Troll your favourite game

[Sixcess]

Doom SUCKS!

I mean I know it's a couple of years old but the graphics are just bad, like they were done by a 5 year old. lol. Level design is confusing as fuck - I kept getting lost! There's NO jump button. NO grenade button. NO sniper rifle. NO iron sights. NO story. NO babes. Also no cutscenes or in-game cinematics - just shoot shoot shoot for like a billion levels. Aiming doesn't require any skill at all (no vertical axis aiming WTF?) so I guess it must have been ported from a dumbed down console.

Worst of all I took a hit from a monster and spent absolutely ages hiding behind a wall waiting for my health to regenerate!!!



Just for fun, write the most ill informed rant you can think of about your favourite game (and then watch as someone who didn't read the OP leaps to its defence...)

 

[DatCracker]

Silent Hill 2 isn't so great.

The protagonist is terrible. James Sunderland is unlikable, unreliable, can't jump for shit, can't run for more than 3 seconds without having a heart attack, and can't even fit in an elevator because he's so fat. He kills his wife because she had him whipped, and gets whipped by every other woman in the game. The monsters from is subconscious suggest he is a massive pussy and a rapist.

The combat is terrible too. Any game that suggests that I kill an acid spitting mutant with a piece of driftwood is off its rocker. And--

I CAN'T DO THIS. PLEASE FORGIVE ME SH2!!!! *jumps into the sun*

 

[New Troll]

Peggle Nights is the for the incredibly simple minded. Part crack and part stupidity does not make a whole game. Maybe if it had some blood...

Silent Hill 2 isn't so great.

You stole my old avatar on here! Would love to know where you got it.

 

[Fawcks]

Disgaea is so lame.

The special attacks are overly flashy and obnoxious, I turn them all off immediately. There's no skill involved. It's 100% grindgrindgrindgrindgrind cake. Every time. Can't beat a level? It's not as if there's any strategy involved. Well, maybe sending out your weakest units as cannon fodder. Just hit them over and over and pray they fall down first.

The series' only redeeming quality is it's failed attempt at humor. Seriously, does anyone find the thing funny? We get it, Etna is flat. In unrelated news, Disgaea, the SNES died out YEARS ago, stop using it's graphics engine!

 

[Armored Prayer]

Call of Duty: Black Ops is the same old dull modern fps.

Nothing new is brought here, head from point A to point B while killing the same enemies. Graphics are nothing special here, faces look ugly and the scenery is nothing but brown hallways and grey rooftops. Huh, dosen't that sound familiar? Multiplayer is horrible as well. Several overpowered weapons and killstreaks encourages players to camp, rush, and spawnkill killing the enjoyment. You played this before and quite frankly been done better in other games. Oh, and a zombie mode thats ugly to look at and the online players ruin it.

Huh, I'm not getting that satisfaction that everyone else gets when hating Black Ops. To hell with that, I love Black Ops.

 

[MrShowerHead]

Okay....I can do this....

Operation Flashpoint Cold War Crisis suc- dammit, hold on.....

Cold War Crisis sucks. The combat is slow, the enemies cheat, graphics suck, the voice acting is horrible(It actually is),multiplayer is full of lag and hackers and the animations are just wrong... Dragon Rising is SO MUCH BETTER



...Oh my God, what have I do?!

 

[badgersprite]

Hey, Oddworld! Why are mudokons so fugly? Where are the grizzled space marine white guys? Seriously, you expect us to relate to these lizard people? And what's with all the gross humour? "Our spew is your brew"? Why would you put that in there?

These games are obviously anti-capitalist, pro-vegetarian propaganda trying to turn us all into anti-corporate animal-loving unionist hippies!

WHY DO YOU HATE THE FREE MARKET?

 

[ThatLankyBastard]

TES: Oblivion sucks... I mean, it doesn't matter where I am, those guards find me and won't stop hunting me down EVER! If I murder somebody in cold blood in the middle of a forest, the next time I wander near a town I get thrown in jail!! the gameplay gets boring after all that grinding, I can practically count the different kinds of weapons on my hands, all the women are ugly, the voice actors are tedious (all 5 of them...), the games glitchy...

And there's NOTHING worse than those Argonians!! I mean... they... they're...

IM SORRY!!!! I CAN'T DO IT!!!

I love Argonians too much...

I can deal with the rest though...