(I know I'm a total Yahtzee rip off, and I'm unoriginal and such. I'll try to make this one a little less rantish and rip-off-y but I still feel this needs to be said).
There's a thin line between being gory to actually make your film scary, and being disgusting just for the sake of being disgusting. Well, that pretty much sums up my thoughts of The Human Centipede directed by Tom Six, but stick around because I unfortunately wasn't one of the lucky souls to get paid for watching this barf-inducing flick and write a review about it, so you better be pretty damn thankful I'm doing this for you and saving your eyeballs.
So, apparently, a lot of people in the "indie" crowd won't shut up about this movie's vile imagery, and I can honestly see why. The concept may seem harmless slasher fare at first. Two college girls are in Europe on vacation, and their car crashes, or they get lost or something like that, I dunno I wasn't paying attention too much in the set-up scenes. They go to this old doctor's house to see how to get to their destination and he gives them directions all right. Directions straight into their NEW HELL!!! ...wow I'm going to hell for these cheesy 80s inspired taglines. Anyways, he locks them up into his cell along with an Asian fellow, and he begins saying that they're gonna be part of an experiment. Okay, so at first glace, I see a mixture of the game Operation and Saw, but I can kinda dig that....and then he explains what exactly his experiment is, and what I'm about to tell you is completely in the movie and I'm not making this sh*t up, and I can't even make it up even if I tried!
The good doctor once worked as a surgeon who separated conjoined twins, but then he apparently got a case of the crazies and now wants to surgically conjoin three people into one, and form the first "Human Centipede". What is the aforementioned "Human Centipede", and why has it caused so many viewers to gag at theaters? Well, before I thoroughly explain, a picture is worth a thousand words, so here's a picture:
Still don't get it? Well, the human centipede connects the three people by (and once again I'm being totally serious here) stitching together their mouths and anuses, and the main idea is that their digestive track will be connected meaning that when one of them shits, it will go into the next person's mouth. I wish that I could come up with something so sick and demented and at the same time, I don't think I could live with myself if I did so fuck that idea. This is one of those rare torture films that isn't even actually torture in the sense that most viewers consider it. There are no preposterous contraptions. There is not really much in terms of "blood" (You see more brown fluids than you do red) when you compare it to other gore-fests. And it is just all for the "benefit" of medical science, much like what GLaDOS would do to her test subjects. It isn't so much torture as it is "becoming an abomination that can't possibly live with itself" and it is in the high concept that the film gets disgusting originality points.
But what's this?? Oh snap! It's the "flame train"! ALL ABOARD MOTHERFUCKERS!!
That's right, this movie despite getting some free points on the get-go, still suffers from lots of major problems. The main one being of course, it's disgusting-ness (If that's even a word). Watching the three poor unfortunate souls stuck together mouth-to-anus is rather sickening, but only on brief occasions. The film isn't always disgusting. The first half is basically building up to the much-lauded centipede that is its unique selling point, and it's because of this that it's surprisingly tame when compared to other indie gore-fests that I've seen, but when it does get into high gear, however, it's actually rather vomit inducing. There's one scene in particular where one of the girls is trying to vomit but her mouth is stitched up, and her vomit spills from the cracks of her stitches. And I'm about to quote Roger Ebert here when I say that although you do NOT want to be part of the human centipede at all, you especially don't want to be in the middle. *Shudders*
Now here's the deal with a film of this disgusting caliber: As I said in the beginning, being gory, and being shamelessly gory are two entirely different things. Films like Aliens, Nightmare on Elm Street, and even the original Saw used gore to heighten the experience rather than to be exploitative...okay maybe the original Saw was being exploitative, but it was the closest the series was to being REALLY good. Even with Antichrist, despite being really sick in lots of parts, it was acceptable because it was drenched in arty symbolism and pretentiousness behind the fact that Charlotte Gainsbourg was fapping Willem Dafoe's erection, and I was able to forgive the fact that it was pretentious because it still emotionally affected me. Same goes for the French film Irreversible. Without the non-chronological storytelling mechanic, it would've been a shameless rape-torture-porn film, but by telling the story backwards Memento style, it conveys a true message without being pornography for the depraved.
