Things that parents say that make you roll your eyes.

[chozo_hybrid]

The age old "You don't have kids, so you can't talk." approach to deal with any sort of input or criticism regarding anything parenting related, never mind the fact that common sense does not require parenting experience. Granted there will be the odd thing that some may not know until they are a parent, but most of the time it seems to be a bullshit way of telling you to shut up because they have no real counter point.

 

[Username Redacted]

Related to that, when I was in a period of long-term unemployment, I used to have frustrating conversations with my grandparents, who seemed to think that getting a job was still as simple as walking into a building, asking the manager for work, and being in your new uniform within the hour.

This was more or less going to be my contribution to this topic except replacing 'grandparents' with 'mom' as said person has exactly zero grasp of just how fucked the economy is but refuses to let that be a deterrent from offering unsolicited and unhelpful advice on the subject.

 

[Belaam]

Whew. As a parent, I haven't done any of these.

That said, who hasn't even mentioned death to a 8-10 year old? My six year old has a definite concept of death (though I think she also thinks zombies are real) and the three year old even has an understanding that death means you're gone and don't come back.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

There's the phrase, "You'll want kids someday" and when I assure my family that no, I really don't want any kids, they follow it up with, "You'll change your mind some day". I'm not clairvoyant so I'm going to admit right now that I could wake up one day when I'm in my 40's, 50's or even an older decade and think to myself, "Damn, I gotta make me a child of my own!" The thing is, in the here-and-now, I have no interest in having kids. The one I'm with also doesn't want kids and the above phrases are worse for her because she's a 'she' and my understanding is that a woman either wants children or there's something wrong with her.

I also remember rolling my eyes when my parents told me I'd eventually outgrow my gaming habits. Well look at me now Mom and Dad, I have more games now than either of you would ever have bought me, and you two were divorced and thus obligated to try buying my love!

 

[Action Jackson]

There was this one time where mother and I were watching God's Not Dead and she started crying during the scene in which the asshole atheist professor gets hit by a car and is left dying in the middle of the street, and the priest convinces him to "Give Himself to Jesus" rather than call an ambulance (If you watched the film you know how fucking stupid that scene is).

I'm not going to lie, I felt embarassed sitting next to her thinking "goodness gracious me, this is the woman who molded my childhood and played a pivotal part in the making of who I am today and likely who I will ever be"

Yeah... that was one of those moments.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

Pretty much the only one that bugs me is when they try and give me dating advice.

Mom, Dad, I know you mean well, but neither one of you has been on a date in 30 years. That world is long since dead to you.

 

[FirstNameLastName]

"How can you complain about this child's behaviour, you were once a child too."

This is such a stupid line of reasoning. Yes, I was a child too. We we're all children once. And do you know what I, and many other people also used to be? A vicious little shit. I remember always fucking with other people when I was a child, and I wasn't alone on that front. I really don't see how me being a little terror when I was a child somehow proves that children aren't little terrors.

 

[Thaluikhain]

The general consensus by old people that the world is a hellhole, and we need to return to that magical time when there were unicorns, and rainbows, and a white man could lynch his neighbor in peace. Sorry grandma, we have things like computers, and medicine, and human rights now. The world was actually a pretty shitty place when you were a child, get over it.

*The only exception, of course, is my childhood, which actually was a golden age of human understanding and Hey Arnold. The 90s were awesome*

Argh, yes. This can be quite dangerous, you get enough reactionaries wanting to go back to an imagined Golden Age of the 1950s, and politicians take note.

 

[Vault101]

"NOW VAULT...I HAVE AN IDEA, WHAT IF YOU HAVE TWO BASKETS. ONE THAT SAYS "DIRTY" AND ONE THAT SAYS "CLEAN" FOR YOUR CLOTHES"

oh my god I can manage my own space, let it goooooooo

 

[SilverStuddedSquirre]

"NOW VAULT...I HAVE AN IDEA, WHAT IF YOU HAVE TWO BASKETS. ONE THAT SAYS "DIRTY" AND ONE THAT SAYS "CLEAN" FOR YOUR CLOTHES"

oh my god I can manage my own space, let it goooooooo

I too could never convince my parents that the floor was, in fact, a very wide, very low shelf.

 

[Zhukov]

That said, who hasn't even mentioned death to a 8-10 year old? My six year old has a definite concept of death (though I think she also thinks zombies are real) and the three year old even has an understanding that death means you're gone and don't come back.

Yeah, that kinda puzzled me too. How does a kid reach that age without some idea of what death is?

I'm not a parent, but I remember explaining death to my little brother when he was about 4-5.

At first I tried to be biological about it: "All the things in your body that make you go just stop."
Then I tried to be a bit more symbolic: "It's a bit like going to sleep, except you never wake up and then your body slowly turns to dirt."
He was still a bit puzzled, so eventually I just pointed to some roadkill and said, "That. It happens to people too."

That pretty much seemed to settle the matter.

"NOW VAULT...I HAVE AN IDEA, WHAT IF YOU HAVE TWO BASKETS. ONE THAT SAYS "DIRTY" AND ONE THAT SAYS "CLEAN" FOR YOUR CLOTHES"

What's wrong with that idea?

[sub][sub]That's basically what I do with my clothing.[/sub][/sub]

 

[Vault101]

What's wrong with that idea?

[sub][sub]That's basically what I do with my clothing.[/sub][/sub]

nothing but she acts like I'm an idiot who's never considered it, or goes completely deaf when I explain that "yes I have a lot of stuff but I am good at managing my space and my STUFF!"

the only time my mother has ever impressed me with her wisdom was when she showed me that simple bi-carb soda can clean the sink and remove stains from plats and cups....that was impressive

 

[VanQ]

"If you keep wasting time playing video games you'll never move out of home, get a girlfriend or have a decent career!"

