Weird, I know a pedophile

[BakedSardine]

I just had a conversation with a friend that blew my mind - our sons are good friends and also have another friend we will call "Bob." Our friend asked if we ever let our kid go over the Bob's house and we said that he hasn't yet, but "Why, is there something we should know?" So our friend says "Well, I don't want to be gossipy, but did you know about his father and just getting out of jail?"

So I've met Bob's father because our older sons played on the same sports team last year and, honest to god, he was a very personable and great guy in all my interactions. Well, it turns out, that a couple years ago he got fired from being a teacher because he was carrying on sexually explicit email exchanges with one of his middle school students (I mean, WTF). There was no physical contact, but in reviewing the emails, there were indications of things moving that way. So he was convicted of "accosting a minor" and spent 6 months in jail for it.

I swear you would never in a million years pick this guy to be that way and it is a complete mind fuck. Seriously one of the nicest guys I've met, but the facts are the facts and I realize in hindsight there are things he was lying about (e.g. his job) while he was going through the trial, etc. I just have no idea how this flew under the radar among all our friends at school. So anyway, he now has to be registered as a sex offender - the incident happened a few years ago.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

Depends on how old the chick he was chatting up is. If she was on the latter years of middle school, 14 or 15, then it's hardly paedophilia. Still not exactly nice though. But yeah, I'm not sure why it's really that big of a surprise. People's day to day persona tend to be quite separate from their sexuality/sexual interests.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I think you (and most others) are misusing the word pedophile.

A pedophile isn't someone who is aroused by and wishes to have sex with minors, it's a person who is aroused by and wishes to have sex with prepubescent children.

Middle school students would be kind of toeing the line between being a pedophile and just being a regular old sex offender considering middle schoolers are teenagers.

Still pretty freaking gross though.

 

[WhiteTigerShiro]

Cracked actually did an article talking about this [http://www.cracked.com/article_20981_5-ways-were-making-pedophilia-worse.html] recently; it's one of the few I've seen where they actually locked the comments section (for reasons that they cover in the article itself). The short version (without re-reading the whole thing again) is that, as long as they keep their urges under control, there's no reason that we should automatically condemn people who are willing to come out as pedophiles. Now granted, in your case it definitely edges on the borderline since he was talking to a minor.

That said though, (as people have mentioned) the person isn't actually a pedophile; in fact I think the Cracked article actually talks about how we lump people who are attracted to ANY minor into this single category. It's been a while since I've heard the term, but there's a completely different category for people who are attracted to the 13-17 range. I still feel that it's an important distinction to make though, since someone can be attracted to one age group and not the other.

 

[Elfgore]

Same thing happened to my Dad at work. One of his co-workers was the nicest guy on the planet. Had a wife and kids, completely normal and regular guy. Turns out he frequented sites that featured CP, he wrote stories involving him and children, and even had some suggestive images of his nieces and nephews. This was a man who has worked for my dad for years, he's even come into our house and my Dad had to walk with him out to the police car when they came to arrest them.

You can never know what people are until they expose their true colors.

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

It's always the one you least expect isn't it...

And yeah, what your acquaintance did isn't pedophilia, it's more of a case of grabbing jail bait.

I really don't know what I would do if one of my friends turned out to be like that, but hey, I'm still in my early 20's, I don't know shit about shit anyway. No doubt I'd be unable to talk to them for a while. But depending on how severe the offense was, I wouldn't abandon them instantly.

 

[blackbobcat]

I work in a prison as a prison officer, I wont say where exactly.

What I will say is I work in a special segregated offenders unit. This is basically a unit where prisoners are placed whose safety would be at risk in a normal prison environment. Long story short my unit is full of sex offenders and pedophiles.

I talk to these guys every day and the thing about them that stands out the most is how normal they are compared to the other prisoners. Most prisoners have little or no education, speak using a lot of slang and have very poor social skills, hygiene and next to no work experience. You would look at them on the street and go "yep I bet that guy has been to prison"

The sex offenders and Pedophiles are totally different. Speak perfect english with no slang, many have had a good education (2 of mine have degrees), have good personal hygiene and all of them have solid work histories. If you were to dress them in a suit and tie and put them on the street you would never know the difference

When they treat prisoners such as gang members, or prisoners who are in for burglery, assault, drugs etc all the usual stuff they treat the "behavioural issues" which basically means they are shit bags of society and have been raised in an environment that is not conjusive to a "pro social life" (they dont follow the rules, consider others etc). They put them on reading/writing classes, work skills etc to pull them out of the ghetto so to speak

When they treat Sex Offenders the treatment process is COMPLETLY DIFFERENT. They treat this particular crime as a "psychological illness" and all their treatment is done through psychologists. This is becuase their behaviour cannot be changed by changing their environment or skills, it is hard wired into them. It will never go away so rather than try to change their behaviour they must learn to suppress and control it. They are born like this.

