The illusion of "social skills" and my personal opinion on the matter.

[Arsen]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

 

[Shadow Law]

Well if your staying inside anyway try some WoW and start communicating over the internet.

 

[Arsen]

Well if your staying inside anyway try some WoW and start communicating over the internet.

THat's the thing: I no longer wish to do this, but apparently the internet limits me to only being able to communicate with people who are on the internet.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

Well if your staying inside anyway try some WoW and start communicating over the internet.

THat's the thing: I no longer wish to do this, but apparently the internet limits me to only being able to communicate with people who are on the internet.

With skype you can call people's phones.

 

[AmbrMerlinus]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

Translation: Other people don't like me because I'm an antisocial misanthrope so I'm taking my toys and going home and never coming out of my room again!

 

[Labyrinth]

The internet provides a choose-your-own method of association. You don't have to endure that stupid bastard you see every day here. You can ignore him, block him, whatever. Not only that but the range of people available to talk to is far beyond any you'd see in "real life". There's just no "real life" opportunity to sit a Tibetan monk, a Sudanese ex-political prisoner, a lawyer, a statesman and a beneficiary down together when they all live in different countries. The internet provides this.

Of course, such a thing is a double-edged sword in that because we can get rid of irritations, we just don't develop a resistance to them. It's far easier to get under our skin. In the same way there's a loss of knowledge about things such as body language which are so essential to expression.

I guess what I'm saying is that balance is the best way to go.

 

[Artemis923]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

Two choices: either suck it up, get out there and find some brains among the sheepish mass of idiots and drug addicts or stay inside and have only typed characters on a glowing screen for comfort.

 

[Korolev]

I'm pretty much in the same boat - got no friends either, even after 4 years of university. I always try to pick up my spirits by saying: "well, at least I've got no enemies". Truth of the matter is, there are loads of interesting people out there. I know this for a fact. However, I'm too poor, too busy, too introverted, too busy playing video games to try to get to know people.

If you live on a college campus or near a university, there are probably quite a few people you could get to know, but it requires some effort. Join a club, go to a bar, get to know the students who are in the same course as you, or who work on the same projects. I myself waited for people to come and talk to me, or for me to suddenly "find" a friend - and it didn't happen.

Not that I necessarily mind being by myself - I don't drink ANY alcohol (and no, I'm not a religious person, I just choose not to drink) and because I live in Australia, that means my social life is probably NEVER going to pick up.

Are people really that different? No, not really. We all have different tastes in music, literature, good games, etc, but at the end of the day, a good person is a good person. It's much better trying to reach out to someone who is just.... well, pleasant, rather than trying to find a group of people who match your interests.

Even though I don't have any friends now (I work in a lab, and no alcohol = no social life) I used to have friends a long time ago, and some of my best, most interesting friends were those who had different tastes and different life perspectives. I made it a point to ask them why they liked certain things or why they held certain positions, and although I didn't agree with them all the time and they didn't agree with me, I learned that even people on the opposite side of the fence, yes, EVEN republicans or Liberals (in Australia, the conservative party is actually called the Liberal party) are humans and usually have reasons for their beliefs and they can be talked to and reasoned with.

Just...... meet nice people. People who aren't violent or crude. People who can talk about politics without the conversation degenerating into messy name-calling sessions. People who ultimately, want a good life for all and don't judge others based on what they look like or call themselves. And believe it or not, there are a lot of people like that in the world.

And if you want, you can always do charitable work. That's a great way of meeting good, honest, caring people.

 

[Arsen]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

Two choices: either suck it up, get out there and find some brains among the sheepish mass of idiots and drug addicts or stay inside and have only typed characters on a glowing screen for comfort.

The question is...how and where? This always eludes me.

 

[drummond13]

I dunno, man. Since you live in a college town there's probably a special interest group or two where you might find people who share your interests. Try not to focus on how "different" you are from the people you see around you. I consider myself quite different too, but that doesn't stop me from being friends with many of these people.

 

[Lord George]

Just try and make people interesting, I find most people stupid and boring so I screw around with their minds and relationships. Its like real life sims but with more fun and tears. You could try that it makes my life more fun for sure

 

[Artemis923]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

Two choices: either suck it up, get out there and find some brains among the sheepish mass of idiots and drug addicts or stay inside and have only typed characters on a glowing screen for comfort.

The question is...how and where? This always eludes me.

I found my good batch of friends down at the local Atomic Comics playing freakin Mage Knights. Find some d00dz that are in to what you're in to and you're off to a good start.

 

[Arsen]

I wouldn't be myslef if I didn't use that opportunity:

Don't be such a bloody sad nerd. You aren't only intelligent being on this planet, no one asks you to hang out with cheerleaders, find yourself some friends, who know how to button their shirts and respect you and your misery, which I can smell a mile away from this post, might end.

