Update 2: EA Dismisses Dungeon Keeper Mobile Criticism

[Brian Tams]

You know, I've been really trying to watch my language lately (honest!), but then EA comes along and yet again says something that makes me say the following:

*ahem*

Fuck you, EA. Fuck your bullshit. Fuck your constant shitting on game franchises. Fuck your ethics, fuck your assbackwards logic, fuck you manipulated rating system, and most importantly; FUCK YOU.

 

[Callate]

Oh, yes. The ever-popular "vocal minority" blow-off.

If I point out that you can get both of the original Dungeon Keeper games at GOG for about the cost of a small cluster of gems and have a far superior experience, do you think word will get back to EA and they'll pull them?

I know this is just one producer in one wing of the far-flung, over-extended empire that is EA these days, but every time a story like this comes up, I'm reminded of why I don't trust EA as a company, why I haven't bought a game from them in years, and why I still don't have Origin on my computer. This arrogant, condescending, "be a good consumer, we know what's best" bullshit that I cannot and will not support in any way, shape, or form.

Of the links that come up when "Dungeon Keeper Mobile" is searched on Google, every result on the first two pages that isn't referencing this response or pointing directly at a download page is a scathingly negative criticism. Every. Single. One. Ignore that at your peril, EA Mythic.

Or, y'know, don't, blow a bunch of development cash that you never see back, and reap what you've sown when your game is abandoned next month for a shinier bauble that doesn't hold as much behind the paywall. That would be fine with me, too.

 

[Scy Anide]

EA had to get back in the race, Comcast and the underdog, King, were getting a strong lead and February has only just begun. To think, at one point I thought EA would fall off the shit list entirely just by not doing anything, silly me.

 

[Johnson McGee]

"We're also seeing a lot of game downloads and in-game engagement so that tells us there is a large group of people who are playing and enjoying the game. Obviously, this is counter to some of the angry reactions we've seen around the internet."

i.e.: "It's good because idiots who don't know better think it's good."

I shudder to think of what will be considered high class entertainment once the media landscape is dominated by a generation raised on trashy reality shows and f2p mobile games.

 

[Saidan]

After reading this person's statement regarding the game in question, there's only one possible answer in my head:

[HEADING=2]HOW DARE YOU?![/HEADING]

In the name of all that is holy and sacred in this insane universe we all live on, how do you even DARE to defend this travesty, this abomination, this amusingly stupid excuse for a theft, cause it's not even a game at all, it's just plain robbery, of both cash and time from the people who expected (and deserved) a proper come back to the freaking classic!

Just like pretty much everyone is pointing out, let's just forget that this thing ever happened on the first place, and focus on the REAL successor, War for the Overworld. I believe they even got the original voice actor for the Horned Reaper.

 

[Strazdas]

Your better off downloading KeeperFX (thats a free mod for original dungeon keeper that makes it easily playable and stable in new systems) that is free. It is very similar (cough, uses actual original textures, cough) to the original but with engine rewritten to work on modern machines.
Yes, its legal.

[HEADING=2]it's not actually possible not to rate the game below a 5[/HEADING]
at least, according to this random guy. If you do, it takes you to an EA support ticket instead of rating the game.

and this is why i always go to the store page separately to rate all the games i play on my android. The ingame rating crap is always rigged.

 

[Grabehn]

EA guy defends EA's product... yeah, I've said this more than once, but I'll be impressed when this doesn't happen, and the guy, while still working at EA comes out and says "yeah the game is shit", THAT day I'll be impressed.

You know, I've been really trying to watch my language lately (honest!), but then EA comes along and yet again says something that makes me say the following:

*ahem*

Fuck you, EA. Fuck your bullshit. Fuck your constant shitting on game franchises. Fuck your ethics, fuck your assbackwards logic, fuck you manipulated rating system, and most importantly; FUCK YOU.

How the fuck can I give you cookies through the internet?