The Human Centipede doesn't seem to grasp on this. There doesn't seem to be a reason for Dr. Heiter to want to make the human centipede other than the fact that he's completely out of his trousers and that the director wanted to desperately push the envelope for shock value. And that's what basically makes it torture-porn in every sense of the word. Even Jason Voorhees had an apparent motive: Kill the camp counselors that killed me and later killed my mom long ago. Simple enough. Jigsaw at least had a whole "moral lesson" thing for torturing people. But all Heiter has for a motive is: "Here's a human centipede...yeah...watch it do stuff...like crawl.......and eat stuff...like shit....I have no idea why I'm doing this...........I'm gonna have another spoonful of anti-depressants I'll be right back". Maybe this could've been some kind of intelligent discussion on the effects of science, and tampering with genetic codes, and blahdy blehrdy doink, but it instead comes across as shameless. That's actually the best word I can come up with when describing this film: Shameless. However, it at least knows exactly what it is, and adds dollops of of pitch black humor into the mix.
Probably my favorite aspect of this film that actually gives it some life is Deiter Laser's outlandish performance as Dr. Heiter. You know how Nicolas Cage is extremely fun to watch when he's unhinged in films like Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Kick-Ass, and even in the awful yet hilarious Wicker Man remake? Well that's exactly how I felt with Laser's approach with Dr. Heiter. Sure he's insane just for the sake of being insane, but it's just so fun to watch that you forget that. Even his own home is more like a labyrinth than an actual house with doors and passage ways leading to absolutely nowhere and in one scene where the police come in to investigate, he almost seems like he's wanting them to suspect what he's doing. Maybe so that he can add more people into his centipede. Or for showing off purposes. The other actors and actresses aren't anything special, but I guess they get the job done. And you have to admit, the actors and actresses chosen to play the victim trio were admittedly brave for even agreeing to do some of the stuff in this film.
But that's the thing. What was the point of this film? Dr. Heiter didn't have any motive for doing this. I'm absolutely sure that the actors portraying the victim trio weren't enjoying their job. In fact, it all just feels like the director's masturbation material, rather than an actual horror film. Which brings me to another point:
THIS. MOVIE. IS. NOT. SCARY.
If there was any suspense in it, I didn't see it. It all just felt like a barrage of disgusting images that are trying to top the last one. There's not really much of an atmosphere. The characters you're supposed to care for aren't anybody interesting compared to Dr. Heiter. The killer is more hilarious to watch than threatening (Which is kind of a pro, but SHUT UP I'm trying to make a point here). And most importantly: The gross-out factor just simply devalues anything that the movie has going for it. It all feels like this film is more for the director's gain rather than the viewer's, which is what adds dumbfounded stupidity to something that could've been better had it followed the Martyrs school of how to do torture film correctly (Yes, I thought Martyrs was great, even in the second half).
Anyway, however, I still can't really decide whether The Human Centipede is TRULY bad or not. Although it's certainly not a work of art, and is indeed shameless in its exploitation, the dark humor and Deiter Laser's unCage'd (Geddit? HAH!) performance added some much needed life into this otherwise lifeless, humiliatingly unscary, and shameless film.
But one more thing I forgot to add: There will be a sequel. If you look carefully at the poster I put up, the title is actually The Human Centipede [First Sequence] meaning that a [Second Sequence] has been planned from the get-go...just thought I'd throw that out there to those who actually wanted a sequel. And that's probably only 2 people, and one of them is the fucking director.
I'm not gonna use the "points" or "star" rating system anymore because too many people use scores too much to justify if its good without reading the ACTUAL review. So here's something else:
Final Verdict: If you have the stomach for it, a barf bag, a grasp of the concept of dark humor, or a sick fetish with watching people's anuses no matter what they're stitched onto, then there is probably something in here worth your time. For everyone else, it's just exploitative, disgusting, and...did I mention "shameless" for the bajillionth time?
