I have been a Nintendo client for a very long time, back to the original GameBoy I got for my birthday in '91.
I have put up with a lot of good games and a lot of bad ones, but all in all it was cool.
Then came the GBA and the beginning of a long series of re-hashed games, lazy ports and underdeveloped titles.
Then came the DS, and my hopes were high again, I thought they would make good games out of a gimmick, combining ergonomy and extra features.
Well, I was almost right, they make games out of a gimmick, but good... It's not always the case...
Zelda : Phantom Hourglass is a good example on how to oversell gimmicks and not make real efforts.
I have taken my time before trying it, and well, let's say it's good for sinking time on the train, but I still prefer my gritty, "h4RdC0r3" action games on my PSP or my home consoles...
I have played a lot of Zelda, from the first one to Ocarina of Time, and I have beat Link's Awakening several times.
I just dabbed into Majora's Mask and Twilight Princess, but they were rather good so far.
There, on the contrary, I can't be really positive... Sure the novelty of playing entirely with the stylus refreshes the game, and the fact that you can make you own maps and scribble at will is all fun and games, but it's treading on the Unoriginal Border, approaching the Derivative Desert... Let me explain :
We all know the basics of Zelda, you play Link (same kid, same face, but still not the same in each and every game, which are all reboots of the series (except maybe Link's Awakening and Phantom Hourglass), and you save the world by saving the princess, with your trusty sword and shield, and some items you'll find lying around in dungeons (usually a bow, some bombs and a boomerang are staples of the series, but I liked having a slingshot in Ocarina of Time).
Here, the game follows up after Wind Waker, which I didn't play, but I assume at the end you were sailing away with your friend and hypothetical love interest which in PH got snatched by a ghost pirate ship and left you stranded on some remote island with only your pants on...
And you're woken up by a fairy, which looks suspiciously like Navi from OoT. She will guide you to her grandpa, who is, surprise! the Old Wise Beard Guy (his words are wise, his face is beard) who'll bestow a noble quest upon thee.
Well sorta. You'll have to wander in some cursed temple to rescue the biggest coward in the world so that you can board his ship and have some gypsy wench tell your future if you put some money in your hand (forget the part about the money, I'm ranting). That annoying, selfish, smug, loudmouthed asshole will then annoy the living fuck out of you by treating you like a complete retard everytime you talk to him, using you as his personal tool in his selfish quest for treasures, and abruptly demanding you follow his stupid whims.
He's completely unlikeable from the first dialogue, but OWBG insists he might be useful, so you'll have to put up with this nonsense (well, that and you probably can't sail a motorboat by yourself in this game)...
But it just gets worse, believe me.
You are then sent to another island where you'll have to free said gypsy wench and scour a dungeon to free the spirit of strength (there are three spirits, Strength, Wisdom and Courage, classic Triforce lore, but now they are fairies which require "spirit drops" to restore their power), then go find a cannon to equip the ship (more on the ship after these announces), and go sail the seas in search of islands, treasures, barking, tedious drawing, crappy camera management and bad clipping.
But before I unleash the Fury on the gameplay and level design issues, I will tear apart the rest.
First, graphics : Well ok it's colorful and nicely animated, but the camera angle is horrible and when it zooms for a speech (come on, you can't talk about dialogs in a Zelda game) the low resolution and the borrible grain of the textures are all the more apparent... let's not mention the failed transparency effects or the crappy lighting tricks... The game is not very pretty and is pretty soon overselling itself. Worst offender to me, Link here looks like some kind of freakish cat-boy when you see him up close (when he brandishes stuff he found in boxes mainly).
Seconds, the worst offender to me since Zelda : A Link to the Past on SNES.
I know that Nintendo's been mainly for kids and all, but WHY PATRONIZE THE PLAYER SO MUCH ?
let me explain : when you find your first key, your first map, compass, magic bottle, shell or whatever collectible crap you'll be getting by the truckload in a Zelda adventure, it's okay to explain what it is the very first time.
But when I'm battling my way in the 5th or maybe the last dungeon, why are you still telling me what a key is for and all the features of the bloody compass !? I know Nintendo's audience is mainly comprised of 8yo kids, okay, but does that mean they're so retarded they can't remember that keys open doors and that the Boss Key opens the Boss Door ? I wish I was just kidding but it's been going on for 10 blasted years for Christ's sake...
Oh and now that kind of barking also appears while sailing, with nagging text reminding you to jump over hurdles (don't ask), shoot every single enemy and commenting every single jump and curve...
Ok, now let's nail the gameplay and give it the boom stick...