Have this one at least

 

[rasputin0009]

I read some of the Google Play user reviews because I noticed the 4.5 rating was contrary to everything said everywhere else. The most recent reviews are 1 star reviews that include more than one sentence actually reviewing the game. Once you get closer to the release date, you notice the user reviews become 5 star ratings with only one sentence that usually pertains to "It's just like the Dungeon Keeper I loved more than 10 years ago!".

It's not a surprise that EA would fake user reviews because everyone does it (Sony, Microsoft, McDonald's, you name it). It's just a wonder how fake user reviews don't blow things up as wide as they should.

Side note: I just watched Boondock Saints today, which critics panned and gave a 20% Rotten Tomatoes rating while users gave it an average of 92. I thought the movie was thoroughly entertaining and amazing (as long as you don't take it serious). Maybe it relates to this, but I doubt it.

 

[suitepee7]

well, i can kinda see where he's coming from. i think the price points are utterly disgusting, and i don't agree with it at all (a less restricted pay to play title on mobile would have been much better), but from that viewpoint, it's nothing new.

simpsons tapped out worked on the same principle, you log on a few times a day to micromanage and farm money, then after a while you get a 'free' gaming session using your built up resources. considering it's the same devs, it isn't that surprising they take the same approach.

however the big differences dungeon keeper has with tapped out are
1) dungeon keeper is an established, and beloved, franchise
2) if you choose to spend money, you get next to nothing for a large amount of money
3) the in game text advertises buying gems, knowing full well it is being a **** about it by shoving microtransactions in your face and laughing that the game they made is unplayable as a proper game without them

tapped out only really suffered from bits of (2), but at least it wasn't taking a big steamy dump on gamers memories

 

[Lovesfool]

Ugh. Fuck games. I'm gonna go read a book or something.

Better make sure it's not an e-Book by EA. If so, you will need to either wait 1 hour or pay 0,30$ to bypass the timer after each page.

Didn't you know? Books are not meant to be read at your leisure. You are supposed to read one page on the bus (must be a very short ride... goes without saying) to wherever you are going and then another page at bed, before you sleep (wouldn't want you to keep reading and miss minutes from your beauty sleep, now would we).

 

[nodlimax]

Userrating on Metacritic for this game 0.2 out of 10........everything is fine. It's just a vocal minority. Players must love this game.....

I would laugh at this guy if it wasn't so sad. Anyway I won't touch this game. I have cool games on my smartphone and they aren't a ripoff like this Dungeon Keeper wannabe.

 

[VladG]

Well, of course your game has 4.5 stars if you manipulate the Ratings system (against Google policy, I might add).

But then again, this is EA we're talking about. So what else can we expect?

 

[Undomesticated Equine]

I went to the Google play page of the game and already the bad reviews are numerous although that will not be enough to cancel out the 64,311 5 star reviews. I mean seriously WTF how doe that thing have that many 5 star reviews what are the android users really that stupid. I mean when i bought my new smartphone fe months back i was wondering why i cannot have root access and why rooting my phone would void my warranty but now i know. Turns out 85 percent of users are stupid enough to put out with this shit and giving the root would most likely result in them bricking their devices in less than 2 weeks.

 

[FogHornG36]

Ea dismisses criticism, saying, "We don't give a shit about what you think, and never have, now give us your money."

 

[Caiphus]

It'd be funny if it wasn't so tragic. I'm just sort of glad that I was never a fan of Dungeon Keeper, shame for those of you that are.

But yeah, this whole article just neatly packages everything about EA that, rightly, pisses people off. Dishonesty, complete lack of awareness or empathy, and dedication to money above all else. I do occasionally defend them, because there must be sane people working in there somewhere. I've dealt with their customer support like three times, and they've always been super helpful. But their corporate culture really does need fixing. Even from a pragmatic standpoint, I can't imagine that acting this way actually helps profits.

Oh well. Not my company. Hopefully Dragon Age: Inquisition is good.

