THIS JUST IN

[woodaba]

THE NEW XBOX WILL COME WITH A COOKIE DISPENSER. ONE THAT REQUIRES AN ALWAYS-ON ONLINE CONNECTION.

THE PS4 WILL CONTAIN ONE MILLION GIGS OF RAM

AND THE WII U WILL BE CONSTRUCTED ENTIRELY OUT OF BACON

What other bullshit claims do you expect to be in the new consoles, Escapists?

 

[TorqueConverter]

Some bullshit about the Sony's cell processor. Something along the lines of a single PS4 being a standalone supercomputer.

 

[woodaba]

THE WII U WILL BE WORTH BUYING!

AND IT ISN'T A MASSIVE GIMMICK OBVIOUSLY DONE BECAUSE NINTENDO HOPES IN VAIN IT WILL CAPTURE THE CASUAL MARKET'S EYE MORE THAN THE WIIMOTE!

No, wait. That's going too far.

 

[Strazdas]

Consoles would actually be worth buying.

 

[Rawne1980]

Buy a PS4.

It cooks, it cleans, it slaps your kids when they piss you off, it asks your wife how her days been so you don't have to hear it all. It plays Bathesda games bug free.

But more importantly....

The biggest step forward in console design since Nintendo and Sega dragged us out of the casette age.....

It's now twice as shiny as the PS3.

See it sparkle and be the envy of your friends (who can't afford it because you stole from them to fork out for our overpriced machine).

 

[GundamSentinel]

Buy a PS4.

It cooks, it cleans, it slaps your kids when they piss you off, it asks your wife how her days been so you don't have to hear it all. It plays Bathesda games bug free.

I can believe the other things, but this is utter nonsense.

 

[woodaba]

Buy a PS4.

It cooks, it cleans, it slaps your kids when they piss you off, it asks your wife how her days been so you don't have to hear it all. It plays Bathesda games bug free.

I can believe the other things, but this is utter nonsense.

Agreed. That's way too far-fetched.

 

[black_knight1337]

The consoles will actually be decent enough to make me consider buying one (me actually buying is near on impossible)

 

[AngleWyrm]

Each console will have an vast (and mutually exclusive) array of fun worthwhile video games that you look forward to spending months playing, thus justifying the many hundreds of dollars of additional outlay.

 

[Kiardras]

The xbox 720 will be called the 720 because when you see it you will turn 720 degrees and fall over dizzy.

 

[Bertylicious]

I heard from a guy who knows a guy who got some money from Keyser Söze that the new XBox won't break and will allow multiplayer with PC gamers.

 

[GiantRaven]

Generic response about how videogaming is dead to me, despite the fact that I'll end up buying a new console at some point anyway.

 

[dimensional]

Microsoft and Sony have decided that DLC is not a good idea and so have banned it from their networks companies can now only offer it for free.

Microsoft decide not to charge for Xbox Gold as they are making enough money already.

The new consoles will be the most reliable yet with the best games (then will show a list of titles supposed to come out just after launch that will remain in development hell until near the end of the consoles lifetime).

All are fully backwards compatible back to gamecube/xbox/ps2 days.

The Xbox 720 has been designed properly so will not die if you look at it funny.

The chips in the PS4 are fully optimised and working and awesome.

WiiU to be the most powerful gimmick free hardcore, casual gaming system on the planet with lots of support from third party developers.

No region locks at all in the new consoles as it no longer serves a purpose.

The companies online stores will offer games at reasonable prices.

New Xbox to be modeled after Mr Ts head and to utter one of his catchphrases on boot up.

They are no longer consoles but super computers and home entertainment systems all in one capable of everything your PC,Radio,TV,Microwave pet dog and nan could do only better and with style.

Ok I dont expect all of these but I do expect a lot of bullshit to be spouted about them.

 

[K84]

The new Xbox will be called Bo(X).
It is clever because it's backwards, like the compatibility.
*as if*

 

[Palfreyfish]

Buy a PS4.

It cooks, it cleans, it slaps your kids when they piss you off, it asks your wife how her days been so you don't have to hear it all. It plays Bathesda games bug free.

But more importantly....

The biggest step forward in console design since Nintendo and Sega dragged us out of the casette age.....

It's now twice as shiny as the PS3.

See it sparkle and be the envy of your friends (who can't afford it because you stole from them to fork out for our overpriced machine).

For an extra bajillion dollars buy the diamond encrusted version!!! Make your friends drool with lust!!!

 

[teqrevisited]

I hear they're working on a new form of Blast Processing.

 

[GonzoGamer]

It will replace your PC, dvd, cable box, stereo, phone, paper shredder, washing machine, and waffle iron.