What do you boys and girls think of my decision? (love related)

[Galletea]

It seems like this girl was stringing you along, either because she couldn't decide about you, since you carry the emotional baggage you mentioned, or simply because she's too cowardly to tell you straight. The whole 'weakened mind' thing makes me think she just used it as an excuse to try and let you down gently. The other guy seems an ass and isn't really relevant to the situation here. The thing is that you were blinded by your feelings for her, and she found it more convenient to string you along than to give you a straight answer one way or the other.

Sooner or later you were always going to snap. People can only put up with so much bullshit, and it seems like you put up with a lot. I would try to avoid her for a little while. I'm not saying go all out with silent treatment or cross the street to avoid her, but just focus on you for a while. You mentioned your exes are friends with you, so you don't seem like a loner type. I'd go out with some friends instead, try to take your mind off her for a while until your feelings settle a little. Your outburst seemed to have been brewing for a while so you won't go back to normal about it overnight.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

snip

First of all, no I'm not 17, second of all, thanks for not respecting my wish of not revealing my age, third of all, thanks for your opinion, I've read through it all and I simply disagree.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

He suspected her of lying about being comfortable with his feelings. Meaning he knew his presence might have been making her uncomfortable. Isn't that a pretty obvious signal that he should probably give her some space? But no, he hung on anyway. Even knowing there was a good possibility she didn't want him around so much, he just continued business as usual. He ignored what she wanted so he could get what he wanted.

Also, if he DIDN'T believe he was the "only one" for her, why would he continue to harbor those feelings and refuse to move on? To believe that means he also believes anyone else is wrong for her. One comes with the other, even if only on an unconscious level.

I did give her space, over and over again, she always came back to me.
Sure I should have ignored her, but that's not as easy as you might think.

 

[Lilani]

-snip-

Geez, you must be worked up about this if it got three replies out of you.

Of course I know he couldn't have just "willed" those feelings away, again I guess my wording made it seem that way. But no, that would be stupid. I was simply saying he should have stopped ACTING on those feelings by clinging onto her so much and at least TRIED to find someone else. But no, it's as though in his mind there was no other option. I don't remember any point in that post where he said he tried to move on.

As for the second post:

Did you ever once wonder what you could change about your behavior to make her life better?

Well apparently he did mostly everything she said and helped her out a lot. So I'm going to guess the answer was yes.

Did you not read what I wrote before? I definitely covered that in the last one. What I was talking about there was the fact that she likely didn't want him around, but he stayed anyway. And because he DID notice this on his own, you can't say he's completely innocent because he was aware of it anyway, regardless of what she told him. He could have acted on that and gave her space, but he didn't.

He believed that because he liked her, anyone else she went out with was inherently wrong for her, and that ultimately he was the only one for her--regardless of what she wanted. So, so selfish.

Now you're just making stuff up. He never tried to force her into anything and he never tried to sabotage anything. He hung around as a friend hoping she'd develop feelings for him. It's worked before and it's not selfish to try to get someone to like you.

What I love about your posts is when I get the little message saying someone quoted me, the message will have something like "Why would you ask a stupid question like that?" or "You are so full of shit," but then when I get to the post on the board you've already edited out these personal insults. Calm down, space cowboy, all these events regarding the OP are gone and done, anyway. No need to fight dirty and narrowly escape mod wrath :3

Anyway, as I said before, there is one thing he forced on her and that was his presence. The main problem I have with him hanging around her is that he (apparently) never once considered moving on or giving her some space for a while, to clear the air. His problem is he just seems very naive about the situation, which makes sense considering he was 15 when he decided he wanted to marry her. Like most kids his age, he doesn't have much of a grasp of the future, the value of waiting, or the value of doing something you don't want to do to get what you want. And now what we're seeing here is the result of that.

And in case you're wondering, no I don't think her behavior was exactly saintly, either. It was the combination of their immaturity and their lack of clear communication that brought it down. But, she's not the one who posted it here asking for input, is she?

