What is the most useless peace of advice you have given someone

[FieryTrainwreck]

You can jump off the roof if you hold an open garbage bag over your head.

Wait, that's awesome advice. Nevermind.

 

[aaronx83]

"how about if you kill that guy if it bothers you so much"

 

[LimitedPunctuation]

It's dangerous to go alone! take this!
gives rubbish, walks off.

 

[Badong]

'Remember, the ball is round'

 

[Nixzilla]

If it hurts when you breathe then stop breatheing

 

[redeclipse]

"remember you have to fight tooth and nail to win a peace prize"

"if at first you don't succeed you did it wrong"

 

[Thk13421]

Don't worry, kayaking is just like canoeing, except not at all.

 

[Optimus Hagrid]

"Punch it until it works"

That is how I fix unresponsive disks while playing my PS2.

 

['Aredor]

Go for the eyes, Boo!

Playing board games or card games, I tend to suggest the most useless moves whenever someone takes too long to make up their mind: "I'd buy the chancellor", "Just build the notary, then", "take his knight with your queen", "how about the trump ace?" in situations where it's very obviously the worst thing they could do. Amazingly enough, sometimes people go along with it.

 

[The Afrodactyl]

I usually give good advice, but I also often give random advice.

The last of which was "Don't eat soup sad"

 

[ADeskofRichMahogany]

"Be very careful!"

 

[redsoxfantom]

I didn't give this piece of advice, but I was in the room. Basically, a friend of mine was having trouble on a Braid puzzle and someone said: "You have to do something." That's all. Nothing else, just that.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

I don't think he can knife you from that far away, just use your shotgun.

 

[Harlemura]

I told a friend who was playing Left 4 Dead that they should shoot their teammates because they get more points.

Either that or "I'unno". That's my usual advice.
People don't ask me for advice much...

 

[IcyEvils]

Many poker and chess advices, but the worst had to be telling my uncle, who was stoned out of his mind and in a philosophical mood, that he should consider the fact God doesn't exist. I got one hell of a lecture that night.

 

[Scorpyx]

Don't look down!

 

[tharglet]

I occasionally advise my husband when he's driving the wrong way or in the wrong lane for a road that's going to split.

It's useless because he doesn't listen, then usually concedes I was right after missing the turn. I don't blame him for not always trusting me, as when I drive I lack a sense of direction, but the suggestions I do make are based on solid evidence.

 

[Vkmies]

"Dr. Pepper and retro gaming." Wait! Thats the most useful advise I've ever given to anybody! Sry...