What is Asexual?

[Eric the Orange]

As far as I can tell their seems to be two definitions for asexual (as it applies to human beings).

1 Not being attracted to anyone.
This follows the logic of if heterosexual is attracted to not like, homosexual is attracted to like, pansexual is attracted to all, than asexual is attracted to none.

2 Not being interested in sexual activity.
As in if someone is sexual than they are interested in sexual activity so asexual would be not interested in sexual activity.

I bring this up Because I find I just do not care about sex but I do have a preference. So by definition 1 I would not be asexual but by definition 2 I would.

 

[PsychedelicDiamond]

If you don't have any interest in having sex you're asexual. If you have no interest in a romantic relationship you're aromantic. Maybe you're on of those, maybe you're both, maybe you're neither. There are people who aren't interested in sexual intercourse but in a romantic relationship. And there are people who enjoy having sex but don't want want to be in a relationship.

 

[TheMysteriousGX]

Short answer is an asexual is somebody who can't say "I'd hit that" about any other living human being.

Which isn't to say they're necessarily sex-averse (though a lot of them are). Sex is fun, people can get horny, and bonding with your partner doing something they like is good, but you might not have *that kind* of hots for them. Or they *are* sex averse, and the thought of hanky-panky is an active turn off. Which is fine too, people are different.

Like Psychedelic mentioned, wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone isn't necessarily linked to wanting sex specifically.

Spoiler: Possible TMI

Personal example: I've never really had a fantasy about having sex with another actual person. When I was younger I felt like I *should*, but that's just social programming in action I guess. I feel much better now that I don't feel the pressure to try and find a partner.
Which isn't to say I'm incurious about sex, and theoretically the gender of a potential partner doesn't matter to me, but trying to find a willing partner would involve effort, awkwardness, and specific social interactions I've thus never been good at, and I'm just not about that.

 

[Erttheking]

I've seen some asexual people remark they have no real interest in sex at all and the idea makes them feel uncomfortable, while others say they don't really mind sex but they have no desire to seek it out and will only really bother with it if it's dropped right in their lap. It's not a monolithic thing.

Also, asexual does not mean aromantic, plenty of ace people still want to be in romantic relationships with their gender of preference.

Also I hear cuddling is very popular among the ace, romantic community.

 

[McElroy]

Some evolutionary quirk of little importance.

 

[happyninja42]

Interestingly, Parvati in The Outer Worlds is depicted as being asexual, but she is TOTES into romance and flirting, and feeling "all fluttery in mah insides" for a person. She's got an entire character quest line about trying to hook her up with her interest. But she does specifically state she's never been interested in the "physical stuff". Now this is a fictional character, so accuracy may be way off, but I'm going to assume they did at least SOME homework before designing her. So I would assume it depends on the individual if their asexuality excludes relationships or not.

Also, insert obligatory marriage and being asexual (due to just not having sex) joke here.

Though the entire subject does make me wonder about submissives in BDSM. If there is a significant portion of them that might be asexual, but enjoy pleasing partners, but aren't interested in their own pleasure. So any celibate play, where they are just made to please others, fits right into their wheelhouse of interests.

 

[stroopwafel]

Don't really believe in it to be honest. It's true some women have little to no sexual desire from a combination of hormonal, psychological and emotional factors but men are either lying, have suppressed kinks, a medical disorder, are deadly afraid of rejection or closet homosexual. Espescially people flaunting their 'asexuality' as some kind of statement that need to be socially validated are highly suspect in my opinion. I assume true asexuals wouldn't even be pre-occupied with being asexual in the first place.

 

[Squilookle]

Personal example: I've never really had a fantasy about having sex with another actual person. When I was younger I felt like I *should*, but that's just social programming in action I guess. I feel much better now that I don't feel the pressure to try and find a partner.
Which isn't to say I'm incurious about sex, and theoretically the gender of a potential partner doesn't matter to me, but trying to find a willing partner would involve effort, awkwardness, and specific social interactions I've thus never been good at, and I'm just not about that.

Just popping in to say that at the beginning, nobody on Earth is good at those specific interactions. It's all about learning. If you simply don't want to have sex that's great, it's a personal choice. But if it's because you don't like being awkward and you feel you're not good at getting there, then the only thing holding you back here is you.

 

[TheMysteriousGX]

Personal example: I've never really had a fantasy about having sex with another actual person. When I was younger I felt like I *should*, but that's just social programming in action I guess. I feel much better now that I don't feel the pressure to try and find a partner.
Which isn't to say I'm incurious about sex, and theoretically the gender of a potential partner doesn't matter to me, but trying to find a willing partner would involve effort, awkwardness, and specific social interactions I've thus never been good at, and I'm just not about that.

Just popping in to say that at the beginning, nobody on Earth is good at those specific interactions. It's all about learning. If you simply don't want to have sex that's great, it's a personal choice. But if it's because you don't like being awkward and you feel you're not good at getting there, then the only thing holding you back here is you.

It's more like...on an intellectual level I think it would be neat to know how to play a guitar, but I've got no interest in finding a guitar, purchasing it, finding lessons and music, or practicing.

But if there's a guitar available and willing to be played, I might strum a bit. Curious, not desirous.

 

[CyanCat47_v1legacy]

I identify as asexual primarily because of lack of interest or 'need' for sex. I don't believe it is a need so much as a want despite some describing it that way. I have been in love, but that was in middle school before i even fully understood the concept of attraction, and I've never wanted to sleep with women. I find men generally more aesthetically pleasing but wouldn't say I'm attracted to either gender as I have no sex drive and don't want to sleep with women or men

 

[CyanCat47_v1legacy]

Don't really believe in it to be honest. It's true some women have little to no sexual desire from a combination of hormonal, psychological and emotional factors but men are either lying, have suppressed kinks, a medical disorder, are deadly afraid of rejection or closet homosexual. Espescially people flaunting their 'asexuality' as some kind of statement that need to be socially validated are highly suspect in my opinion. I assume true asexuals wouldn't even be pre-occupied with being asexual in the first place.

