Unrealistic Expectations

[Paragon Fury]

Okay, so this may be fueled by my reading too far down into the comments section of a Youtube video; which we all know is the surest path to madness (the next best path is seeing the unknowable true form of an Elder One, something that no mortal can comprehend).

So, before we begin, I should probably show you the video that the comments section I'm referring to is about:

NSFW

Spoiler

Sorry. Should've warned you that video is the THIRD most effective way to descend into madness. My bad.

Now that I've exposed you to that much un-contained madness, this is the review video I read the comments for.

Spoiler

The comments reminded me of a conversation I had with someone on another board; the idea of unrealistic expectations and just letting people who have little or no chance be. The conversation there (and on this video) is that stuff like anime/video games/manga etc. even if you're mildly addicted to it/ its the primary hobby/thing you like and that it can damage your relationships (which is what the video is presumably about, if you read the lyrics) and cause you problems in things that really matter.

Part of the discussion I had on the other board was this; well, what about people who didn't really have hope in the first place? It is wrong to try and dissuade them? Or call their desires/ideas for people/dates/men/women "unrealistic"?

I mean, take me for example; yes, I do get more attracted to pictures of this -

Spoiler

- than I do real women (there is probably a story behind this, but that is for another thread); but even the two most basic things I will not negotiate on (No Children/Babies, No Smoking) make a significant portion of the women where I live out of the question. Add in my personal failings - IE: being duller than a sack of potatoes -

Spoiler

Pictured: A better conversationalist than me.

- and its pretty easy to see why I could look at it and be like "Yeah, nope. Not even going to bother." At that point, do my personal proclivities really matter?

Yet general opinion seems to be that any sort of expectations are unrealistic or wrong - especially when you're low down on the desirability pole. That people should be changed/discouraged for their own benefit.

 

[Zontar]

I don't know if it's my being a Canadian or specifically just where I grew up here, but from what I've seen both in my experience and in those around me expectations seem to be a thing everyone has but we just don't talk about it too openly. Now for me and pretty much everyone I know there are some deal breakers, but outside of physical revoltion (you know those type of people) it leans more on the "personality works" more so then outright physical appeal. My girl friend, for example, is quite the sight if I do say so myself, and despite my weight she claims I am as well (totally no bias on our parts) but the thing is, had our personalities and interests not matched, things never would have worked out for more then a few months instead of the years we've had.

Put simply: don't change. Changing never works, and if you have to change it can't be too much or else it will fail, the question being "when" not "if". I know a guy in his mid 30s. Happiest guy you'll ever meet. Had a few relationships but never married and probably never will, and he takes pride in the fact that the things which are important to him are able to remain such as a result (the deal breaker in his case is that his room of Kiss memorabilia can never go away. If you don't like Kiss, it's already over).

 

[Smooth Operator]

Every piece of fictional media will cause unrealistic expectations if you don't resolve the fiction/reality barrier for yourself. God knows how many people still read beauty magazines and take their fucking advice on dating and marriage... talk about fucked up.

Should hopeless people be deprived of hope? That part is on them, what others can provide is accurate information.
If X is an issue with someone's personality then they should know about it, don't skate around the subject and say dumb ass Hollywood shit like "it will all work out"... this isn't a fucking movie, shit will not work out until they work it out.
Now if they actually put in the time and effort to do something about X is up to the individual, let's be clear most of us don't want to do that much work, especially on self-improvement.

 

[Pirate Of PC Master race]

...Sorry, I was distracted by the 2D catgirl picture.

Speaking of which, I am one of those "not giving a damn" person.

Who are you (or me) to choose what ideas (which includes but not limited to expectations) are right or wrong you condescending douche?

I for one thinks no one has rights to do so, and because of it I don't even try.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

People should know better than taking worldview cues exclusively from a cartoon.