You control Link almost entirely with the touch screen and the stylus. The game (tries to) mix(es) exploration, combat and navigation with contextual puzzles. Some new tricks appeared (like copying roads and maps from a book to your own maps), fair enough. But when detection starts failing, it gets tedious.
For example, you make Link walk by holding the stylus on the screen, the further from Link, the faster he'll run.
You can make somersaults by drawing a circle on the edge of the touch screen. Fair enough, but if you're holding too close to the edge Link might top altogether, when you switch directions it takes him an agonizing time to register the change and walk, then run (if he ever runs), and somersaults fail often...
To attack, you point at a foe, or draw slashes. Spinning sword attack is done by circling around Link.
Works 3 out of 5 times due to detection issues (there is a very precise pace you're supposed to spin and in the heat of battle it doesn't always work).
Your first extra weapon will be the proverbial boomerang (which turned into a magical telekinetic flying bludgeon).
Hold L/R or click on it and draw the path, then watch it fly. You'll use it to stun monsters and solve puzzles.
Why not, but here it gets tedious : Link is completely immobile while using the boomerang, and if you hold L/R, you are supposed to hold it for an extra second so that the idea of throwing the boomerang can reach Link's empty, oversided noggin'...
Gone are the fast, streamlined battles of Zelda when you run around while fighting, now it's much slower and stiffer...
Oh yeah, remember how you simply could carry bombs out of the blue ?
Forget it, you have to find a goddamned bag before the patronizing shop owner will allow you to buy some... That's only pointless delaying the inevitable, and it's artificial lengthening, you could progress much faster, but how would the game railroad you ? (more on this later).
It's not exactly as awesome as it sounded now, is it ?
Sailing is not really fun either. Ok you can customise the boat with a crane, a cannon, new improved parts and stuff, but sailing is still a slow chore for a big part of the game. You draw a route on the map, then you'll control the pace (STOP/GO only), and make the boat jump (wait WHAT ?), also you'll soon be able to fire cannonballs onto your foes and obstacles for fun and profit (mainly profit, they drop red rupees like you just won the lottery), but the point & shoot mechanics have a hard time deciding how far you're shooting, since they're sketchy and a bit superficial... basically you point above horizon to shoot far and under to shoot close, but pointing at a monster will usually be haphazard...
Still the clipping is horrible and the camera is at least as monstrous (point and hold to turn and pan the camera, the further the faster, WHILE SHOOTING, JUMPING AND PACING, yeah right...).
Level design is rather bland, dungeons so far have been linear and short, and the main temple when you rescued Captain Asshole is even worse, you'll have to plung into it by degrees of depth, and each and everytime you're supposed to redo EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING PUZZLE from scratch to reopen every single goddamned door 'till you're there. Way to go, way to go. Every time you reach an important item you can then teleport back to the entrance to get bossed around the world map until it's time to get back to the Temple of Suck. It's a cursed temple which drains your life away, but the Phantom Hourglass can protect you. Kill bosses, earn more sand, survive longer.
The temple is also filled with invincible one-hit-kill demon-knights sentinels, forcing you to mind-numbingly annoying stealth passages that I really wish I could forfeit in favor of Conan-esque slaughter (that includes killing Captain Coward and bludgeoning easily half of the NPCs).
Storytelling has never been a strong point in Zelda to me, stories are pretty bland and a lot of characters spout meek platitudes like they're some 5yo reading book, but sidequests and exploration made up for it.
Well, guess what they privileged this time ? Whoever said POINTLESS ANNOYING WORDING got it right.
I already hear you objecting "But if you sail the seas, there is a lot of exploration !"
Well, no. And I won't develop or it will turn very VERY explicit.
The seas are essentially empty, save for a handful of boats, monsters, reefs and islands.
Most of these islands are quite small, with the occasional dungeon or cavern, but nothing deep enough to deserve the term "exploration". There are, of course, clever riddles you solve by scouring the world map (or at least your piece of it), but it's quite rare, and anyway exploration is monstrously crippled by the constant obnoxious RAILROADING the game forces down your throat.
I'll show you what I mean : On one island there was an entrance to a cave, I wanted to get there, but a woman kept telling me a "little boy like [Link] might get hurt", even though I'm waving a razor-sharp sword and a shield.
You cannot enter this damn cave until you've lost yourself in some mist up north and asked the right person to go find the path to follow... Plus the game is very unsubtle about what matters or not.
I'm quoting the game here :
"Oh, [YourName], look at this map ! Mmmmhhh, it might be useful, maybe you should write this down."
