The "not-date"

[Scully]

I recently spent a week panicking and being nervous trying to ask a girl i like out, i was eventually successful and she said yes, great, right? Wrong.

I turn on facebook the next morning and she asks what i want to do, adding a "this going out thing, its just as friends, right?", girl code for "it better be, cause im not into you"

I take this to mean that she eitehr misunderstood what i meant by "can I take you out sometime" or she rethought it afterwards and decided the easiest way out is to force me into an awkward almost-date situation, leaving me with no option but to agree unless i want to make things more awkward than they wouldve been had she simply said no.

Anynone else ever been on a not-date, or is this just my repeated misfortune?

 

[MR T3D]

...Any none else ever been on a not-date, or is this just my repeated misfortune?

oy, looks like i stumbled upon a recent addition to the friend zone.
here's my tips for your stay here, though you are free to exit the way you came, IE forget about her:
chances for more are slim, so either enjoy this meal, become just friends, then in future get her to cook for you (what i prefer to do) or feel depressed.

 

[Daffy F]

I HATE the 'Friend-Zone' It is so annoying. Not-dates. BAD.

 

[Scully]

I dont mind being in the friend zone, I'm at least experienced at it, its just being messed about i found annoying

 

[Nicolai]

I've seen this go multiple ways, the friend zone being one. Another being, I don't want you crawling all over me and wanting sex just because I agreed to a date, so I'm going to make sure you're not a rampaging ball of hormones first. The problem with girl-code is too many guys treat a single sentence as meaning a specific thing, it doesn't, it means what that particular girl means, they are after all, people too.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

Go on the not-date, see how it goes. It could lead to a date-date.

 

[damselgaming]

Just be happy that she wanted to hang with you at all.

Do you even know each other that well, because I'd feel pretty awkward going on a 'date' with someone that I didn't really know anything about.

 

[EeveeElectro]

adding a "this going out thing, its just as friends, right?", girl code for "it better be, cause im not into you"

I don't think you males quite understand us, don't assume things. I find it annoying.
It could be that she does like you, and was unsure if you meant as friends. It could go either way, so you won't find out until you try.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

Go on the not-date, see how it goes. It could lead to a date-date.

Yeah, it all depends.

I plan on asking a guy I know out on a not-date thing, in the hopes that it'll lead to a date-date at some point. Friend-zoning is all right with me but I really like this guy, and hope he'll agree to actually go out with mw.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

adding a "this going out thing, its just as friends, right?", girl code for "it better be, cause im not into you"

I don't think you males quite understand us, don't assume things. I find it annoying.
It could be that she does like you, and was unsure if you meant as friends. It could go either way, so you won't find out until you try.

Fair enough. Although, the way the question is phrased would also make me assume that "yes, it's just as friends" is the only really correct answer.

 

[Aardvark]

You might as well give up now, if she had any interest in you, she'd have said "No", expecting you to try again a few more times. Or she would have stuck her fingers in her ears and screamed "LALALALALAALALA" for a while. Either playing hard to get or hard to listen to. I can't remember which one it is the girls are doing these days.

 

[Galletea]

Well not-dates are disappointing, but now you've got there, you might as well go through with it. Being in the friend zone does suck, but after a while you'll move on. It's better to suck it up and get on with it than to lose her altogether.

 

[Nicolai]

I've learned as I got older, I only wanted to go out with girls I wanted to be friends with, anyway, it's the best way to build a relationship that will last instead of a string of flings and one night stands. Communication is good, honesty is good and I'd say humour never hurt anyone, but too many people will bring up schadenfreude.

 

[Riobux]

To be honest, the best relationships you'll have with girls are friendships that end up being relationships. It's great. The worst ones are the girls you have friendships with, you then date and then after they dump you, they start ignoring you and making as little contact with you as possible despite telling you that you can still be friends with her.