The Pun War!

[Songbird-O]

Let's see if I can make one up...

A thief once hid his stolen money in a pastry shop while being pursued by the police. He the stolen money in a lump of pastry dough that he would return for when the police were off his trail, since he worked at the pastry shop during the day. He molded the dough into tasty french curl doughnuts, which he cooked in the oven and burnt to a crisp so no one else would want them. When he returned for him the following day, however, the police were in the shop waiting for him, with his money-filled burned brown doughnuts being taken away as evidence. As he was cuffed and taken to the waiting police car, he shouted "How could you have possibly found the loot!" To which one of the cops replied:

"Money makes the curls go brown."

 

[honestdiscussioner]

That guy was was probably baked out of his mind! If he wasn't, he would have made off with the dough. This story really takes the cake though. Too bad it didn't pan out. It would have been sweet. Now he's just like the dough, being at arrest. Every night his ASSets took a pounding, and since he didn't get any sunlight in prison his skin was all white and pastry. This guy just isn't on a roll, he always did act a bit too aloaf though, always went against the grain. They're starving him now in jail, but at least it helped get rid of his muffin' top. When he gets out of jail his investments will have all gone bad, he'll have nothing left but sourdough. He won't even be able to break bread. His prospects really aren't flouring.

That's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

 

[Je Suis Ubermonkey]

Oh yeah, well maybe I don't want to make any puns! What are you going to do about it? Punish me?

 

[Songbird-O]

Oh yeah, well maybe I don't want to make any puns! What are you going to do about it? Punish me?

Nope. Everyone who posts in here is marked by impunity and therefore immune to punishment.

 

[Irriduccibilli]

I heard they caught Osama while he was watching porn. I guess you could say that they really caught him wiíth his pants down

I dont know if thats an english expression as well

 

[DesiPrinceX09]

I always wondered why jocks loved drawing penises on everything and why they are the best penis artists; I always we knew they were COCKY but they give it a whole new meaning.

 

[Je Suis Ubermonkey]

Oh yeah, well maybe I don't want to make any puns! What are you going to do about it? Punish me?

Nope. Everyone who posts in here is marked by impunity and therefore immune to punishment.

Hahaha! Cower before my immunity, you puny Earthlings! I am truly punstoppable!
I should stop now.

 

[vacerious]

Hahaha! Cower before my immunity, you puny Earthlings! I am truly punstoppable!
I should stop now.

I'd like to see you make my day, punk! I hope you're feeling spunky, because I'm gonna lay 'em down on you like a Fox News pundit! You won't even believe how many homespun punches I can throw your way!

 

[popparik]

He was caught removing the bars of the window on the bakery with a croissant wrench....

After a hot pursuit, he was captured hiding in the meat counter of a nearby deli.

I guess things just went from bread to wurst...

 

[Je Suis Ubermonkey]

Hahaha! Cower before my immunity, you puny Earthlings! I am truly punstoppable!
I should stop now.

I'd like to see you make my day, punk! I hope you're feeling spunky, because I'm gonna lay 'em down on you like a Fox News pundit! You won't even believe how many homespun punches I can throw your way!

Your mind is slower than a tractor with a punctured tyre, and your response about as punctual as one too. You're little more than a pip unworthy of my attention!

 

[xXAsherahXx]

The war of Rome vs. Carthage

......the PUNic Wars.

Yeah, that happened

 

[vacerious]

Your mind is slower than a tractor with a punctured tyre, and your response about as punctual as one too. You're little more than a pip unworthy of my attention!

Well then, let's get rollin', 'cause I'm gonna come at ya at full speed! You better hope your material doesn't go flat. The puns I'm gonna throw at you might drive ya nuts.

Also, why hasn't anyone else posted this yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX38mGW30xU

 

[Je Suis Ubermonkey]

Your mind is slower than a tractor with a punctured tyre, and your response about as punctual as one too. You're little more than a pip unworthy of my attention!

Well then, let's get rollin', 'cause I'm gonna come at ya at full speed! You better hope your material doesn't go flat. The puns I'm gonna throw at you might drive ya nuts.

Also, why hasn't anyone else posted this yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX38mGW30xU

You think you're tough as old rubber, but you're trying to coast through this and just going downhill. Steer clear of me or I'll give you a belting that's anything but safe.
Seriously, you're callin' me flat but you're more lame than a Fiat Punto.

 

[Kyle Roberts]

I entered 10 puns into a pun competition hoping one would win.
No pun in-ten-did.

 

[godofallu]

That guy was was probably baked out of his mind! If he wasn't, he would have made off with the dough. This story really takes the cake though. Too bad it didn't pan out. It would have been sweet. Now he's just like the dough, being at arrest. Every night his ASSets took a pounding, and since he didn't get any sunlight in prison his skin was all white and pastry. This guy just isn't on a roll, he always did act a bit too aloaf though, always went against the grain. They're starving him now in jail, but at least it helped get rid of his muffin' top. When he gets out of jail his investments will have all gone bad, he'll have nothing left but sourdough. He won't even be able to break bread. His prospects really aren't flouring.

That's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

We have a winner for round 1! That was eggcelent.

Ok we need a new subject now, I better put it on the original post though so people see it.

 

[honestdiscussioner]

I'm sorry, but I have to say my original post is still winning the day here. It's been pun guys.

 

[honestdiscussioner]

Topic 2: An army soldier is attempting to regroup with his mates when he gets shot in the back. By his own team. Now he is being airlifted home in a helicopter.

As an example: I bet he is experiencing some GENERAL discomfort. Maybe he should FIRE his team.

That story was teaming with deception. They gave him their best shot, they were really gunning for him. Guess they really did have his back though. Glad the army had the chops to get him home. Good thing he wasn't dead yet, they wouldn't have been able to lift his spirit. I wonder how the army is going to SPIN the helicopter part of the story. Probably they'll put out a BULLETin. I wonder why they didn't hit his limbs, he was an ARMY kind of guy. He'll solider on I suppose, but he'll have some MAJOR group issues, but at least he didn't get hit in the PRIVATES. At least he went out with a bang though.

 

[Doive]

Venison's dear, isn't it?