I'm not trying to defend them but the point I'm trying to make is that these people are hard wired like this and while they may learn to control their urges, they never get rid of them. And there is a lot of them out there, particually due to the way men are inclined, there will be many out there that are inclined in this direction but never act on thier urges or are caught. The majority of people will likely know someone who has had a sexual interest in a child at some point (except when they were a child themselves obviously)

The scenario you have described is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, I have prisoners who have attempted to have intercourse with infants. Bear in mind situations like the one you metioned often have more than meets the eye, once again I'm not trying to defend them, but in this instance it is unlikley there was no reprocial action from the student, irrespective of it was wrong or not.

As I stated before I talk to these guys every day. Some of them are the nicest most polite people you will ever meet. And some of them are complete monsters.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Yeah, there's a pervasive and comforting myth that sex offenders are obvious monsters. This is something scoeity really needs to grow up about and admit isn't the case.

 

[IceForce]

Depends on how old the chick he was chatting up is. If she was on the latter years of middle school, 14 or 15, then it's hardly paedophilia.

I think you (and most others) are misusing the word pedophile.

A pedophile isn't someone who is aroused by and wishes to have sex with minors, it's a person who is aroused by and wishes to have sex with prepubescent children.

Middle school students would be kind of toeing the line between being a pedophile and just being a regular old sex offender considering middle schoolers are teenagers.

That said though, (as people have mentioned) the person isn't actually a pedophile; in fact I think the Cracked article actually talks about how we lump people who are attracted to ANY minor into this single category. It's been a while since I've heard the term, but there's a completely different category for people who are attracted to the 13-17 range. I still feel that it's an important distinction to make though, since someone can be attracted to one age group and not the other.

It may interest you guys to know that there are actually two (different/separate) terms for dealing with the teenage age bracket.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia (11-14)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia (15-19)

Although I'm not sure how well accepted these terms are in society, (since some people may see them as down-playing the problem).

 

[lacktheknack]

Sexual "deviancy problems" are pretty much never dealt with, so people of all stripes have them. The reason psychologists have a weird "Freudian stereotype" where they focus on sexual history too much is because pretty much everyone has weird hangups about sex. It's a guaranteed return on investment for them, if you will.

It doesn't surprise me at all that to the most well-adjusted person might end up being broken sexually. The entire face of any given person's sexuality is hidden, so it follows that what's hidden can get pretty messed up.

^pure speculation

 

[loa]

I don't know man.
Do you want to turn that 6 month sentence into a life sentence?
Sure, you have a child and are afraid for his safety, I get that but you know, as a matter of principle, why even have a justice system at that point?

 

[The Only Gay Eskimo]

So how old was the student? I'd say around 14 is still normal for any man to be attracted to, depending on how old she looked, she could've looked like 16 or 18.

 

[Smooth Operator]

So he flirted with a minor? I am amazed someone can go to jail for that.
But then you also lock people up for hentai so I guess I shouldn't be really.
Hell in the dawn of anonymous internet stuff I imagine not too few people could end up under the same law hammer if someone went looking.

I can't really join in your "OMG the monster" sentiment because this seems insignificant.

 

[default]

I guess my opinion is that as a society we have a very wierd, strict line that denotes whether it's okay to fuck someone or not. This line is purely of human construction and has wavered up and down for as long as we've existed or had a concept of proper sexual maturity. It does have some serious grounding in safety, biology, psychology and reality but it's not always correct or proper for every case. I've known some 15-16 year olds who were far more sexually and emotionally mature (in both body and mind) than some 21 year olds. Fuck, across history women have been wedded and become sexually active at very young ages with no (or little) adverse affects [citation needed, don't really feel like researching that subject].

I definitely don't consider this guy outlined in the OP as a pedophile. It seems stupid to me to consider him one, regardless of the technicalities of the title. I don't think this guy was aroused specifically because of her age, and would it be so bad if he were? It's not like she's an infant. True, it could be said he's abusing the influence he has as a figure of authority, and relationships between teachers and students aren't really a good idea when it comes to academic performance and bias... I dunno. Desires and the need to fulfill those desires are a very important and potent part of who we are.

