Think I might be falling for my best friend.

[BNguyen]

You know, based upon your situation, I'm reminded of the whole Clannad story.
I can say from experience that I've tried this before and it didn't work out, however, that doesn't mean that it won't work for you. Just don't push too hard and don't be overly dramatic about it, of course that is unless she would enjoy that.
Just go for it and don't be afraid of the outcome.

 

[BonsaiK]

SHORT VERSION: I'm falling in love with my best friend, I have no idea what to do and I'm hoping soemone can help. Thanks.

Ruining a friendship with romance is a really common concern for a lot of people, and to be honest, I have no idea why. If you ask her out, or to be more than friends, or whatever, and she says no, there's nothing stopping you from then turning around and going "okay, let's just continue to be friends then". Sure, it'll feel weird, but it will feel even weirder if you do nothing - it's better to get stuff like this out in the open.

No need to hit her with the "I love you" stuff, that'll probably scare her off anyway. Just start taking her out on dates instead. She's no dummy, she'll get the hint.

 

[The Stonker]

I've got a similar problem except she is with a guy.
Now, we're all cuddly and things like that, we're even well a bit romantic ( we don't cross the line of sex or kissing ) anywho.
What I would recommend is that I would go for it because there is only one thing you can regret and that's not doing.

 

[Ren3004]

Seeing as I'm in more or less the same situation, I feel obliged to give my two cents. My best friend is, right now, the person I see as the best possible match for me. The only problem is that she doesn't feel the same way.

So, first of all, if she's really your friend, telling her about it won't make her stop being friends with you. I told a few of my friends I had feelings for them, and none of them drifted away from me because of that. Second of all, what I did when I realized that my friend had no such feelings for me was simply give up. It's not worth it spending your time after someone who is just not interested, and in long term you may come across as being too clingy, and strain your friendship. If she isn't interested in you, then try to distract yourself with something, date other girls, whatever; don't let your life revolve around her. If she does start developing feelings for you, then think about it then. And third... this is just my opinion. It worked for me, it doesn't necessarily mean that it worked for you.

 

[OrokuSaki]

I didn't say age automatically = understanding.

I said you get understanding through experience and no 14 year old has ever had a true understanding and experience of bonding. You will still have a better understanding of a real relatiionship than a 14 year old would.

True, but Understanding doesn't automatically = age either.

As proof, my grandfather is 50 years older than me, and I understand electronics AND when to stop my boring stories because nobody cares more than he does. Therefore, based entirely on the gap in knowledge between generations it's entirely plausible that a 14 year old understands love.

 

[Glamorgan]

Yeah, if you want the short version there it is in the title.

Here's the longer version. So I'm like best friends with this girl. I think she's awesome. I met her last year in drama class when we were paired to do a scene together. To me she'd always just been "That cute girl in drama, but that was the first time we really started talking or spending any amount of time together. Anyways, before long we started texting and stuff and hanging out and in a few months we were super close. At this point we're basically best friends. I feel like I can tell her almost anything and she's a great person to be around. She likes video games and she even played on our football team and we have everything in common. We're so close that since about march last year our friends have been bugging us about how we're in love and may as well be dating. No doubt if they ever saw this post and think "Ha I fucking called it". I actually have had feeling for her before, and she's had feelings for me, but all of 1 other person knows that. I've always loved her like a sister, but recently I've been feeling different. I feel like I actually have legitimate feelings for her. And it sucks.

As you can imagine I really value our friendship. Fucking it up over something like this is the last thing I want. I have no idea if she feels the same way, and I have no idea how she would react if I told her. I mean in my experience things like this can cause lots of problems. Besides that we've talked about this kind of stuff before in like a semi serious semi joking way but I don't know. I'd love to be with her but I don't know if it's worth our friendship.

SHORT VERSION: I'm falling in love with my best friend, I have no idea what to do and I'm hoping soemone can help. Thanks.

Anyways, I'm not even sure why I'm saying this. Quite honestly I don't think it'll affect anything. I guess I'm just clinging to the hope that someone will be able to say something or give me some advice so good that it brings me some peace of mind. I mean I know I'm not the first person who's experienced this. But yeah, if you think you can help I'd be much obliged.

EDIT: Thanks so much to everyone who's replied, I very much appreciate it. Also, I'd like to clarify that I'm not in love with her per say, that's just what I thought was the most concise phrase for my short version. I just think I have feeling for her that are more than friendship.

You remind me of myself a few months ago. I was in this exact situation. Like... exact. Except, you know, she was in a relationship.

However, 62 days ago (shutupimnotcounting) she said that she had feelings for me too. Even though she stayed with him... Well, I've realised that now I might have a chance in hell.

Look, as you said, she has had feelings for you. She is obviously attracted to you, to some degree. I honestly think that without the annoyance of her having a boyfriend, you stand an incredibly good chance.