So you don't believe in something there is empirical research data on? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality#Research

Just because there is a type of human experience you can't imagine having does not mean it does not exist

 

[stroopwafel]

Don't really believe in it to be honest. It's true some women have little to no sexual desire from a combination of hormonal, psychological and emotional factors but men are either lying, have suppressed kinks, a medical disorder, are deadly afraid of rejection or closet homosexual. Espescially people flaunting their 'asexuality' as some kind of statement that need to be socially validated are highly suspect in my opinion. I assume true asexuals wouldn't even be pre-occupied with being asexual in the first place.

So you don't believe in something there is empirical research data on? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality#Research

Just because there is a type of human experience you can't imagine having does not mean it does not exist

Oh sure, I believe people who believe they are asexual really believe that. But it's subjective experience that is impossible to research in any objective or 'empiric' way. People can claim anything. Doesn't make it true. Also, the 0% men and 2% women in the test group also prove my point but whatever.

With men who consider themselves asexual I think the desire to feel 'different' or special as some kind of emotional or psychological crutch with the intent to sublimate the sex drive for an alternative emotional pay-off(like for example full emotional autonomy or priority of the inner experience with eg schizoid personality disorder) OR to divert uncomfortable social interactions with a similar intent can be a stronger need than a base impulse. Similarly as kind of clergy people who have 'given themselves to god' or something along those lines where celibacy becomes a cathartic religious experience. The real reason ofcourse is that a psychological or emotional need(the executive control) simply overrides a more basic need. That doesn't make sexual desire itself go away but rather contort it to background noise where it can fester in the subconscious often not without potential escalation(ie the abuse scandals in the catholic church).

With women who consider themselves asexual I think they often try to disconnect from traumatic past experiences or childhood abuse where sex might put them in a dissociative state. Trust issues can really diminish a woman's sex drive something that men aren't really vulnerable to. That's why I said with women it's mostly a combination of factors. Women's sexual desire is more easily overshadowed by other factors but men having eight times the testosterone makes their sex drive easier to separate from the emotional and cognitive and into the purely physical. Not to say stress, depression, anxiety etc can't put a serious damper on men's sex drives but it's very unlikely it will entirely go away even under the most extreme circumstances.

Sex is a base biological drive of which the survival of the species depend. Even if other orientations like homosexuality exist it doesn't take away the fact it still originates from the same evolutionary source ie XY reproduction of which without there would be no sexually dimorphic creatures in the first place. It's part of our biology similarly as the need to eat, sleep and shit.

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

I consider it a complete lack of sexual drive. You can be uninterested in sex but still find people attractive.

 

[Batou667]

Don't really believe in it to be honest. It's true some women have little to no sexual desire from a combination of hormonal, psychological and emotional factors but men are either lying, have suppressed kinks, a medical disorder, are deadly afraid of rejection or closet homosexual. Espescially people flaunting their 'asexuality' as some kind of statement that need to be socially validated are highly suspect in my opinion. I assume true asexuals wouldn't even be pre-occupied with being asexual in the first place.

This. Unless a person is suffering from some kind of severe hormonal imbalance that means their normal libido never developed, or they had some kind of chronic or acute experience that desensitised or made them averse to sex, asexuality strikes me as a bit of a "fox and the grapes" situation. A "cope" as the millennials and Gen-Z'ers apparently describe it.

I could of course be very wrong but it feels like many self-described asexuals are socially awkward, painfully shy, afraid of rejection, unattractive and/or have low self esteem; in a nutshell the kind of person that is unlikely to have much sex anyway. Oh, they're not interested in sex anyway? How convenient.

 

[Silvanus]

With men who consider themselves asexual I think the desire to feel 'different' or special as some kind of emotional or psychological crutch with the intent to sublimate the sex drive for an alternative emotional pay-off(like for example full emotional autonomy or priority of the inner experience with eg schizoid personality disorder) OR to divert uncomfortable social interactions with a similar intent can be a stronger need than a base impulse.

Ok. And what leads you to believe you have a better understanding of the phenomenon than actual accredited experts, scientists and researchers? That seems unlikely.

 

[Terminal Blue]

There is a difference between being asexual and having a low libido, and neither is in any way dysfunctional on its own unless it causes the person experiencing it distress.

Asexual people can masturbate, asexual people can experience non-sexual attraction towards others, asexual people can even have sex. None of these things are enough to exclude someone from being asexual. Asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction towards other people, it does not imply anything about a person's lifestyle.

Now cease this heterosexual nonsense.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

An adjective to caracterize something that either has no sex organs or no sexual desires.

 

[Hawki]

Now cease this heterosexual nonsense.

That's either the best idea right now (population crash) or worst (population crash). Heck, maybe both.

Or I dunno, IVF or whatnot. 0_0

 

[Terminal Blue]

That's either the best idea right now (population crash) or worst (population crash). Heck, maybe both.

You can still be heterosexual.

In fact, I have no problem with heterosexuals.. as long as they don't rub it in my face by sharing their awkward, ill-informed heterosexual beliefs about the nature of human sexuality.

 

[happyninja42]

Asexual people can masturbate

What do you fantasize about, if anything at all? Because I find it very difficult to rub one out without some kind of mental partner to help move things along.