Previously on Timotei Anime Review [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.145840-Timotei-Anime-Review-Mobile-Suit-Gundam-08th-MS-Team#3310325]
[HEADING=1]Suiseiseki IRL reviews: Ikki Tousen[/HEADING]
[Img_Inline Caption="Hakufu - Shimei" Align="Left"]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y153/baz909/Ikki%20Tousen/IkkiTousen_a-1.jpg[/Img_Inline]
"What were they thinking" [small]-James Rolfe[/small]
When I clicked on the link to watch the first episode of Ikki Tousen, I anticipated another Grenadier with many over sized breasts and cleavage up the ass. Now having finished the series and had time to think about it, I only wish I had a time machine so I might go back to the moment the words "Here we go with another Grenadier" left my lips so I might beat myself with an XBox Controller. I have no idea what was going through the minds of the producers, but whatever it was it sank the show's credibility and forever cursed the studio to only receiving income from Hakufu and Shimei figure sales. Let me also state that the official list of characters is absolutely HUGE [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Battle_Vixens_characters]. Anyone who actually takes their time to read about every single character either has no life or is actually a fan of piece of shit that has the audacity to call itself a viable anime series.
There were rumors that Ikki Tousen was supposedly going to be a serious show based loosely off of The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, but was seriously fucked up in the process. The dialogue is "golden", the story is a laugh, the sound is gag-worthy, the character development is virtually non-existent, and the only thing which the series seems to offer is an abundance of boobs, blood, broken bones and panty shots. That's a lie actually, there's much more to it like groping, nudity, nipples, rape, lesbian scenes, finger-rape, and murdering of high school students by other students. And don't even get me started on the opening theme. And the ending theme isn't much better either.
[Img_Inline Caption="You can be sure her that ther breasts will be hanging
out in next few seconds" Align="Right"]http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd28/PAMO-CHAN/03mini.jpg[/Img_Inline]
[HEADING=3]Overview[/HEADING]
The story begins in Kanto where the entire collective of students from the seven schools of Nangyang Academy, Yangzhou High School, Luoyang Senior High, Xuchang Academy, Wu Prefecture Senior High, Chengdu High School, and Yuzhou Academy are *you won't believe this* fighting (FIGHTING!) for control of the other schools and are called *brace for impact* "Fighters". Fighters? Really? No shit. Each student wears a little bead that contains the soul of an ancient Chinese warrior as an earring. The beads allow the students to channel vast amounts of power and stamina (that or they had one too many Red Bulls for breakfast). These beads however also determine a fighter's destiny and who they will be killed by, just so long as they wear it. That's right; a fucking piece of jewelry determines who will kill you. The first episode begins at Nangyang Academy with the male protagonist Koukin Shuuyu sitting in a classroom *Blasphemy! BLASPHEMY I SAY!* talking with several others when one of the male students (most likely mentioned in the character list) burst into the room and speaks of a girl with "Booby Bombs" that is kicking the shit out of all the boys in the schoolyard. It turns out that Booby Bombs is actually Koukin's cousin Hakufu Sonsaku clad in a skimpy dress with a short skirt which is almost immediately torn to shreds by punches and kicks. After having to fight whom I refer to as "Tiny", Hakufu gets the shit kicked out of her but in some way is able to perform an attack with delayed effect. At the end of the day Hakufu and Koukin head to his house where he finds out that Hakufu and his aunt Goei have broken into his father's house while he is gone and set have up shop. At their first dinner Goei and Hakufu get a little too drunk and predictably begin to strip. Let this set the tone for what happens between these three for the rest of the rest of the series.
[Img_Inline Caption="FAAAAALCON
PUUUNCH!!!" Align="Left"]http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o295/the_hunter_gta/Anime%20ani-gifs/Ikki-Tousen-01fight.gif[/Img_Inline]
The next episode we are introduced to Shimei Ryomou, a blue-haired, planet-chested girl who too decides to wear short skirts and a medical eye patch over her left eye despite the fact that we learn within the same fucking episode that her eye is quite fine and functional. You would think that in a fighting situation that not being able to see anything left of your nose would be signing your death warrant, but not to this French maid uniform-wearing pair of walking tits. The leader of the school has called out a hit on Hakufu due to certain suspicions that she is a ticking time bomb of power that explodes whenever she gets in a good fight. Ryomou and Hakufu end up fighting, Hakufu's power is awakened, and Ryomou ends up in the hospital. Shortly after that some dickhead with a million band aids and a fangs named Toutaku gets word that Hakufu is "The One" and proceeds to try and kill her by doing the usual bad guy thing of sending an army of misguided cretins after her and going so far as to organize a rigged fighting tournament. The rest of the Ikki Tousen is just shirts and skirts getting ripped up, tits bouncing in a fight, and the producers finding new and inventive ways to have a girl's panties removed.