"Hey, I have already this sun pattern, kinda maybe. Maybe you should sketch it."
Not mentioning the asshole manning the ship who just stays here and complains that you don't want to explore the new island but want to search for something else or go back to another town.
That's right, the game was COMPLAINING I wasn't running blindly in the new island instead of trying to, you know, get back to a shop and buy a potion or stuff... I was talking about pointless wording, that's exactly it, plus the fact that everyone, except maybe OWBG (remember him ?) and the Gypsy are all bossing you around, patronizing you and generally acting like complete assholes (one is arrogant, another one is smug, the third one treats you like a penniless bum, I won't list all the idiots I have met so far).
Zelda games have always been midly linear, you have to defeat Boss #3 to open the road to Boss #4, alright, but here it's taken to a new low, where you're almost forbidden from straying from the path to search for stuff.
DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD.
I know Nintendo has explicitly stated that they now make games for people who otherwise wouldn't play games, but taking Zelda and turning it into some feature-shoehorning... thing... that takes you by the hand and tells you who to attack and where to go without letting you have any choice defies the concept of adventure.
It's like playing a pen & paper RPG with friends and hear your GM suddenly say "Wait, you won't enter the hideout now, you prefer to hide, keep a low profile and wait a day to gain more clues and set a plan ? wow I don't know what to do now, let's stop playing today". There you know your adventure is going to suck because he planned events, but neither characters or settings. I have made that mistake sometimes during the "tutorial" parts of the games I GM'd, because I wanted my players to learn a bit of the mechanics, but when it's the whole essence of a game, it's not going to be fun...
And so, Zelda Phantom Hourglass is not fun. It's a railroading, forcibly linear game that treats you like an idiot, it's not that visually appealing, and it's incredibly annoying in its constant barking, bossing around and general feeling of not embarking upon a noble quest, but being strung and bossed around by Yet Another Old Beardy Fart and Captain Superchicken...
I haven't beaten the second dungeon yet, but I'm already more than reasonably bored...
I can't recommend Zelda Phantom Hourglass, it's way too pretentious and way too condescending to be genuinely fun, and I'm having a much better time with Bomberman Story DS in comparison.
If you desperately want an action/adventure game for your DS, get Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, From the Abyss, but not Zelda, it's really not worth it... or maybe used for 5/10bux...
I have put up with a lot of good games and a lot of bad ones, but all in all it was cool.
Then came the GBA and the beginning of a long series of re-hashed games, lazy ports and underdeveloped titles.
Then came the DS, and my hopes were high again, I thought they would make good games out of a gimmick, combining ergonomy and extra features.
Well, I was almost right, they make games out of a gimmick, but good... It's not always the case...
Zelda : Phantom Hourglass is a good example on how to oversell gimmicks and not make real efforts.
I have taken my time before trying it, and well, let's say it's good for sinking time on the train, but I still prefer my gritty, "h4RdC0r3" action games on my PSP or my home consoles...
I have played a lot of Zelda, from the first one to Ocarina of Time, and I have beat Link's Awakening several times.
I just dabbed into Majora's Mask and Twilight Princess, but they were rather good so far.
There, on the contrary, I can't be really positive... Sure the novelty of playing entirely with the stylus refreshes the game, and the fact that you can make you own maps and scribble at will is all fun and games, but it's treading on the Unoriginal Border, approaching the Derivative Desert... Let me explain :
We all know the basics of Zelda, you play Link (same kid, same face, but still not the same in each and every game, which are all reboots of the series (except maybe Link's Awakening and Phantom Hourglass), and you save the world by saving the princess, with your trusty sword and shield, and some items you'll find lying around in dungeons (usually a bow, some bombs and a boomerang are staples of the series, but I liked having a slingshot in Ocarina of Time).
Here, the game follows up after Wind Waker, which I didn't play, but I assume at the end you were sailing away with your friend and hypothetical love interest which in PH got snatched by a ghost pirate ship and left you stranded on some remote island with only your pants on...
And you're woken up by a fairy, which looks suspiciously like Navi from OoT. She will guide you to her grandpa, who is, surprise! the Old Wise Beard Guy (his words are wise, his face is beard) who'll bestow a noble quest upon thee.
Well sorta. You'll have to wander in some cursed temple to rescue the biggest coward in the world so that you can board his ship and have some gypsy wench tell your future if you put some money in your hand (forget the part about the money, I'm ranting). That annoying, selfish, smug, loudmouthed asshole will then annoy the living fuck out of you by treating you like a complete retard everytime you talk to him, using you as his personal tool in his selfish quest for treasures, and abruptly demanding you follow his stupid whims.
