Things you dont say or do at a funeral

[Jolly Co-operator]

You probably shouldn't douse the corpse with barbecue sauce and call dibs on the leg.

In my defense, I hadn't eaten lunch yet, and the eulogy was taking FOREVER.

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

Boys: This: I need to go watch some Coupling now. The original and far superior BBC series, that is.


Also, (And I did in fact have these things happen to me at my Uncles funeral a few years ago):

Do not try to chat up someone who you clearly don't remember. They may have known you since you were both veeeeeeery little children ruining the Christmas magic show a the sailing club together!

Also, do not stare at someone who you can't quite place, obviously trying to remember who they are, especially when that person is quite obviously failing to hold their shit together.

[sub]I s'pose I should also mention "try not to lose it completely either during the service, or at the wake afterwards"[/sub]

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Walk in late, look at their sad faces, and say, ?Woah! Who died??

Some crude joke about necrophilia.

Arrive dressed as the Grim Reaper.

Say in the middle of silence, ?I have the strangest boner right now.?

If you?re at your friend?s mother?s funeral, turn round to your friend, put your hand on their shoulder, and say, ?I just want you to know?I totally would've banged her.?

Do what that old woman with dementia did in My Girl.

Go up to the coffin/casket. Take out a napkin, fork, and knife. Look over your shoulder and say, ?Should I leave some for anyone??

 

[Calibanbutcher]

1.Never, under any circumstances refer to the deceased as a MILF.
Or a CILF for that matter.

2. Now is not a good time to practice your awesome Highway to Hell cover.
This also goes for Hells Bells.

3. Do not attempt to place bets on "who's next".

4. If you are attending an "open-casket"-funeral and you know you have a weak stomach, stay away from the corpse, projectile
vomiting is not an acceptable form of showing your condolences.

5. Med students: This may be a very fresh corpse, but now is not the time to show off your pathology skills.

6. Don't approach the recently widowed with "I know what you did".

7. Bringing strippers is generally frowned upon.

8. It is considered improper etiquette to discard junk in the open grave.

9. Physical humor is an art, but that does not mean you should use the corpse as a ventriloquist dummy.
Especially if that means hollowing it out and shoving your hand....

10. Don't bring large groups of asian tourist who, in exchange for a small fee, get to take "whacky" pictures with the
deceased.
Also: Don't dress the deceased in whacky outfits.

11. Electricity is fun, but that's no reason to "tase the sh*t outta that corpse, yo", to see if it will do an awesome
epileptic breakdance.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Can I borrow him? I need to carry around a blind guy to hit on some disabled chick.

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

Do not for the love of God turn the corpse into a marionette or do some kind of ventriloquist act! I learned that the hard way...
Those townspeople still lynch me with pitchforks and torches whenever I drop in for groceries!

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Apparently you need to forget about how much of an asshole they are and if they didn't do anything decent make shit up. Don't understand why being dead excuses your mistakes.

 

[Rastien]

I would totally hit that! (not the dead body)

There is a fair chance that your target may well be related to you.

Incest is not wincest.

 

[Coffeejack]

If you're not doing this...


...Then you're probably doing just fine and I wouldn't worry.

 

[ForensicYOYO]

If you're not doing this...


...Then you're probably doing just fine and I wouldn't worry.

lol so true.

 

[mattttherman3]

Not sure why it was Necro'd but never go up to the oldest person and tell them that their probably next!

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

Also, if you're going to make the comment "Something drastic must have happened... I'm in a dress and heels!!!" it is far more important than I guessed at the time to make sure your mother is not in earshot. Still in the bad books for that one two weeks later!!!

 

[xmbts]

I just got back from having my grandmothers funeral and as crazy as it sounds the entire time my mind kept coming up with bad funeral jokes. For example: The owner of the funeral home was telling us how well renown there funeral home is, and I had to fight myself from saying, I guess people are just dieing to get in here. See! so not appropriate lol.

So tell me what else you should never say or do at a funeral.

EDIT: When I die I want to go out with a bang. So burn my ashes and put me in a fire work! LOL

You actually can do that, there's a whole website devoted to creative things that can be done with ashes post cremation.

But bringing up current events is usually a bad idea, my friend just had her grandmothers funeral and she wanted to punch the priest in the face when he started talking about Sandy Hook.

 

[sageoftruth]

Never do anything Fred Phelps would do at a funeral. He's got the whole "things you shouldn't do at a funeral" shtick mastered.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

Do not play "Yakety Sax" for any reason.

Do not talk during the service.

Or open a beer can (got this from the Blue Collar Comedy tour)

 

[IndomitableSam]

Never tell your teenaged friends to come to the funeral so they chat and text through the service. Was very pissed at my friend's dad's funeral about that.... but even more pissed at the woman behind us (dressed in jeans) talking about work and social events all through the service. Holy crap I could have killed that lady.

 

[JamesStone]

As you arrive, run to the deceased, look around very quickly, and shout:
"Oh no! I think he's dead!", or, if you are feeling goofy that day "Does anyone here know how to perform CPR?"

Cracks them every time. Or do they crack your head in rage? Can never quite remember.

 

[Jamash]

I firmly believe that all, or any part of the following, would fall under the category of 'things you don't say or do at a funeral':


Then again, I suppose most types of shouting or football chants would be inappropriate at a funeral, regardless of the actual content.