I'm not even sure there is any advice to give me, unless you've been in a similar situation. I don't know how long this will be, I don't even know what to write. So I'm just going to write. I really hope it's coherent.
I'm 25, I've graduated university two years ago, computer science. It was a good school.
I struggled to find a job (economy and all that). I got one, in a nearby city; I hate it. Were it easy to get a new job I'd switch (and don't think I haven't been applying places).
I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of waking up every day and going to a job I hate. I'm tired of waking up alone. I'm tired of having no one to talk to, to share my feelings with. I have a few good friends but I still feel alone. But it's not just loneliness. It's not just hating my job. I just have this unrelenting sense of insignificance.
I'm bored all the time. My job is easy, it's boring and it actually pays pretty good. I moved into an apartment with my friend, it's really nice, we both make good money... but I'm not happy at all. I'm just as miserable as before. I used to play games all the time, I don't anymore. I just feel tired of everything, bored of everything, fed up with everything. Maybe it's just that I feel life is too easy?
There is so little challenge left. Maybe I feel I'm just at a dead end? I could live like this until I die, would it be so bad? Is this what happens to most people? I used to have so much to look forward to. In high school I remember how nervous I was to get into a good university. In university I remember how anxious I was to get my degree and get that amazing job I always dreamed of. I'd find an amazing girl. I'd be happy and fulfilled. It was a sure thing. Lies. My friends all dispersed. The girl I loved left and I was too much of a coward to ever tell her. Maybe she felt the same... either way we both knew, in the end, she would be leaving. We always knew. Was it the logical thing to do?
All these thoughts and emotions have just culminated into a severe sense of wanderlust. I just want to leave. I don't know where. I stare outside my window in the evening looking at the cityscape. It's pretty sometimes, there's a church nearby. Sunday mornings the bells ring and for some reason it makes me comfortable, just for a minute. Maybe it reminds me of my trip to Germany last summer. I watch the people walk by and they're laughing or having fun; even if it's cold and the salt covered streets and gusty winds indicate they should be inside. They don't even seem to notice. They seem so happy, or maybe it's just that they're content.
The lights in the distance just feel like they're calling to me. Just get out and drive. Just come find "it"; whatever "it" is. Whatever it is I'm looking for must be out there, somewhere I think... I hope? I've done it too. I've just gone out at night, and driven around. I've walked. I've sat in coffee shops waiting. I've gone out looking. I never find whatever it is.
I guess I really want to know what it is I want? Should I just move? Should I just pick a country and go? Korea? Japan? Somewhere entirely alien? It would be challenging; beyond difficult. Is that what I really want, or do I just want change? Moving would bring change. But that's what I thought before and here I am.
Thoughts?
I'm 25, I've graduated university two years ago, computer science. It was a good school.
I struggled to find a job (economy and all that). I got one, in a nearby city; I hate it. Were it easy to get a new job I'd switch (and don't think I haven't been applying places).
I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of waking up every day and going to a job I hate. I'm tired of waking up alone. I'm tired of having no one to talk to, to share my feelings with. I have a few good friends but I still feel alone. But it's not just loneliness. It's not just hating my job. I just have this unrelenting sense of insignificance.
I'm bored all the time. My job is easy, it's boring and it actually pays pretty good. I moved into an apartment with my friend, it's really nice, we both make good money... but I'm not happy at all. I'm just as miserable as before. I used to play games all the time, I don't anymore. I just feel tired of everything, bored of everything, fed up with everything. Maybe it's just that I feel life is too easy?
There is so little challenge left. Maybe I feel I'm just at a dead end? I could live like this until I die, would it be so bad? Is this what happens to most people? I used to have so much to look forward to. In high school I remember how nervous I was to get into a good university. In university I remember how anxious I was to get my degree and get that amazing job I always dreamed of. I'd find an amazing girl. I'd be happy and fulfilled. It was a sure thing. Lies. My friends all dispersed. The girl I loved left and I was too much of a coward to ever tell her. Maybe she felt the same... either way we both knew, in the end, she would be leaving. We always knew. Was it the logical thing to do?
All these thoughts and emotions have just culminated into a severe sense of wanderlust. I just want to leave. I don't know where. I stare outside my window in the evening looking at the cityscape. It's pretty sometimes, there's a church nearby. Sunday mornings the bells ring and for some reason it makes me comfortable, just for a minute. Maybe it reminds me of my trip to Germany last summer. I watch the people walk by and they're laughing or having fun; even if it's cold and the salt covered streets and gusty winds indicate they should be inside. They don't even seem to notice. They seem so happy, or maybe it's just that they're content.
The lights in the distance just feel like they're calling to me. Just get out and drive. Just come find "it"; whatever "it" is. Whatever it is I'm looking for must be out there, somewhere I think... I hope? I've done it too. I've just gone out at night, and driven around. I've walked. I've sat in coffee shops waiting. I've gone out looking. I never find whatever it is.
I guess I really want to know what it is I want? Should I just move? Should I just pick a country and go? Korea? Japan? Somewhere entirely alien? It would be challenging; beyond difficult. Is that what I really want, or do I just want change? Moving would bring change. But that's what I thought before and here I am.
Thoughts?
