Waiting two hours for somebody

[zerragonoss]

Just want to ask one thing, how were you getting home without the ride, and did she know how you would? She clearly likes spending time with you, but she could have just spent the time waiting out of a feeling of duty because. She said she would give you a ride, or did not want to make some one else pick you up, so she stayed to do what she said she would. On the situation as a whole the only advice I can give is take some time to figure out what you really want, tell her that, and don't let fear dictate your actions.

 

[game-lover]

Hm... I don't have many real friends, to be honest.

But I don't know many people who would wait 2 hours for someone.

I say make your initial if not only goal as just friends. Hell, it's perfectly fine by you so what's the harm?

You're both just friends. At the most, you can be those friends who are like family or platonic family partners. The latter which I don't understand but get that it exist somehow.

Nothing might change. And if it does... well, cross that bridge if you get to it.

 

[Bagged Milk]

Talk about your feelings with her. That's what friends are for. If she is truly your friend, even if she turns down your offer, she'll still stick around. Just don't be pushy.

 

[necromanzer52]

Seems to me you should just ask her if she'd be up for a relationship with you, and if she says no, then I don't see any reason why you couldn't still be friends.

Humans confuse me sometimes.

 

[Nickolai77]

You know what i would do?

Decide firstly you actually like her and want to explore a relationship. If yes then just casually ask her if she wants to meet up- if you're talking to her regularly you should have an idea of what would interest her. Tell her in the course of conversation "If you want, bring your friends, i don't mind" and if she doesn't bring friends along then that's a potential but not absolute indication she's into you. Don't refer to the outing as a date obviously, don't be flirty but you may want to drop a few compliments. Assuming it all goes well, ask her out again, and maybe again once more and by that stage you should have a much better idea about what her feelings are towards you.

In short, if you like her, ask her out but not in a date sort of fashion- leave that a bit ambiguous and see how she reacts.

 

[Nokturos]

If she was interested in you in a romantic sense, she would have made it known. And since she directly stated that she considers you a friend, it would be foolish to assume she wants something more, just because you do.

 

[DoctorObviously]

So, today and tomorrowmorning are the last days when she works. I'll start working again the day after tomorrow. While she was driving me home yesterday, I asked her if she liked Origami. And she did. From our earlier conversations, I knew where she lived. I wrapped my Paper Crane in plastic, and with a stapler made sure it was shut tight, as the weather forecasting predicted heavy rain and I put it in her mailbox. It did rain a lot today.

I was very glad to hear she was happy with it and I quote from a message (translated): "Just found it!!! Awesome!!! Thank you so much and it's superdry!!!!!!"

Tomorrow at about 17.00 we're going to see a diving show in the amusement park. After that I'm going to pretty much completely drop contact like a brick until she makes contact.

The dice have been thrown, lets see what happens.

Thanks for all the great responses!

 

[DoctorObviously]

Best of luck to you, mate. We are all here when you need to talk.

Thanks man, I appreciate you taking the time.

well, going by your responses, I think a good way to handle this is to have a talk with her. Let her know how you feel and your worries and concerns. Hell, even just saying something to the effect of "I think I may want to date you, but I don't think we should do it right now because of distance and scheduling, therefore I may just want to be friends for a while now and see what develops from there" might do wonders.

Don't you think that would be incredibly immensly awkward? I mean, I don't know. I don't picture that ending on an optimistic note.

What you have here is a golden opportunity because DISASTER is something totally off the menu.

...and being the friend she is, IF a "no" shows up, it'll be soft and polite, and nothing will change

You mean well, I know. You wouldn't have been posting otherwise. Maybe I'm that kind of exception where I have the same amount of setbacks as people have confetti, but you are seeing this beautiful rose-colored field of petals. If you could save your life like you save a game, I'd bet a lot of money right now that "disaster" and "nothing will change" would be the aperitif of the menu.

Also, I wouldn't agree with all those that say that keeping things as they are is 100% chance to keep her around. If she happens to dig you more than a friend and you won't do anything even after she's obviously coming on at you ("Seriosuly, I'v waited 2 HOURS for him and he still didn't ask me out. Bloody wanker") the relationship may (may) suffer, even to the point of her getting bored of you. So I'd say it's 90-95% chance you'll get to keep her around if you won't do anything.

Reading that "bloody wanker" part made me laugh aloud, thanks. I needed that.

Dude(prinny style), you really like this girl but it feels like to me that you're not getting the "I FUCKING LOVE THIS WOMAN" feeling yet. My suggestion would be to ask her about what she wants for her future, NOT DIRECTLY! Try to weave it into a conversation, ya'know, future talks, what you want out of life, that sort of thing.

