The Only Straight Guy is a Lesbian

[zarguhl]

Okay, so I've been thinking...

If you're a guy, and you're straight, that means sexually you are attracted to girls. Problem is, when you're masturbating, you are literally pulling a guys dick until he blows, which is totally gay.

Even worse, when you have sex with a girl, the feelings you are having are actually the sexual arousal of a man, that is your own male body. You might be having sex with a female, but you are basically getting off on the arousal of a male body. So that's also gay.

So basically if you are attracted to woman, a typical straight guy, you actually need to be a woman, and a lesbian. That way you get to have sex with a girl, while experiencing the sexual pleasure of a girl. Otherwise, you are gay!

So, yeah...

 

[Fappy]

OT: This is some weird satire. What brought this on, anyway? Was there a thread about this earlier or something?

 

[geK0]

I can't argue with that kind of infallible logic! every dude ever is totally gay!

 

[Wraith]

I believe/hope the OP is joking. But even if they are, I know some people on Tumblr would believe the hell out of this and preach it as fact.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Alright you get points for interesting thought. I just hope you're not taking it seriously.
It's not about your sex organs, it's about what turns you on.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Spoiler: No no no, it just means you're a lesbian.

OT: I see your logic. I just don't think its right.

Spoiler: I also thought of this when reading a phrase in your OP

 

[shrekfan246]

I believe/hope the OP is joking. But even if they are, I know some people on Tumblr would believe the hell out of this and preach it as fact.

It's always so hard to tell over the internet...

I wonder if it was inspired by a particularly dangerous trek through Tumblr in the first place. Though that raises the question of why OP thought it'd be a great idea to bring it up on The Escapist forums, well-known for totally being able to have rational, calm conversations about topics related to sex and/or gender.

I think I could dig being a lesbian though. Except for that whole monthly thing; That doesn't seem like it would be a lot of fun.

 

[zarguhl]

OT: This is some weird satire. What brought this on, anyway? Was there a thread about this earlier or something?

I was actually talking about relationships with a friend, while in a kind of bitter mood and I commented that even if I get married tomorrow and have sex every day until I die, in my life I will quite possibly have jerked off a guy (myself) more times than I will have had sex with a girl.

Then I thought about that and took it to its logical conclusion.

 

[SJXarg]

Just out of curiosity, is there any particular reason you're viewing yourself in the third person, do you astrally project while jerkin' the gherkin, and the body stays on autopilot, so it's you but it's not you? Otherwise the way you're phrasing it sounds like there's a bit of the ol' Dutch Rudder going on.

 

[zarguhl]

Just out of curiosity, is there any particular reason you're viewing yourself in the third person, do you astrally project while jerkin' the gherkin, and the body stays on autopilot, so it's you but it's not you? Otherwise the way you're phrasing it sounds like there's a bit of the ol' Dutch Rudder going on.

Well that moves into the realm of philosophy/religion. If you take the view that the person is a "being"/"spirit"/whatever, who has an identity separate from their physical body, then of course your choice of body (male/female, race, etc.) would reflect on you to some degree.

So if as a being you find the female body more aesthetic, you might choose a male body so you can stick it in that. But then of course you're running an unattractive thing just for the purpose of getting at a nice thing. So logically you'd be better off taking a female body and going after other females. Or if you like male bodies, then you should be male and go after males.

So I guess from that viewpoint, a straight person is actually bisexual, because they want to enjoy the sexual experience of both genders at the same time...

 

[SJXarg]

So if as a being you find the female body more aesthetic, you might choose a male body so you can stick it in that. But then of course you're running an unattractive thing just for the purpose of getting at a nice thing. So logically you'd be better off taking a female body and going after other females. Or if you like male bodies, then you should be male and go after males.

Well, that would imply a level of choice at some point, while I'm aware surgery exists, in this context I'm not sure I'd view it as the same thing. Maybe it is? Lack of experience to make a call on own body preference/choice when surgery enters the equation

So I guess from that viewpoint, a straight person is actually bisexual, because they want to enjoy the sexual experience of both genders at the same time...

Ehhhhhh. Yes/no? I see it as two sides, active and passive I guess. If you're the male engaged in some sexyfuntiems with a ladyfriend, you're actively experiencing your own sexual experience, and passively experiencing theirs? After all, you're not feeling what they feel, nor are you in control of the body you're having sex with, you only have tactile, visual and audible sensations to approximate how they may be feeling.. hopefully that makes sense?

Captcha: wild and crazy guys.. I uh.. sure, why not?

 

[Playful Pony]

If enjoying vibrations in my undergarments make me gay, then so be it!

I'm actually atracted to women anyway so...

 

[mistahzig1]

And every human beings are cannibals. Think about it:

- We bite our tongues a few times in our lifetime and blood has been consumed
- We put food in our mouths to chew and this action produces friction, thus losing human cells in the process, which are being consumed, too.

It's an interesting thought process, and original too, but it's still a word salad to me, sorry

 

[geK0]

I followed a quote message here but the comment seems to have been edited.......


So IS this a serious topic? I responded with a silly answer because I assumed it was a joke thread.

You know, funnily enough, this is the same line of logic I've heard Christians use against masturbation
"You're turning your sexuality inwards, and you are a man, so that's homosexual, homosexuality is a sin, so masturbating is to."
Maybe it is gay the amount of times many of us guys play with our own dick; but that's okay : D
yes homo!

 

[viscomica]

I have the feeling that what the OT really wanted to say is "no homo" but in a really long paragraph. I wanna believe this thread is made for ironic purposes only but... If it's not a joke thread then maybe you should stop overanalizing stuff, problem solved!

 

[Eamar]

Seriously confused as to whether this is a joke or not, so I shall just say this:

Anyone who actually believes this or thinks it's logical has completely misunderstood how we (society in general) define sexual orientations. It's not about which gender's pleasure you experience (that would be your own), it's about which gender(s) arouse you, enabling you to feel that pleasure.

Unless there's some weird telepathy shit going on, you don't actually experience your partner's sexual pleasure first hand.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Unless there's some weird telepathy shit going on, you don't actually experience your partner's sexual pleasure first hand.

So what you're saying is Professor X would be the best lover in the world.

 

[Eamar]

Unless there's some weird telepathy shit going on, you don't actually experience your partner's sexual pleasure first hand.

So what you're saying is Professor X would be the best lover in the world.

...Maybe

In all seriousness though, I've always thought telepathy would lead to amazing sex, particularly if it was two-way.

What? It's not like this thread was going anywhere...

 

[zarguhl]

In all seriousness though, I've always thought telepathy would lead to amazing sex, particularly if it was two-way.

What I was thinking is if you could "astrally project" and then take control of two female bodies, and use them to have sex with each other! Then you'd get both ends of every feeling...

Or a male and female body, and make them have sex with eachother, while performing the actions and feeling the sexual release of both...

Giggidy!