Either way, let's end this now, okay? He's already broken it off with her, and now it's his decision as to whether or not he actually grows up and moves on or goes back to bark up her tree a bit more.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

His problem is he just seems very naive about the situation, which makes sense considering he was 15 when he decided he wanted to marry her.

Do you even read my comments at all? Jesus, sure you have your own opinion about this stuff, but please stop making up bullshit.

And how can I force myself on a person that constantly force herself on me? If she said she needed some space I gave her some space. Not once did I force myself on her.

 

[Eisenfaust]

yes, you made a mistake.

you should have waited until something major happened... death of a family member or another breakup, then, when she comes to vent, go "HA!" THEN give her the spiel you gave her while drunk.

some (most) might say it's a little cruel, but it really hammers home your point, ensures you win (as opposed to her yelling at you for an hour), and if you needed motivation? she called you weak! true or not, depression or no, you shouldn't allow anyone to get away with it

 

[Boba Frag]

Been there, man. It's a big shit sandwich and you don't even realise you're eating it.
Not that the person in my case was evil incarnate, it was just a bad situation for either of us to get into.

Best of luck with finding a better friend than that. I guess it's true that when the 'I have feelings for you' cat is out of the bag, there isn't really any going back.

 

[Slash Dementia]

You did good. There was no reason for you to stay silent and hold everything in. If you only bottle it up, it'll just pop out eventually.

There will be others. Just have confidence and don't look for love--love will find you, and when love finds you, love love back.

I'm lucky that the girl I fell for eventually fell for me, too (even though it took about a year or so).

 

[Turing]

Right, at a party yesterday I finally let my steam loose and told my closest friend(a girl) that I no longer would be at her side.

Now there is obviously a backstory here which I will go into now.

2years ago I fell in love with this girl, not a crush, we are talking madly in love, seeing a future kind of love. I've long wanted to marry her.
A year ago I spilled my beans a while after she broke up with her boyfriend; seeing as I loved her I stayed with her through her whole painful breakup.
She said she no longer had these kind of feelings for me and that she'd rather be friends, which I gladly said yes to, as I only told her about my love for her, cause I simply wanted her to know.

There was a certain problem though......
My mayor love for her, deemed me incapable of going against her in anything. I was the close friend that always was on her side.
Which meant that whenever she did something that angered me, I would quietly seal it behind a huge wall in my mind, while nodding at whatever she said.

That wall breached a week ago. It was an interesting experience as I finally told her what I meant about certain things she did to me and around me. She obviously didn't take too kindly to this.
Though after half a year of small fights every month, she decided not to give me the silent treatment for a week or two and instead respected my opinions and simply just said I was wrong.
With our friendship sort of restored again we went through the week without problems, up til yesterday.

Before I continue with this part I'd like to give some more info on why we were fighting a lot.

She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.
The thing that brought on the fights were the day when she spilled that she loved me, but that she was to afraid to weaken a already weak man(chronic disease and chronic depression(been through different institutions)).
Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up, she couldn't seem to understand why I hated him, even after telling her this.
So here comes the fights and certain outcries about her not wanting me to be there for her, yet she still came to me first whenever something happened.
I can't even count all the times she's cried at my shoulder.
The fights always consisted of her shouting at me about how I she didn't want me to be there for her, how I never was there for her and my love for her. Whenever I tried to get a word in, I was met by the silent treatment for days, weeks or even months.
Which as you can guess, was like going through hell for me.

So, back to yesterday.
While hanging out at school, she suddenly asked me to follow her to a certain place where we could talk under 4eyes(6 as I have glasses ^ ^).
There she tells me that I apparently have walked around telling people we're an item. After going through a year telling people I'm just her friend, you could say I was simply speechless when I heard this. The problem though was that I started laughing. It was just so damn silly, me the person that was piss afraid that she would leave me, I couldn't believe how she could even think the thought that I would say something like that.
Spreading rumours like that would be an obvious death sentence for our relationship.

So I told her to trust me, which she then stated that she didn't. Which left me even more baffled...
I thought I would have at least racked some trust this year, constantly staying at her side.
Apparently not.
Though I was still not going to lose her, so I decided not to say what was on my mind, and instead counted to 100 in my head. After calming down, I gave her a disappointed look and simply left.
3 hours later I left with her and another friend to a party.

