Weird Advice Your Parents Give You

[Fappy]

I just turned 26 and will be starting my second career job on Monday. After learning that all of my co-workers are women, my mom asked my step dad if he had any advice for working with women in a corporate setting.

Now, keep in mind that I've been working in the same industry for nearly four years. Not only have I worked with plenty of women in the past, but nearly all of my managers have been women. At this point I think I have a good understanding of how to deal with them. I'd treat them no differently than I would a man: with respect. I wouldn't make an inappropriate joke or comment to either sex in an office setting, etc., etc.

So yeah, they know all these things, but for some reason my step dad decided to lecture me about it anyway.

The feminist inside me cried >.>

He had a lot of weird things to say about how they are much more emotional and won't act on logic, blah, blah, you know the drill. I just kind of shrugged it off and changed the subject. Was one of the more cringe-worthy conversations I've had in awhile.

Not a super exciting story, but it was just today so it's fresh in my mind. I'm sure you guys have better/more depressing/weirder ones to share!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Congrats on the securing the job first of all!

My parents always tell me to watch out for the mythical 'other guy'. They mean it mainly in the context of driving but the first time I remember actually asking what they meant by it, this was the conversation my Dad and I had:

"Watch out for the other guy"

"What other guy?"

"The guy who will kill you if you don't pay attention."

"Uhhhhh..."

"Be careful on the road Redlin."

"Oh, okay."

When he first said that, I thought he meant there was a serial killer out there or something just known as the other guy. I was just learning how to drive so the context kinda flew over my head at first.

...

Oh, and the other thing was:

"Don't blow your spit valve into the wind when playing outside."

Trumpet life.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

It's been pretty run of the mill advice. "Wear a condom", "Location, location, location", etc.

 

[Albino Boo]

The weirdest familial advice I have ever received is never use a WW2 german helmet as protection because they are no good at stopping pickaxes.

It's been pretty run of the mill advice. "Wear a condom", "Location, location, location", etc.

Hopefully not in the same conversation

 

[Queen Michael]

My mom telling me to wear a condom. The weird part was how she told me. See, she started going into my dad's lamentable lack of foreplay, and I went "YES THANK YOU THAT'S ENOUGH"

 

[Fappy]

My mom telling me to wear a condom. The weird part was how she told me. See, she started going into my dad's lamentable lack of foreplay, and I went "YES THANK YOU THAT'S ENOUGH"

My mom goes into pretty graphic detail with my sister about sex stuff. Thankfully she spares me most of it.

Eventually I hear about it anyway, though. My sister is a troll T^T

 

[Parasondox]

"Son. When you are about to eat, lay her on the table so you can enjoy the spend a bit more." - Dad 2015

Yeah my father is erm... very open. I don't think I am allowed to type the rest on this site. Am I?

 

[MisterLiver]

"Remember son, men who don't use the clitoris are idiots, and men who do are gods" - Dad

It's not weird in that the advice is unsound, it's just kind of odd that the Auld Man decided to tell me.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Weirdest? When I was young, my dad was intent on getting me macho-aggressive by giving me tips such as "go for the throat" or "eyes" and "always take out the leader of a group of fighers first." I had no interest in those actions. But my mum was very spiritual and so I got given loads of advice on how to deal with spirits and angry entities, most of which I forget now.
If I had no mind of my own, if would have grown into some deluded "spirit-warrior." It pains to even think of it.

 

[Loonyyy]

"If you or any of your brothers turn out gay I'll disown you."

Not sure how exactly anyone is meant to follow that advice, but hey, if you're going to be a terrible person, you don't need to make sense.

 

[Frezzato]

I never received any weird advice, but I have some stuff for you.

Gonna sound sexist, but I can only tell the truth.

I used to work with quite a few women at an old job. Turns out we all liked chocolate. Those foil-covered, squarish Dove chocolates go over well, especially the dark chocolate and sometimes the ones filled with caramel. I used to keep a decent variety of stuff in my desk, ranging from the Dove brand to Andes mints, to gum (both real sugar and minty sugar-free). It was great because they would guilt themselves into taking just one piece at a time, at most two pieces. I made sure to store everything in ziploc bags because I didn't want to gather any ants.

