The Other L-Word

[Zaverexus]

So I have been dating this girl for a bit over a month now and I really like her.
I really like her.
But that seems to be as much as I can say. We talk and I tell her how much I like her and that she is great, but words fall short.
We get along great and seem to always be in synch. We like the same things and I can really be myself around her. I love to be there for her and I know she will always be there for me.
And lately when we talk about our feelings for each other my words fail me, my brain says "love", and I clamp down on the deadly three words.
We haven't been dating long, no matter how great we are together and how much I like her. I don't know how to describe my feelings and despite priding myself on a grasp of language, she puts me at a loss for words. I feel like its too early, that its something I shouldn't say, and the last time I told a girl I felt that way it ended badly.

How do I know when is the right time to say "I love you"?

 

[SckizoBoy]

I find your avatar somewhat commensurate to the confusion you must be feeling...

Anyway, you feel it now, true, but the 'l' word should not be dropped lightly, as I'm sure you're painfully aware. Thus, hold off on it for as long as you can. You shouldn't need anyone to tell you that you don't need to express your love for this girl through words alone. Show her you love her, be it in the form of the most awesome Christmas present she's ever had, random acts of romantic whimsy, a lot of pillow talk (if you've slept together and she's into it), a desire to not speak with her and still be comfortable, etc. etc. This allows you to tell her your feelings without saying them. Come on, we're men, we're judged more for what we do than what we say a lot of the time.

Still, since you've been talking about it, express your trust in her, respect and gratitude. It's when she asks for something more than those things that you can let yourself say those three words. Cliched as it seems, love between a couple is the summation of those aspects I mentioned, and once it is mutual, you can say it however much (or however little) as you wish to, so long as you know the other one feels it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll weep for my single life.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Be a man and say it first. It means the world to us girls if a guy has the balls to lay it out there. If we have to say it first, it can piss us off. Also, don't say it until a few months in. If a relationship is still measured in weeks, it's too soon. And... Don't say it before, during, or after sex. That's a given.

 

[Insanum]

Infatuation is common, caused by physical attraction and a need to get to know someone better (i.e when you first meet the girl and you start to learn all her likes and dislikes (also known as the honeymoon stage))

Love is sharing a bathroom.

---

Don't tell her you love her yet, it can come across as clingy. We all know people that are 'in love' a week into a relationship. Tell her you really like her, but then try not to elaborate on that. Don't make the same mistake I did and say you love her, because if it dawns on you that it was infatuation and not love, going back on those three words is VERY difficult.

 

[gazumped]

I've heard from many adult women (and I mean around the 40 mark, I'm 21 myself) that the three month mark is round about right, say it earlier than that and you may seem clingy. I assume they know what they're talking about but of course you can't exactly put a specific time on these kinds of things.

One thing I will say is that just because it's a word that comes automatically to your brain doesn't mean you're quite there. After all we're quick to say "I love Coca Cola, I love the colour green, I love the smell of bacon in the morning" so your brain may just be associating the awesomeness of dating her with the word, and you're not saying it out loud because you know you don't mean it quite in the way it would be taken. Yet.

Personally (because there are so many different opinions on what love really is, but this is mine) I'd say that you can be sure you'll really mean it if you can imagine spending the rest of your life with them and think that'd be not just awesome but the thing that you'd actually really want to do. Which does not mean that you should marry her, because feelings can change of course, especially when you're young. But if you didn't feel like that at the moment then I'd say your feelings for her weren't quite that deep and real. Again: yet.

The right time to say it is after she's said it. That way it makes it a little exciting for her as she has to take the risk and reveal her feelings to you first. Plus it avoids any awkwardness if you say it and she doesn't feel the same.

Yeah, but... what if she's thinking the exact same thing? I know I refused to say it to my boyfriend until he said it to me, and I think he was thinking the same thing. We'd been going out for almost a year and he had to get drunk on New Years and text me it when we were sitting in the same room. And possibly due to us both being so reluctant to say it first, a year later we're still really awkward about saying it to each other. ~_~

But yeah, my first boyfriend told me he loved me at the three month mark, I said it back automatically without even realising what had happened (until 5 minutes later when I went 'waitaminute... that's kind of a big deal!'), and that went great.

 

[Lvl 64 Klutz]

One day you'll say it and you won't even realize you did until after. Relationships have to evolve naturally, and trying to force them forward will only cause you unnecessary stress.