Seeing as I'm a person afraid to speak my mind, you can say booze kindly tells my timid personality to go fu*k itself.
So 2hours in, after she comes out of a closed room with my friend, I let the booze handle the talking. 10minutes later she's screaming at me while I calmly state that I am no longer going to be her slave, as she apparently doesn't appreciate it.
I actually told her ''for once I'll not do as you say''
I've never seen her so angry.
After and hour of bickering back and forth we are both picked up by our parents.

And here I am today. Hungover and slightly irritated, finally deciding that I'm no longer going to keep up with this.

I would like to know if you guys and girls think I'm a bastard for what I do...
And I'd gladly answer questions if you feel you need more information.

EDIT:
Apparently people seem to think I'm simply hating her current boyfriend cause he is together with her.
That is wrong, I hate him cause he dedicated a whole year of his life beating me up simply cause I had long hair...
I had to cut my hair short, for him to actually stop and instead threaten me.
Ever since that he has been a complete ass to me.
Hence why I hate him.

Long overdue blowout, don't waste your time on angsty teenage whining anymore.
Good on you, you might actually stand a chance at healthy social interactions now, good luck!

 

[Lilani]

His problem is he just seems very naive about the situation, which makes sense considering he was 15 when he decided he wanted to marry her.

Do you even read my comments at all? Jesus, sure you have your own opinion about this stuff, but please stop making up bullshit.

And how can I force myself on a person that constantly force herself on me? If she said she needed some space I gave her some space. Not once did I force myself on her.

Your comments are strung out over five pages, so no, I did not read all of them. Secondly, you aren't exactly giving us a lot to work with. I mean, are you afraid someone is going to track you down and murder you because of your AGE? Good lord. You have to be young and naive if you think that information is going to get you killed. Especially since you've got this account linked to your freaking Facebook account. What's the point of all this needless anonymity if you're going to just up and give people access to your name and everything else, anyway? If you're trying to avoid getting caught for underage drinking or whatever, again, probably not a good idea to confess these things with it linked to your Facebook.

Forgive me for likely misinterpreting a few things, but this is the quote that made it seem as though you were forcing yourself on her, in a way:

She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.

That doesn't exactly scream "her forcing herself on you" to me. Parts of your story just seem so naive and victimizing, like, "Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up, she couldn't seem to understand why I hated him, even after telling her this." Really? She dated him for the EXCLUSIVE purpose of getting you beat up? You're sure of that? She couldn't have accomplished that without going out with him?

So please, forgive me for assuming and accepting that you're rather young, but all the signs point to it. You basically decided you wanted to marry her almost at first sight. You seem to have a naive view of relationships, considering you thought the way to make it blossom was to cover up your grievances for a long time rather than sharing them as you go. That's just not how things work at all. You need to be able to talk and have a dialog about things like that from the beginning. You don't turn yourself into a mindless doormat for the sake of pleasing someone else.

I mean of COURSE she got mad when you finally brought these things up. For two years you didn't complain at all, establishing that is the norm for your relationship. Then after all that time all those things suddenly become a problem? How would you have lasted as a married couple if you didn't have a way of dealing with your arguments?

And then you censer your own swear word in your post and you both get picked up from a drinking party by your parents. Again, forgive me if I've misinterpreted anything, but my point here is you're just young. You made all the mistakes people your maturity level make, and that's just fine. But what you need to do is accept them as mistakes and not assume from the start that your judgment and actions were completely in the right. Obviously there was something here you wanted input or validation for, otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to share.

 

[Arrrgh_Bruce]

i can relate to alot of the original feelings and situations but not the eventual standing up to her. I just let it happen cause i dont wanna put her through anything. Though we are together i should probably mention that, but it isnt great so youv done the right thing i feel.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

Massive snip of holy shet!

I'll just ignore whatever you say now, as you seemingly have no respect for my decision not to reveal my age, the fact that you continuously keep making up bullshit instead of actually reading my comments, where I've answered a lot of what you are accusing me of...
Next time you decide to belittle someone please at least read into everything.

