The most useless superpower you can think of

[angryfish]

We had a thread like this a while ago. My favourite from that one was "Invisibility that only works when you're playing a trombone."

I will say the same thing I did last time - any power that requires secondary powers to work (that you do not possess). [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RequiredSecondaryPowers]

Like having super speed without super reflexes:

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

snip

You have a new avatar?
WHO ARE YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My pub club ran out gonna renew it soon

 

[Quellist]

How about the ability to sublimate cheese at will?. unless you come up against s Very unusual villain I can't see that ever being useful

 

[blackrave]

Ability to ignore stupid internet posts
Although it would save your time
You know no one cares, but YOU CAN'T NOT COMMENT!

 

[Alcamonic]

The ability to stupefy yourself!
Ability to eat fish and not puke!

 

[Reaper195]

The power to turn tea cups three degrees to the left...

 

[Whispering Cynic]

The ability to move a single 32 micron grain of dust in the Oort cloud by two centimeters every twelve years.

 

[Zepherus14]

The superpower to figure out the next time someone will have the hiccups, but only has a maximum range of a couple feet and can't determine it into the future any farther than a couple minutes.

 

[AgentNein]

You know this all reminds me of a character in Gerard Wey's (of My Chemical Romance fame) comic book The Umbrella Academy; The Kraken. His only super power is to breath underwater.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Hey guy on the internet! That could be useful!" but how often would that honestly come in handy in real world situations? Gerard's comic seems to think absolutely fucking never, and I agree.

Luckily The Kraken is in the Batman mould of characters. He's a detective, a fighter, and a hell of a bastard with a knife. But his power is pretty much completely useless.

Contenders include Number Five who can travel through time...but only forward in time. He traveled to the future and then had to study theoretical physics into his old age just to figure out how to go backwards. He also reverses his age and learns how to "microjump" through time though, which makes him this super fast kinda badass now.

 

[Coach Morrison]

The power to fly but only while you are shitting.

Super Speed but only when you are drunk.

Super reflexes but only when you are tied down.

 

[Something Amyss]

Speaking to fish ( Aquaman ).

He controls undersea creatures. Which makes this possible:

The power of heart ( the asian guy from captain planet )

Ma-Ti was capable of mind control of multiple people at one time.

Fireworks ( Jubilee )

That's what you get when you're based on Robin.

Laying eggs ( Easter bunny ).

I don't know. When you're a mammal and a dude, that's quite a trick.

OT:

The power to talk to people.
The power to know what's in TV Guide without looking at it--but only if you're touching it.
The power to be invisible when not observed.
The power to eat as many dodo eggs as you want.

Also the ability to see exactly 1/2 a second into the future.

I don't know. There was a combat precog in one of the books I read that was pretty damn useful with such a power....

 

[Dfskelleton]

My favorite was "13th Bulletproof Man"
Every 13th time you are shot, the bullet miraculously deflects.

 

[Unsilenced]

The ability to do anything you want instantly and effortlessly without any possible negative repercussions...


...but only once Half Life 2 episode 3 is released.

 

[Mark Rhodes]

My friends and I joke about this all the time. We have it narrowed down to being able to make your poop look like different shapes, i.e. the mona lisa or 3-d sculptures, or being able to twist your nipples without touching them indefinitely.

 

[Zyxx]

I think it was a Nickelodeon Magazine where I saw "The Manister": the man who could become a banister. This was useful sometimes, but not most of the time.
"Wow, I almost fell down those stairs! Thanks, Manister!"
Something my friends thought of was "re-food" the power to reconstitute a meal you've just eaten so you can eat it again. I'm assuming the food isn't actually duplicated, but removed from your system, so it's not really a solution to world hunger at all.
In practical terms, it doesn't have many applications. But if you've just finished eating a delicious meal, and you'd like to keep eating but you're too full or there isn't any more, it's nice to have.

 

[Reed Spacer]

Being able to talk to fish.

Oh wait...

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

The power of turning every situation in your life into a 50/50 life or death scenario. You may die during breakfast depending on whether you put two or three sugars in your coffee. Exciting stuff huh?

 

[Groxnax]

The ability to smell a fart 10 seconds before the person farts.

Captcha: Skynet watches? Oh god, its on to us, RUN!!!

 

[Darken12]

Having the strength of a tiny sparrow, the flight capabilities of a turtle, the resistance to damage of an orchid, the wisdom of a goldfish, the charisma of a deep sea angler fish, and the intelligence of an amoeba.

By their powers combined, it is... an abomination of nature!

 

[cojo965]

The power of perfect hindsight.

You'll know exactly what to do in any given situation.

After it's actually happened.

Murder investigation.
You'll know how to stop the murder therefore knowing who the murderer was, leading onto a further investigation.

Boom.

>_>

<__>

No?

[sub]Shit, I didn't think this through.[/sub]

What are you two on about? To start off, Daystar you're still in the right, and hazabaza what you're describing sounds more like foresight. Let me explain.

a) The murder has already happened. All perfect hindsight means is that you would know how to not be murdered in the first place, which helps no one because the person is already dead.

b) The murder weapon. For this exercise we'll assume the weapon is not on the scene. The power Daystar describes dictates you don't know where the weapon is or what was used to begin with.

c) The motive/killer. See above for the general idea of this one. Just because you know how not to be killed to begin with doesn't mean you know who did it or why.

In all I'm with Daystar on this one.