 

[Depulcator]

Im gonna research the SHIT outta this brb. Also it's fiction get over it.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

Well, if you're expecting your dream woman to have animal ears growing out of her head, then yes, your expectations are extremely unrealistic, as in they are for things that aren't actually real.

But I get what you're saying, and as someone already said: if you can't resolve your own reality vs. fiction line in your head, then reality will always disappoint. If you're happy just looking at pics and videos of anime catgirls with 38DD-24-38 measurements for the rest of your days, then cool, that's your thing. But if you're looking at them saying "any woman I date needs to look like this", yes, your chances of ever finding anyone are pretty damn slim. Similar issues happen with guys who consume too much porn, to the point where they sometimes experience impotency issues because they can ONLY get off watching porn, and not from being with an actual woman.

So, bottom line, if you're attracted to Japanese Catwoman then that's what you're attracted to, but if you're expecting to actually find a woman who's going to look like that, then your expectations are pretty unrealistic.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Well, of course that picture is unrealistic. No one could ever be as happy as Gendo is shaving in that picture.

 

[snekadid]

Well, that was my limit of "WTF Japan?!" for the night.

OT: Meh, any expectations you have are entirely your fault, regardless whether its from anime, porn, movies magazines, etc.

 

[Twintix]

Holy shit, what the hell is that?! Gendo Ikari smiling?! It's creepy, make him stop! D8

OT: I'm a little bit confused: What expectations do you have, exactly? Aside from the "No Babies, No Smoking", I mean. It's a little bit unclear to me what these expectations would be. If your anime girls qualify for these expectations (Which I somehow doubt); Well yeah, they are a bit unrealistic. Mainly because of the lack of cat girls in the world.

Speaking of unrealistic expectations, I just read an article in my newspaper about a new doll called Lammily, who is said to be "the realistic Barbie doll". I look at the pictures of her and see that she doesn't have a waist the size of my thumb-to pointer finger radius. OK, fair enough.

But then they talk about stickers which gives the doll, among other things, acne, scars and cellulites. That's the point where I'm just "What the fuck?!". They've got their hearts in the right place, I'm sure, they're trying to make a doll that little girls can realte to. But do they really think that anybody who has ever played with a doll one day thought "Man, I wish she had bad skin!"? Hell, I'm not even convinced that kids can even spell the word "cellulite", much less know what the hell it even is.

I don't know, that just felt a bit misguided. I mean, they're trying to say that having bad skin doesn't make you ugly, which is true, but...really?

 

[Paragon Fury]

Well, if you're expecting your dream woman to have animal ears growing out of her head, then yes, your expectations are extremely unrealistic, as in they are for things that aren't actually real.

But I get what you're saying, and as someone already said: if you can't resolve your own reality vs. fiction line in your head, then reality will always disappoint. If you're happy just looking at pics and videos of anime catgirls with 38DD-24-38 measurements for the rest of your days, then cool, that's your thing. But if you're looking at them saying "any woman I date needs to look like this", yes, your chances of ever finding anyone are pretty damn slim. Similar issues happen with guys who consume too much porn, to the point where they sometimes experience impotency issues because they can ONLY get off watching porn, and not from being with an actual woman.

So, bottom line, if you're attracted to Japanese Catwoman then that's what you're attracted to, but if you're expecting to actually find a woman who's going to look like that, then your expectations are pretty unrealistic.

Yet people have even gone so far as to tell me expecting a woman to not smoke or want kids is too much (and rude, apparently).

 

[Foolery]

Put simply: don't change. Changing never works, and if you have to change it can't be too much or else it will fail, the question being "when" not "if". I know a guy in his mid 30s. Happiest guy you'll ever meet. Had a few relationships but never married and probably never will, and he takes pride in the fact that the things which are important to him are able to remain such as a result (the deal breaker in his case is that his room of Kiss memorabilia can never go away. If you don't like Kiss, it's already over).

Makes sense, if you're not honest to your true nature or temperament, you're probably going to stress yourself out and be unsatisfied in your social interactions. There's an expression in my family "The grain is set, all you can do is smooth it out."

