Story of Seasons a Wonderful Life
popped up on monthly game list so felt obligated to at least test to quell curiousity. it ain't gonna beat animal horizon and it sure as shit won't beat stardew valley, expectations are low for this pity party. the best I can say is it's functional, maybe even acceptable for kids too young and confused by the more popular games? you're given a pauper's share of a dozen or so squares for your basic plant tending and don't even think about trying anything cute outside those anemic boundaries cos that's where game happun, nowhere else ok? Don't even bother swinging your scythe at the environmental flora on trees or around the back of the Lego houses, cos these are context sensitive tools dear friend you can press them buttons as much as you want and the game will do nothing. get back to those designated squares if you seriously want to play grim reaper! oh did I say "play"? oops, no, my bad, the scythe still won't swing inside the designated squares neither unless you've already planted the crops and grown them into officially classified adult squares, then you may swing the scythe. but only once to remove the officially adult crop! don't go getting any funny ideas about enjoying this game , ok? good ..
now how about getting married? like you know, why you looking at me like that? what? too soon? I agree! but the game doesn't, it wants you to know in no uncertain terms, before you've got your grubby mitts on even your first tomato seed, there's crop of freshly prepared booty to hook up with, and in case you were too distracted by the drudgery of disappointment, do not worry - for the game will make damn sure the second you move away from your designated farm job squares your ass is stunlocked in another dialogue scene so the state-sanctioned booty can be jingled in front of you, each with their own uncomfortable quiet longing stares in place of dialogue that honestly felt confused seeing the first time till my idiot brain clicked as if I'd just realised a friend misguidedly paid a sex worker to pretend to be my friend for the night without informing beforehand. that's creepy behaviour, in sorry don't longingly stare, I just came here to plant some bloody tomatoes and live a wholesome fucking life without batting away these bug-eyed creeps around every corner, and I still can't swing the scythe!
Soul Hackers 2
same deal, free, curious. looked like it was gonna be sick party, intro song sounded like it was gonna be sick party. it was not a sick party. expedition 33 is not only a sick party, it's a baguette party! beat that, you can't can you? well then