 

[MrBaskerville]

I wish they could just make 2 versions, a cash grab version for free and a premium edition that works as a proper game for 10 bucks.

 

[OuendanCyrus]

So what they're basically saying is "Our game isn't bad becuase look at all the downloads it has gotten and look at all the people discussing this game, that obviously means that our game is fantastic and does not need changing we have definitely decided."

 

[Infernal Lawyer]

I read some of the Google Play user reviews because I noticed the 4.5 rating was contrary to everything said everywhere else. The most recent reviews are 1 star reviews that include more than one sentence actually reviewing the game. Once you get closer to the release date, you notice the user reviews become 5 star ratings with only one sentence that usually pertains to "It's just like the Dungeon Keeper I loved more than 10 years ago!".

It's not a surprise that EA would fake user reviews because everyone does it (Sony, Microsoft, McDonald's, you name it). It's just a wonder how fake user reviews don't blow things up as wide as they should.

Side note: I just watched Boondock Saints today, which critics panned and gave a 20% Rotten Tomatoes rating while users gave it an average of 92. I thought the movie was thoroughly entertaining and amazing (as long as you don't take it serious). Maybe it relates to this, but I doubt it.

I just had to check the page after I read your post, and yep, pretty much all of the five-star votes are from mindless idiots with barely a sentence to say anything. Probably the type of people who just rate anything they mildly enjoy with five stars.

 

[MrBaskerville]

So what they're basically saying is "Our game isn't bad becuase look at all the downloads it has gotten and look at all the people discussing this game, that obviously means that our game is fantastic and does not need changing we have definitely decided."

And probably a: "Look at all these people spending money in our game, we´re gonna be rich!". The thing is, it might be an obvious cash grab, but there´s a reason why they keep making games like these, and there´s a reason why a lot of very small companies got very rich by making stuff like this. People are idiots and they are very fond of spending money on stupid shit, probably because they don´t know any better^^.

 

[Riddle78]

I've played both original Dungeon Keepers. I saw some things about Dungeon Keeper Mobile,and I was instantly turned off,besides the big ol' EA stamp instantly putting it in the "It had better be REALLY FLOCKING GOOD" pile. I preferred DK1 over DK2,but DK2 had some much needed improvements...Such as total Workshop control.

This? It's some Triple-A studio's ham-handed attempt at repurposing an existing model to suit their own desires. They want money. All companies want money,this is fact. However,EA doesn't NEED something like...THIS for their money. They get that kind of dosh off their annual Madden and Battlefield installments. This is EA seeing an idea they didn't try yet,and trying to do it without properly understanding it.

Microtransactions are a good thing,when used properly. They're a tool. Just like a screwdriver,axe,or rifle. Neither inherently good or evil. But,EA turned it into...THAT. Locking the most basic functions behind either obscene wait times (What happens when the heroes tunnel in!?) or microtransactions,making the fallout of a Steam Summer Sale look like a minor barbecue pop.

I've long since hated EA. Their practices are abhorrent,and they've eaten all of the studios I've enjoyed in my childhood alive. Namely Bullfrog and Westwood. They are primarily a publishing house,and are,as such,rapidly losing relevance in the face of services like Steam and Desura,as well as anyone with a plan and a day job getting a site and managing viral marketing,or good ol' word of mouth...Like Notch.

In short,the execs at EA probably do see the writing on the wall. They either just don't care,which does a LOT to explain their short-term business practices,aiming to simply get as much money they can before the ship sinks,or they're simply panicking,which makes less sense.

This is a cash-in on the IP they've been sitting on for decades. They've starved the Dungeon Keeper fanbase of Dungeon Keeper,and released this as a way to cash in on it. Sure,they'll make money NOW,but I don't see it being profitable next month.

EA,if you had any shred of shame or dignity,you'd have done something else. From everyone who still remembers the studios you've annihilated,I hope you die a spectacularly sudden and distressing death,in which only the people up top suffer.