What would you do if Cthulu came?

[Death God]

Ask to join him and high-five.

 

[Dfskelleton]

I would either:
Summon NARWHALS!(I live!)
Drive a boat into his head.(Get eaten at a later time)
Curse the name of H.P. Lovecraft.(get eaten)
Show him that he has a book.(get eaten still)
Tell him to look up "Tentacle Rape".(get eaten, but he'd be shamed to have tentacles for a face)
Hit his weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE! (but still get eaten)
Turn on "Never Gonna Give You Up" on my Ipod and shove it in his ear. (Still get eaten, but he'd get really pissed off)
I wonder how many people who've posted here have actually read the story. I like it, but it's more fun when you have immature friends, read it aloud, and laugh whenever it says "Gay" or "Ecstasy". Yes, me and my friends are THAT immature.
Here's the link if you haven't read it. If you don't mind it being a bit long (for a short story) and full of fancy language, you should read this. It's awesome and worth it.
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Call_of_Cthulhu

 

[Brutus03]

stare at it.
Run away with arms flailing as dramatically as possible believing my arms are pythons attached to my body that are trying to eat me.
Commit myself or cause myself to be committed to a mental hospital where I get a fancy jacket the men in white give me to keep the snakes from eating my head at night.
I will also note it is warm in a straight jacket during the cold winter months.

 

[Naheal]

Yell "Phn'glui mwgw'nafh Chthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl fhtagn" and promptly join the cult.

 

[Grayjack]

Probably get mindfucked. If it was Azatoth on the other hand, I'd probably die at the sight of him.

 

[Jester00]

never heard about it. i googled it and found a gigantic thing whose head looks like the flying spaghetti monster. i think i would eat it.

 

[superbatranger]

I'd look up at the blackened sky at the foul beast known as Cthulu, as insanity envelops all who lay eyes on him. Holding my hands up in the air, I would cry out, "Oh Great Cthulhu! Blessed be the dark that which follows in your wake! Lay waste to the pitiful mortals that stand before your might! Split the ground and crack the sky! All will know true fear! Nocturnal majesty, sworn to black I shall ever be!"

Then I'd die of insanity.

 

[lacktheknack]

Look at him and say "CTHULHU FHTAGN"

 

[lacktheknack]

never heard about it. i googled it and found a gigantic thing whose head looks like the flying spaghetti monster. i think i would eat it.

Um, you look at it and go insane.

 

[Thebiggestpanda]

Prepare myself for a horrible death.

 

[F-I-D-O]

After This? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOHJUrcVdJk]

Probably laugh at him and tell him to go play elsewhere,

I'd go Dawwwww
Wait...

Oh crap

Spoiler

I'm screwed

 

[Paksenarrion]

Smile.

Then get an umbrella.

 

[Athol]

Grab a fireaxe, and charge at him screaming. If Im gonna die, Im gonna die fighting!

 

[Nieroshai]

Bow down and ask his bidding

 

[LastMondaysHangover]

If I'm gonna die because of a giant squid monster, I want to do it while fighting. I'd take a Cessna, fly it high enough above him, and jump out while thrusting a wooden spear downwards.

Maybe I can take an eye out before I'm killed....

.....Or I can just wait for it to be bombarded with nukes

 

[Android2137]

Ask him in for tea and crumpets. He is going to destroy the world, but it doesn't mean I can't be polite.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[Singularly Datarific]

Slap a leash on him and walk him down the street. I have a weird way of connecting iwth animals. Only cats hate me.

Vice versa, I'm not an animal person, but I love cats.
Sounds like a tagteam to me!

 

[Android2137]

Honestly?

Probably laugh as he got ripped to shreds by the police and/or national guard.

(snipped for length)

Ah well, enough rambling. This is probably too serious an answer for the discussion.

Give this man a medal, someone who wouldn't take Cthulu's s**t and would actually stand fighting, rather than serve the alien priest.

And how would his image turn us insane, he's a dude with a squid for a head, and dragon's wings...that's pretty much something similar to a Chimaera.

I think you're both missing the entire point of Lovecrafts particular brand of Horror by looking at this like statistics in a videogame. The entire premise behind Cthulhu as well as most of Lovecrafts other work was that of a greater cosmic horror which made all the grand achievements of humanity pail in comparison. Before Lovecraft most horror was of the 'boo' monster style or of the more religious hell quality, Lovecraft wanted to craft a new brand of horror which would terrify people who didn't believe in ghosts, ghoulies or gods. And thus was born the Cthulhu mythos.

Cthulhu isn't a grand boss fight, he wouldn't blindly stumble into a city and then try to tear shit up Godzilla style, he wouldn't bother. Nor is he a demon out to destroy all good things and which can be fought by praying hard enough. No, humanity is beneath his notice, he honestly doesn't care about us, we're ants to a cosmic being of his magnitude. The thing that makes him terrifying is just as much what he signifies as what he *is*, and what he signifies is humanities ultimate pointlessness in the grand vastness of space and time. Our complete insignificance in the greater cosmos.

Similarly you couldn't kill Cthulhu because while art likes to portray him as a betentacled squid dude, thats only because its the closest out humans minds can come to visualizing what we would see were we to look at a being of Cthulhu's magnitude. He exists within multiple realms of reality which we cannot even fathom, looking directly at Cthulhu is to see a piece of something so much greater and beyond even the greatest of human minds to comprehend. You look at him and you know that no matter how advanced humanity becomes, how great our weaponry, how vast our achievements, it's all meaningless because in the end we're still only a shadow in comparison to even just this one creature. And so, in our blind ignorance, we call it a God and some worship it. But Cthulhu isn't a God, he's just something greater than us, something we cannot understand. And what we do not understand we either fear or worship!

So no, you couldn't kill Cthulhu. He would awaken and it would spell the end of civilization. Not strictly because he would directly 'attack' anything so much as simply what the implications of a being like him existing would mean for our race as a whole. Thus, as the prophet Abdul Alhazred said, shall begin a new era of madness and violence.

It shall be glorious!

ia ia cthulhu fhtagn!
ia ia cthulhu fhtagn!

...Huh... Am I a freak for finding that comforting rather than scary?

 

[Dapsen]

My first thought when I saw the title was; "I'd probably die..."
Then I thought; "Damn, gotta read those books soon!"

 

[emeraldrafael]

Slap a leash on him and walk him down the street. I have a weird way of connecting iwth animals. Only cats hate me.

Vice versa, I'm not an animal person, but I love cats.
Sounds like a tagteam to me!

well, I think i would need someone ot help me watch after it. Cthulu must leave some monster sized excraments to clean.