Also, she seems like she is pretty independent, so if you get lucky, SHE asks you out on a date, meaning you don't have to go through this whole "the emotions inside of me are battling each other, I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WANT!!!".

Either way, just take this steadily, there is no need to rush. You've got your whole life ahead of yourself.

She's very independent. She told me straight out that she doesn't need a man to make her feel good about herself (which practically makes her different than 99% of every single woman ever.). Like me, she's very autonomous, likes to analyze and discuss stuff. All sorts of stuff. This will probably be too good to be true, but I really hope she's the one who asks for the date. After all, if she's the one to ask, she must agree and feel good about it.

Just want to ask one thing, how were you getting home without the ride, and did she know how you would? She clearly likes spending time with you, but she could have just spent the time waiting out of a feeling of duty because. She said she would give you a ride, or did not want to make some one else pick you up, so she stayed to do what she said she would. On the situation as a whole the only advice I can give is take some time to figure out what you really want, tell her that, and don't let fear dictate your actions.

Thank you for your advice. To answer your question: My mom was able to drive me home and I told her that. She said it wasn't necessary. She looked on her watch and after a couple seconds said she was going to wait. I think maybe she felt obligated to drive me home. But I will counter my own point by saying that she took a long friggin' time to get there, knowing FULL WELL there are quicker routes to get there.

If you want the relationship to work, keep it off of Facebook. Just sayin'...

That's why I hesitate, and still do.

Humans confuse me sometimes.

You and me both.

 

[Gatx]

Do YOU like her? Do YOU want to date her? It's pretty bloody simple if you do.

Imagine living on a planet where nobody speaks your language and you have to adapt yourself and your habits to that planet. Suddenly a person comes along who could not possibly give a fuck about 'how you should act', 'how somebody should be', 'what somebody should like' and completely accepts the way you are, in all your strange and alien habits.

Do I like her? Well, of course, how could I not? But for a relationship? I don't know yet. It scares me. I'd sign immediately if I could see her more often, which is not possible now. I'm imagining the most negative things with this sort of situation, because I'm thinking of everything that could go horribly wrong (which is why I made this thread in the first place). I sound incredibly snobbish now but I'd say what I have with her is highly platonic. I'd love to be by her side, because we get along so well and I don't get along with anybody. Seriously, I have like two really good friends that I barely see. So I have exactly zero serious communication with anybody except for The Escapist from time to time. Meeting someone you sympathise with is scary, because it's very addicting. And the wound cuts very deep when that person leaves you.

I suppose it depends on whether you'd rather have a 100% chance of keeping your friend or a 50/50 chance of either getting a new girlfriend or potentially losing your friend. Your call, buddy.

I'll take the 100%.

The main thing I'm curious about is have you dated before? Sometimes people would say love is worth the risk, and what's life if you're going to play 100% safe all the time right?

Also consider this - just like your friend subscribes to the idea that a girl and a guy can be friends, it's possible to date for a while, stop, and just go back to how it was before. If you think you

 

[Evil Smurf]

Ask her out for drinks, what's the worst that could happen?

 

[Abomination]

Put... put your dick in it.

Okay, serious: been there, didn't actually have a relationship because we were both already in one. Still friends, still hang out when able to and still love each other's company.

If you're both single it'll probably lead to something. So I wouldn't sweat it and just let things happen. You'll know when to make a move.

Invite her over to your place for drinks, watch a cheesey comedy movie, share a couch... things will happen. If they don't happen in that scenario then they probably never will and at least you got to get drunk with a good friend.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Sounds like she's got a bit of a crush. Don't panic, this is far from a bad thing. But, don't just assume this means sexytimes alone, or right off the bat, or that if she says no you can't still be friends. Just don't be awkward about it, and don't make it all about pantless dances. You clearly enjoy each other's company, and whether dating or just hanging out, it's all good, yo.

Just realize, that if she needs to work on her thesis, then she needs to work on her thesis. That shit isn't an overnight job, and it's gonna mean she'll have to blow you off a time or two, so don't freak out about that. Theses are heavy things.

Oh, and be sure to thank her for waiting. That's super cool of her.

 

[Candidus]

I'll take the 100%.

I've just been skimming, so this may have been said before.

But if waiting for you and detouring to spend more time with you was her idea of being demonstrative (affectionately), and you `play it safe` on this occasion and on any others like it in the future, it might well NOT be a 100% certainty that you will retain the friendship.

If she's looking for more, and it's going unrequited, she'll be frustrated, depressed or worse.

You think it was so nice of her to wait for you, that you're almost afraid you're missing some kind of hint, yep?

Well then. You should ask. Her.