He's completely unlikeable from the first dialogue, but OWBG insists he might be useful, so you'll have to put up with this nonsense (well, that and you probably can't sail a motorboat by yourself in this game)...
But it just gets worse, believe me.
You are then sent to another island where you'll have to free said gypsy wench and scour a dungeon to free the spirit of strength (there are three spirits, Strength, Wisdom and Courage, classic Triforce lore, but now they are fairies which require "spirit drops" to restore their power), then go find a cannon to equip the ship (more on the ship after these announces), and go sail the seas in search of islands, treasures, barking, tedious drawing, crappy camera management and bad clipping.
But before I unleash the Fury on the gameplay and level design issues, I will tear apart the rest.
First, graphics : Well ok it's colorful and nicely animated, but the camera angle is horrible and when it zooms for a speech (come on, you can't talk about dialogs in a Zelda game) the low resolution and the borrible grain of the textures are all the more apparent... let's not mention the failed transparency effects or the crappy lighting tricks... The game is not very pretty and is pretty soon overselling itself. Worst offender to me, Link here looks like some kind of freakish cat-boy when you see him up close (when he brandishes stuff he found in boxes mainly).
Seconds, the worst offender to me since Zelda : A Link to the Past on SNES.
I know that Nintendo's been mainly for kids and all, but WHY PATRONIZE THE PLAYER SO MUCH ?
let me explain : when you find your first key, your first map, compass, magic bottle, shell or whatever collectible crap you'll be getting by the truckload in a Zelda adventure, it's okay to explain what it is the very first time.
But when I'm battling my way in the 5th or maybe the last dungeon, why are you still telling me what a key is for and all the features of the bloody compass !? I know Nintendo's audience is mainly comprised of 8yo kids, okay, but does that mean they're so retarded they can't remember that keys open doors and that the Boss Key opens the Boss Door ? I wish I was just kidding but it's been going on for 10 blasted years for Christ's sake...
Oh and now that kind of barking also appears while sailing, with nagging text reminding you to jump over hurdles (don't ask), shoot every single enemy and commenting every single jump and curve...
Ok, now let's nail the gameplay and give it the boom stick...
You control Link almost entirely with the touch screen and the stylus. The game (tries to) mix(es) exploration, combat and navigation with contextual puzzles. Some new tricks appeared (like copying roads and maps from a book to your own maps), fair enough. But when detection starts failing, it gets tedious.
For example, you make Link walk by holding the stylus on the screen, the further from Link, the faster he'll run.
You can make somersaults by drawing a circle on the edge of the touch screen. Fair enough, but if you're holding too close to the edge Link might top altogether, when you switch directions it takes him an agonizing time to register the change and walk, then run (if he ever runs), and somersaults fail often...
To attack, you point at a foe, or draw slashes. Spinning sword attack is done by circling around Link.
Works 3 out of 5 times due to detection issues (there is a very precise pace you're supposed to spin and in the heat of battle it doesn't always work).
Your first extra weapon will be the proverbial boomerang (which turned into a magical telekinetic flying bludgeon).
Hold L/R or click on it and draw the path, then watch it fly. You'll use it to stun monsters and solve puzzles.
Why not, but here it gets tedious : Link is completely immobile while using the boomerang, and if you hold L/R, you are supposed to hold it for an extra second so that the idea of throwing the boomerang can reach Link's empty, oversided noggin'...
Gone are the fast, streamlined battles of Zelda when you run around while fighting, now it's much slower and stiffer...
Oh yeah, remember how you simply could carry bombs out of the blue ?
Forget it, you have to find a goddamned bag before the patronizing shop owner will allow you to buy some... That's only pointless delaying the inevitable, and it's artificial lengthening, you could progress much faster, but how would the game railroad you ? (more on this later).
It's not exactly as awesome as it sounded now, is it ?
Sailing is not really fun either. Ok you can customise the boat with a crane, a cannon, new improved parts and stuff, but sailing is still a slow chore for a big part of the game. You draw a route on the map, then you'll control the pace (STOP/GO only), and make the boat jump (wait WHAT ?), also you'll soon be able to fire cannonballs onto your foes and obstacles for fun and profit (mainly profit, they drop red rupees like you just won the lottery), but the point & shoot mechanics have a hard time deciding how far you're shooting, since they're sketchy and a bit superficial... basically you point above horizon to shoot far and under to shoot close, but pointing at a monster will usually be haphazard...
