6:00am: Wake up
7:00am: Get out of bed
7:01am: Try again
7:30am: Pull on filthy old clothes. Wake up dog. Avoid lingering doggy dreams of hunting rabbits. Keep fingers.
7:40am: Walk barefoot, because you are such a free spirit, out into the world with the dog.
7:45am: Go back for shoes.
8:15am: Arrive at café, order large and greasy meal for two. And a ginger beer.
8:16:30am: Complain to dog that this is taking a while, notice waitress is behind you with the drink. Say 'Just kidding' to your dog to cement your appearance as a total toss.
8:17am: Drink ginger beer. It is good.
8:25am: Eat large breakfast-for-two ravenously, like some kind of heathen beast. Feed half of it to Dog.
----- 8:25amA: Tell dog he is getting fat.
----------- 8:25amB: Make stupid faces at dog until he gets annoyed. Victory.
8:40am: Pay for delicious meal and buy a day old newspaper from the café. Walk back into the world. Do not read newspaper. All lies.
8:45am: Go back for shoes.
8:50am: Go back for Dog.
9:30am: Arrive at local co-op (Fish Market). Enter yon establishment. In current clothing, still the worst smelling thing in the building. Approach counter, fix yeowman with a steely gaze and lock wills to determine the greater mind. You are victorious. Such is your power. Place order with the defeated salesperson, claiming your nautical bounty.
9:40am: Collect bag of [OPERATION HAMMERTIME], look towards fridge.
9:40:00:00:01am: Notice they sell ginger beer.
9:45am: After going through the line again, drink ginger beer. It is good. Leave for home.
9:50am: Go back for [OPERATION HAMMERTIME]
10:30am: Arrive home. Place [OPERATION HAMMERTIME] in fridge next to all the ginger beer. Restrain yourself.
10:40am: Shower. Optional: Wash Hair.
10:50am: Get out of shower.
10:50:30am: Look at self in mirror.
11:00am: Look away.
11:10am: Turn on computer as you pass.
11:11am: Deliberate on what to wear. Select shorts and a T-shirt. There is nothing else in your wardrobe anyway.
11:15am: Sit at computer. Log on. Open up usual tabs. No Nerf to rogues, close that tab. No news on Norwegian sky-vortex, you want to believe but you close the tab anyway. Other 5 tabs are Escapist. Open up inspirational picture of Rorshach. Work begins. Begin clearing report queue.
12:30pm: Finish clearing report queue. Make snide comment in versus thread.
12:31pm: Read your comment aloud to the Dog. He'd like it if he could speak human. Laugh a bit.
12:40pm: It is almost lunch, time for [OPERATION HAMMERTIME]. Collect hammertime kit and a ginger beer. Get Dog. Leave house.
1:00pm: Race old lady for the best park bench near the river. Play dirty, she's lived long enough.
1:05pm: Lay out old Newspaper you bought from the cafe (See?), begin [OPERATION HAMMERTIME]
1:40pm: Clear away Debris. Throw crab bits in river, watch fish fight over them. Laugh.
1:45pm: Have clever idea to wash hands in river.
2:00pm: Manage to scrabble out of the river.
2:10pm: Drink ginger beer. It is good.
2:30pm: Arrive home, stow away Hammertime kit. Turn on computer.
2:35pm: Log into WoW
11:00pm: Go to sleep.
11:05pm: Wake up again, log out of WoW and go to bed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was musing on my monthly crab feast when it occured to me that most everyone I know has a weekend addiction, a habitual zen they cannot escape nor one they wish to escape. I was going to just ask somebody in a PM about theirs, when I realized that I am really an interesting person and that everyone would love to read about me. And so I decided to break down, play-by-play, what makes a weekend grand for the Joe. I invite anyone to join me in sharing stories about their perfect weekend. Not their dream weekend, but their perfect weekend (which actually happens).
For the record, everything on the above list has happened at least once, not necessarily at those times. Especially the Ginger Beer parts.
What do you do every weekend (Or month, in my case) that you could not go without? It doesn't need to be anything special or anything even fun, just something that defines the day and lets you know that it's sure as hell a Saturday.
7:00am: Get out of bed
7:01am: Try again
7:30am: Pull on filthy old clothes. Wake up dog. Avoid lingering doggy dreams of hunting rabbits. Keep fingers.
7:40am: Walk barefoot, because you are such a free spirit, out into the world with the dog.
7:45am: Go back for shoes.
8:15am: Arrive at café, order large and greasy meal for two. And a ginger beer.
8:16:30am: Complain to dog that this is taking a while, notice waitress is behind you with the drink. Say 'Just kidding' to your dog to cement your appearance as a total toss.
8:17am: Drink ginger beer. It is good.
8:25am: Eat large breakfast-for-two ravenously, like some kind of heathen beast. Feed half of it to Dog.
----- 8:25amA: Tell dog he is getting fat.
----------- 8:25amB: Make stupid faces at dog until he gets annoyed. Victory.
