The Wild Life - Cinematic Excrement, Part Two

[Callate]

Oh, come now. A movie that "wouldn't even be able to hold the attention of a two-year-old" with dialogue that "could've been written by a one-year-old"? I understand that the movie didn't try, but c'mon.

These writers couldn't have gotten a job writing on Curious George- writing dialogue for Curious George.

These are the sort of writers who Adam Sandler would have taken off the job for pitching too low.

This is the sort of screenplay that would make Ray Bradbury re-think book burning.

This movie was apparently made with the idea of attaching Daniel Defoe's corpse to a turbine to generate electricity from its spin.

This movie could make infants learn how to walk, simply so they could walk out of the theater.

The Wild Life, or, How to Teach Your Child That an Attention Span is Over-Rated.

The animals' dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of echidnas.

If it were shown in THX, you could count on a child being more enthralled by the THX demo than by anything that followed.

An argument against Belgium's continued presence in the European Union.

Given a choice between The Wild Life and a box of matches, the average two-year-old will soon be testing the flame-retardancy of their own clothing.

 

[KissingSunlight]

Oh, come now. A movie that "wouldn't even be able to hold the attention of a two-year-old" with dialogue that "could've been written by a one-year-old"? I understand that the movie didn't try, but c'mon.

These writers couldn't have gotten a job writing on Curious George- writing dialogue for Curious George.

These are the sort of writers who Adam Sandler would have taken off the job for pitching too low.

This is the sort of screenplay that would make Ray Bradbury re-think book burning.

This movie was apparently made with the idea of attaching Daniel Defoe's corpse to a turbine to generate electricity from its spin.

This movie could make infants learn how to walk, simply so they could walk out of the theater.

The Wild Life, or, How to Teach Your Child That an Attention Span is Over-Rated.

The animals' dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of echidnas.

If it were shown in THX, you could count on a child being more enthralled by the THX demo than by anything that followed.

An argument against Belgium's continued presence in the European Union.

Given a choice between The Wild Life and a box of matches, the average two-year-old will soon be testing the flame-retardancy of their own clothing.

I'm curious. Did you actually see this movie? I love your one-liners in your post. I'm just curious that those one-liners are deserved.

 

[Steve the Pocket]

It's likely that the first thing you'll take away from even just the trailer for The Wild Life is the hideous animation and art style. There's a serious lack of polish and detail on every single aspect of the animation

Interesting. I completely agree that the trailer does nothing to make anyone in their right mind expect this to be any good in terms of story or comedy, but I wouldn't say the animation looks bad. It looks pretty decent - certainly not in Norm of the North territory. Just as good as Sausage Party, for example. Decent visual scope, ok characters, even a relatively impressive storm at sea.

I was gonna say. I've seen some cheap animation in my day - Alpha and Omega, Hoodwinked (which was otherwise a surprisingly good film) - so I clicked the trailer just to see how much worse it can get and was confused what I was expected to be seeing that was so bad.

 

[Johnson McGee]

Bad... everything aside, I think the worst thing is that the movie features a pangolin, A species that is critically endangered because of poaching due to people wanting them as pets, showing up in a kids' movie as a cute sidekick.

 

[Callate]

Oh, come now. A movie that "wouldn't even be able to hold the attention of a two-year-old" with dialogue that "could've been written by a one-year-old"? I understand that the movie didn't try, but c'mon.

These writers couldn't have gotten a job writing on Curious George- writing dialogue for Curious George.

These are the sort of writers who Adam Sandler would have taken off the job for pitching too low.

This is the sort of screenplay that would make Ray Bradbury re-think book burning.

This movie was apparently made with the idea of attaching Daniel Defoe's corpse to a turbine to generate electricity from its spin.

This movie could make infants learn how to walk, simply so they could walk out of the theater.

The Wild Life, or, How to Teach Your Child That an Attention Span is Over-Rated.

The animals' dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of echidnas.

If it were shown in THX, you could count on a child being more enthralled by the THX demo than by anything that followed.

An argument against Belgium's continued presence in the European Union.

Given a choice between The Wild Life and a box of matches, the average two-year-old will soon be testing the flame-retardancy of their own clothing.

I'm curious. Did you actually see this movie? I love your one-liners in your post. I'm just curious that those one-liners are deserved.

In honesty, I'm running[/riffing] off of the overall summation of Marter's review and the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic (as of this writing putting The Wild Life at 14% on RT, 36 on Metacritic.) The preview certainly was sufficiently unendearing that I'm willing to accept as gospel the word of the vast majority of movie critics.