Things you want to say to a customer but just can't...

[klarr]

If anyone has seen Super Troopers, I've done the "meow" challenge with customers many times. My record was 12.

you are a god!
i was only able to do it 4 times, and then they called me on it.

 

[minibond321]

"A customer comes to my checkout with an instant meal for one, a single pint of milk and half a load of bread. I asked her if she was single. She smiled and said she was, and asked was it so obvious that she was single just by what she was buying. I smiled back and said no, its because your so fucking ugly"

Anon

 

[kellenheller]

I work as a supervisor in credit cards and I get a variety of things said to me every day. Here are some examples:

Why am I over limit? (I don't know dumb ass. Maybe it's because you couldn't use a little restraint and not spend 4 grand at Best Buy.)

I'm a good customer and I don't pay late charges and/or finance charges. (If you are such a great fucking customer, then maybe you would know how to make your goddamn payments on time. It's not hard. You go to our website and you can setup autopay so that it does it for you. That would be especially handy since you are a complete retard and incapable of doing anything right at all.)

The customer is always right! (No, they are not. Never, in the history of man, has the customer been right. Please hang up and do not ever call us again. Die.)

I have more, but I'll keep those to myself.

 

[purplegothchick]

I had an opposite thing happen to me in a shop once. I was standing in WHSmith trying to pick out a nice pen to use in uni, and some guy said to me "scuse me love, do you sell ink cartridges here?" In my head I was like "WTF?! I'm standing looking at pens, wearing my leather trenchcoat, do I look like I fucking work here?!" But I just said to him, "I don't actually work here" and he shuffled off looking embarrassed.

EDIT: I'm selling Gamerscore boosts on ebay, and the number of people who buy them thinking they're buying the actual game, or don't send me the details that I need, when I stated all of this very clearly in the listing is unbelievable. I just feel like saying to them READ THE FUCKING LISTING, FUCKTARD! Then maybe this transaction would go smoothly!

 

[kellenheller]

If anyone has seen Super Troopers, I've done the "meow" challenge with customers many times. My record was 12.

you are a god!
i was only able to do it 4 times, and then they called me on it.

I had a customer yesterday whose last name was Ngiau (pronounced neow). I had a field day with that one. Definitely kept me laughing today.

 

[purplegothchick]

I had an opposite thing happen to me in a shop once. I was standing in WHSmith trying to pick out a nice pen to use in uni, and some guy said to me "scuse me love, do you sell ink cartridges here?" In my head I was like "WTF?! I'm standing looking at pens, wearing my leather trenchcoat, do I look like I fucking work here?!" But I just said to him, "I don't actually work here" and he shuffled off looking embarrassed.

I was in a similar situation once (leather jacket instead of trenchcoat, but whatever.) It was some old guy looking for a video game, so I ran down a list of things I knew about ones similar to it.

I meant to be mean to him, but I was tired.

Also, I think most girls would agree "Stop staring at my tits" is something they'd like to say to most customers, especially if they work as waitresses.

Yeah, I had that when I worked in a pub. Wanted to punch a lot of people cos of that.

 

[shadowice558]

shut the hell up.
appologise.
or i will kick your teeth in.

(thanks god im only a customer and have said that 4 times to date =D )

 

[razer17]

I have intense dislike for the welfare system in the U.S. as people can very easily abuse the system. Incidentally, as a grocery store clerk, I always want to mouth off to welfare bums who buy food with a food-stamp card, and then pull out a wad of 50s or a gold credit card to pay for a case of beer and a carton cigarettes. Fuck them!

Another instance is a particular event that happened to me. There is yet another welfare program for folks who have kids and can't support them financially (because, at least in this country, having more kids makes you get more welfare, which is why we have so many stupid people infecting society), called WIC. WIC (Women Infant Children) is a program where they give the recipient a check for milk, baby formula, juice, and other nutrient-rich foods for kids, and there is a strict list of items they can buy, and the check lists those specific items on the front.

So I'm working at my register counter, and a really bitchy 20-something comes up, hands me four checks, and slams down a whole bunch of Simlac bottles. I scan one, and it's not in the computer database, so it won't work. That's not our fault, the WIC office didn't authorize it. So I call a manager's assistance, and the the ***** is checking her watch and sighing loudly to show she's in a hurry. She gets really catty when the manager says there's nothing he can do, and she tells him her time is valuable an she's "in a hurry." She then takes her checks and walks off with her attitude.

