Unnecessary Instructions

[SevenStarSonata]

How to use a toothpick:

Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.

Kind of like last night...hehe
But seriosly..microwave inistructions for pop tarts

Hahaha. Kudos to you, sir, for making the innuendo I sadly did not. Hehe, damnit, I needed that laugh.

Can't say I know of any useless instructions, but this image made me giggle. It's on a life jacket, the sort you find on boats:

 

[Berethond]

"Have you made sure your computer/printer/other device is plugged into the socket and turned on?"

"Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?"

 

[Kriptonite]

http://www.freakingnews.com/Pictures/3/Useless-Public-Service-Advertisments.jpg

Sign says
<--Left
Right-->

 

[Asciotes]

How to make tea: Put the teabag in the cup. Boil some water. Put the builing water in the cup.
and this was all done in little picture diagrams too.

 

[darthzew]

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/03/bizarre-selfreferent.html

This. It's a bizarre self-referential sign. It's not exactly instructions, but I feel like it applies.

EDIT: Also, on some chainsaws it reads: Do not stop chain with hands or genitals. I can't find the pic, so you'll have to trust me.

 

[FalloutJack]

http://www.freakingnews.com/Pictures/3/Useless-Public-Service-Advertisments.jpg

Sign says
<--Left
Right-->

Someone photoshop this so the arrows are pointing opposite the indicated direction.

Also, think of the many things that are obviously peanut products that say "Caution: May Contain Peanuts".

 

[RAWKSTAR]

I love buying milk from Tesco that just says 'May contain milk' on the side.
It fucking better contain milk.

 

[Kinguendo]

"Do not iron while wearing"

"Okay... and dont forget to breath."

... I dont know of any situation or person that would actually require these instructions... just, why?

 

[Wes1180]

Here's a few

 

[Motiv_]

In my new car

"Do not attempt to drive this vehicle if you have less then 1 operable limb. Do not attempt to drive if children or small animals are in front of the vehicle."

I mean, seriously?

 

[EeveeElectro]

On a condom packet... 'Do no re-use'
We turned it inside out instead

 

[Agayek]

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"Do not use in shower."
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray

 

[EeveeElectro]

On a condom packet... 'Do no re-use'
We turned it inside out instead

My lord, i hope you are joking.

*giggles*
Do I look that stupid?
Actually, don't answer that.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/03/bizarre-selfreferent.html


Do not stop chain with hands or genitals. I can't find the pic, so you'll have to trust me.

Damn. My genitals have been my preferred method of stopping things.

 

[LewsTherin]

Spoiler: Avoid Death.

Spoiler: Don't hold wrong end of chainsaw

Spoiler: Don't insert into penis.

EDIT: Found the pictures

 

[WittyName]

My favourite one was on my old CD player which read:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

 

[G1eet]

There's a routine by Brian Regan about this... funny stuff.

 

[SevenStarSonata]

"Don't insert into penis." Screwdriver set.

Owwwwwwwwwww.

......I would add more to this reply, but seriously, OOOWWWWWWWW.

T____T It makes me SO sad that they probably added that warning onto the screwdriver set because someone did. Sweetbuhjeebus, if I had a penis I would not do such terribly, terribly things to it. I would love it and cherish it all my days, I would.

 

[joe182]

There's a sign made specifically for pointing out the edges in the same sign? My mind is completely and utterly blown.

Theres this thing called Photoshop...

 

[Agrael]

On a 5.56mm NATO round that we found in Germany while on field training (Might have been someones joke but we laughed for a good 2 hours) - This end kills. Basically, there was a small triangle (pointing at the bullet, and the text was next to the triangle).