8:40am: Pay for delicious meal and buy a day old newspaper from the café. Walk back into the world. Do not read newspaper. All lies.
8:45am: Go back for shoes.
8:50am: Go back for Dog.
9:30am: Arrive at local co-op (Fish Market). Enter yon establishment. In current clothing, still the worst smelling thing in the building. Approach counter, fix yeowman with a steely gaze and lock wills to determine the greater mind. You are victorious. Such is your power. Place order with the defeated salesperson, claiming your nautical bounty.
9:40am: Collect bag of [OPERATION HAMMERTIME], look towards fridge.
9:40:00:00:01am: Notice they sell ginger beer.
9:45am: After going through the line again, drink ginger beer. It is good. Leave for home.
9:50am: Go back for [OPERATION HAMMERTIME]
10:30am: Arrive home. Place [OPERATION HAMMERTIME] in fridge next to all the ginger beer. Restrain yourself.
10:40am: Shower. Optional: Wash Hair.
10:50am: Get out of shower.
10:50:30am: Look at self in mirror.
11:00am: Look away.
11:10am: Turn on computer as you pass.
11:11am: Deliberate on what to wear. Select shorts and a T-shirt. There is nothing else in your wardrobe anyway.
11:15am: Sit at computer. Log on. Open up usual tabs. No Nerf to rogues, close that tab. No news on Norwegian sky-vortex, you want to believe but you close the tab anyway. Other 5 tabs are Escapist. Open up inspirational picture of Rorshach. Work begins. Begin clearing report queue.
12:30pm: Finish clearing report queue. Make snide comment in versus thread.
12:31pm: Read your comment aloud to the Dog. He'd like it if he could speak human. Laugh a bit.
12:40pm: It is almost lunch, time for [OPERATION HAMMERTIME]. Collect hammertime kit and a ginger beer. Get Dog. Leave house.
1:00pm: Race old lady for the best park bench near the river. Play dirty, she's lived long enough.
1:05pm: Lay out old Newspaper you bought from the cafe (See?), begin [OPERATION HAMMERTIME]
Ultrajoe sat upon the Bench, and dragged the massive weight of the Hammertime kit onto his lap. From inside he removed the Hammertime Hammer, a large and powerful hammer of justice, and the amber liquid known only as Ginger Beer, or 'Lathnavros' in the native elven tongue. Setting aside these great artifacts of many saturdays past, he delved yet deeper into the mass of Kit to withdraw [OPERATION HAMMERTIME] itself. A kilogram of pure and unadulterated Mud Crab AKA: Plated Heaven AKA: Six Legged Rapture AKA: The Salty Mouth-Orgasm.
He did untie legs of the cooked beastie, and gaze upon the armoured shell that holds the awesomeness within. He did look down upon himself, sensing irony but ignoring it in lieu of the many voices that were his stomach and tongue-brain. He Did Sieze The Hammertime Hammer, Raising It High With Potential Vengeance, Fixing His Eyes Upon The Shell That Hosted Earthly Ecstasy! HE DID STRIKE!
And he did eat the crab, as the Dog did cower under the rain of thunderous shell-shrapnel and flying crab-bits. The Dog knew better than to ask for a piece of the crab. All were envious of this meal.
He did untie legs of the cooked beastie, and gaze upon the armoured shell that holds the awesomeness within. He did look down upon himself, sensing irony but ignoring it in lieu of the many voices that were his stomach and tongue-brain. He Did Sieze The Hammertime Hammer, Raising It High With Potential Vengeance, Fixing His Eyes Upon The Shell That Hosted Earthly Ecstasy! HE DID STRIKE!
And he did eat the crab, as the Dog did cower under the rain of thunderous shell-shrapnel and flying crab-bits. The Dog knew better than to ask for a piece of the crab. All were envious of this meal.
1:40pm: Clear away Debris. Throw crab bits in river, watch fish fight over them. Laugh.
1:45pm: Have clever idea to wash hands in river.
2:00pm: Manage to scrabble out of the river.
2:10pm: Drink ginger beer. It is good.
2:30pm: Arrive home, stow away Hammertime kit. Turn on computer.
2:35pm: Log into WoW
11:00pm: Go to sleep.
11:05pm: Wake up again, log out of WoW and go to bed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was musing on my monthly crab feast when it occured to me that most everyone I know has a weekend addiction, a habitual zen they cannot escape nor one they wish to escape. I was going to just ask somebody in a PM about theirs, when I realized that I am really an interesting person and that everyone would love to read about me. And so I decided to break down, play-by-play, what makes a weekend grand for the Joe. I invite anyone to join me in sharing stories about their perfect weekend. Not their dream weekend, but their perfect weekend (which actually happens).
For the record, everything on the above list has happened at least once, not necessarily at those times. Especially the Ginger Beer parts.
What do you do every weekend (Or month, in my case) that you could not go without? It doesn't need to be anything special or anything even fun, just something that defines the day and lets you know that it's sure as hell a Saturday.