Not everyone who doesn't listen to classical music is incapable of any form of communication other than small talk. You're not special, you're probably just awkward. Like it or not, but existing in a society requires adaptation, so put away your angsty attitude and be nice to people (haha, look who says that) no matter what do you think about their taste or intellect.
I know making friends is harder for some people, but you seem like you're finding excuses for being lonely. My advice: Put on some clothes that aren't black or metal-related, call whatever collegues you have and go somewhere with them, if you can't participate in a discussion, just listen and nod/laugh.

I dress quite normal and against that stereotype of "metal" mind you. Just pointing that out. Nothing else.

 

[Dudemeister]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

Translation: Other people don't like me because I'm an antisocial misanthrope so I'm taking my toys and going home and never coming out of my room again!

That's exactly what I got from that too

 

[drummond13]

Just try and make people interesting, I find most people stupid and boring so I screw around with their minds and relationships. Its like real life sims but with more fun and tears. You could try that it makes my life more fun for sure

..............

 

[Arsen]

You know, for far too long now I've been thinking to myself "Do I not talk to people or try to go out and do anything I feel SLIGHTLY indimidated by others here or there, or do in general I just not care."

Then I came upon a discovery. It was the later of the two. I choose whom I like and wish to associate with. Believe me, this is a long and lonely road in some regards, but overall I can't get past anything other than what others declare "are truly in depth".

Now am I nuts within the fact that I HATE the quote enquote "good time" thing over greater discussions? I mean seriously, I have no gray area as a person, no "down to earth" quality of bullshit. It's not that I am in incapable of performing this feat, I just feel as if other human beings have a vague understanding of everything around them as people.

Where am I going with this? I honestly have no earthly clue. Let me put it into perspective for you all folks. I live in here in a huge college town in America, and despite being surrounded with infinite possibilities to migle with people it feels as if there truly is no one for me to basically communicate with

The only music I enjoy are metal, classical music, and old blues. Not a shred of me goes into the modern day "happy tunes" most others choose to get into. The point with that I just made is that I want to get to know a crowd of the sorts without alienating who I am all in all. I hate to jump into the psuedo-intellectual vibe of "damnit I'm different" but I sincerely and respectfully say I am.

And here yet again, I reach out to the internet....
I don't fucking know. I'm lost at this point.

If anybody feels free to comment go for it. I'm interested in having to hear what others have to say on this topic.

Translation: Other people don't like me because I'm an antisocial misanthrope so I'm taking my toys and going home and never coming out of my room again!

That's exactly what I got from that too

Nah. Not necessarily that...I HAVE met people, I do make them laugh, and overall whenever I talk to people they seem to be interested in what I have to say. Problem is nothing ever progresses beyond that point.

 

[Mozared]

I know your problem, as it's really only logical. People have to be who they are. If they can't, bad stuff happens (depression or suicide). I see it around me all the time; there are so many people who act something they're not just to fit into a group - and all of them get heavily fooked up over it at some point. Up to some point, us humans can act different in order to have a 'relation' with other human beings, but none of us can keep this up for a long time.

That said, it's simple; there probably aren't a lot of people around you who you can identify with. You don't chose to be a loner, you chose to be yourself and it is for that specific reason that you are lonely. For a lot of us, that's shamefully the only way to go. Which is why I don't condemn people who spend half their life online (heck, I'm one of those people myself).

Just think about it, and everything should tie in. That said, feel free to contact me if you'd like to play a game, talk or whatever, should you feel my post has some value of truth.

 

[Krelle]

Korolev makes some good points. Joining a club that reflects your interests is a solid way to meet people who share them. A little-talked-about fact is that it's really hard to make friends as an activity by itself. People bond over shared work. So when you're in a club, getting stuff done, working together on projects or arguing about how things should be run, that's when you find like-minded folk and bond with them. Then you go out for beers later and are friends. You won't just magically make friends by virtue of proximity, you have to engage.

Volunteering is also a great suggestion. Sitting at your home and scowling at your widescreen saying that you have social skills, you just choose not to use them because no one is worthy of your time is a good way to become bitter and, eventually, self pitying. Even if you are a unique and beautiful snowflake who truly had nothing in common with anyone in your city, it sounds like you could still stand to get your head out of your butt and contribute. Volunteering is one of the most fundamentally satisfying things you can do - and even if you volunteered for a decade and somehow managed to never make a friend, you'd still be helping others and bettering yourself.

It might also be worth noting that being a volunteer, or being an active member of a community, makes you an inherently more interesting person. I've told a girl that if she wants to attract a "high quality" sort of boyfriend then she needs to be the kind of girl that a good guy would want to date. That sort of applies here, too. If you want some cool friends that you can identify with who aren't shallow socialites, you should make yourself the kind of interesting person that those people would like to hang out with.

 

[traceur_]

From what I understand from your post, I think you may be searching too hard for people exactly like you, if that is the case I think you may have to broaden your range a bit, my close friends and I share similar interests but we are still quite different, 2 of them are douchebags but we're still great mates, the most important thing is to always be yourself, if you act differently to fit into a group it may work for a while but eventually you will stop acting differently and return to normal, at which point you will feel like you no longer belong, trust me I've done that. If you feel that for some reason you don't go further than being casual acquaintances with some people, you have to make an effort to solidify a friendship.