To be happy again

[superbatranger]

Over the past few weeks, I've realized I honestly can not remember the last time I felt truly happy. Whenever I thought I felt happy, I'd hear voices in the back of my head saying things like, "No one would care if you leave.", "You don't belong here.", "they're not your friends". Just constantly going over and over in my head. It has gotten to the point that I've actually started believing it. I actually feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I feel like no one would notice if I were to leave and never come back. I feel like none of my friends actually give a rat's ass about me. I don't know why I think this, but I do.

Not only that, but I can't sleep at night. I just keep tossing and turning. I feel constantly stressed. I used to love reading, sometimes reading an entire book a day. Now, I can barely read an article on the internet. I used to enjoy playing games. I can't even play anything for more than 30 minutes now. I used to love watching movies. I can't remember the last movie I watched.

I can't figure out why this is happening. Is there something wrong with me? Am I depressed? What is it? I'm not sure what should I do. I can't tell my family because I have this irrational notion that they shouldn't worry about me.

 

[Aidinthel]

Wow, this sounds a lot more serious than the Escapist is equipped to handle. Professional help would probably not be an overreaction here. If you don't have the funds to see a private practitioner perhaps your school has some sort of councilor you could go to who I'm sure would be willing to keep the visits confidential.

Since you say the problem is only a few weeks old, my single quarter of Psych 1 suggests the first thing to do would be to identity possible triggers from around the time it started. And be very sure to remind yourself that this is not normal. Try to remember the way you used to be and focus on wanting to get back to that.

 

[Aurgelmir]

SNIP

As the person above me is saying; This sounds a tad to much for the Escapist.
I would recommend getting professional help. Sure it can seem like a defeat seeking help from a Psychologist, but they can do wonders for you

 

[superbatranger]

Wow, this sounds a lot more serious than the Escapist is equipped to handle. Professional help would probably not be an overreaction here. If you don't have the funds to see a private practitioner perhaps your school has some sort of councilor you could go to who I'm sure would be willing to keep the visits confidential.

Since you say the problem is only a few weeks old, my single quarter of Psych 1 suggests the first thing to do would be to identity possible triggers from around the time it started. And be very sure to remind yourself that this is not normal. Try to remember the way you used to be and focus on wanting to get back to that.

The thought of trusting a complete stranger scares me. Also, I work full time and I'm trying to save up for when I move back to the US, so I'm not sure if I should wait until I'm back home, or just hope that it passes or what. I'm not even sure if it has been going on for a few weeks or maybe even longer. I don't know if it was all the stress from when I was in college, or because I had to drop out, the anxiety and pressure I get from working full time in a job that leaves me with constant headaches, or all the tension I'm under trying to figure out how to get back into college. I honestly don't know what could have made this happen. I can't tell if it's one factor out of the many things piling on me, or if it's a culmination of them all.

All I know is that part of me feels hollow, so to speak.

 

[ultrachicken]

It sounds to me like you have depression. Whether it's being caused by chemical imbalances or otherwise, I can't tell, but I would highly suggest getting some more... professional help. If you can't trust complete strangers, then asking this over the internet isn't going to do much for you.

 

[superbatranger]

It sounds to me like you have depression. Whether it's being caused by chemical imbalances or otherwise, I can't tell, but I would highly suggest getting some more... professional help. If you can't trust complete strangers, then asking this over the internet isn't going to do much for you.

Do you really think it could be depression? All I really know is that at times I feel like I'm running half-empty in a way.

Snipped

Well, I feel that all the friends I've made over the past 2 years are just acquaintances that don't actually care about me. People who'd forget me when I leave. As far as family issues are concerned, the only one I can think of is letting them all down if I'm unable to to get back into college because I was rejected for whatever reason. No drive? I'm not sure when was the last time I had any.

Oh, and as far as my overall routine is concerned, I try to sleep, work, eat, sometimes go on the computer, and work some more. That's it.

 

[icame]

See a psychologist. Now. It sounds like you are either depressed, or judging by the first paragraph possibly schizophrenic(Though i doubt it, I think its just you telling yourself your no good...worth asking though)and if you see a doctor they could give you some medicine to help you get over it, or at least make it a bit better. Teh internets are not suited to deal with it honestly...unless we have a psychologist on our forums in which case he really needs to start posting in the advice forum.

 

[superbatranger]

See a psychologist. Now. It sounds like you are either depressed, or judging by the first paragraph possibly schizophrenic(Though i doubt it, I think its just you telling yourself your no good...worth asking though)and if you see a doctor they could give you some medicine to help you get over it, or at least make it a bit better. Teh internets are not suited to deal with it honestly...unless we have a psychologist on our forums in which case he really needs to start posting in the advice forum.