 

[EternallyBored]

Well, if you're expecting your dream woman to have animal ears growing out of her head, then yes, your expectations are extremely unrealistic, as in they are for things that aren't actually real.

But I get what you're saying, and as someone already said: if you can't resolve your own reality vs. fiction line in your head, then reality will always disappoint. If you're happy just looking at pics and videos of anime catgirls with 38DD-24-38 measurements for the rest of your days, then cool, that's your thing. But if you're looking at them saying "any woman I date needs to look like this", yes, your chances of ever finding anyone are pretty damn slim. Similar issues happen with guys who consume too much porn, to the point where they sometimes experience impotency issues because they can ONLY get off watching porn, and not from being with an actual woman.

So, bottom line, if you're attracted to Japanese Catwoman then that's what you're attracted to, but if you're expecting to actually find a woman who's going to look like that, then your expectations are pretty unrealistic.

Yet people have even gone so far as to tell me expecting a woman to not smoke or want kids is too much (and rude, apparently).

Who is telling you this, and how are you phrasing it? Are you just saying you aren't attracted to people that smoke and you don't want any kids or are you laying down blanket insults against smokers and the idea of having kids. If it's the latter, you might want to work on your phrasing and it's more likely that people are calling it rude because you are insulting people, not because your preferences are inherently unrealistic.

If it's the former, who the hell is telling you this, I have a standard against dating smokers as well, can't stand the smell, nobody, not even the two women I've rejected for this factor, have called me rude or unrealistic for it. I'm not exactly planning to have kids either (I get enough of tragic situations involving children through my work, it kills my desire to have any of my own), and while people will tell me that will limit my options, as kids are usually a part of the majority of committed monogamous relationships, I haven't had anyone call that an unrealistic standard. I've even dated a couple women that have shared the "no kids" thing, usually women more interested in building a career than a family, but people with no interest in ever having kids tend to be in the minority, and sometimes those people change their minds and start wanting to have kids.

It's not so much an unrealistic standard, as it is one that is going to cut a significant chunk of people out of the dating pool, especially if you are looking for a committed relationship over a short fling or one night stand. Your standard isn't unrealistic, but if you want a long term relationship you are just going to have to deal with the fact that not wanting children is going to severely limit your options.

That said, the topic is confusing, why bring up the anime women at all if your example is about far more mundane standards like having children and smoking. If people are telling you that your standards are unrealistic because you only want women that look like the pictures you posted then they have a point, especially if you aren't exactly a paragon of physical attraction and charisma yourself.
If people are telling you your standards are unrealistic because you don't want to date a smoker or have a child, then those people are either wrong, being defensive because they feel insulted, or wording themselves poorly. Not wanting kids will severely limit your options, but I wouldn't call it unrealistic in the same way an introverted social outcast only wanting to date someone with anime girl proportions is.

 

[Asclepion]

Well, of course that picture is unrealistic. No one could ever be as happy as Gendo is shaving in that picture.

I lol'ed.

 

[Nailzzz]

What I love is when your not interested in a woman and they go to your friends who then tell her why your not interested. The response then becomes how you will just have to get used to whatever it is you find objectionable about them. I have had this happen a few times. Usually because of my dislike of body piercings(I just don't find them attractive and they tend to get in the way). The sense of entitlement some women have just floors me sometimes.

 

[Hagi]

Weird...

Even after reading the lyrics the only sense I get out of it is that guy going through a sort of cathartic dream turning into nightmare after a breakup.

 

[Lilani]

People should know better than taking worldview cues exclusively from a cartoon.

And I honestly think most people do. Like MOST people, like well over 99%. I think there are people who are weak-minded enough to honestly base their expectations for such things in reality from cartoons or porn, but I don't think it's this sort of media that made them that way. And I think even if these things didn't exist, they would find other unrealistic things to base their expectations off of, because that is a flaw in their nature or cognitive processes.