There's a thin line between being gory to actually make your film scary, and being disgusting just for the sake of being disgusting. Well, that pretty much sums up my thoughts of The Human Centipede directed by Tom Six, but stick around because I unfortunately wasn't one of the lucky souls to get paid for watching this barf-inducing flick and write a review about it, so you better be pretty damn thankful I'm doing this for you and saving your eyeballs.
So, apparently, a lot of people in the "indie" crowd won't shut up about this movie's vile imagery, and I can honestly see why. The concept may seem harmless slasher fare at first. Two college girls are in Europe on vacation, and their car crashes, or they get lost or something like that, I dunno I wasn't paying attention too much in the set-up scenes. They go to this old doctor's house to see how to get to their destination and he gives them directions all right. Directions straight into their NEW HELL!!! ...wow I'm going to hell for these cheesy 80s inspired taglines. Anyways, he locks them up into his cell along with an Asian fellow, and he begins saying that they're gonna be part of an experiment. Okay, so at first glace, I see a mixture of the game Operation and Saw, but I can kinda dig that....and then he explains what exactly his experiment is, and what I'm about to tell you is completely in the movie and I'm not making this sh*t up, and I can't even make it up even if I tried!
The good doctor once worked as a surgeon who separated conjoined twins, but then he apparently got a case of the crazies and now wants to surgically conjoin three people into one, and form the first "Human Centipede". What is the aforementioned "Human Centipede", and why has it caused so many viewers to gag at theaters? Well, before I thoroughly explain, a picture is worth a thousand words, so here's a picture:
Still don't get it? Well, the human centipede connects the three people by (and once again I'm being totally serious here) stitching together their mouths and anuses, and the main idea is that their digestive track will be connected meaning that when one of them shits, it will go into the next person's mouth. I wish that I could come up with something so sick and demented and at the same time, I don't think I could live with myself if I did so fuck that idea. This is one of those rare torture films that isn't even actually torture in the sense that most viewers consider it. There are no preposterous contraptions. There is not really much in terms of "blood" (You see more brown fluids than you do red) when you compare it to other gore-fests. And it is just all for the "benefit" of medical science, much like what GLaDOS would do to her test subjects. It isn't so much torture as it is "becoming an abomination that can't possibly live with itself" and it is in the high concept that the film gets disgusting originality points.
But what's this?? Oh snap! It's the "flame train"! ALL ABOARD MOTHERFUCKERS!!
That's right, this movie despite getting some free points on the get-go, still suffers from lots of major problems. The main one being of course, it's disgusting-ness (If that's even a word). Watching the three poor unfortunate souls stuck together mouth-to-anus is rather sickening, but only on brief occasions. The film isn't always disgusting. The first half is basically building up to the much-lauded centipede that is its unique selling point, and it's because of this that it's surprisingly tame when compared to other indie gore-fests that I've seen, but when it does get into high gear, however, it's actually rather vomit inducing. There's one scene in particular where one of the girls is trying to vomit but her mouth is stitched up, and her vomit spills from the cracks of her stitches. And I'm about to quote Roger Ebert here when I say that although you do NOT want to be part of the human centipede at all, you especially don't want to be in the middle. *Shudders*
Now here's the deal with a film of this disgusting caliber: As I said in the beginning, being gory, and being shamelessly gory are two entirely different things. Films like Aliens, Nightmare on Elm Street, and even the original Saw used gore to heighten the experience rather than to be exploitative...okay maybe the original Saw was being exploitative, but it was the closest the series was to being REALLY good. Even with Antichrist, despite being really sick in lots of parts, it was acceptable because it was drenched in arty symbolism and pretentiousness behind the fact that Charlotte Gainsbourg was fapping Willem Dafoe's erection, and I was able to forgive the fact that it was pretentious because it still emotionally affected me. Same goes for the French film Irreversible. Without the non-chronological storytelling mechanic, it would've been a shameless rape-torture-porn film, but by telling the story backwards Memento style, it conveys a true message without being pornography for the depraved.