Don't take anything I say here as gospel of my opinion, I'm just musing on the subject. I think the laws are important and there is obviously a very good reason they are in place.

 

[loa]

So he flirted with a minor? I am amazed someone can go to jail for that.
But then you also lock people up for hentai so I guess I shouldn't be really.
Hell in the dawn of anonymous internet stuff I imagine not too few people could end up under the same law hammer if someone went looking.

I can't really join in your "OMG the monster" sentiment because this seems insignificant.

Oh yeah, this too. They locked someone up for drawings.
That's not the same magnitude as someone who actually did rape children which is also not the same magnitude as someone who posts dirty e-mails to "a minor" but society stamps the same label onto them.
We got so much growing up to do.

 

[MonsterCrit]

I think you (and most others) are misusing the word pedophile.

A pedophile isn't someone who is aroused by and wishes to have sex with minors, it's a person who is aroused by and wishes to have sex with prepubescent children.

Nope, that's the right use of the word. What you're thinking of is a specific form of pedophilia called pederasty.

And yeah OP, Pedophiles, much like rapists, murderers and serial killers are rarely the people you expect them to be. Society has conditioned you to look for certain physical and behavioural traits....this is wrong.

 

[Kanova]

I wonder if pedos can help being attracted to kids. Kind of like how gays don't choose to be gay, pedos don't choose to be aroused by kids. And then we send them to jail and they get stabbed to death for something they can't help lol

 

[babinro]

Why would you think someone like this would have an 'abnormal' personality?

Is it because they've faced jail time and thus you mentally fit them in with the stereotyping setup by tv/movies?

Or do you feel that someone whose a pedophile/sex offender can't possibly be 'normal'?

People can and do develop feelings for people who are far far younger than they are. We see this illustrated all the time with the celebrities...people in their 50+ getting together with someone who could just as easily be their daughters age or younger. It seems only natural that this happens with someone who is legally underage as well. To me this is the same situation just one is deemed legal and the other is not. This person should not have acted on their feelings (clearly) but I don't see why they'd have a different personality than any other relationship where both parties are at clearly different stages in their lives.

 

[FirstNameLastName]

I swear you would never in a million years pick this guy to be that way and it is a complete mind fuck. Seriously one of the nicest guys I've met, but the facts are the facts and I realize in hindsight there are things he was lying about (e.g. his job) while he was going through the trial, etc. I just have no idea how this flew under the radar among all our friends at school. So anyway, he now has to be registered as a sex offender - the incident happened a few years ago.

Sex offenders don't go around wearing a uniform, nor do they all look or act a specific way. If they did, they wouldn't be very dangerous.

I wonder if pedos can help being attracted to kids. Kind of like how gays don't choose to be gay, pedos don't choose to be aroused by kids. And then we send them to jail and they get stabbed to death for something they can't help lol

Probably not. If they could, why would they chose to fuck someone that could get them locked away, murdered or even tortured?

They probably can't help being attracted to children, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be punished for acting on it.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I know a rapist. There's a guy at my work in his fifties who macks shamelessly on every single marginally attractive female he sees who's less than 200 pounds. For him there is simply no barrier, he brags about having nailed sixteen-year olds. Classic frat bro mentality, it only matters how many times he gets his dick wet. Anyone who suggests this maybe isn't the best way to live is "a jealous little *****." I might *be* jealous if I thought he actually got laid 2% as often as he says he does. He doesn't seem to understand or care that there's basically a three-foot neon sign over his head blinking CREEPER -- CREEPER -- CREEPER, or that he could be jailed if the girls pressed charges. Between that and other things, we have concluded he is a bona fide psychopath and almost certainly a multiple rapist. It would not surprise me at all if a guy with a shiny badge and a stack of warrants from twenty-two states plus four Canadian provinces walked in one day to arrest him.

No, pedophiles cannot help their desires. Nor can the rest of us, for that matter. Could you -- presumably a heterosexual male -- simply shut off your desire for women near your own age? I know I can't. I've wished for years not to be preoccupied with that. I'd have gotten so much more done and been happier doing it. Maybe I wouldn't have spent twenty-five years feeling like I've got a hole right through the middle of me. No, you want what you want. The chemicals in your head will yammer ceaselessly. Rationality, attainability, and social taboos do not matter.