Yeah, I don't think I'm schizophrenic. But, I can somewhat see how one could get that idea. Now, the problem with seeing a therapist or whoever is that I am low on money at the moment. I'm gonna have to wait until my next paycheck, or possibly even the one after before I can think of finding one.

 

[superbatranger]

It sounds to me like you have depression. Whether it's being caused by chemical imbalances or otherwise, I can't tell, but I would highly suggest getting some more... professional help. If you can't trust complete strangers, then asking this over the internet isn't going to do much for you.

Do you really think it could be depression? All I really know is that at times I feel like I'm running half-empty in a way.

Snipped

Well, I feel that all the friends I've made over the past 2 years are just acquaintances that don't actually care about me. People who'd forget me when I leave. As far as family issues are concerned, the only one I can think of is letting them all down if I'm unable to to get back into college because I was rejected for whatever reason. No drive? I'm not sure when was the last time I had any.

Oh, and as far as my overall routine is concerned, I try to sleep, work, eat, sometimes go on the computer, and work some more. That's it.

Why do you feel that way though? Do you have any evidence to support that mindset? I'm trying to find the root of that problem, but I'm pretty sure it's self confidence/image issues. That is to say, 'you don't feel well enough about yourself, so why would others feel that way about you?' kind of mindset.

Do you think that could be it?

If I could answer that question, I would. It's just there in my mind.

 

[Toriver]

Dude, I'm a bit nervous to say this myself, but this sounds exactly like me. I've been feeling the exact same way. Considering we're both foreigners in the countries we're currently in (you mentioned moving back to the US so I figure you must be an American in your country? Me too! ), if you did not feel this way before moving to the country you're in, perhaps we're going through symptoms of culture shock? We may not have been able to acclimate ourselves successfully into the culture we moved into, and perhaps it's just become overwhelming for us, so we end up just doing what we know how to do where we are, namely, eat, sleep and work, and we lose touch with what's going on around us because it's just too difficult for our "foreign" minds to try and understand it. Perhaps we're just missing home too much, and need something familiar and enjoyable to make ourselves feel comfortable again. But yeah, I hear you on how you feel, even going on the trips I've gone on with friends these past few years haven't really done anything to make me feel any happier, and I've been stressing with having to move within this country so much for work and trying to find a way to affordably move back home with a job myself. It's definitely not easy. I would love to get professional help if I could, but first, I don't know enough Japanese for it to be any sort of effective (and English-speaking doctors are very few and far between here, much less psychologists), and from what I've heard, Japanese mental health care is a joke to begin with, they just ask you a few questions and give you some pills and send you on your way, so I don't think they would help me even if we could understand each other.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

snip

Start doing volunteer work. Nothing brings happiness like providing it to others.

 

[superbatranger]

Dude, I'm a bit nervous to say this myself, but this sounds exactly like me. I've been feeling the exact same way. Considering we're both foreigners in the countries we're currently in (you mentioned moving back to the US so I figure you must be an American in your country? Me too! ), if you did not feel this way before moving to the country you're in, perhaps we're going through symptoms of culture shock? We may not have been able to acclimate ourselves successfully into the culture we moved into, and perhaps it's just become overwhelming for us, so we end up just doing what we know how to do where we are, namely, eat, sleep and work, and we lose touch with what's going on around us because it's just too difficult for our "foreign" minds to try and understand it. Perhaps we're just missing home too much, and need something familiar and enjoyable to make ourselves feel comfortable again. But yeah, I hear you on how you feel, even going on the trips I've gone on with friends these past few years haven't really done anything to make me feel any happier, and I've been stressing with having to move within this country so much for work and trying to find a way to affordably move back home with a job myself. It's definitely not easy. I would love to get professional help if I could, but first, I don't know enough Japanese for it to be any sort of effective (and English-speaking doctors are very few and far between here, much less psychologists), and from what I've heard, Japanese mental health care is a joke to begin with, they just ask you a few questions and give you some pills and send you on your way, so I don't think they would help me even if we could understand each other.

I can't remember if part of me felt like this when I was back home. I'm not even sure it is culture shock. I've practically lived here half my life. My family is from here, and I'd come to visit almost every summer, so I don't think it's that. Granted, I don't know what it is.

 

[Terminal Blue]

From the symptoms you describe, I would guess you are depressed in some form. There are many different kinds of depression and you would probably need to see a medical professional to be diagnosed. I know you've only really noticed this in the last few weeks, so it may be a short episode, but the risks of it not being are too large to be ignored.