The Human Centipede doesn't seem to grasp on this. There doesn't seem to be a reason for Dr. Heiter to want to make the human centipede other than the fact that he's completely out of his trousers and that the director wanted to desperately push the envelope for shock value. And that's what basically makes it torture-porn in every sense of the word. Even Jason Voorhees had an apparent motive: Kill the camp counselors that killed me and later killed my mom long ago. Simple enough. Jigsaw at least had a whole "moral lesson" thing for torturing people. But all Heiter has for a motive is: "Here's a human centipede...yeah...watch it do stuff...like crawl.......and eat stuff...like shit....I have no idea why I'm doing this...........I'm gonna have another spoonful of anti-depressants I'll be right back". Maybe this could've been some kind of intelligent discussion on the effects of science, and tampering with genetic codes, and blahdy blehrdy doink, but it instead comes across as shameless. That's actually the best word I can come up with when describing this film: Shameless. However, it at least knows exactly what it is, and adds dollops of of pitch black humor into the mix.
Probably my favorite aspect of this film that actually gives it some life is Deiter Laser's outlandish performance as Dr. Heiter. You know how Nicolas Cage is extremely fun to watch when he's unhinged in films like Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Kick-Ass, and even in the awful yet hilarious Wicker Man remake? Well that's exactly how I felt with Laser's approach with Dr. Heiter. Sure he's insane just for the sake of being insane, but it's just so fun to watch that you forget that. Even his own home is more like a labyrinth than an actual house with doors and passage ways leading to absolutely nowhere and in one scene where the police come in to investigate, he almost seems like he's wanting them to suspect what he's doing. Maybe so that he can add more people into his centipede. Or for showing off purposes. The other actors and actresses aren't anything special, but I guess they get the job done. And you have to admit, the actors and actresses chosen to play the victim trio were admittedly brave for even agreeing to do some of the stuff in this film.
But that's the thing. What was the point of this film? Dr. Heiter didn't have any motive for doing this. I'm absolutely sure that the actors portraying the victim trio weren't enjoying their job. In fact, it all just feels like the director's masturbation material, rather than an actual horror film. Which brings me to another point:
THIS. MOVIE. IS. NOT. SCARY.
If there was any suspense in it, I didn't see it. It all just felt like a barrage of disgusting images that are trying to top the last one. There's not really much of an atmosphere. The characters you're supposed to care for aren't anybody interesting compared to Dr. Heiter. The killer is more hilarious to watch than threatening (Which is kind of a pro, but SHUT UP I'm trying to make a point here). And most importantly: The gross-out factor just simply devalues anything that the movie has going for it. It all feels like this film is more for the director's gain rather than the viewer's, which is what adds dumbfounded stupidity to something that could've been better had it followed the Martyrs school of how to do torture film correctly (Yes, I thought Martyrs was great, even in the second half).
Anyway, however, I still can't really decide whether The Human Centipede is TRULY bad or not. Although it's certainly not a work of art, and is indeed shameless in its exploitation, the dark humor and Deiter Laser's unCage'd (Geddit? HAH!) performance added some much needed life into this otherwise lifeless, humiliatingly unscary, and shameless film.
But one more thing I forgot to add: There will be a sequel. If you look carefully at the poster I put up, the title is actually The Human Centipede [First Sequence] meaning that a [Second Sequence] has been planned from the get-go...just thought I'd throw that out there to those who actually wanted a sequel. And that's probably only 2 people, and one of them is the fucking director.
I'm not gonna use the "points" or "star" rating system anymore because too many people use scores too much to justify if its good without reading the ACTUAL review. So here's something else:
Final Verdict: If you have the stomach for it, a barf bag, a grasp of the concept of dark humor, or a sick fetish with watching people's anuses no matter what they're stitched onto, then there is probably something in here worth your time. For everyone else, it's just exploitative, disgusting, and...did I mention "shameless" for the bajillionth time?