And do not fret about her freaking out if you tell her. If she is really your best friend, she wont mind. My friend has been so kind to me about my feelings, even after she stopped liking me.

I know I'm really not one for advice, but if it's peace of mind you want, then things can only end well. If she rejects you, you will go end up going back to being this close, and if she likes you... well, it will most likely lead to something between the two of you.

I probably wont be too much help, but I have been through pretty much this exact situation. If you want any help, I'd recommend BonsaiK, but I would be more than willing to help out at any point. Just PM me if you want. No pressure.

Just keep a cool head. Things will turn out for the best. If you see an opportunity, you should take it. But yeah. Just relax!

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

I'm surprised I haven't seen more people pointing out this idea: One can only hope to end up with their best friend. It boggles my mind when I see people who actively chase after random people they don't know for romance when they have potentially much more fulfilling partners right in front of them. My wife and I were friends first, then started dating, got married (obviously), and are about to have a little boy after nearly 3 years of marriage. She plays D&D with me. It's AWESOME.

 

[Amarok]

Speaking as someone who was in a two year relationship with their best friend, go for it. It's going to be far more damaging to your friendship if you let the romantic attraction build up between the pair of you because it'll simply make things far more awkward and uncomfortable. The worst she can say is that she doesn't feel the same way, and while it'll feel weird for a weeks or even months after that, things'll straighten out to normal.

Quoted for truth. I had a similar experience, but without the relationship. Had a friend, thought I had feelings for her, told her, awkward make-out session, few months of awkwardness, then a straight flat-out let's-get-this-out-in-the-open conversation. We're still friends now and all of that stuff is behind us.
Might not seem like the fairytale outcome but honestly getting closure on this stuff feels so good.
Also helps that I'm now in a relationship (with a woman who is friends with my friend, who are both bisexual, and who have ALSO shared an awkward-attraction-moment with each other. Am I possibly setting myself up for a super awkward threesome in the future? Hm?)

 

[SideSlyGuy]

Personally I would just go for it. If you're good friends but, it doesn't work out as a relationship, it should be something you can both just shrug off if it happens. Just because you start dating someone doesn't mean that you can't be friends should the relationship run its course.

 

[RocksW]

Just go for it, and be happy. you wont ruin anything. Get her flowers or something. Just let us know how it goes, id like to know. It should work out fine. from what it sounds you're lucky.

 

[Canid117]

Sorry just had to post that.

I say go for it or you will always have a nasty little regret and who needs more of those?

 

[zombiesinc]

Speaking as someone who was in a two year relationship with their best friend, go for it. It's going to be far more damaging to your friendship if you let the romantic attraction build up between the pair of you because it'll simply make things far more awkward and uncomfortable. The worst she can say is that she doesn't feel the same way, and while it'll feel weird for a weeks or even months after that, things'll straighten out to normal.

One very important thing I need to mention, from experience, is that if the relationship ends on not-so-nice terms, there is a very strong chance you're not going to come out of it with a friendship again. It depends on how much you're willing to risk to be more than just friends

I may not have the personal experience myself, but I absolutely agree with Fargo about this.

If you were to tell her how you feel only to find out the feeling isn't mutual, things will be awkward for some time, but things would be far more awkward if you try to ignore your feelings (especially if you're in love). But also, I feel that it only makes sense to let her know how you feel, rather than deny yourself a possible romance with someone you not only know very well, but possibly love.

Seeing that you're best friends already it's very possible things could get messy, and you two could break up on not-so-good terms, but that's also the reason things may go really well, whether it's with the relationship or a break-up. I think it's a chance you should take.

If she doesn't have the same feelings for you, at least you'll know exactly where you and her stand in the situation, and you'll never be left wondering "What if...".

 

[peel15]

Well i had a similar siuation and well this is what happened for me

I told her how i felt so we agreed to go out next day she introduced me to her boyfriend so when we were alone i asked if i should just forget about yesterday and she said please do.

Me being the dumb ass i am kept thinking it could work out andi found out she was single again so i decided to try again but when i got the courage she had another boyfriend.

We started getting into arguements and then i was just like fuck it and broke off all communication with her so she tracked me down to talk to me and started crying saying she missed me and would go out with me and i was like why would i want to get hurt yet again i';; be your friend not your best friend and nothing more ever again.

I moved on with my life and found a new girl and dated her until i caught her cheating on me with one of my friends.

So in my advice just don't talk to her anymore because trust me ypu'll only wonder what if i had told her how i felt until you fall for somebody else which will happen because it's in human nature to reproduce

 

[TerribleAssassin]

Just do it, ask her out. You'll be better off trying and seeing that letting it well up and get devastated when she starts dating someone else.

 

[Justank]

You're sixteen, perfect time to learn how to man up. Keep it slow and casual, but DO NOT pass up the opportunity.