Well they don't really sound similar, but I was supposed to be writing "I eat chips" in my Chinese lesson. My mind was wandering a little, and I accidentally wrote "I eat socks".

It was most amusing.

Note: This was all in English, it just happened to be in a Chinese lesson.

 

[Darth Pope]

It's well known that L doesn't exist in the Japanese language, so they commonly replace it with and R sound. When the Japanese cover elections in English this leads to frequent decelerations of " Coverage of the 2008 Presidential Erection!"

 

[The_Healer]

That's pretty funny...

Anyway, I can't remember any funny ones in particular BUT I know that the misuse of "pacific" instead of "specific" really pisses me off.

 

[j0z]

I have heard people messup and use the word "orgasm" when they meant "organism". I can't remember the exact context though.

 

[WaderiAAA]

Ok, not exactly the same kind of mistake, but here is a story my Spanish teacher told me. In one of her classes, there was some guys that knew Mexican kids. The Mexican kids told them to ask the teacher what "Pito" was. it means Penis, and they were sure the teacher would refuse to explain it. The kids asked their teacher that, but it turns out the teacher was from Columbia, were Pito just means flute. Also, she has a habbit of demonstrating when someone asks that kind of question.

Here is how she explained what Pito was:

She held up a piece of chalk to show that it had a long and straight shape, and said "and then you do like this" before she held it up to her lips and curled her lips as though she was about to play a flute.

I'm really surprised she had enough self-irony to tell us that story.

 

[PixelKing]

Watching TV,Its family fortunes,bloke goes Les bean but it comes out lesbian.

 

[WickedArtist]

Under circumstances I can't remember, a friend of mine once misquoted a famous idiom and said (the equivalent in our language) "grab the iron while it's hot".

 

[Griphphin]

"It's okay man, if it's any constipation you've still probably got an A in the class."
"Did you just say 'constipation?'"
It's more of a running joke now,
"If it's any constellation
"If it's any laceration
"If it's any consternation
"If it's any alteration

You get the picture :3

 

[El Poncho]

Well my english teacher was talking about MacBeth and MacDuff , she kept saying MacDeath and MacBuff, it was funny since she kept trying to correct herself and it wasn't working.

Also I was writing something down about a revolution of sorts I was writing down why and my mind wandered a bit and it said ''because they didn't want to take anymore of his shit'' my friend spotted it before I noticed what I did

 

[similar.squirrel]

Also the incense/incest mixup. More common than expected, seemingly.

 

[Inverse Skies]

One of my best friends was making a speech for another friend at his 21st, except he was really nervous and got his words mixed up, coming out with;

"Mark is a friend who makes the good times bad."

Which we thought was absolutely hilarious. There is a photo of Mark laughing, Rob has his head in his hands and Marks parents are just standing there looking awkward, such good times!

 

[gRiM_rEaPeRsco]

Well in 2nd year at high school in a science lesson asked a question (this was a few years ago so forgive me for not remembering the question, i really wish i could but a cant -_- ) and friend put up his hand then the teacher said "yes Cameron?" (his name is cameron) then he shouted out "DILDO, no wait i ment daisy". im not quite sure what happend right after this happend cause i was laughing so hard, i was told later that the teacher laugh aswell, that teacher was so cool even though she looked like a typical strict boring teacher.

 

[T3h Camp3r T3rr0r1st]

this mourning actually it was my friend and we were at his brother's house, we were talking about the superhero we would want to be (don't ask how we got there believe me!) I of course said Alex Mercer, my friend then "explains" 'Yeah he's the harbour of death'

epic /facepalm

 

[damselgaming]

At my sisters wedding, she had me choose between reading something from Babylon 5 or Shakespeare. I went with the Shakespeare, the St Crispian Day speech or something. Needless to say, I cocked up and say Krispy Kreme...
"And on this day, the day of St Krispy Kreme..."

 

[VeloceRapper]

I was reading my friend's answer for a MacBeth question in english class not two weeks ago, and this is a direct quote:

"Sinel's death brought MacBeth to a climax"

Sinel was MacBeth's father. Of course, he meant the play MacBeth, not the person, but I chose to take the sentence literally.

 

[super_mumbles]

At a get together one of my friends ( Who at the time has a habit of coming back with "You're an *insert word you said to him*)was playing Burnout Paradise and got himself into a huge pile up.

My response to this is "Wow, thats one hell of an accident" to which he replies "You're an accident"

As soon as he got the last letter out his face dropped and he kept apologising for about an hour after that. I wasn't too bothered, I was used to him saying stuff like that, but I think even he had thought that he'd crossed the line.

 

[Christemo]

1 of my Steam buddies were begging (well, almost) me to come play CSS. i simple replied "im coming". a few seconds later ":O" followed by "forgive me for my dirty mind ^^" poppped in the chat. personally, i found that quite funny.

 

[VeloceRapper]

I was also reading a thread on the Escapist once, and the title contained the phrase: "misusage of words" instead of "misuse of words"! It was so funny!