Got up from the computer after hearing a loud sound outside and went to investigate. After discovering the source of the noise (a space laser blew up Mt. Rushmore which he lives across the street from) a television broadcast played on every monitor (T.V.s computers etc.) across the globe telling the citizens of the world that if area 49 didn't give up the 6,057 and a half mystic paper plates of power (that are of course powerless individually but together make the wielder the most powerful being in the universe) they would blow up the Dennys down the street from his house. However PsychicTaco115 has fond childhood memories of farting in the other customers food there and was all like "OH HAAAAAAEEEEEELLLL NAW" and picked up the nearest oversized novelty toothpick which was located in Canada and went to give the beatdown to the bad guys up in space. However this was stupid because no idiot in their right mind would actually build an evil lair in space because if somebody so much as jammed a rock in one of the exhaust ports the whole thing would blow up and also there is no way a project of that scale would go unnoticed by the rest of the world so he flew to Switzerland and looked in a random basement instead and found them. However the bad guys knew he was coming and captured him in their their evil trap which involved a gerbil, twelve scrunchy hair thingies, a peanut butter sandwich, The E.T. video game, and the original film reel for "Manos Hands of Fate". They went on a psychotic rant about how they wanted full control of the universe so they could force Nintendo to make a direct sequel to the CDi Zelda games, and by they I mean one hipster who got a wish from a genie and used it to get a space laser because the genie couldn't control the free will of another and refused to create a CDi Zelda sequel because those games were stupid. Just when all hope seemed lost the broken condom he inherited from his great great great great great great great great grandfathers roommates third cousins gerbils brothers owner that he kept in his wallet began to glow and power surged through his body and he got out of the trap and punched the hipster in the face and he was hailed as a hero around the globe for preventing another CDi Zelda game from being created. The end.