what should i do? (yet another dating issues hurray!)

[idodo35]

so my girlfriend and i are together for around 2 months i love her very much and care for her.
a few days ago we reached a situation when we were making out that while wasnt sexual it got closer then usual we were in her house in the kitchen making out on a wall
point is that it was much more passionate and sexual then usual and even kind of hot...
after we stoped (curse you phone!!!) she said she enjoyed and we layed down on her bed to cuddle
the following day we were talking on the phone and she said she kind of felt bad for enjoying what we did she said that it was wierd for her to enjoy something that sexual since her previous encounters with sexuality were really bad creating a preseption that sex and sexual behaviour arent ment for her to enjoy but for other people...
she says that she understands very well that this preseption is wrong and that itll probabaly change over time but she still kind of feels guilty for enjoying it as much as she did...
so what do i do now? if she feels like this should avoid situations like this? should i just go with it (and not avoid getting to situations like this again) to base sexual activity as something that is ok to enjoy? what do you think?

btw do note i dont care to hold back and avoid situations like this i dont really give a damn about it and i can easilly go without it, my desires are not a factor here.

 

[ElPatron]

If she understands the irrationality of her perception, there is no need to avoid those situations. You just can't push her, let her get a grip on how things go.

 

[Phasmal]

It's a strange thing, to be sure, but I kind of understand.

You need to understand why she feels like this, it could be sexual repression, or because she has been abused, or just because society has a tendency to say that women who enjoy sex/sexual activity are sluts.

Just reassure her she can tell you if she feels guilty, and that she will be okay with you.
Couples are supposed to enjoy each other, so just let her know that you value her pleasure too.

 

[idodo35]

anip

the reason is in fact in past expiriances and i have told her repetedly that i value her pleasure (to some degree its more important to me then my own) and what do you mean by preasure her? i think i might missunderstood that...

 

[Phasmal]

anip

the reason is in fact in past expiriances and i have told her repetedly that i value her pleasure (to some degree its more important to me then my own) and what do you mean by preasure her? i think i might missunderstood that...

Preasure? I'm not sure what bit you're looking at?

 

[idodo35]

anip

the reason is in fact in past expiriances and i have told her repetedly that i value her pleasure (to some degree its more important to me then my own) and what do you mean by preasure her? i think i might missunderstood that...

Preasure? I'm not sure what bit you're looking at?

oh stupid me it says reassure sry...

 

[Galletea]

Just reassure her that you're happy to go at whatever pace she likes. It's about being comfortable with herself as well as with you. If she's had bad experiences then it is likely to take a while before she feels completely at ease with the whole idea. If she wasn't comfortable with you then it wouldn't have gotten that far to begin with, so I don't think it's a case of her not being happy with you, but getting over her own uncertainties. I don't think you need to worry, just take it as it comes and make sure she knows you care for her, and that there is no rush to get more physical.

 

[requisitename]

You've got good advice here. Go at a pace that's comfortable for both of you and, if she's willing (and able) to tell you what about it makes her feel guilty or uncomfortable, listen. Sometimes being able to tell someone "This makes me feel guilty because X" can take away some of the power of the guilt. Don't push the issue, though.

Also, reassure her that you don't somehow think less of her because she feels guilty or uncomfortable with something. Although from your post I'm almost certain you DON'T.. she may perceive it differently because of her own views of sex or sexuality.

Be kind, be patient and love her. These things often work themselves out.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

what do you think?

I think she's being silly. She acknowledges that her idea on sexy time is wrong and doesn't seem to do anything after that, just tell her to change her idea of it. If this is something way more serious than you let on then she's probably gonna need some professional advice, at least to get started with, if it isn't then she can just choose to think differently.

If it is more serious then you're probably going to want to get advice from the therapist about what you should do.

If it isn't and she refuses to control her own thoughts then just treat it as nothing and let it fade away in time, as she said she thought it would. Yeah, tread carefully, but just not being a knob about it would probably suffice.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Get a book on sexuality and read it with her because she is clearly in need of some education, I was in a similar situation as a kid and there is no better way to just clear up ones own ignorance.
Society just warps intimacy into all sorts of extremes without straight anwsers and this is a very common result.