The zombie rules: let's finally establish them.

[Midnight Crossroads]

My ideal zombie:

No pseudoscience to try to explain anything.

They're dead bodies getting up to kill and eat people. If someone died of a heart attack, they would get up. No virus. No disease. Nothing. Just corpses moving.

Because they are dead, there is no way to kill them. Head shots only work if they disable a zombie's ability to tear your face off with its teeth by removing its jaw. You cannot wait them out. They have patience that only the dead could possess. And when you die huddled in your bunker, you will rise from the dead and kill your friends. If disease plays any part in this, it will be from those found in the rotting flesh left over in the mouths and under the nails of zombies which quicken your own death.

Because zombies do not have an expiration date, they do not hurry. They walk with the infernal knowledge that you will collapse wheezing. They are drawn to life, so that they might end it. The dead will never tire until all life is gone.

They are not a plague or a horde. They are simply the end of humanity. They might as well have been sent from Hell.

So basically, the exact opposite of the popular idea of zombies now.

 

[kasperbbs]

No running. They can only manage walking pace at best.

Zombies that can run are terrifying. If they can run then there's no hope at all. Eventually your going to get tired and have to stop running, and somehow i don't think the zombies that have been chasing your ass for the last few miles will be feeling the need to take a little breather too. Nope it's game over man. See...terrifying.

Isn't that the point? They have to be terrifying, i personally hate these old school zombies that you could outrun with a broken leg.


F*** slow zombies.

 

[jad4400]

For the perfect defence against zombies, I shall quote a joke I heard, it goes something like this:

"I'm not afraid of zombies, if the dead start to rise, I'll just surround my house with outward facing treadmills".

 

[Swarles]

If it's a disease, then any of it's Max Brooks rules.

If it's anything else, then it's George Romero rules.

(Random side note, I like Romero better than Brooks although both are fantastic.)

 

[DeltaWolfson]

Rule number one: Don't get bitten.
Rule number two: Learn how to live in a group.
Rule number three: Shoot the closest Zombie in the head.
Rule Number four: leave the annoying guy alone to be eaten, while you and others make a run for it.

 

[Ariseishirou]

I'm a firm believer in Max Brooks's rules as laid out in The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z. But, that's just me. Some people would disagree (including many scientists).

I love these books, but I've always had two problems with them. The first is the notion that zombies are still alive but immune to disease (which they're obviously not since they were "infected" in the first place).

The problem with this idea is manifold: his zombies are apparently toxic to microorganisms, but how? Not only do microorganisms exist which can assimilate arsenic, uranium, heavy metals, and virtually all other toxic materials. Even if this is a novel material, microorganisms adapt as the rate of weeks and months because their generation time can be as little as ten minutes.

In reality, even with "toxic" zombies, some bacterium or another would evolve to feed off of them eventually, and because of their clustering, zero hygiene practices, gaping open wounds, and virtually unlimited supply, this bacterium would multiply and spread rapidly until it infected and consumed all zombies. Even better, because it evolved specifically to cannibalize a toxic host, regular humans would probably be immune to the pathogen. They could go back to Middle Ages style biological warfare and catapult sick zombies into crowds of "healthy" zombies and let nature do the rest

My other problem with Max Brook's zombies is that they can walk under water, even sea water, indefinitely.

Even if they are toxic to all the various organisms that would feed on them, they're also novel. So each of the billions of small fish, plankton, sharks, crabs, etc., is going to take a bite out of them first. The zombies would be either torn to pieces outright or immobilized before long. Not to mention blunt damage from currents, falling, etc.

Speaking of falling, his zombies lack the co-ordination to climb into the elevated buildings his survivors make for themselves, so how would they ever be able to climb out of a trench or pit at the bottom of the ocean? The ocean floor isn't even; far from it (speaking of which, neither is the earth's surface - a lot of zombies would wind up trapped in quarries, canyons, the cauldrons of volcanoes, sinkholes, etc.) The sides of many trenches are virtually sheer. More importantly, many of these trenches are hundreds of miles long. A zombie attempting to walk across the ocean floor would almost inevitably get trapped in one. Or worse, in a thermal heat vent and be boiled or incinerated.

And this is all assuming that they wouldn't float (which many decaying corpses do). And if they float, the currents are just going to carry most of them into the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

...Which would be kind of awesome actually. How's that for a symbol of consumerism, Romero? ;p

 

[shitoutonme]

Just make sure you're able to run faster than the fellow next to you... but I think that's a rule for surviving a bear encounter. Hmmm...

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

If you see it and think, "yeah, that's a zombie", its a fucking zombie. I don't care if it walks or runs, I don't care if a parasite reanimated it after it had died, or killed it and took control of its brain instantly. I don't care if you have to take them down with headshots or if body shots will also do the trick.

