What's Going On With My Relationship?

[Pick|Choose]

I'm in high school and I've been dating this girl (I will refer to her as Angie for the purpose of this thread) for about 4 months now. She was the one that first approached me; it began when she sent me a message on Facebook, and I - out of shyness - rejected her. However, after telling my unbelievably intrusive friend about it, he took it upon himself to set us up, and we've been together since.

Now, I should mention that I'm an incredibly introverted person in real life. I generally do not speak in English at all (I do speak in my native language, though) unless in special circumstances. Angie did not know this before she approached me, however it didn't seem to bother her all that much, since we communicate pretty well online.

For the first 2 months or so, our relationship was fine, despite the fact that I was very timid, and didn't contribute much. Recently, however, I've been feeling sort of on the edge, as if our relationship was beginning to crumble very subtly. The main reason being, Angie's change in attitude. I am not sure if this is simply because the "honeymoon phase" has ended, or if there's an actual reason. Anyhow, I feel as though she used to be much more enthusiastic when we began dating. She used to ask me to hangout, and come up to me in school often. Now, I feel like she's alienating herself from me a little. It's been like a month or more since we last hung out outside of school (although, that might be partly due to cold weather), and today, she didn't approach me during a class meeting. But, apart from that, she doesn't display any direct signs of loosing interest in me - we still talk online, she still smiles a lot to me, and teases me, and never objects when I want to hug or kiss her.

Nonetheless, I feel something's wrong, and I've been trying to pull this thing together. I try to talk to her more often, I give her small gifts, and I'm even slowly overcoming my shyness by talking with her in person. I really do care about Angie, and I don't want to lose her. But, despite my efforts, the situation hasn't improved.

Perhaps the biggest clue I can offer is a conversation Angie had on Facebook with my friend (the one that set us up). She told him not to repeat it to me, but he did so anyway (but she doesn't know). In the conversation she talked about how she can't handle being in a relationship anymore due to feeling not good enough. She also confirmed that she still likes me, but also said that she's not sure how much longer she can be like this. She expected the anxiety to go away with time, but it hasn't and now she feels very uncomfortable.

That was about a week and a half ago, and since then I have really been trying to reassure her of the things she mentioned in the conversation (without letting on that I know about what she said), but it doesn't seem like it amounts to much (she accepts my compliments, but hasn't shown any actual change). In fact, she told my friend that there's not much I can do to reassure her in the first place, because she's stupid like that (she said that herself). This is probably a confidence/self esteem issue, but I do not know how to help her. It seems like she stopped trying. Whenever I suggest that we hang out, or do something together so I'd have a chance to figure out what's going on, she declines saying that she's going somewhere, can't right now etc. I confronted her about it yesterday, and she responded with "It's not that I don't want to hang out, trust me". I'm at a loss about what to do.

How can I help her? Should I just give her some time, or act? If so, how? Or, am I just over-examining this?

Any responses appreciated, thanks.

 

[Pick|Choose]

I understand what you mean, but I don't have the heart to break up with her, or even put the relationship on hold. I feel that if I do that, I will compromise my chance to fix the situation.

Hearing that there's not much I can do is exactly what I've been afraid of. I feel that I am stuck.

Maybe I am naive, but I believe she still cares for me; she said that several times during the conversation with my friend, and I doubt she would lie to him.

It's odd. We talk a lot online and snapchat often like we're doing great. Problems arise usually only when I see her face to face. That's when I notice how shy she becomes, even though she doesn't seem like it online. I don't get it. I thought I was the shy one.

 

[The Night Angel]

I am going to say what I always say to people in regards these situations first: talk to her. I definitely don't think a break up is the right choice without at least talking about the issue between the two of you. I understand that as a shy person, it can be extremely difficult to do this, especially at high school age, but in my experience, talking to the person is by far the fastest and best way to figure out what's happening and whether or not it can be fixed. Also, I think it is an incredibly good thing to get used to talking about your feelings from as young an age as possible. I know society can be rough to guys who show their feelings, but trust me, it is not a sign of weakness, but strength, and the only person you need to see it as a strength is your girlfriend. If she can't see it as strength, you shouldn't be with her.
Now, as for the "helping her"... it's been my experience that girls generally dislike their significant other wanting to save them or help them or fix them. Be there for her, but do not go overboard in trying to help her, because you can't, and girls can then worry you are only with them because you feel obligated to be with them to help them.
Lastly, just remember it's a highschool relationship, you have plenty of time to figure out what you want from relationships, and if it seems like a break up is the right choice, then do it, though tactfully of course, and don't let fear of being single again or anything stop you.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Sounds like she wants out but doesn't know how to approach the thing. Anyway it's better that you talk to her, explain all this and see what she has to say.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well I like many others have been through their first relationships and they are actually far more about figuring yourself out then it is about the other person, so don't be too discouraged when things fizz out like this especially in your early years.

Sometimes we just go for something we fancy at the time and then the interest goes away, it's just one of those things with people far more when we are young then at an advanced age where our tastes start to more or less set in stone.
So yes this relationship is coming to an end but you should just let it cool down to a friend stage and not do some huge blow out, you learn far more this way.