[Img_Inline Caption="I'm a fun loving psychopath" Align="Center"]http://i678.photobucket.com/albums/vv144/Huruki_202/ikki%20tousen/totaku13.jpg[/Img_Inline]
I thought by episode five that there was no way at all that they get any worse, but once again was wrong. In episode 7 you have a green-haired girl having her nether regions intruded upon in the beginning and a lesbian scene with the same girl and her strangely submissive friend, followed later by a scene with both of them waking up in the same bed the next morning. It turns out that it gets even worse in episode nine and ten where you get to see practically every major female character (all four of them) in the nude with poor Koukin just trying to relax and not see both his aunt and cousin naked. It was in these two episodes that the show reached epic levels of shittiness that thankfully were not topped again. The ending was (one of) the worst I have seen in years with both Hakufu and her destined killer Ukitsu both ripping off their beads and basically saying "fuck you" to their destiny and the producers' original plan of having the viewer anticipate the dumb slut's death which would have made this series slightly less shitty. But then again that would mean creating a fairly decent series, and that apparently wasn't their intention.
[HEADING=3]Dialogue[/HEADING]
[Img_Inline Caption="Look out *****! He go'a keel you" Align="Left"]http://www.anime.com/Ikki_Tousen/images/02.jpg[/Img_Inline]
Ikki Tousen has some of the best dialogue I has seen in any series. With mind blowing (most likely induced by viewer suicide) such as: "Wait...there are four in The Big Four!" and "What's an executioner?" And let us not leave out the crazed dual-wielding nightstick psychopath who hangs his tongue out his mouth (most likely to drive the already made point home that he had lost a few screws) and whose only words seem to be "I'll kill you [insert first name here] [insert surname here]!". Or how about the beanie wearing schmuck that beats the shit out of ten people, and then screams "Basics" in the same manner Mel Gibson yelled "Freedom" in the end of Braveheart, then makes a tool kit magically appear and proceeds to fill in the divots created in the fight. There is also the unti million times Koukin yells out "Hakufu'. I had the misfortune of watching this in English dubs, which is the equivalent to working at a sewer treatment plant, only it's summer and you're in Florida. If you're also watching the English dubs you will notice that adjacent to any Japanese characters is its retarded English step brother that looks like a person trying too hard to camouflage themselves in the background.
[Img_Inline Caption="Jiggle jiggle" Align="Right"]http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o295/the_hunter_gta/Anime%20ani-gifs/Ikki-Tousen-02Bike-Ride.gif[/Img_Inline]
[HEADING=3]Sound[/HEADING]
The sound is total shit and is devoted mostly to emphasizing that people are having their bones broken. The sound of blood is quite loud when hitting the ground as are many other sounds which are linked to personal injury. Everything else is half assed and shows that the production team was intent on sending the series to the bottom of the bay the instant it was launched.
[HEADING=3]Art[/HEADING]
The art is a complete joke and is mostly devoted to juggling of breasts and the disintegration of clothing that seems to happen only to the girls. The most minimal of effort was put into the environments as it seems ass, tits, and panty shots. took top priority.
[Img_Inline Caption="This is one of the few images on the Internet where Hakufu's dress is intact" Align="Left"]http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t94/qazavul/protectedimage.jpg[/Img_Inline]
[HEADING=3]Final Comments[/HEADING]
I'll wrap this turd up by saying that Ikki Tousen is about the worst series that I have ever had the unfortunate obligation to watch. This is coming from a person who as a child would watch Pokemon and RAGE over Ash having the money to buy instant healing potions and a balls that shrink a creature and keep them in the confined space the size of a pool cue, yet can't seem to afford a bike and forever shut up a loud-mouthed ***** with fucked up orange hair. Some people say that sellout series are the worst of all, and to them I extend my newly ordered set of DVDs (I have to have some shitty series in my collection). Is it also necessary to have a narrator come in at the end and give us a history lesson about a story that isn't even fucking used? But what I find even more depressing is the fact that there are two more seasons to this show, however I did not feel like willingly sending myself out on a hunt for them as I would rather kiss the muzzle of a gun then watch more of this shit.
I do not believe I have to say that this series isn't even going to get my lowest Seal of Approval.
[HEADING=2]FINAL SCORE: 2/10[/HEADING]
[small][sup]
Review by: Timotei
Editing by: Amnestic
Inquisition by: Kuchinawa 212
Line ASK Productions 2009[/sup][/small]
[HEADING=3]Desert Punk[/HEADING] [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148322-Timotei-Anime-Review-Desert-Punk#3435179][small](^Link)[/small]
