What to do, what to do!

[Flamehero1]

Okay so I started dating this girl recently. Now she's lovely and I really care for her and as far as I know she feels the same. Anyway it was her last day of school today as she's in the year above. However this evening she text me saying her father just passed away. I told her I'd be there when she needed me and however much and that I was sorry for her lose and was in my thoughts. But I'm not sure what to do next. What should I text her tommorrow... just yeah...help.

 

[SillyBear]

It's a bit awkward considering you have only been with her for a short period of time. You don't want to overstep your boundary. This is one of those things people need to deal with primarily on their own, but you should definitely send the message that you care and you want to support her. I don't think a text message is the best way of doing that. Some quick questions:

What was her relationship with her father like? Were they close?

Is she an emotional person? Is she in shock? Was her father sick or was this out of the blue?

I understand if you can't answer them, but they will give me some ideas about how to go about it. I do think perhaps phoning her may send a nice message, but with some people during these situations that may be the last thing she wants. If it were me, and I didn't know enough about her to really gage how she will react, I'd wait a little while then give her a call.

 

[artanis_neravar]

snip

I would also like to request more information.
But without it I would suggest, buy two scoops of ice-cream (one for each of you) go over to her house and just sit with her, you don't need to talk about her father, you don't need to talk about anything just let her know you will be there if she needs you (I know you've said you would but actions speak louder then words).

Oh and how old are the both of you? That would help too

 

[zombiesinc]

But I'm not sure what to do next. What should I text her tommorrow... just yeah...help.

You've done all you can, so don't stress about what to do next.

I told her I'd be there when she needed me and however much and that I was sorry for her lose and was in my thoughts.

If she reaches out for support, do what you said you would and support her. If she needs some space, let her have it. She needs time to accept her reality, the death of her father, and work through that with her family. It takes time, but she'll get through it.

 

[Flamehero1]

snip

I would also like to request more information.
But without it I would suggest, buy two scoops of ice-cream (one for each of you) go over to her house and just sit with her, you don't need to talk about her father, you don't need to talk about anything just let her know you will be there if she needs you (I know you've said you would but actions speak louder then words).

Oh and how old are the both of you? That would help too

Yeah I don't want to just go down to her house and intrude though. I made it clear throughout her fathers illness if she wanted a chat I'd be there and she has come to me sometimes and other times just said she's "fine".

I'm 17 and she's 18.
I've also lost a parent before so perhaps this is a factor?

Snip.

Silly Bear: They were close, not extremely but yes close. And yes her father had terminal cancer so she knew it was coming. And yeah I don't want to phone her just yet maybe a little bit later today?

 

[artanis_neravar]

snip

I would also like to request more information.
But without it I would suggest, buy two scoops of ice-cream (one for each of you) go over to her house and just sit with her, you don't need to talk about her father, you don't need to talk about anything just let her know you will be there if she needs you (I know you've said you would but actions speak louder then words).

Oh and how old are the both of you? That would help too

Yeah I don't want to just go down to her house and intrude though. I made it clear throughout her fathers illness if she wanted a chat I'd be there and she has come to me sometimes and other times just said she's "fine".

I'm 17 and she's 18.
I've also lost a parent before so perhaps this is a factor?

Snip.

Silly Bear: They were close, not extremely but yes close. And yes her father had terminal cancer so she knew it was coming. And yeah I don't want to phone her just yet maybe a little bit later today?

Ok so she still lives with her parents, then forget my advice it would probably be awkward

 

[Flamehero1]

snip

I would also like to request more information.
But without it I would suggest, buy two scoops of ice-cream (one for each of you) go over to her house and just sit with her, you don't need to talk about her father, you don't need to talk about anything just let her know you will be there if she needs you (I know you've said you would but actions speak louder then words).

Oh and how old are the both of you? That would help too

Yeah I don't want to just go down to her house and intrude though. I made it clear throughout her fathers illness if she wanted a chat I'd be there and she has come to me sometimes and other times just said she's "fine".

I'm 17 and she's 18.
I've also lost a parent before so perhaps this is a factor?

Snip.

Silly Bear: They were close, not extremely but yes close. And yes her father had terminal cancer so she knew it was coming. And yeah I don't want to phone her just yet maybe a little bit later today?

Ok so she still lives with her parents, then forget my advice it would probably be awkward

Yeah and her little brother.. she's been replying to other well wishers on facebook but not to my texts. Perhaps she'll come talk to me about it when she is ready?

 

[artanis_neravar]

Yeah and her little brother.. she's been replying to other well wishers on facebook but not to my texts. Perhaps she'll come talk to me about it when she is ready?

If she is going to talk to you she will do it when she is ready

 

[Flamehero1]

Yeah and her little brother.. she's been replying to other well wishers on facebook but not to my texts. Perhaps she'll come talk to me about it when she is ready?

If she is going to talk to you she will do it when she is ready

I just wish she would contact me in some way.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Yeah and her little brother.. she's been replying to other well wishers on facebook but not to my texts. Perhaps she'll come talk to me about it when she is ready?

If she is going to talk to you she will do it when she is ready

I just wish she would contact me in some way.

I know waiting and not knowing sucks

 

[WingedIncubus]

Okay so I started dating this girl recently. Now she's lovely and I really care for her and as far as I know she feels the same. Anyway it was her last day of school today as she's in the year above. However this evening she text me saying her father just passed away. I told her I'd be there when she needed me and however much and that I was sorry for her lose and was in my thoughts. But I'm not sure what to do next. What should I text her tommorrow... just yeah...help.

How about just being there for her and give her emotional support, like a man?

 

[Zantos]

Just make sure she knows you're there for her, and then be there for her if she needs to talk or just needs a hug. In my experience, one of the worst things a partner can do short of cheating and abuse is decide to take it into their own hands to make everything better.

 

[Flamehero1]

Okay so I started dating this girl recently. Now she's lovely and I really care for her and as far as I know she feels the same. Anyway it was her last day of school today as she's in the year above. However this evening she text me saying her father just passed away. I told her I'd be there when she needed me and however much and that I was sorry for her lose and was in my thoughts. But I'm not sure what to do next. What should I text her tommorrow... just yeah...help.

How about just being there for her and give her emotional support, like a man?

Clearly your rush to attempt a subtle dig at me has missed the point of this. I'm not sure whether she wants that or just wants space or what the best way for me to act with her is, talk about her father or just take her mind off it?