It?s a nice sunny suburban day in the life of the local nurse Ana. She just got off her latest shift work is already to go off home and relax. There she meets with an unspecified male who she indulges with (breaking the first law of horror movies: getting naked means a one way trip to stabbyville). The next morning waking up bright eyed and bushy next to her lover she is welcomed with a gruesome surprise. The little girl next door has no face! Dun dun dun! In a psychotic fit the girl tears out the throat of Ana?s lover and proceeds to attack Ana with no avail. Locking the door and getting on the horn Ana is once again shocked to see her dying boyfriend/husband/acquaintance fit and strong and wandering around the bedroom. Obviously not looking for another cuddle he violently lashes out at her. Ana escapes into the bathroom and breaks a hole through the window to escape. When she gets to the street all hell breaks loose. Cars are running people over, your average Joe-Blow has taken a disliking to his fellow man and people are getting eaten. Not the regular signs for another normal sunny day but rather a one for a zombie holocaust!
Dawn of the Dead was an original piece by director George Romero which, with the help of a zombie break out, shows the problems with American consumerism among other social problems. Luckily for the remake, the Hollywood producers have gotten rid of all that and have thankfully dummed it down for the next generation of stupids. Oh, that?s sarcasm. That?s so awesome. It does however give a breath of fresh air into the franchise with experimenting on the zombie?s behalf. The ?old? iconic shuffling, moaning beasts of the damned have been redone and are now slobbering, yelling, running men with scissors. Don?t get me wrong, I did enjoy the change of pace, but there?s something nagging at me about these new ones. I loved in the old George Romero films seeing the zombies slowly shuffle and surround the helpless victim. It gave a sense of impending, and quite painful, doom. I respected a zombie that had to shuffle so far and work so hard to get its tasty reward. These new ones feel like they?re cheating a bit. They don?t give off the sense of claustrophobia, just a sense of, ?holy sh_? *death*.
Hollywood has taken to this movie hard, like a hooker that offers out free rides. They have thrown the usual misfit group of trailblazers into the cogs of this money machine. Firstly we have the protagonist, undoubtedly a woman. I have nothing wrong with women playing the protagonists, honestly, I?m only sexist on a Tuesday, but because it?s Hollywood, they ?need? to do it to show off their diversity and she ends up feeling so out of place being forced into the spotlight. She delivers such wooden lines that would make Keenu Reeves blush. Of course she gets backup at the start when she crashes her car. Que the stereotypical black ?Bad Arse Mo Fo? that every Hollywood movie needs after Sam Jackson graced the screens in Pulp Fiction. He?s the gun totting bad mouth cop, that?s friendly at heart but tough on the outside. The two don an amazing adventure together and travel down a mysterious road that meets up with Jake Weber, Ana?s main love interest and Mekhi Phifer, probably the best thing about this movie. Phifer plays a street ?gangstar? with a pregnant wife who delvers a zombie baby, replaying his surgeon role from ER. The five then go off to the shopping mall and meet up with the rest of the gang in a series of events. The rat pack then includes: a bunch of other soon to be dead people I couldn?t care less about and don?t really deserve making this page any longer. One of them who proclaim in his best Redshirt accent to the protagonist, ?you have my permission, if I ever turn into one of those things, do me a favor, blow my fucking head off.? Guess how he dies.
Two main quarrels to get off my chest before I go on: For a zombie film there was a surprising lack of gore. Zombie films are known for their over-the-top gut ripping and brain eating action. Strangely, there is none of that here. The most you?ll see is a splash of blood here and a bit of red paint there. Very displeasing, says the gore fanatic. Secondly, there is a part where they lower a dog into the crowed of zombies. Odd, yes, but once more the producers have found another way to get on my tits. THE ZOMBIES DIDN?T EAT THE DOG (?scuse the caps lock)! Zombies eat anything that moves and is made out of meat yet they seem to shrug it off like t had a bad odor. Another reason I have added to my list of why Hollywood sucks.
Running long on words I do have to mention a few good things they decided to do with this film. The soundtrack contained a bit of Richard Cheese, kicking his career out of the gutters, that made for quite a funny interlude between gore (or lack-there-of) and the Bad-Mo-Fo cop forms a relationship with the gun store owner next door while playing a friendly game of ?shoot the zombie?. I mention this because it?s the only real relationship in the movie.
Now as the movie reaches the end is where these peoples stupidity hits the fan and I walk out not giving a damn anymore if the rat pack lives or dies. All I can say is, they deserved a whole lot worse then what they got. Out of nowhere? out of the deep blue? out of all the greatest things they could think of in the history of man? they get up and say ?hey, I?m bored. Let?s go for a bit of a stroll.? Yes that?s right; they up and leave. From the safe and secure fort they built, full of food and enough goodies to stop them going insane and GTFO. They even had tits so there was absolutely no point in doing that! They win the Darwin award hands down. No, you know what, give ?em two. And shine them up nicely so they can see their own reflection in the trophies as they get ultimately ripped into shreds. They build two buses into tanks, grab a whole bunch of guns from a cross the street, which leads to more of them dying, and piss off to their dooms. Good. The less we see of you the better. The only reason I could understand for this eradicate and completely unnecessary changes of events was because the producers didn?t know how to end it since they were all already safe. So they decided it was time for them to go on a road trip and end their pathetic lives. Yes I want to spoil the ending for you by saying that they all die because it gives a reason not to watch this crap.
