Too young for me?
- Thread starter Whateveralot
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Definitely too young mate, I don't really see how she is worth the risk. But then again I don't know her or how you feel about her. But I say break it off.
Whateveralot said:
Anyone having sex with a minor is illegal, two 14 year olds having sex is still statutory. Some areas have, relatively recently been trying to change the law to avoid cases like that, but you would have to check your own areas laws.TizzytheTormentor said:
she's way too young.
It could be you're just lonely and are projecting things on her that aren't actually there, but I honestly don't see what you could see in her beyond anything physical (Even then it still seems a little odd since she isn't fully developed yet.)
I mean what would you talk about? I know my world view has changed drastically since I was 15 (23 now) so much so that I wouldn't even recognize the old me. No matter how mature she might seem she isn't, in both a physical and emotional sense when she's 18 she's on the tail end of puberty and it would be acceptable at that point.
Seriously Puberty is a crazy thing.
It could be you're just lonely and are projecting things on her that aren't actually there, but I honestly don't see what you could see in her beyond anything physical (Even then it still seems a little odd since she isn't fully developed yet.)
I mean what would you talk about? I know my world view has changed drastically since I was 15 (23 now) so much so that I wouldn't even recognize the old me. No matter how mature she might seem she isn't, in both a physical and emotional sense when she's 18 she's on the tail end of puberty and it would be acceptable at that point.
Seriously Puberty is a crazy thing.
Practically, it's stupid to even consider.
Even assuming everything was fine to start with, all it would take would be for someone to find out and she gets shamed by her entire school for the next couple of years, and you go to prison.
Or, you break up and she tells her parents. They go apeshit, you go to prison.
Or, you get guilty, break it off, she gets depressed, self-harms, you go to prison.
Hell, what if she were to get pregnant?
There's almost no chance of it ending well, and it's exceedingly likely that it would go horribly wrong!
And morally speaking she's far too young. Even if you had the best intentions it's likely you'd have a negative effect on her emotional development, and that's not to mention the difficulty of keeping it secret causing problems for both of you. The age of consent is there for a very good reason - it's to prevent harmful relationships
And, for the shock factor, think of it this way: the difference between your ages is half of how old she is.
Even assuming everything was fine to start with, all it would take would be for someone to find out and she gets shamed by her entire school for the next couple of years, and you go to prison.
Or, you break up and she tells her parents. They go apeshit, you go to prison.
Or, you get guilty, break it off, she gets depressed, self-harms, you go to prison.
Hell, what if she were to get pregnant?
There's almost no chance of it ending well, and it's exceedingly likely that it would go horribly wrong!
And morally speaking she's far too young. Even if you had the best intentions it's likely you'd have a negative effect on her emotional development, and that's not to mention the difficulty of keeping it secret causing problems for both of you. The age of consent is there for a very good reason - it's to prevent harmful relationships
And, for the shock factor, think of it this way: the difference between your ages is half of how old she is.
Frankly it won't last. You're 22, she's 15. For the next 8 years your responsibilities and life goals will be vastly different. You will want totally different things. When you're 25 she'll be 18. You'll want to pay the bills and put money away to save for a house/car/whatever. She'll be looking to go to uni or go out with friends. It'll be stressful, no matter how much you like each other, to reconcile that.
Rule of thumb, when you ask that question the answer is probably yes.
But on the specific issue let me just point out this won't last, she is at the start of fooling around with guys and wants to explore her options, while you probably aim for something more serious, so if you go into it as a summer fling and be clear about it then it's fine (if your country hasn't got laws against it that is).
But on the specific issue let me just point out this won't last, she is at the start of fooling around with guys and wants to explore her options, while you probably aim for something more serious, so if you go into it as a summer fling and be clear about it then it's fine (if your country hasn't got laws against it that is).
I am uncertain how to advise. My personaly philsophy would make me a agree with what Ioa said about regrets but EClaris' personal experience is equally compelling.
Would you mind sharing the outcome of your conversation with her? It's none of our business but I would like to know how it turns out for future reference.
Would you mind sharing the outcome of your conversation with her? It's none of our business but I would like to know how it turns out for future reference.
I wouldn't call you a pedo-bear or such because love is natural.
I would say wait until she is legal/older (maybe 16/17) and see what your feelings are for her. I you still...well want to get close to her I would say go for it. Because if she is that young and your that old and people see you together it can cause problems for you but more importantly it can cause problems for her.
I know people who parents are pretty far apart. So who says you can't have feeling for this person when they are old enough to be sure for themselves.