My dad would tell me this at least once a week, every week for the first 17 years of my life.

By 18 I was living out of home, had had a girlfriend and was already working towards a career. Now at age 25 I'm still living out of home and have a better career than either of my parents had. So take that, Dad![footnote]I still love and respect my father, but I'll be sure to rub it in his face if he ever says anything like that to my little sister who is 13 and is basically a female carbon copy of me.[/footnote]

 

[Sleepy Sol]

"You'll grow out of that phase eventually,"

This is just in reference to my parents in particular, in regards to [organized] religion (and my general aversion to it). Though they don't rub it in or beat the drum as hard as my grandparents do.

At the very least, both my parents and grandparents don't force me into anything. And I don't mind attending a church event for, say, Christmas or something. It's just an hour of my time most of the time for a regular church service and it makes my family happy for a bit to see me bothering to attend a service.

...I still manage to fall asleep during just about every church service I've ever been to though from the start of my teenage years.

 

[Spider RedNight]

"Keep your room clean. Make your bed. I want your room to look nice for when guests come over."

Huh-what? *I* didn't invite guests over, a room is personal space and I don't want everyone to see where I sleep and where my things go. It's always bugged me when parents tell their kids to keep their living environment clean when some people just AREN'T that way. I mean, food and trash is one thing but toys and clothes are different. I know where everything is just fine, I never scramble around looking for what I need and as I said, it's *my* room. you don't have to live or sleep in it and you ESPECIALLY don't need to showboat it to your gossipy friends who will make fun of my posters or all the video games on my shelf or my super hero shirts--

Sorry, got off on a tangent, there. Where was I?

Oh, yes, also "You need to just put yourself out there and get a job." Ohhhh NOW I get it! I can't believe it was that simple! Wait... wait, no it isn't. This isn't the 80's, mom.

And then there's the general "Oh, MY kid would NEVER do that!" Yeah, sorry if I don't believe you. "My child is so talented and gifted!" "I know most parents say this but my child is different"

 

[Johnny Impact]

'You don't have kids, so you can't talk.'
Really? At which point did ultimate knowledge of the universe come to you? Having sex didn't do that for me. Automated biological processes like breathing and pooping don't fill me with ineffable wisdom, so pardon me if I harbor some SLIGHT doubts about whether or not the automated biological processes of ejaculation or gestation rendered you omniscient. Making kids is not difficult, almost anyone can do it. And what's so special about taking care of kids? They're nothing but screaming poop factories for the first five years. After that they're messy argument machines. Don't tell me it will redefine my life's purpose. My life is okay the way it is, especially since it currently involves zero shitty diapers, almost no three a.m. wake-ups, and zero discussions about why you cannot borrow my car. I fully intend to keep it that way.

'Your music is annoying.'
Said your parents, and their parents, and their parents, going back forever. There's no surer way to determine the average person's age than what music they like.

'My kid would never do that.'
Well, I just watched your little hellspawn do that thing. Reevaluate your situation. Denying facts helps nobody.

Bumper stickers that say, 'My child attends ___ middle school.'
So you squirted out a kid. Big deal. So have billions of others. Your kid is mediocre, like billions of others. Know how I know that? If he were exceptional, you'd AT LEAST have an 'honor roll' bumper sticker. Stop being so proud of mediocrity, you moron.

 

[AuronFtw]

"Get out of here, ******."

My dad is a hell of a charmer.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

Most of the stuff that comes as "life advice", non-practical stuff(so not involving treating wounds, how to clean certain parts of a house, etc.)

Such as:
-"Marriage depends on good sex, otherwise you're just friends!"
-"You'll start believing later!"
-"Don't make yourself some sort of hero! Things were way worse in my day!"
-"That's such an English way of thinking"

And a bunch of other stuff that isn't relevant to anyone right now.

Yes, life was certainly difficult back then. Doesn't mean that I can't find something difficult or that I should expect my parents not to give a toss about my education unless I am failing. And the casual racism is a funny way to try and get me to alienate myself from such silly ideas(!) such as equality and not stigmatizing mental illness.

Nah, it's just that I've been living in England for too long and now I've become "one of them".

 

[Kopikatsu]

"The people on the internet aren't real. You're just talking to yourself."

I think the moral hidden deep, deep in that statement was 'People on the internet might not be 100% truthful all the time'. Which, y'know, duh.

"Get out and don't bother coming back."

That one didn't get an 'Oh you!' eyeroll, but rather the 'This again?' combined with the shoulder slump of defeat, since it meant I was going to be sleeping outside that night.

 

[fenrizz]

"Keep your room clean. Make your bed. I want your room to look nice for when guests come over."

Huh-what? *I* didn't invite guests over, a room is personal space and I don't want everyone to see where I sleep and where my things go. It's always bugged me when parents tell their kids to keep their living environment clean when some people just AREN'T that way. I mean, food and trash is one thing but toys and clothes are different. I know where everything is just fine, I never scramble around looking for what I need and as I said, it's *my* room. you don't have to live or sleep in it and you ESPECIALLY don't need to showboat it to your gossipy friends who will make fun of my posters or all the video games on my shelf or my super hero shirts--

I expect my children to keep thir rooms presentable, not necessarily for guests, but becaue I like my house to look nice and clean.
It's not that much to ask of them really.

Most of the stuff that comes as "life advice", non-practical stuff(so not involving treating wounds, how to clean certain parts of a house, etc.)

Such as:
-"Marriage depends on good sex, otherwise you're just friends!"

This one is probably true though.