This is what I want to say to every welfare customer I get who has an attitude (i.e. the dishonest ones whom abuse the system, as the more well-mannered people who actually need the help don't really have bad attitudes). "Fuck you. My taxes go to pay for your food so you can sit on your ass and leech off of the government. Your time is not valuable because you're obviously not carrying your own weight. You don't deserve and opinion because you didn't earn it. Now get out of my sight before I do something that will actually benefit society by leaving one less parasitic bum to drain the money away from the (working) people that matter."

WOW. i wish everyone had this attitude. i hate deadbeat scum who scrounge from the government.
as for my story, working in a supermarket I once took an extremely fat woman, and I mean extremely fat, to the wrong isle. she asked me to show her the burgers, so i took her to fruit and veg, told her to have some of that instead. she wasn't happy and called a manager, so i got a a disciplinary. or theres the people who come to the counter with zoo nuts or FHM and try to hide it in shame, so I often make a call asking for the price. if your that embarassed dont buy it

 

[Chamberja]

Working at PC World in the UK, general conception of our staff is that we know absolutly nothing about PC's.

One customer,full of wits and sarcasm, asked me if the motherboard inside one PC was PCI Express version 1.0 or 2.0. (Small cheap office computer mind) to which I replied, "Im not sure, I would have to check the detail spec sheet for it".

He then continued to ask: "Do you know what PC stands for?"

I said "Yeah, Penis Cream"

We can get away with stuff like that in my shop.

 

[sirdanrhodes]

"Just shut the fuck up, there's a line behind you."

 

[Bat Vader]

When I was waiting (a couple of years ago now) I had to stack 4+ plates on my arm/wrist and have veg dishes on top of those, it got very heavy. It was always once I had collected all the plates etc. that the people would start to ask about education, where I lived etc. I wanted to tell them to shut the f**k up so I could stop breaking my arm.

Why did they ask you these things? I am an introvert and also very misanthropic, me and people don't get along well. Not that I am sad about that. Physical human interaction seems foolish to me. Why talk to someone up close when you could talk to them online?

 

[Tech Team FTW!]

When I was waiting (a couple of years ago now) I had to stack 4+ plates on my arm/wrist and have veg dishes on top of those, it got very heavy. It was always once I had collected all the plates etc. that the people would start to ask about education, where I lived etc. I wanted to tell them to shut the f**k up so I could stop breaking my arm.

Why did they ask you these things? I am an introvert and also very misanthropic, me and people don't get along well. Not that I am sad about that. Physical human interaction seems foolish to me. Why talk to someone up close when you could talk to them online?

Why talk to someone online when you can not talk to anyone?

Sorry if I am coming across as an ass-hat, I do empathise with your position. People around me seem to think they can "correct" my introversion.

 

[Bat Vader]

When I was waiting (a couple of years ago now) I had to stack 4+ plates on my arm/wrist and have veg dishes on top of those, it got very heavy. It was always once I had collected all the plates etc. that the people would start to ask about education, where I lived etc. I wanted to tell them to shut the f**k up so I could stop breaking my arm.

Why did they ask you these things? I am an introvert and also very misanthropic, me and people don't get along well. Not that I am sad about that. Physical human interaction seems foolish to me. Why talk to someone up close when you could talk to them online?

Why talk to someone online when you can not talk to anyone?

Sorry if I am coming across as an ass-hat, I do empathise with your position. People around me seem to think they can "correct" my introversion.

If I did not talk to anyone how else could I use them for my own goals?

 

[Tech Team FTW!]

If I did not talk to anyone how else could I use them for my own goals?

I don't know... Magic?
What am I, Jesus?
: P

 

[ChaosTheory3133]

I assure you; we're open...


Clerks was an awesome movie.

 

[Arionis]

"You, sir, are a fucking idiot."

"God your disgusting."

"My god, I'd like to take you to my room."

 

[Bat Vader]

If I did not talk to anyone how else could I use them for my own goals?

I don't know... Magic?
What am I, Jesus?
: P

Your Jesus? Awesome, I want a PS3, A new HDTV, and also a girlfriend. Can you grant me these things Santa?