Has anyone else arrived at a point where nearly everything in life is either too intimidating, too dull, too whatever, and you end up in an uneasy inertia that is neither very rewarding nor punishing in any way?
As background, here are the simple facts of my existence:
- Almost 33 years old. In decent health (for all I know...I haven't been to a doctor in almost five years). Happily married. At the time, I'm not interested in having children (i.e. what people my age usually do when they're bored or despair is setting in), as the society we live in pretty much terrifies the shit out of me and I've failed to establish myself into the type of money-heaping drone that passes for a suitable parent these days.
- Master's degree in a field I can no longer bring myself to care about (environmental science). While at school, I was a very dedicated student and, though I scored at the top of most of my classes and finished with a 4.0 GPA, etc.., my teachers were a bunch of cynical, laissez-faire careerists who completely denied me (and most of my other classmates) any shred of mentoring that could have been useful. Being around them and the other students was pretty much the quickest turn-off for the field of study I had once been enthusiastic about. At this point, I could give two sh*ts about the environment, since I feel like the whole movement was created to ensure various bureaucrats' and teachers' job securities rather than to actually meet environmental goals.
- Former rock musician who is deeply passionate about music, but cannot involve myself in any of the creative musical activities I used to bother with. In the simplest terms, playing in groups costs too much, most musicians in the suburbs are little better than get-rich-quick mutants who live only to market themselves and use the craft as a means to gain socioeconomic rewards. My background in music was that of a self-taught rock musician. Having since learned more about various forms of 'art music', whether that's modern classical composers, improvising players, or ethnic folk musicians, I know full well that me and my ilk are completely out-of-league in terms of creativity, musical spirit, etc... At this point, I don't really talk to any of my former bandmates and spend a great deal of my time researching music on my own. I also can't bring myself to compose much, as I feel like so few in the rock music world gives much of a damn about such things.
- Woefully unable to find decent work. Since advanced degrees from decent universities have apparently become completely worthless here in 2013 America, I've been stuck doing odd jobs for as long as I can remember. I help old people sell their bullshit on eBay, rake old peoples' yards, teach brain-dead kids and world-wearied adults how to play bad classic rock songs on guitar/bass, and drive rich people to the airports.
- Used to be into video games and movies, but for some reason, am now more interested in the 'secondary culture' of such things (i.e. websites like Escapist, criticism shows on Redlettermedia, etc...). I haven't purchased a new gaming console since the PS2 and, though I own a 3DS and PSP, I don't use them much at all. I don't pay for cable or Netflix either, rather just like watching old VHS tapes and DVDs that I've had sitting around for years. I think I got burned out on entertainment and am more likely to spend my free time fussing with music or reading a book.
At the very least, none of this sloppy mess that is my life makes me abuse others or myself (as it does with LOTS of other people I know), but it all does a wonderful job of making me feel like all in life is absolutely and positively ridiculous.
As background, here are the simple facts of my existence:
- Almost 33 years old. In decent health (for all I know...I haven't been to a doctor in almost five years). Happily married. At the time, I'm not interested in having children (i.e. what people my age usually do when they're bored or despair is setting in), as the society we live in pretty much terrifies the shit out of me and I've failed to establish myself into the type of money-heaping drone that passes for a suitable parent these days.
- Master's degree in a field I can no longer bring myself to care about (environmental science). While at school, I was a very dedicated student and, though I scored at the top of most of my classes and finished with a 4.0 GPA, etc.., my teachers were a bunch of cynical, laissez-faire careerists who completely denied me (and most of my other classmates) any shred of mentoring that could have been useful. Being around them and the other students was pretty much the quickest turn-off for the field of study I had once been enthusiastic about. At this point, I could give two sh*ts about the environment, since I feel like the whole movement was created to ensure various bureaucrats' and teachers' job securities rather than to actually meet environmental goals.
- Former rock musician who is deeply passionate about music, but cannot involve myself in any of the creative musical activities I used to bother with. In the simplest terms, playing in groups costs too much, most musicians in the suburbs are little better than get-rich-quick mutants who live only to market themselves and use the craft as a means to gain socioeconomic rewards. My background in music was that of a self-taught rock musician. Having since learned more about various forms of 'art music', whether that's modern classical composers, improvising players, or ethnic folk musicians, I know full well that me and my ilk are completely out-of-league in terms of creativity, musical spirit, etc... At this point, I don't really talk to any of my former bandmates and spend a great deal of my time researching music on my own. I also can't bring myself to compose much, as I feel like so few in the rock music world gives much of a damn about such things.
- Woefully unable to find decent work. Since advanced degrees from decent universities have apparently become completely worthless here in 2013 America, I've been stuck doing odd jobs for as long as I can remember. I help old people sell their bullshit on eBay, rake old peoples' yards, teach brain-dead kids and world-wearied adults how to play bad classic rock songs on guitar/bass, and drive rich people to the airports.
- Used to be into video games and movies, but for some reason, am now more interested in the 'secondary culture' of such things (i.e. websites like Escapist, criticism shows on Redlettermedia, etc...). I haven't purchased a new gaming console since the PS2 and, though I own a 3DS and PSP, I don't use them much at all. I don't pay for cable or Netflix either, rather just like watching old VHS tapes and DVDs that I've had sitting around for years. I think I got burned out on entertainment and am more likely to spend my free time fussing with music or reading a book.
At the very least, none of this sloppy mess that is my life makes me abuse others or myself (as it does with LOTS of other people I know), but it all does a wonderful job of making me feel like all in life is absolutely and positively ridiculous.