If you?re a huge fan of Hollywood and love a good remake as much as the next, then the new Dawn of the Dead is for you. If George Romero holds a place in your heart no matter how much he lost the plot towards Day and Land, if you love zombies and if good story telling and character development is for you, I suggest you pick up your designated items for lynching now and we pay a harmless visit to Zack Snyder?s house.
Dawn of the Dead was an original piece by director George Romero which, with the help of a zombie break out, shows the problems with American consumerism among other social problems. Luckily for the remake, the Hollywood producers have gotten rid of all that and have thankfully dummed it down for the next generation of stupids. Oh, that?s sarcasm. That?s so awesome. It does however give a breath of fresh air into the franchise with experimenting on the zombie?s behalf. The ?old? iconic shuffling, moaning beasts of the damned have been redone and are now slobbering, yelling, running men with scissors. Don?t get me wrong, I did enjoy the change of pace, but there?s something nagging at me about these new ones. I loved in the old George Romero films seeing the zombies slowly shuffle and surround the helpless victim. It gave a sense of impending, and quite painful, doom. I respected a zombie that had to shuffle so far and work so hard to get its tasty reward. These new ones feel like they?re cheating a bit. They don?t give off the sense of claustrophobia, just a sense of, ?holy sh_? *death*.
Hollywood has taken to this movie hard, like a hooker that offers out free rides. They have thrown the usual misfit group of trailblazers into the cogs of this money machine. Firstly we have the protagonist, undoubtedly a woman. I have nothing wrong with women playing the protagonists, honestly, I?m only sexist on a Tuesday, but because it?s Hollywood, they ?need? to do it to show off their diversity and she ends up feeling so out of place being forced into the spotlight. She delivers such wooden lines that would make Keenu Reeves blush. Of course she gets backup at the start when she crashes her car. Que the stereotypical black ?Bad Arse Mo Fo? that every Hollywood movie needs after Sam Jackson graced the screens in Pulp Fiction. He?s the gun totting bad mouth cop, that?s friendly at heart but tough on the outside. The two don an amazing adventure together and travel down a mysterious road that meets up with Jake Weber, Ana?s main love interest and Mekhi Phifer, probably the best thing about this movie. Phifer plays a street ?gangstar? with a pregnant wife who delvers a zombie baby, replaying his surgeon role from ER. The five then go off to the shopping mall and meet up with the rest of the gang in a series of events. The rat pack then includes: a bunch of other soon to be dead people I couldn?t care less about and don?t really deserve making this page any longer. One of them who proclaim in his best Redshirt accent to the protagonist, ?you have my permission, if I ever turn into one of those things, do me a favor, blow my fucking head off.? Guess how he dies.
Two main quarrels to get off my chest before I go on: For a zombie film there was a surprising lack of gore. Zombie films are known for their over-the-top gut ripping and brain eating action. Strangely, there is none of that here. The most you?ll see is a splash of blood here and a bit of red paint there. Very displeasing, says the gore fanatic. Secondly, there is a part where they lower a dog into the crowed of zombies. Odd, yes, but once more the producers have found another way to get on my tits. THE ZOMBIES DIDN?T EAT THE DOG (?scuse the caps lock)! Zombies eat anything that moves and is made out of meat yet they seem to shrug it off like t had a bad odor. Another reason I have added to my list of why Hollywood sucks.
Running long on words I do have to mention a few good things they decided to do with this film. The soundtrack contained a bit of Richard Cheese, kicking his career out of the gutters, that made for quite a funny interlude between gore (or lack-there-of) and the Bad-Mo-Fo cop forms a relationship with the gun store owner next door while playing a friendly game of ?shoot the zombie?. I mention this because it?s the only real relationship in the movie.
Now as the movie reaches the end is where these peoples stupidity hits the fan and I walk out not giving a damn anymore if the rat pack lives or dies. All I can say is, they deserved a whole lot worse then what they got. Out of nowhere? out of the deep blue? out of all the greatest things they could think of in the history of man? they get up and say ?hey, I?m bored. Let?s go for a bit of a stroll.? Yes that?s right; they up and leave. From the safe and secure fort they built, full of food and enough goodies to stop them going insane and GTFO. They even had tits so there was absolutely no point in doing that! They win the Darwin award hands down. No, you know what, give ?em two. And shine them up nicely so they can see their own reflection in the trophies as they get ultimately ripped into shreds. They build two buses into tanks, grab a whole bunch of guns from a cross the street, which leads to more of them dying, and piss off to their dooms. Good. The less we see of you the better. The only reason I could understand for this eradicate and completely unnecessary changes of events was because the producers didn?t know how to end it since they were all already safe. So they decided it was time for them to go on a road trip and end their pathetic lives. Yes I want to spoil the ending for you by saying that they all die because it gives a reason not to watch this crap.
If you?re a huge fan of Hollywood and love a good remake as much as the next, then the new Dawn of the Dead is for you. If George Romero holds a place in your heart no matter how much he lost the plot towards Day and Land, if you love zombies and if good story telling and character development is for you, I suggest you pick up your designated items for lynching now and we pay a harmless visit to Zack Snyder?s house.