Still the clipping is horrible and the camera is at least as monstrous (point and hold to turn and pan the camera, the further the faster, WHILE SHOOTING, JUMPING AND PACING, yeah right...).
Level design is rather bland, dungeons so far have been linear and short, and the main temple when you rescued Captain Asshole is even worse, you'll have to plung into it by degrees of depth, and each and everytime you're supposed to redo EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING PUZZLE from scratch to reopen every single goddamned door 'till you're there. Way to go, way to go. Every time you reach an important item you can then teleport back to the entrance to get bossed around the world map until it's time to get back to the Temple of Suck. It's a cursed temple which drains your life away, but the Phantom Hourglass can protect you. Kill bosses, earn more sand, survive longer.
The temple is also filled with invincible one-hit-kill demon-knights sentinels, forcing you to mind-numbingly annoying stealth passages that I really wish I could forfeit in favor of Conan-esque slaughter (that includes killing Captain Coward and bludgeoning easily half of the NPCs).
Storytelling has never been a strong point in Zelda to me, stories are pretty bland and a lot of characters spout meek platitudes like they're some 5yo reading book, but sidequests and exploration made up for it.
Well, guess what they privileged this time ? Whoever said POINTLESS ANNOYING WORDING got it right.
I already hear you objecting "But if you sail the seas, there is a lot of exploration !"
Well, no. And I won't develop or it will turn very VERY explicit.
The seas are essentially empty, save for a handful of boats, monsters, reefs and islands.
Most of these islands are quite small, with the occasional dungeon or cavern, but nothing deep enough to deserve the term "exploration". There are, of course, clever riddles you solve by scouring the world map (or at least your piece of it), but it's quite rare, and anyway exploration is monstrously crippled by the constant obnoxious RAILROADING the game forces down your throat.
I'll show you what I mean : On one island there was an entrance to a cave, I wanted to get there, but a woman kept telling me a "little boy like [Link] might get hurt", even though I'm waving a razor-sharp sword and a shield.
You cannot enter this damn cave until you've lost yourself in some mist up north and asked the right person to go find the path to follow... Plus the game is very unsubtle about what matters or not.
I'm quoting the game here :
"Oh, [YourName], look at this map ! Mmmmhhh, it might be useful, maybe you should write this down."
"Hey, I have already this sun pattern, kinda maybe. Maybe you should sketch it."
Not mentioning the asshole manning the ship who just stays here and complains that you don't want to explore the new island but want to search for something else or go back to another town.
That's right, the game was COMPLAINING I wasn't running blindly in the new island instead of trying to, you know, get back to a shop and buy a potion or stuff... I was talking about pointless wording, that's exactly it, plus the fact that everyone, except maybe OWBG (remember him ?) and the Gypsy are all bossing you around, patronizing you and generally acting like complete assholes (one is arrogant, another one is smug, the third one treats you like a penniless bum, I won't list all the idiots I have met so far).
Zelda games have always been midly linear, you have to defeat Boss #3 to open the road to Boss #4, alright, but here it's taken to a new low, where you're almost forbidden from straying from the path to search for stuff.
DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD.
I know Nintendo has explicitly stated that they now make games for people who otherwise wouldn't play games, but taking Zelda and turning it into some feature-shoehorning... thing... that takes you by the hand and tells you who to attack and where to go without letting you have any choice defies the concept of adventure.
It's like playing a pen & paper RPG with friends and hear your GM suddenly say "Wait, you won't enter the hideout now, you prefer to hide, keep a low profile and wait a day to gain more clues and set a plan ? wow I don't know what to do now, let's stop playing today". There you know your adventure is going to suck because he planned events, but neither characters or settings. I have made that mistake sometimes during the "tutorial" parts of the games I GM'd, because I wanted my players to learn a bit of the mechanics, but when it's the whole essence of a game, it's not going to be fun...
And so, Zelda Phantom Hourglass is not fun. It's a railroading, forcibly linear game that treats you like an idiot, it's not that visually appealing, and it's incredibly annoying in its constant barking, bossing around and general feeling of not embarking upon a noble quest, but being strung and bossed around by Yet Another Old Beardy Fart and Captain Superchicken...
I haven't beaten the second dungeon yet, but I'm already more than reasonably bored...
I can't recommend Zelda Phantom Hourglass, it's way too pretentious and way too condescending to be genuinely fun, and I'm having a much better time with Bomberman Story DS in comparison.
If you desperately want an action/adventure game for your DS, get Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, From the Abyss, but not Zelda, it's really not worth it... or maybe used for 5/10bux...