For myself personally I have a 3 year bracket and I'm 17.
I would say wait until she is legal/older (maybe 16/17) and see what your feelings are for her. I you still...well want to get close to her I would say go for it. Because if she is that young and your that old and people see you together it can cause problems for you but more importantly it can cause problems for her.
I know people who parents are pretty far apart. So who says you can't have feeling for this person when they are old enough to be sure for themselves.
For myself personally I have a 3 year bracket and I'm 17.
The societal standards we apply to sexuality are completely arbitrary. The US thinks that people shouldn't be able to bone until they're 16 or 17 or 18 depending on the state. Meanwhile in some countries, you can have sex at 13 or younger. Now I'll give you that "younger" than 13 is probably too young. But what should the true age of consent be? The answer is simple: Nobody frickin' knows.
Besides, in eight years, you'll be 30, and she'll be 23, and then the age difference won't seem that big. So what I'm saying is, go for it. Date her. just don't do her until she's legal, unless you know for sure she won't tell. If your worried about her being too young to know what she wants, don't. If she actually stays with you for the three years it'll take for her to be 18, you can be pretty sure that she knows what she wants.
Besides, in eight years, you'll be 30, and she'll be 23, and then the age difference won't seem that big. So what I'm saying is, go for it. Date her. just don't do her until she's legal, unless you know for sure she won't tell. If your worried about her being too young to know what she wants, don't. If she actually stays with you for the three years it'll take for her to be 18, you can be pretty sure that she knows what she wants.
At 15 her own life is going to change so much over the next few years. She may be a completely different person soon than what your or even she thinks she'll be. At 22 your identity is much more stable. You need to let her become whoever she's supposed to be.
As far as the legal situation goes, I think we've both heard of cases where the relationship was mutual, but then the girl got angry and they end up with a molestation case in court. That's not something you want on your record that you have to explain to people for the rest of your life.
EDIT: BTW, you're not a pedobear. A smoking hot girl is a smoking hot girl, and your body doesn't factor in age and consent laws. But I think you know intellectually what's right and wrong here.
As far as the legal situation goes, I think we've both heard of cases where the relationship was mutual, but then the girl got angry and they end up with a molestation case in court. That's not something you want on your record that you have to explain to people for the rest of your life.
EDIT: BTW, you're not a pedobear. A smoking hot girl is a smoking hot girl, and your body doesn't factor in age and consent laws. But I think you know intellectually what's right and wrong here.
Whateveralot said:
Keep the sausage out of the grill until she is ripe sun shine, or you'll be getting bummed up the arse by bubba and his buddies at the local pen. If you can wait that long before you jump her bones, then you should be ok. No poking.
I think it is certainly an awkward situation to be in and (as a former 15-year old girl) I sympathize with you both, but I would suggest branching your social circle out a bit while you decide what to do (either before or after your talk). You listed a few basic reasons you are attracted to her (funny, confident etc.) but can you really say that based on these generic terms that you "love/like" her , or is this more of a proximity crush? How did you two meet (if you don't mind sharing)?
I agree with the others above in terms of being concerned about the difference in life experiences/stages (and these are really big differences when you are at those stages), but also important, you don't want others to think that you are taking advantage of her sexually (since she may have developed physically much faster than she really has emotionally) or unknowingly projecting your own experiences/desires onto her (which could mean she resents you later for not letting her grow into her own person).
In addition, it is telling that in your original response, you mentioned that something feels wrong and I would say follow or at least don't ignore that feeling because it is worth analyzing.
If you do get to examine all the reasons why you love/like/lust for her and you are truly confident that you can deal with the consequences, then I would say follow your heart down that path. Yet if you ave any sort of doubt (and who knows, there are plenty of women out there), you'll love her enough to wait.
I agree with the others above in terms of being concerned about the difference in life experiences/stages (and these are really big differences when you are at those stages), but also important, you don't want others to think that you are taking advantage of her sexually (since she may have developed physically much faster than she really has emotionally) or unknowingly projecting your own experiences/desires onto her (which could mean she resents you later for not letting her grow into her own person).
In addition, it is telling that in your original response, you mentioned that something feels wrong and I would say follow or at least don't ignore that feeling because it is worth analyzing.
If you do get to examine all the reasons why you love/like/lust for her and you are truly confident that you can deal with the consequences, then I would say follow your heart down that path. Yet if you ave any sort of doubt (and who knows, there are plenty of women out there), you'll love her enough to wait.