what should i do about this?

[dudycat1]

recently one of my ex's has approached me, it turns out that he recorded a sex tape when we were together, without my permission and i think on his phone on his cabinet or something. Just to say i broke up with him because /he/ was cheating on me. So he said he would post the video on the internet and send links to all my friends and family if i didn't, brake up with my current partner who happens to be a girl (yes i'm bi what of it?)and also pay him £150 for 'reparations'. so what should i do I've already had a male friend offer to jump him on his way back to his flat and scare him with a knife (you good get away with stuff like that in this area). so my fellow escapists the question is simple, what should i do?

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

Alright, have you actually seen the sex tape? Can you confirm it exists, and is of you, or could he just be making it up to scare you? I'm not sure where you stand from a legal standpoint, so it might be worth consulting a lawyer to see what action you can take. If I recall correctly, that Star Wars kid about able to sue his friends who put that video of him online without his permission. It might be something similar here.

Since I have never met the guy it's hard to say with any certainty, but he could just be bluffing. He's obviously trying to make you miserable, and I'm willing to bet that has happened even without the tape being uploaded. Still, just tell your family and friends to ignore any e-mails they may receive from him. Get them to block his e-mail address if need be. Do not cave into his demands. He is not going to go away just because you break up with your current girlfriend and give him a bit of money. He'll just keep making more and more demands if he knows he can control you.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but this is a pretty big problem. As I said, consult a lawyer to see if there is any action you can take. Also, I would advise against having your friend jump him, it will only complicate matters and make him more likely to post the video online.

 

[JesterRaiin]

So he said he would post the video on the internet and send links to all my friends and family if i didn't, brake up with my current partner who happens to be a girl (yes i'm bi what of it?)and also pay him £150 for 'reparations'

Shocking. I don't know how things are in your country, but here such demands are considered "threat" and "blackmail" and are punishable by law.

Inform your ex about it, add to it spicy details like "you know, now i remember - i was forced to do that and that's what i'll confess in court Mr. Rapist - soon too be anally violated in State Prison".

Also you could speak with your parents about it. Surely they won't be happy, but they may help you better than you think.

 

[dudycat1]

Alright, have you actually seen the sex tape? Can you confirm it exists, and is of you, or could he just be making it up to scare you? I'm not sure where you stand from a legal standpoint, so it might be worth consulting a lawyer to see what action you can take. If I recall correctly, that Star Wars kid about able to sue his friends who put that video of him online without his permission. It might be something similar here.

Since I have never met the guy it's hard to say with any certainty, but he could just be bluffing. He's obviously trying to make you miserable, and I'm willing to bet that has happened even without the tape being uploaded. Still, just tell your family and friends to ignore any e-mails they may receive from him. Get them to block his e-mail address if need be. Do not cave into his demands. He is not going to go away just because you break up with your current girlfriend and give him a bit of money. He'll just keep making more and more demands if he knows he can control you.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but this is a pretty big problem. As I said, consult a lawyer to see if there is any action you can take. Also, I would advise against having your friend jump him, it will only complicate matters and make him more likely to post the video online.

he does have the tape he showed me on his phone he also has it backed up on his laptop so grabbing the phone and deleting it won't work, i would consult a lawyer but if he knew i was going to take him to court he would just give everyone the video anyway and to jesterrain he probably won't be bothered if i tell him that, i might just take him to court on a blackmail charge but he could hand out the video if i did that.

 

[Beldaros]

recently one of my ex's has approached me, it turns out that he recorded a sex tape when we were together, without my permission and i think on his phone on his cabinet or something. Just to say i broke up with him because /he/ was cheating on me. So he said he would post the video on the internet and send links to all my friends and family if i didn't, brake up with my current partner who happens to be a girl (yes i'm bi what of it?)and also pay him £150 for 'reparations'. so what should i do I've already had a male friend offer to jump him on his way back to his flat and scare him with a knife (you good get away with stuff like that in this area). so my fellow escapists the question is simple, what should i do?

Report him, right now.

Tell all family and friends not to communicate with him. Tell them you are deadly serious and ask for their support, let friends and if you are comfortable with it family know what is going on. you don't need to mention what he's blackmailing you with. Talk openly to yur girlfriend and consult with a lawyer as soon as possible.

What he's doing is against the law, don't hesitate in making him realise this. Cease all communication with him and report it to the authorities.

What ever you do, don't give him anything.

If you have more details and need more advise don't hesitate to ask.

 

[dudycat1]

What he's doing is against the law, don't hesitate in making him realise this. Cease all communication with him and report it to the authorities.

the blackmailing is completely illegal but he can but the video up on the internet and i can't do very much about it aside from a full blown law suit. i have told all my family and some close friends to block it but i don't want the world to see me in a pornographic film, i guess i could threaten to say it was rape but it's a bit of a risk as he might just dismiss it and post it anyway.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Contact the police. You could say he's been threatening you and it might be able to be considered sexual assault as well since you had no knowledge of the recording.

Also: If you decide to have sex with someone, you're accepting everything that comes with it. Good and bad. Your family and friends will understand and hopefully respect you if it does come out. If your friends do watch it, well, obviously they're not your friends and are not worth your time. It might take a lot, but you may just have to suck it up and say "so what?" to the threat. The less embarassed you are, the less everyone else will care.

On the never do this but it's what I'd really want to do front... take the money to his house, get inside, pull a hammer out of your bag and smash the shit out of his laptop and then tell him it's either him or his phone next. ... Don't, though. Really.

 

[Jedoro]

Definitely call the cops, see if you can get him arrested for it. If he somehow manages to get the video out, anyway, get a lawyer. He ruins your reputation, you ruin his life.