 

[endnuen]

Play the flirting game, see how she responds?
Ask her out for a cup of coffe, like in; "how about we grab a cup of coffee this Friday?" And the go to a park or something and feed ducks. Something fun and noncommittal.
If she agrees, do a little flirting and see if she responds positively to it. Does she hold eye contact, does she lean towards you, does she touch you. find an excuse to take her hand, if she has and rings or whatever, take her hand and compliment it, ask where she got it, but keep the hand in yours and gently stroke it. If she takes it back quick she's probably not that interested, but if she let it stay for a minute, well, then it's not that bad.

It's about seeing the signs.

 

[DoctorObviously]

I'll take the 100%.

I've just been skimming, so this may have been said before.

But if waiting for you and detouring to spend more time with you was her idea of being demonstrative (affectionately), and you `play it safe` on this occasion and on any others like it in the future, it might well NOT be a 100% certainty that you will retain the friendship.

If she's looking for more, and it's going unrequited, she'll be frustrated, depressed or worse.

You think it was so nice of her to wait for you, that you're almost afraid you're missing some kind of hint, yep?

Well then. You should ask. Her.

And then what? Finally meet somebody I sympathise with and I need to go cavaleer on her, risking everything that has already been built? And what exactly should I ask her? "Go for a date?". If you haven't noticed, I'm TERRIBLE at this sort of stuff. If it was possible, right now I wish she knows how I feel without me actually saying how I feel to her.

I knew somebody about 18 months ago, I had the balls to tell her what I truly felt for her, which is like climbing Mount Olympus for people like me. I even told her I wanted to wait if she felt that she needed time. When it comes to stuff like this I have patience in spades. She never, ever talked to me again, not even when I attempted to start a conversation with her. Ever. It tore me apart. I swore myself never to destroy myself like that again. And here we are, 18 months later.

EDIT: If I was a bit rude, I apologize, but can you really fault me on being so cautious? Constantly falling down isn't fun, you know. I'd love to hear a women's perspective on the matter.

 

[Candidus]

And then what? Finally meet somebody I sympathise with and I need to go cavaleer on her, risking everything that has already been built? And what exactly should I ask her?

EDIT: If I was a bit rude, I apologize, but can you really fault me on being so cautious? Constantly falling down isn't fun, you know. I'd love to hear a women's perspective on the matter.

Don't worry about it, perhaps I wasn't clear. I meant, "You should ask her whether you were missing a clue that day."

You have a strong desire to be indirect, as I perceive it. The only advice that I believe any man or woman could offer you that satisfies that desire is; wait for the next time, try harder to respond in a way that invites a full disclosure of feelings without going out on a limb yourself (how?!?!), yadda yadda... I don't know, that kind of vague, convoluted nonsense.

I'd rather be clumsy and forefront than cautious bordering on paralyzed. I don't want to potentially leave someone who's trying to get my attention out in the cold because I'm too scared even to ask what this or that gesture meant. First off, what kind of glass egg is my friendship supposed to be?! And second, because that would identify me as a certain kind of character: not someone I want to be.

I'm not saying that being clumsy and forefront won't fuck everything up. Maybe it will. Speaking from my own experiences, it certainly has in the past. But then I'm clumsy, forefront *and* blunt as fuck. You seem milder in your manners. So your mileage may be better.

This is all just one guy's advice, and that guy has very few friends as a result of his coarse demeanor. Take it with a pinch, but do consider the possible dangers to the feelings of others when being totally frickin' passive. That's all I'm saying.

 

[kyuzo3567]

First off, as you seem to have a very good emotional foundation for a relationship to work, how physically attracted are you to her?

Secondly, I would say ask her out soon (once she has more free time to actually hang out with you in person of course) but I would word it something along the lines of: "I really like you and value you as a friend, but would you consider going out for a little while and see how that works? I understand if you don't want to and we'll still be friends if thats only what you want but I'd like to give it a try."

Now I typed that up in like 1 minute so it needs alot of punching up and personalization, but thats the main message you should get across if you want to ask her out. But please if you say you'll just stay friends and thats all she wants, be sure to actually stay friends with her like you are now. Thats only the respectful thing to do and it will increase your chances of dating her down the line if she decided she wants to try it and you still want to as well.

Good luck either way, I'm sure we'll all be happy to crowd-source your words if you want/need help asking her out

 

[manic_depressive13]

What's the big deal about waiting for someone for a few hours? I wouldn't mind doing that for my friends. Just sit down for some lunch, read a book, and the time has passed before you know it. I don't see it as evidence that your relationship has gone beyond the bounds of an ordinary friendship as others are suggesting.

If you like her you should just ask if she's interested in a relationship. If she says no you can just remain friends, thus proving that men and women can in fact just be friends. The only way your asking her out would suggest men and women can't just be friends would be if you dropped her immediately afterwards.