I would love to get professional help if I could, but first, I don't know enough Japanese for it to be any sort of effective (and English-speaking doctors are very few and far between here, much less psychologists), and from what I've heard, Japanese mental health care is a joke to begin with, they just ask you a few questions and give you some pills and send you on your way, so I don't think they would help me even if we could understand each other.

It's more that they generally don't see mental health problems as psychological disorders so much as social ones, the emphasis would be more on re-integrating you you so you can work/study/whatever normally rather than investigating any underlying cause.

In some cases that works (or is the best you can do), but it is quite a limited approach sometimes. Regardless, go and see them. Even if they just give you some pills it's worth trying.

I went through about 6 different kinds of medication before I found one which worked, but it does work. Don't be afraid of pills for no good reason, whatever Hollywood may tell you depression is often a clinical disorder and clinical treatments are by far the most effective.

As my psychiatrist said to me, we used to think of the human mind as very much like a car engine. If something broke, you'd get an analyst to probe around and find out what was wrong. However, it's almost never that simple. Unless someone has a specific trauma which is causing problems, you can keep probing and probing and often never find 'the' single issue. Most of the time, it's better just to focus on alleviating symptoms (through medication) and teaching someone how to manage themselves.

 

[zombiesinc]

Over the past few weeks, I've realized I honestly can not remember the last time I felt truly happy. Whenever I thought I felt happy, I'd hear voices in the back of my head saying things like, "No one would care if you leave.", "You don't belong here.", "they're not your friends". Just constantly going over and over in my head. It has gotten to the point that I've actually started believing it. I actually feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I feel like no one would notice if I were to leave and never come back. I feel like none of my friends actually give a rat's ass about me. I don't know why I think this, but I do.

Not only that, but I can't sleep at night. I just keep tossing and turning. I feel constantly stressed. I used to love reading, sometimes reading an entire book a day. Now, I can barely read an article on the internet. I used to enjoy playing games. I can't even play anything for more than 30 minutes now. I used to love watching movies. I can't remember the last movie I watched.

I can't figure out why this is happening. Is there something wrong with me? Am I depressed? What is it? I'm not sure what should I do. I can't tell my family because I have this irrational notion that they shouldn't worry about me.

Not being able to enjoy the things you once found joy in, struggling to fall asleep, lack of motivation, self-loathing, helplessness, hopelessness and constant stress are all symptoms of depression. Those alone lead me to suggest you see a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, whomever. It's possible you're depressed, and of course, it's possible you're simply in a slump. You shouldn't assume the latter and ignore these issues. Spend the money, take the time, especially if you don't have family nearby for support during such a difficult situation.

After talking to a professional you'll have a far better idea of what's really going on, how worried you should be, how you should approach the situation. You'll better understand why you're feeling this way, daily steps you can take to help alleviate your struggle, the sort of mentality you should approach the situation with, what positives to focus on, and precisely what negatives to avoid dwelling on. It's possible you'll be given medication as well. Do your best not to question whether or not it'll help, as the more you focus on any doubt towards it, the more you'll convince your brain that it really won't help. Do the opposite, be positive, and believe it'll help you take the first steps towards feeling happy and content with yourself.

Lastly, no there's nothing wrong with you. Generally, depression or even slumps are caused be external issues, out of our control, while other times they will simply occur, for no reason whatsoever. This isn't somehow your fault, you failing to do something, or something that's wrong with you. It simply is, and needs to be addressed. Once you better understand what you're dealing with, and everything that goes along with that knowledge, you'll begin your steps towards being happier, more content with yourself and your life. It will take time, and a lot of effort, but it's worth it.

 

[similar.squirrel]

I would seek psychiatric treatment, and nip this thing in the bud before it develops any further. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy seems like your best bet, as it's focused on rationalizing these feelings, identifying the triggers and preventing negative thought-cycles.

It really helps to break these things down to their basic components, because you often realize how at odds your feelings are with reality. I went through something like this, and counselling [along with meds] helped a lot.

 

[rutger5000]

I know this is not what you want to hear, but I truly think this is the answer. Puberty, you're suffering from the final moments of puberty. No depression, no psychological stuff, nothing to worry about, it doesn't happen to everybody, but it's common non-the-less. Many people believe puberty stops at 18, but in fact it goes on to 21. Just a final wave of strange annoying hormones to mess with you one last time. (If you're curious it's your brain that does the last bit of changing, the rest of the body is indeed matured.)
You'll grow over it in a month or three. If that feels to long to you you could see a doctor. In the mean time you can talk about this with good friends and family.

 

[superbatranger]

Well, I emailed my mom. I just can't keep feeling like this.