Turning Someone Down.

[NinjaDuckie]

I've recently come out of a pretty depressing breakup (three years) and I'm still friends with him so that's okay for the most part. It was a mutual decision and I think we'll be better off for it. But I don't think I've ever turned someone down on the question.

That said, I don't think I've ever been the one being asked. I'm usually the one to do the asking, and it's the being turned down part that's the most crippling and probably a big part of why I don't generally ask people out any more. The other main part is that I'm afraid of asking people out in case they get offended and/or violent. (I worry about reactions from mistakenly asking out straight guys.) I'm not a hugely social person so I don't really feel the urge to 'go out' and socialise, which is probably not doing my gaydar any favours.

Earlier in the week I had a few drinks until I felt confident enough to ask someone. One of my co-workers. I thought he had been dropping hints that he was bi. Turns out I was misreading that by miles. Felt stupid, but his calm, amicable reaction (and continued friendship) has helped me a lot in terms of feeling less like I'll be punched out by the next guy I ask.

 

[Silvanus]

Are you considering asking a friend out or something? And thus worried about the fallout from it?

Pretty much. A workmate. Worried about (among other things) never-ending awkwardness. Part of me thinks it's not really worth it, given the tiny chance that he even could reciprocate. I can always marry my 3DS or my cat or something.

 

[Stupidity]

Yes several times.
Witnesses tell me it's hilarious to watch. I apparently go completely monotone and stop expressing any emotion at all. I just stand there saying no till the other party leaves.

 

[Padwolf]

Yeah I have. A few times. Once there was this guy who kept hanging around the park near where I lived to see me. One day he finally approached me and asked me to go out to dinner with him. I turned him down, I was only like 15 at the time and I wasn't that interested in dating. I just said "Sorry, I don't really know you to be honest. I'm not really interested." And he walked off quite sad. I never really saw him again after that.

Another time was recently. I was walking to work and this guy stops me. It was actually hilarious. He said, and no lie, this is exactly what he said "ooo damn girl, you are, like, my cup of tea! I can't just let you walk away looking so fine." I couldn't hold the laughter. I honestly couldn't. I felt so guilty for laughing. I said "I bet you say that to all the ladies." And he said "No, no, so how about it? Can I have your number?" I turned him down, telling him that I have a boyfriend. He was persistant, and asked for my number to be friends. I said no. And that was that.

 

[lacktheknack]

Jr. High is an awkward place if you're apparently really hot stuff (which I still don't believe) and yet you're afraid of girls hitting on you.

I turned down several girls via the act of fleeing for my life. xD

 

[happyninja42]

Are you considering asking a friend out or something? And thus worried about the fallout from it?

Pretty much. A workmate. Worried about (among other things) never-ending awkwardness. Part of me thinks it's not really worth it, given the tiny chance that he even could reciprocate. I can always marry my 3DS or my cat or something.

Well, if he's not homophobic, I mean genuinely not bothered by homosexuality, I don't see how it would be a problem. But if you KNOW he's straight, it's probably a futile effort. My gaming friend's situation was more that I learned that he was attracted to me, not so much him asking me out. But it still wasn't a problem for me personally. The coworkers didn't know my sexuality, and so it was more casual.

I dunno, my view on it is summed up by this one comic I heard describe being asked out, even if you are straight.

"Even if you don't want to go to the party, it's still nice to be invited."

 

[Shock and Awe]

Yes, the first time it happened with the utmost grace and tact....by telling her I was gay. Yep, smooth as ice. After that though its happened a few times, usually I am pretty good about letter her down easy. At least I try to be anyway.

 

[Silvanus]

Well, if he's not homophobic, I mean genuinely not bothered by homosexuality, I don't see how it would be a problem. But if you KNOW he's straight, it's probably a futile effort. My gaming friend's situation was more that I learned that he was attracted to me, not so much him asking me out. But it still wasn't a problem for me personally. The coworkers didn't know my sexuality, and so it was more casual.

I dunno, my view on it is summed up by this one comic I heard describe being asked out, even if you are straight.

"Even if you don't want to go to the party, it's still nice to be invited."

Heh, that's the best approach. Perhaps he'll just be flattered.

I don't know he's straight, it's just the best guess I have.

 

[Cold Shiny]

I have never needed to turn someone down, and I don't think the opportunity shall ever present itself.



ever.

 

[Naldan]

Why should it be hard in the first place? Of course I wouldn't want to hurt one. But if I'm not interested, I'm not interested.

Now, if I wasn't sure, I'd still turn someone down. A half-assed relationship can become a real nightmare.