I'm a virgin and I've watched porn, but I also understand that porn is staged and made for a very specific purpose which makes it different from the way sex actually happens in reality. I don't base any of my expectations for sex on porn, because I don't consider the two to be that closely related. It'd be like if I tried to base my expectations for escargot on a Domino's Pepperoni Pizza.

And from what I've observed--knowing both pretty "normal" people and people who are prone to obsession with fantasy--practically everybody is able to set their rein in their threshold of expectations to some point in reality. They might have some pretty high hopes for something unreasonable--perhaps even obsessively high--but in their heart of hearts they know it isn't real and can never be. As much as they obsess and dream and write fanfiction about Inu-Yasha or Sasuke or Hatsune Miku being their bishie or waifu, their realistic hope is simply for somebody real who can share these dreams with them.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Well, if you're expecting your dream woman to have animal ears growing out of her head, then yes, your expectations are extremely unrealistic, as in they are for things that aren't actually real.

But I get what you're saying, and as someone already said: if you can't resolve your own reality vs. fiction line in your head, then reality will always disappoint. If you're happy just looking at pics and videos of anime catgirls with 38DD-24-38 measurements for the rest of your days, then cool, that's your thing. But if you're looking at them saying "any woman I date needs to look like this", yes, your chances of ever finding anyone are pretty damn slim. Similar issues happen with guys who consume too much porn, to the point where they sometimes experience impotency issues because they can ONLY get off watching porn, and not from being with an actual woman.

So, bottom line, if you're attracted to Japanese Catwoman then that's what you're attracted to, but if you're expecting to actually find a woman who's going to look like that, then your expectations are pretty unrealistic.

Yet people have even gone so far as to tell me expecting a woman to not smoke or want kids is too much (and rude, apparently).

Who is telling you this, and how are you phrasing it? Are you just saying you aren't attracted to people that smoke and you don't want any kids or are you laying down blanket insults against smokers and the idea of having kids. If it's the latter, you might want to work on your phrasing and it's more likely that people are calling it rude because you are insulting people, not because your preferences are inherently unrealistic.

If it's the former, who the hell is telling you this, I have a standard against dating smokers as well, can't stand the smell, nobody, not even the two women I've rejected for this factor, have called me rude or unrealistic for it. I'm not exactly planning to have kids either (I get enough of tragic situations involving children through my work, it kills my desire to have any of my own), and while people will tell me that will limit my options, as kids are usually a part of the majority of committed monogamous relationships, I haven't had anyone call that an unrealistic standard. I've even dated a couple women that have shared the "no kids" thing, usually women more interested in building a career than a family, but people with no interest in ever having kids tend to be in the minority, and sometimes those people change their minds and start wanting to have kids.

It's not so much an unrealistic standard, as it is one that is going to cut a significant chunk of people out of the dating pool, especially if you are looking for a committed relationship over a short fling or one night stand. Your standard isn't unrealistic, but if you want a long term relationship you are just going to have to deal with the fact that not wanting children is going to severely limit your options.

That said, the topic is confusing, why bring up the anime women at all if your example is about far more mundane standards like having children and smoking. If people are telling you that your standards are unrealistic because you only want women that look like the pictures you posted then they have a point, especially if you aren't exactly a paragon of physical attraction and charisma yourself.
If people are telling you your standards are unrealistic because you don't want to date a smoker or have a child, then those people are either wrong, being defensive because they feel insulted, or wording themselves poorly. Not wanting kids will severely limit your options, but I wouldn't call it unrealistic in the same way an introverted social outcast only wanting to date someone with anime girl proportions is.

Who?

Parents. People online, landlord etc. Most people don't directly object to the smoking thing; but the "no children" thing sees to set more than a few people off.

As for physical things, while I'm obviously not so blind as to expect anything like the pictures I posted...I will admit I'm still not going to settle for someone that looks like leftovers or who obviously doesn't care.