Do NOT have your friend jump the guy unless your friend's actually willing to kill him. Adrenaline's a hell of a drug, and that could get your friend killed if your ex fights back.

 

[Faulty Turmoil]

recently one of my ex's has approached me, it turns out that he recorded a sex tape when we were together, without my permission and i think on his phone on his cabinet or something. Just to say i broke up with him because /he/ was cheating on me. So he said he would post the video on the internet and send links to all my friends and family if i didn't, brake up with my current partner who happens to be a girl (yes i'm bi what of it?)and also pay him £150 for 'reparations'. so what should i do I've already had a male friend offer to jump him on his way back to his flat and scare him with a knife (you good get away with stuff like that in this area). so my fellow escapists the question is simple, what should i do?

Whatever you do, DO NOT HAVE YOUR FRIEND ATTACK HIM! It maybe only to scare him, but he doesn't know that, someone could end up dead and if they find out that you had a part in it, then your fucked.
Also, DO NOT say that he raped you. You see, if they find out that you're lying, you're going look a whole lot less credible. At the moment he is completely in the wrong and you haven't done anything wrong. You want to keep it that way or it could just hurt you even more. Your best bet is to report to the police, blackmail is illegal after all, and make sure you don't do anything stupid. Yes, he may end up putting the video online but unfortunately that maybe unavoidable. You're just going to have to roll with the punches on that one. I'm sure your family will understand.

 

[Dragonclaw]

Yep, call the police. Right now he is guilty of blackmail and invasion of privacy and yes, he' also a sex offender since I'm assuming you did not authorize any recording. Odds are they have you wear a wire, record him blackmailing you, then arrest him and seize his phone as well as his computer as evidence before he can do anything harmful.

 

[thebakedpotato]

What he's doing is against the law, don't hesitate in making him realise this. Cease all communication with him and report it to the authorities.

the blackmailing is completely illegal but he can but the video up on the internet and i can't do very much about it aside from a full blown law suit. i have told all my family and some close friends to block it but i don't want the world to see me in a pornographic film, i guess i could threaten to say it was rape but it's a bit of a risk as he might just dismiss it and post it anyway.

Actually... depending on what site he posts it on. You can get that shit taken down post haste.

1) Since it was recorded without your concent, you can send any site he uploads it to a cease and desist.

2) If that doesn't work... Can always call the FBI and say it's you, but you were underage at the time. He doesn't have proof... He gets bagged as a pedo.

 

[Beldaros]

What he's doing is against the law, don't hesitate in making him realise this. Cease all communication with him and report it to the authorities.

the blackmailing is completely illegal but he can but the video up on the internet and i can't do very much about it aside from a full blown law suit. i have told all my family and some close friends to block it but i don't want the world to see me in a pornographic film, i guess i could threaten to say it was rape but it's a bit of a risk as he might just dismiss it and post it anyway.

Don't lie. Don't call rape. It isn't worth the hassle and you'll end up with nothing. Also, the friend. Drop that idea right now, I mean it. Your friend could end up in more shit then this scumbag, or you, or even worse, someone could end up dead.

One thing I should mention is that I have worked as a prison officer, I can get in the minds of people like this to some extent and I know some of the stupidest reasons for criminals completely ruining their lives. Be sensible and be mature about this.

He's not going to know you've called the police until he's already in court, and if he does then put it on the internet, he is in a world of shit.

Unless he is completely without wits he won't post it. Nail the fucker and do it now.

EDIT: Will everybody stop giving her stupid ideas like calling rape, underage sex etc. You're not helping. I'm taking this as a serious thing and this IS serious. Tell the truth, lies cause far too many problems that cannot be fixed.

 

[dudycat1]

well he just realized that i wasn't going to give in to his demands so he decided to post the video on the internet, now all i need to do is find a cheap lawyer.......

 

[Jamash]

well he just realized that i wasn't going to give in to his demands so he decided to post the video on the internet, now all i need to do is find a cheap lawyer.......

You don't need a cheap lawyer, you need a competent lawyer who will recover their fees from the guilty party (or Criminal Compensation Board) after they defeat them in court.

Assuming you're in the UK, you should probably contact the Crown Prosecution Service because as well as the aforementioned blackmail attempts, the watching of the sex tape without your consent constitutes as Voyeurism, which is criminalised under the 2003 Sexual Offences Act and could possibly lead to charges being levied against the website hosting the sex tape.

http://www.cps.gov.uk/news/fact_sheets/sexual_offences/
http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/sexual_offences_act/

Those links would be a good place to start, as you know more about your own situation than you've disclosed, so you may see other sections of the act that may be applicable.

For example, if you have a recognised mental disorder you could be classed as a vulnerable adult, or if one of your friends or family that he's threatened to send the links of the sex tape to is below the age of consent, then that could be classified as "forcing a child to view a sexual act", which could land him in a whole heap of trouble.

Anyway best of luck to you whatever you decide to do, but I do think it would be best to contact the Police and/or CPS before a contacting a private lawyer, as this is a lot more serious than just a private, civil disagreement.

 

[Dragonclaw]

Wow, that sucks. Defiately try to get the website to remove it as it was not authorized. On the bright side there is such a mind boggling amount of porn on the net the odds against anyone seeing it that randomly knows you is miniscule and I know that if there were videos out there of MY friends I wouldn't look for them even if I knew where they were...there are things about my friends I don't want to know, hopefully any of your friends that do end up being told where they are by the douchebag are of a similar mind.

Still, call the police & press charges.

 

[dudycat1]

the guy who's been blackmailing me has just been hit in a drive-by just to clear this up it wasn't me but it is convenient. I've contacted the site but there refusing to take it down and i really don't want to take it to court or involve the law this has caused enough trouble already.