If you see it, you should know what its meant to be. If you don't then it has failed at being a zombie.

The closest I'd go to a defining "base rule" would that there'd be no intelligence beyond wanting to eat people/other living things.

Heheh, this quote has got it pinned, very refreshing (bolded by me). You just KNOW when they are zombies, and let some people be creative with them. I guess that's why L4D call them infected? So they won't be bound by anyone's "rules". But I know they're zombies =P

Imagine if the RE series didn't have the crazy, over-the-top mutation bosses that you had to fight, which was like the crux of every game. It wouldn't be the same now, just shooting at waves of zombies. The spiders, dogs, lickers, and regenerators add a whole lot more to the table, and keep you on the edge, guessing and not knowing what will come next.

Dead Rising has a different way about it, where the zombies are just that, zombies, adding an angle to a situation where the real threat are humans (of an unhealthy mental state).

Both are successful (by that I mean entertaining), no?

 

[A-D.]

Depends on the Type of "Infection".

28 Days Later-Kind are to me, more terrifying than say the Romero kind because they arent de-facto Zombies. More infected Humans, which means they can think to a limited degree and are faster.

By Definition though, or at least from what i overall gather from a Zombie being capable of is.

1: They dont drown, they dont swim, as such cant cross Water reliably and/or in great Number
2: They are slow, usually shambling about, though being capable of sudden, limited sprints
3: They are stronger than you at all times. Due to being dead and unable to feel any Pain. Pain is a limiter of Strength, we can use, at most, 20% of our Muscles and their combined strength before Pain is used to prevent them from tearing and ripping. While a Zombie does not have that, it results in faster rate of attrition.
4: They are instinctal. They dont think, they act solely on the basic human instincts of survival. Which means Food. Given that Procreation is impossible due to being quite dead already and also lesser in importance. Self-preservation overrides it.
5: They use sound and possibly sight to determine Prey, as while Sound will allow them to judge the direction of said prey, it could not be found if you were to sidestep a single zombie quietly. Which means their Eyesight is very limited, possibly attuned to differentiating between fast and slow moving objects.
6: Infection spreads through direct contact/exchange of bodily Fluids.
7: The Infection is usually either a Virus or Bacteria. Parasites itself seem rare in overall Fiction to cause it. Making the Zombie the only potential Source to be infected by, or whichever habitat the original Virus/Bacteria inhabits beforehand, which can be Water or potentially a type of Insect or parasite spreading it, i.e. Ticks or Fleas.
8: Zombies are affected by extreme environmental Conditions, cold for example. Fire helps in a limited Fashion, as while it destroys the Body slowly, the Zombie is still a threat until the fire has caused sufficient Damage to its muscles to cause it to become immobile.
9: Zombies do not need food, water or air to survive. Which means without a direct cause, i.e. cold, fire or destruction of its body, it will not die out by itself at any given time.
10: Zombies have a limited form of a hive mind, as they are able to make a difference between friend and foe, although not in a fashion to allow organized hunting for example. They would not cannibalise each other however. Which may be tied in with the limited Eyesight, as they move slowly they dont percieve each other as prey. Whichever the cause for it is, they will not attack each other.
11: They do not use Tools. Same goes for Weapons, improvised or otherwise. Their only Weapon is their Limbs and Mouth.

Thats about it really. At least as far as it goes for me :3

 

[Raddragon]

One thing that always gets me about zombies is:
If they bite you, you get infected, but if you slash a zombie's head off and blood splashes all over you its fine? I think it'd be nice if the zombies passed on the infection only in direct contact with the blood stream, otherwise it wouldn't be as fun chopping heads off, right?

 

[MisterDyslexo]

Even though they're rotting, they are still somehow stronger now than they ever were in life.

Somebody's gotta tip the scales in favour of Zed.

And I guess disintegration of the body works too, not just "destroying the brain", although a lot of people forgot that ashes can't really attack you... unless they're in a really bad Japanese movie made on the US equivalent of 640 dollars.

 

[Jamboxdotcom]

I love these books, but I've always had two problems with them. The first is the notion that zombies are still alive but immune to disease (which they're obviously not since they were "infected" in the first place).

I agree with what you've said aside from this, and actually am not trying to argue, but rather to clarify: the zombies are not in fact alive. They are dead, but are basically automatons controlled by the virus (or whatever it is... i can never remember if it was viral or bacterial).

Also, as far as the sea goes, there is also the issue of the crushing pressures at great depths.

Even though they're rotting, they are still somehow stronger now than they ever were in life.

Somebody's gotta tip the scales in favour of Zed.

The "increased strength" is a result of a lack of pain receptors. They're technically no stronger than they were, but their mental limits have been removed. Of course, this means they will destroy themselves much quicker as well.