 

[Lilani]

Massive snip of holy shet!

I'll just ignore whatever you say now, as you seemingly have no respect for my decision not to reveal my age, the fact that you continuously keep making up bullshit instead of actually reading my comments, where I've answered a lot of what you are accusing me of...
Next time you decide to belittle someone please at least read into everything.

I was taking exact quotes from what YOU wrote on the first page to derive my opinions. If that's what you call "making up bullshit," then I guess I'm guilty as charged. If there's more to the story that can clear up your holes, perhaps you should put them on the first post rather than expecting people to sift through pages of comments to get the whole picture? As far as that's concerned, I DID read everything. I read everything you deemed was most important, and put in the first post.

As for your age, that still makes no sense to me given you're more than willing to give people your Facebook profile, but whatever. I guess that's yours to decide on.

 

[Kirex]

She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.

That doesn't exactly scream "her forcing herself on you" to me. Parts of your story just seem so naive and victimizing, like, "Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up, she couldn't seem to understand why I hated him, even after telling her this." Really? She dated him for the EXCLUSIVE purpose of getting you beat up? You're sure of that? She couldn't have accomplished that without going out with him?

For the purpose of beating Magefeanor up? Where did he say that? I'm sorry, but all he's saying is "She dates that guy who beat me up in primary school and I am not fine with that". There's nothing about the girl actually wanting Magefeanor to get beaten up. I can't read that into his words in any way shape or form.

EDIT:
Now I see it.
Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up

Well, I assume the person used the year just to beat him up, not the girl dating the person just to get Magefeanor beaten up

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

Hey OP if she ever told you to go away while you were still madly in love would you have listened?

She asked me to leave twice, and so I did...
A month later she came back and asked me to rejoin her life, which I gladly did.

 

[Aur0ra145]

Good for you! Now don't dwell on this, best to move on quickly.

 

[Kakemonster]

Classic "good boy" scenario. You try to be her friend hoping to become something else, while she just hooks up with one asshole after another. Been there done that.

Because you know that being her friend in the hopes of it turning into something else is totally honest. Amirite?

If your in love with someone chances are you like them so much you would want to be their friend anyway. If someone is pretending to like someone just because they want to take advantage of the relationship thats dishonest, but I don't see whats wrong with being friends with someone you care about.

Usually you hit a person up, if they shoot you down then you either A) Stay friends with them and get over it and lose interest or B) Don't stay friends with them. If you take option C) 'I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT IMMA STUCK IN THE FRIENDZONE BUT I JUST LOVE THEM AND CAN'T MOVE ON! ;_;' Then that person is stupid, and is like the mental best friend from Not Another Teen Movie. XD

You seem to have a very simplistic view on relationships, but I guess you would have if you take your life lessons from an over the top teenage comedy.

 

[Bocaj2000]

Highschool sucks. Everyone realizes that eventually. You had to find out by fucking up a relationship with a girl you loved when you were not in a position to love her. It happens. I found out by loosing all of my friends at once, thus making me find new ones and developing relationships with whom used to be aquantences.

It's easier to blame others for your actions. Do NOT do that. You fucked up by being her *****; she fucked up for allowing you to. Get over it and adapt. Life lives on. Be happy

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

Dude, always happy to see someone man up and get on with his life. There's a reason I don't let ANYONE walk on me, no man or woman can ever have a hold on me emotionally, neither should you, or any man, let yourself feel, but don't EVER stop thinking for yourself, or doing what is right for you... EVER... love is beautiful untill it eats your mind... Then it becomes an ugly powergame where you give up yours and she lords it over you... I was recently dumped, she dumped me on msn, I walked all the way to her house demanded she do it to my face, I was stone fucking cold the whole time, told her she should have more respect for others in the future, left her there, she called me sobbing several times over the next few days, I told her I would rather be alone than with her... Just an example for you mate after awhile being a MAN about such things, you won't need booze, it'll come naturally, and women will respect you more, cuz they don't like wussy men who don't have any spine(well generally, and never in the long run)...