I also kept a few emery boards and a Tide pen hidden away.

 

[Evonisia]

"Just slit your wrists when you turn Eighteen and be done with it" - My father.

He was joking of course, but it is a brief and depressing alternative to adulthood.

 

[dreng3]

Weirdest? When I was young, my dad was intent on getting me macho-aggressive by giving me tips such as "go for the throat" or "eyes" and "always take out the leader of a group of fighers first." I had no interest in those actions. But my mum was very spiritual and so I got given loads of advice on how to deal with spirits and angry entities, most of which I forget now.
If I had no mind of my own, if would have grown into some deluded "spirit-warrior." It pains to even think of it.

They should've totally merged it into some kind of "super advice" like "If you encounter a restless spirit, go for the throat" or "Always take out the lead spirit first". To think that you missed out on a glorious career of ghost-punching just because you had a bit of integrity, for shame.

In my case it would be when my dad told me, I'm 21, that I should remember to use contraceptives. Saddens me because I haven't lived with them for three years and this was the first time it ever got brought up, thanks for the vote of confidence dad.

 

[CeeBod]

Don't trust the Dutch.

OMG are you Austin Powers?


Can I get an autograph from your dad?

On topic, I find it weird that my parents always give me advice about money when they spent most of their lives struggling to keep their heads above water, and I've always earned much better than they ever did. I always have to bite my tongue and avoid saying "of course I'll follow your advice, after all it worked out soo well for you didn't it?"

 

[FPLOON]

"Our family is never known to talk about each other's sexual preferences outside of potential divorces..."

"You don't learn from my advice; you adapt to it..."

"Men speak literally while women speak metaphorically..."

I love my mother's side of the family and not just because some of the things they say, in terms of advice, I just go with it without actually questioning it... I think it's because the first quote came from my great-grandmother last week, the second quote came from my grandmother when I was still in Elementary school, and the last quote came from my mother about two days ago that I don't even have to ask for advice, per se, to hear advice from any of them...

Other than that, I got nothing...

 

[Random Argument Man]

I'm job searching at the moment. Everytime I tell my dad that I'm still searching or that I'm very tired, he just replies "Well, you won't have much money soon" or "Try harder".

Thanks dad. It's not like I've been dropping 10 resumes per week, kept calling managers and made weekly inquiries on possible jobs. Why yes! I love being judged instead of having constructive criticism.

 

[Ten Foot Bunny]

My dad once told me to shed my brainwashing, start thinking for myself, and see "the truth." Given the conversation, it was clearly apparent that he was telling me to stop being a liberal, and turn on Fox News because (supposedly) they - and only they - have the guts to report about what's really going on. He also felt the need to say "open your fucking eyes" during that convo.

A short time later, I casually remarked that Glenn Beck was wrong about something and my dad stepped toward me with his fist raised. Apparently, "thinking for myself" meant that I needed to agree with him and Fox News 100%, or else. To think he'd hit his own daughter because I blasphemed against the holy, omnipotent, and omniscient Glenn Beck.

True story, bro.

In the long run, he disowned me in part because of my political views, though mostly because I refused to sever all ties with my mom. She and my dad divorced in 1980 but he can't get over his hatred of her. I haven't seen nor spoken to anyone in my dad's family since November 25, 2010 - Thanksgiving Day. At dinner that night, I didn't obey my (11-years-younger) half-sister, who's both my dad and stepmom's golden child, and the worst human being I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Thinking back on it all - thinking for MYSELF just like dad told me to do - I'm fucking glad they're all out of my life.

 

[Thyunda]

"Remember, eyes up your arse."

This seemingly nonsensical statement actually translates to "Obey the rules while driving but be constantly aware that at any second, any other driver might simply abandon the rules and ruin everything." It's pretty great advice. But...uh...."eyes up your arse."

 

[Thaluikhain]

"Remember, eyes up your arse."

This seemingly nonsensical statement actually translates to "Obey the rules while driving but be constantly aware that at any second, any other driver might simply abandon the rules and ruin everything." It's pretty great advice. But...uh...."eyes up your arse."

Is there a story to how that phrase came to mean that? I mean, I could understand it meaning "keep a close look on thigns directly behind you", but your meaning seems a bit obscure.