So I was watching some pr0nzorz, feeling simultaneously impressed and outdone by the volume of ejaculate these guys are able to produce (I know it's mostly drug induced, but still) and I came up with the BRILLIANT idea of faking a monster cumshot by injecting a semen substitute (in this case, a creamy white moisturising body wash) down the shaft of my penis. What could possibly go wrong, right? As it turns out, urethras don't like liquids going in the wrong way - especially soapy ones. Thanks for the information, pain response!
A few hours/beers later and I needed to urinate, but instead of urine I was met with the feeling of a sharp needle piercing through my glans instead. I couldn't pass more than a drop or two without crippling agony. Not a fun position to be in with a full bladder. Then came the totally not humiliating admission to my parents that I was pissing razor blades and needed them to take me to the hospital. Yay!
Then came the super fun conversation with the doctor in order to inform him why I was pissing razor blades, followed by a pleasant physical examination. Not that I needed to impress him or anything, but it turns out that in frightening, awkward situations your penis shrivels up to the size of a 5 year old's. Lucky no ladies saw, right lads?
He prescribed me painkillers and a urine alkaliser, which thankfully numbed the pain enough to make pissing about as fun as sticking your dick in a jar of bees (as opposed to a jar of piranhas). So glad I didn't need a catheter, because I think that would have ruined my otherwise awesome day. I was a lucky boy.
